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Without you...

*Billie Jean*

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In Heaven with Michael
Michael,
Without you, I am dying. I am slowly passing away, because my heart is breaking. You were more than a man to me. You were my deepest love and I used to (and still do) talk to you. Your eyes. You had the most incredible eyes. Your eyes are what I fell in love with. You are perfectly gorgeous, beautiful, charming, lovely and... no words has been invented yet to describe your charms and beauty. I feel connected and attached to you spiritually and emotionally. When you died, you ripped my soul out and took it with you. I am not the same since you left. You make me laugh, cry, smile and dance. You are the reason the moon shines at night, the sun arrives each morning and birds sing. You were not weird, you were and are beautiful. Your love for children is pure and beautiful - hence my best friends are kids! When you danced and sang, my heart joined in. When you cried late at night, my heart weeped also. When you smiled and your eyes lit up like candles, my soul sang. You are my true and only love forever. You are the only person I can truly relate to. Michael, I am 26. For a 26 year old to be in love with a 51 year old man is called weird in this day and age. I am the same as you in so many ways. People call me strange that I feel so strongly about you, but I love you so much, I don't care what others think.
I love and miss you so much. I am slowly dying without my heart. Michael, you were a part of me, and the body needs each part to function. You were my heart and soul. I refuse to believe you're gone. Because if I do, I will surely die. I love you more than life. More love than humanly possible. I have always dreamed of marrying you. I don't know if I would be perfect, but I would give my heart and time and love to you. Michael, you have been my light in dark times, my rainbow during rainy days, and my shining star at night. When you died a part of me died along with you. I can't live without you. I need you. I want to be in your arms now this very moment. I need you more than I need the air to breathe. "I wanna be where you are" This refrain comes and goes in my mind, my love how I miss you. Please take me where you are. I'm done with life..
I love you more than anything. I miss you everyday more and I wish you were here... I really need you. I need your shining smile, I need your voice softly whispering I love you more... All I need is you, I need you more than ever my love. My soul is aching too much. I am dying... This world without you, is like the sky without the sun. I love you like I have loved no other. I love you more than anyone can imagine. I miss you and I can't stop crying. I love you love you and love you. Forgive me for loving you too much. I just can't live knowing that you are gone. I am living for the day that I see your smile again. I don't care if I spend my whole lifetime waiting, I love you Michael, it's so much that it hurts. :boohoo
 
This is very beautiful. I think he can still hear the words you speak to him and feel the love you have. Stay strong and keep yourself safe. :heart:

I'm 26 too by the way and totally understand -- age ain't nothing but a number! :)
 
Your words are truly beautiful..:)....i believe that Michael knows how you feel.....stay strong....we are all here for you;;:yes:
 
*Billie Jean* said:
Michael,
Without you, I am dying. I am slowly passing away, because my heart is breaking. You were more than a man to me. You were my deepest love and I used to (and still do) talk to you. Your eyes. You had the most incredible eyes. Your eyes are what I fell in love with. You are perfectly gorgeous, beautiful, charming, lovely and... no words has been invented yet to describe your charms and beauty. I feel connected and attached to you spiritually and emotionally. When you died, you ripped my soul out and took it with you. I am not the same since you left. You make me laugh, cry, smile and dance. You are the reason the moon shines at night, the sun arrives each morning and birds sing. You were not weird, you were and are beautiful. Your love for children is pure and beautiful - hence my best friends are kids! When you danced and sang, my heart joined in. When you cried late at night, my heart weeped also. When you smiled and your eyes lit up like candles, my soul sang. You are my true and only love forever. You are the only person I can truly relate to. Michael, I am 26. For a 26 year old to be in love with a 51 year old man is called weird in this day and age. I am the same as you in so many ways. People call me strange that I feel so strongly about you, but I love you so much, I don't care what others think.
I love and miss you so much. I am slowly dying without my heart. Michael, you were a part of me, and the body needs each part to function. You were my heart and soul. I refuse to believe you're gone. Because if I do, I will surely die. I love you more than life. More love than humanly possible. I have always dreamed of marrying you. I don't know if I would be perfect, but I would give my heart and time and love to you. Michael, you have been my light in dark times, my rainbow during rainy days, and my shining star at night. When you died a part of me died along with you. I can't live without you. I need you. I want to be in your arms now this very moment. I need you more than I need the air to breathe. "I wanna be where you are" This refrain comes and goes in my mind, my love how I miss you. Please take me where you are. I'm done with life..
I love you more than anything. I miss you everyday more and I wish you were here... I really need you. I need your shining smile, I need your voice softly whispering I love you more... All I need is you, I need you more than ever my love. My soul is aching too much. I am dying... This world without you, is like the sky without the sun. I love you like I have loved no other. I love you more than anyone can imagine. I miss you and I can't stop crying. I love you love you and love you. Forgive me for loving you too much. I just can't live knowing that you are gone. I am living for the day that I see your smile again. I don't care if I spend my whole lifetime waiting, I love you Michael, it's so much that it hurts. :boohoo
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That was so very beautiful Billie Jean. I feel the exactly the same way. And I am only a few years older than you. Which is why I am crying again as I listen to Michael. My life really isn't the same anymore without Michael in it. I know it is hard it is hard for me too. But please try and stay strong.
 
Thats some amazing writing Billie Jean... I understand where you're coming from.. my world has been blown apart and its never been the same. He was driving me, no matter what he was always there when I needed him to keep me going and now he's gone.. I can't help but cry when I hear his voice :'(

Try and stay strong if you can..
 
Hi, Billie Jean!! I really know how you feel. Although, I must say that I´m dealing with my pain - sometimes better - sometimes even more worse.
Every night I cry myself into sleep - but I also try to comfort myself - I say that Michael is on a better place now. He won´t be treatened again - that makes me feel better. But I really understand how you feel. I also have lost a big part of my soul.
Stay strong, girl. PM me if you like to talk!!!
 
Hey all, thank you for your kind words to me. I thought I was getting better just now, but now I'm crying again. It's starting to sink in again. One minute I think it's okay and at least MJ's at peace now and left behind a big legacy, then the next minute I can't believe it and am in shock. I feel so empty right now. I'm sorry I know I sound dramatic but I don't think I can get through this. I just can't. I don't know what to do, where to go, what to say... I just want to die. :weeping::weeping::weeping:
 
Hi Billie Jean

Stay strong!! MJ would be devastated if you do anything silly.
I understand that life will never be the same without him, but yet, he was not gone as he will always live in our hearts. Forever.

Take the love you have for MJ to help others - children, people who are sick or even the planet. These are all what MJ concerns and he would be very proud of you if you live strong and do something meaningful in changing the world.

Take care and hugs.
 
Liza said:
Hi Billie Jean

Stay strong!! MJ would be devastated if you do anything silly.
I understand that life will never be the same without him, but yet, he was not gone as he will always live in our hearts. Forever.

Take the love you have for MJ to help others - children, people who are sick or even the planet. These are all what MJ concerns and he would be very proud of you if you live strong and do something meaningful in changing the world.

Take care and hugs.
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Thank you so much. But I cant live without Michael. I just cant. For the past 24 hours all I could do is just cry and think about how much I miss Michael. There isn't a single word in any language that can even begin to describe. Of how much I truly miss my beloved Michael. In fact I am sick with a cold now and I so badly wish it will turn in to pneumonia. That way I could maybe hopefully die so I can be with him. Where I so badly want to be right now.
Okay, I am like a real emotional mess right now just thinking about that. I just want him back so very badly. I would give anything in this world to have him back. He is the love of my life. The world is different now....... and it will never be the same again. I just so hate having to live in this empty world now. I will cry now..:boohoo
 
*Billie Jean* said:
Thank you so much. But I cant live without Michael. I just cant. For the past 24 hours all I could do is just cry and think about how much I miss Michael. There isn't a single word in any language that can even begin to describe. Of how much I truly miss my beloved Michael. In fact I am sick with a cold now and I so badly wish it will turn in to pneumonia. That way I could maybe hopefully die so I can be with him. Where I so badly want to be right now.
Okay, I am like a real emotional mess right now just thinking about that. I just want him back so very badly. I would give anything in this world to have him back. He is the love of my life. The world is different now....... and it will never be the same again. I just so hate having to live in this empty world now. I will cry now..:boohoo
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You sound so much like me. I do agree the world is not the same anymore. And I would give anything in this entire world to have Michael back with us and I can't. For the past few days since This Is It first came out. I have been a real emotional wreck. Thankfully I didn't see This Is It yet. I don't think I will ever be ready to it yet. Cause emotionally I can't handle it yet. I remember having this MJ dream the night when This Is It first came out. The dream was about me right being right there with Michael. As he was rehearsing for This Is It. I really did not want that dream to end. But it did and I was really crying and missing Michael badly when I woke up. I have been an emotional wreck ever since. I am verge of crying right now just even thinking about This Is It. I remember being in a bad car accident 13 years ago. And I still so badly wish I had died in that car accident. That way I will be up in heaven with Michael now. Instead of having to go through constant hell of living in a cold empty world without him in it now.
 
MJsBollywoodGirl7 said:
You sound so much like me. I do agree the world is not the same anymore. And I would give anything in this entire world to have Michael back with us and I can't. For the past few days since This Is It first came out. I have been a real emotional wreck. Thankfully I didn't see This Is It yet. I don't think I will ever be ready to it yet. Cause emotionally I can't handle it yet. I remember having this MJ dream the night when This Is It first came out. The dream was about me right being right there with Michael. As he was rehearsing for This Is It. I really did not want that dream to end. But it did and I was really crying and missing Michael badly when I woke up. I have been an emotional wreck ever since. I am verge of crying right now just even thinking about This Is It. I remember being in a bad car accident 13 years ago. And I still so badly wish I had died in that car accident. That way I will be up in heaven with Michael now. Instead of having to go through constant hell of living in a cold empty world without him in it now.
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I deeply understand your feelings. Oh God! You can't even imagine how much I love him. I'm completely, and totally in love with him. My love for him is an endless love. He is always in my heart and soul. I always think about him day and night. No words I can write and say, how much I miss him and how much he means to me. I am dying inside since his passing. I am sad and I don't Know what to do. I just want to die. I just want to be with him. All I do with my time is think about him, write about him, listen and watch him and talk to him! I will live forever in tears.. You know what, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't smile, I feel so numb and sometimes I think that Michael felt exactly the same when he was attacked from every side and I don't blame him that he couldn't stand the pressure. I can't stand that too. Many times I want to cry but I can't cause no one around me understands me so I have to wait till I am alone to express what I am feeling and I have to smile though my heart is aching, but now I feel that I really can't do that any more, that's so hard. I can't take it any more.
Why did he had to die.... Why in that way? Why now??? I can't get him out of my heart, I can't get him out of my life. I want to hug him, I want to kiss him, I want to love him. I need him more than ever. I feel an unbearable sadness. I love him more than I can ever express. I love him unconditionally and forever. You know .......... I really wanna die!
I am so confused right now. I can't say anything else. :(
 
Michael, I love you, love you, love you. I can't live without you. I just can't. This hurts SO much physically. I can't stop my tears... I just don't know what to do. I love you so, so much and will forever... This pain is unbearable. Michael, please come back. You don't have to sing dance or do anything. I'll take care of you my love.. Please, come back to me. :weeping:
 
*Billie Jean* said:
I deeply understand your feelings. Oh God! You can't even imagine how much I love him. I'm completely, and totally in love with him. My love for him is an endless love. He is always in my heart and soul. I always think about him day and night. No words I can write and say, how much I miss him and how much he means to me. I am dying inside since his passing. I am sad and I don't Know what to do. I just want to die. I just want to be with him. All I do with my time is think about him, write about him, listen and watch him and talk to him! I will live forever in tears.. You know what, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't smile, I feel so numb and sometimes I think that Michael felt exactly the same when he was attacked from every side and I don't blame him that he couldn't stand the pressure. I can't stand that too. Many times I want to cry but I can't cause no one around me understands me so I have to wait till I am alone to express what I am feeling and I have to smile though my heart is aching, but now I feel that I really can't do that any more, that's so hard. I can't take it any more.
Why did he had to die.... Why in that way? Why now??? I can't get him out of my heart, I can't get him out of my life. I want to hug him, I want to kiss him, I want to love him. I need him more than ever. I feel an unbearable sadness. I love him more than I can ever express. I love him unconditionally and forever. You know .......... I really wanna die!
I am so confused right now. I can't say anything else. :(
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Billie Jean I really do understand how you feel. I remember from late June to early August I barely ate anything. I had lost either close to or over 50 pounds because of it. Cause all I wanted to do is just stay lock up in my MJ room and just cry over Michael. When I am that sad and depressed eating is the very last thing in the world that I want to do. And ever since This Is It premired I am pretty much back to the way I was when I first heard the horrible news. I have been an emotional wreck ever since. And in these past few days I have lost probably a good 5 and a half pounds or so. Cause I am back to not eating much of anything. And during these past few months I had spent many sleepless nights up just crying and thinking about Michael. Cause of those countless nightmares I had about him. Mainly the 2 nightmares I had were I had woken up crying and shaking uncontrollably. That first nightmare that I had that cause me to wake up crying and shaking uncontrollably. Happen a little more than a week after I had heard the horrible news. And I know it was Michael coming to me in that nightmare to tell me that he was murdered. I know he did because I had never had a dream let alone a nightmare that was that clear and that vivid before. When late August came and that report came out. I wasn't at all surprise when I heard homicide. I was really crying when I heard but I just said I knew it. My dream told me that he was. I am some what of a psychic and I have a way of predicting certain things through dreams. This is like 3rd or 4th dream I had where it came true. And I love Michael as much as you love him. I would always love Michael until the end of eternity and beyond that. His name is forever tatoo on my heart that is how much I truely love Michael. I had always felt we were meant for each other. I truely do believe that ever since the late 80s when I had found out Michael had a skin disorder just like I do. That is one of many things we had in common. I have always felt Michael and I were soulmates. And that we forever belong together. I just wish I could have meet him and tell him about the love that I had for him.
 
Billie Jean, I understand your feelings. Many times I have sat down and felt absolutely horrible after daydreaming about him, stuck on what could have been, what should have been, what was going to be! Before that Murray took him away from us. It is unbearable pain, unbearable to the extent that life seems hollow and empty now.

I wish he could come back, even if he wasn't going to do anything anymore, even if he would just exist. I miss him so much :(
 
MJsBollywoodGirl7 said:
Billie Jean I really do understand how you feel. I remember from late June to early August I barely ate anything. I had lost either close to or over 50 pounds because of it. Cause all I wanted to do is just stay lock up in my MJ room and just cry over Michael. When I am that sad and depressed eating is the very last thing in the world that I want to do. And ever since This Is It premired I am pretty much back to the way I was when I first heard the horrible news. I have been an emotional wreck ever since. And in these past few days I have lost probably a good 5 and a half pounds or so. Cause I am back to not eating much of anything. And during these past few months I had spent many sleepless nights up just crying and thinking about Michael. Cause of those countless nightmares I had about him. Mainly the 2 nightmares I had were I had woken up crying and shaking uncontrollably. That first nightmare that I had that cause me to wake up crying and shaking uncontrollably. Happen a little more than a week after I had heard the horrible news. And I know it was Michael coming to me in that nightmare to tell me that he was murdered. I know he did because I had never had a dream let alone a nightmare that was that clear and that vivid before. When late August came and that report came out. I wasn't at all surprise when I heard homicide. I was really crying when I heard but I just said I knew it. My dream told me that he was. I am some what of a psychic and I have a way of predicting certain things through dreams. This is like 3rd or 4th dream I had where it came true. And I love Michael as much as you love him. I would always love Michael until the end of eternity and beyond that. His name is forever tatoo on my heart that is how much I truely love Michael. I had always felt we were meant for each other. I truely do believe that ever since the late 80s when I had found out Michael had a skin disorder just like I do. That is one of many things we had in common. I have always felt Michael and I were soulmates. And that we forever belong together. I just wish I could have meet him and tell him about the love that I had for him.
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Yeah. Thats exactly what I feel. I can't imagine life without Michael, and me loving another man. He is the only one for me. And no one can replace my baby. I just want him back. Here with me. Im nothing without him. I would fight for him, so we could be together. For him I would die. Anything.. How much I love him... Words can not say. I love him unconditionally. My heart's aching. My chest's aching. I can't stop crying, I can't breathe. Michael is everything to me. I'm crying now because... I want to hug him and tell him that everything gonna be alright and that I love him so much. I really miss him. I don't know and understand anything now... My heart is still filled with sadness... Why did Michael had to go? Why does he have to go and to leave me so alone? He was my love, my life... When he died a part of me died along with him. I just want my baby back. I really need him, I need to feel him present. You can see how important Michael is to me.
Well I'm sorry for saying what I am about to say, but in my opinion, I am the ONLY girl for him. Again, sorry for this>>>>>> I LOVE HIM MORE THEN YOU OR ANYBODY COULD EVER LOVE HIM. I AM FOR HIM AND HE IS FOR ME. IT WOULD JUST BE ME AND HIM FOREVER. US TO TOGETHER FOREVER. Again, really sorry. It's just that when another girl likes him, it makes me feel really jealous, because it makes me feel that he would love that person more then me. And I dont like that feeling. :(
He is the dream of my childhood. I loved him since I was 6 years old. I have loved him all my life and I feel that my soul was somehow connected to his... I NEVER loved another man. This is so hard.... I need him. And need him by my side. If I don't have him, I will die. Michael was, is and always will be my FIRST AND ONLY love!! I have always loved Michael more than anyone could imagine.. He will always be the "Man of my life". I love HIM so much. I love him more than myself. I love him like my father, like my brother, like my husband, like my lover, I love him in all the ways possible!!! For me, Michael is perfect, no matter what anyone says!! I'll die for him.... He is the most special person in the world to me, he is my love, my life and my soul. Michael is my soulmate. How I wish he could come back.. I want nothing more than this. I can't take this anymore. I am getting really annoyed right now, but it's nothing big. It always happens. I am so sorry you too are hurting so badly.
 
Yazman said:
Billie Jean, I understand your feelings. Many times I have sat down and felt absolutely horrible after daydreaming about him, stuck on what could have been, what should have been, what was going to be! Before that Murray took him away from us. It is unbearable pain, unbearable to the extent that life seems hollow and empty now.

I wish he could come back, even if he wasn't going to do anything anymore, even if he would just exist. I miss him so much :(
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Yeah. I'd give my life for him to come back.. I want him back. :cry:
 
That was really touching, you will be better, someday, may be Michael knows how you feel and he will make you feel and also me better, i feel you, you made me cry with your words. Michael is in a better place, may God bless you girl
 
Draliongirl said:
That was really touching, you will be better, someday, may be Michael knows how you feel and he will make you feel and also me better, i feel you, you made me cry with your words. Michael is in a better place, may God bless you girl
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Thank you for your support.. I didn't mean to make you cry. I am so sad. My heart is full of pain... It is the same pain each day... my tears roll down my cheeks because I love Michael soo much. I still keep thinking I am going to wake up and find it was all a dream. I miss him..... Everyday that passes it gets harder. :cry:
 
Sweet girl, stay strong. Take each day at a time, think of him if that makes you feel better, and one day maybe God will send you peace and love. And then another day, in heaven, you'll meet Michael. It's just a question of time. But you have to stay strong, and most importantly, do not wish your own death, because in that case you won't see him again. Think about it. Send you hugs and prayers. Love
 
oh God I feel the same. I love him so much, I am so shattered. I wish he could come back.
Im slowly dying every day gets worse :cry:
 
Stay strong hun. I know its hard. What I found helped me was meeting up with MJ fans. After I saw TII on the 28th, all the pain of June 25th came flooding back and I couldn't stop crying. But I met up with some MJJCers on the 31st and what made it easier is that you cane talk about your pain without being mocked or feeling guilty-everyone is feeling that pain and you are all there to support each other. After the film we had a few glasses of wine in the pub and just talked about Michael. Then we went outside and gave him a balloon. Its very comforting to have a support network and we are all here for you. We all know how you feel.
 
This is the bottom paragraph of an amateur review in the Guardian Newspaper I felt was appropriate here:

"In the years to come, perhaps reasons will emerge from the rubble as to why a supernovic talent with a history of unparalleled giving and a persona of complex innocence was systematically and wilfully humiliated, tortured and stripped of his dignity and spirit for a period of over 15 years on the basis of astonishingly non-credible accusations – and more importantly why this was actively encouraged. What we are left with is youtube, the testimonials of friends, Dvds, and amidst the music - the echoes of an exceptional human being's epic, embattled life here. In the end, how people feel about This Is will pretty much come down to how they feel about Michael Jackson. So see it, don't see it, hate it, love it, whatever - it's your choice. Just don't blame Michael for not being who and what he used to be. That shame rests with Tom Sneddon, Diane Dimond, Evan Chandler, Janet Arviso, and the - mostly, American media. What was done to this beautiful artist and human being must never be forgotten.
Go see it and pay your respects, and ignore those who talk about how tedious they find the concept of the film - I have seen it, and it is beautiful."

That really upset me...
 
I wonder, did he ever know the depth of our love for him? Why was there such a physical barrier set up between us and him? I wonder...if he ever truly knew just how special a person he was...and how deeply we loved him....
 
I too have been an emotional wreck after watching Michaels movie. What can I say? Im heartbroken and completely torn apart. With the original poster and the rest of all replies, I feel your deepest pain and heartache and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

This letter reminded me of the song ''Dear, Michael'' where the description of our love for Michael is so delicately written. When I hear that song it pretty much explains exactly how I felt and still feel for Michael.

I keep thinking ''did michael really know how much we loved him and related to him''? Sometimes I feel as though no matter how much we chanted his name or wrote loveletters and supported him, he did not know just how much we loved him. And I think he feels the same way, I think he feels that we do not know how much he loved us. We always say ''we love you more'', Michael always said he loved us more, but is that the case? I believe it was equal. The love what equal and this is why our love for him is everlasting, the connection was so strong only a human with true loving feelings to Michael can relate to. And nothing can take it away.

Its painful and it was painful even when Michael was alive. I loved him just as much when he was alive, I missed him when he was alive. I cherished and whorshipped him when he was alive. I cried over Michael, I cried myself to sleep even when he was alive and guess what, none of that has changed it has just made it so much more difficult now that I cant express my love for him in earthly ways anymore. The only thing I pray for is that he can still hear us from above, god forbid his beautiful soul just disappears into thin air when his soul left his body. He must still be around us, right? He must hear our love.

Ive written so many love letters to Michael but everytime it felt pointless because I was just another drop in the ocean, trying to reach the surface and have Michael read *my* letter and know *who I was*. But did that really matter? Michael felt our love regardless of fanmail and chasing. Thats why he did all those beautiful songs, he wrote those songs for us because he could feel our love from miles away, he knew were were there, he loved us even if he had never met us. And we loved him even if we never met him.

I get so angry when people say how I can love someone I have never met. Well excuse me but I have met Michael in many ways, Ive met him through his music, through his messages of hope and love, through his contribution to human society and the planet, through his wishes and through his pain. I felt it. And I think we all felt it. Dont tell me I cant love someone I didnt physically meet. I met Michael in the most profound way ever possible - I have met Michael spiritually and I think I speak for all of us when I say thats the ultimate way of connecting to someone.

Words cannot express my sadness, Im trying to right now but there arent enough fancy words to conclude this.. I was in pain 10 years ago, Im still pain for Michael. I was heartbroken many years ago, I still am but in a different light.

Ive lost hope in mankind, Im becoming so bitter, I cant for the love of god understand why the world is crashing and all good is taken away from us so fast. But Michael would never want us to be bitter, Michael loved life even when life wasnt perfect and when things were bad. We should never forget his message of love.

And to finish this.. What made me fall inlove with Michael? Ever since I can remember as a child it was always his smile. And those big eyes. Michael didnt even need to open his mouth and sing, you could tell by his charisma he was everything and more. And when he sang he was a thousand times more attractive and charismatic than when his mouth was closed. And when he smiled my heart melted and I felt a fuzzy warm feeling inside of me. Not alot of people can create that kind of inner happiness but Michael did.

I know Michael knew he was successful, but did he ever truly understand the depth of how much we loved him? I dont know.

:cry:
 
MichaelMySoul said:
I too have been an emotional wreck after watching Michaels movie. What can I say? Im heartbroken and completely torn apart. With the original poster and the rest of all replies, I feel your deepest pain and heartache and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

This letter reminded me of the song ''Dear, Michael'' where the description of our love for Michael is so delicately written. When I hear that song it pretty much explains exactly how I felt and still feel for Michael.

I keep thinking ''did michael really know how much we loved him and related to him''? Sometimes I feel as though no matter how much we chanted his name or wrote loveletters and supported him, he did not know just how much we loved him. And I think he feels the same way, I think he feels that we do not know how much he loved us. We always say ''we love you more'', Michael always said he loved us more, but is that the case? I believe it was equal. The love what equal and this is why our love for him is everlasting, the connection was so strong only a human with true loving feelings to Michael can relate to. And nothing can take it away.

Its painful and it was painful even when Michael was alive. I loved him just as much when he was alive, I missed him when he was alive. I cherished and whorshipped him when he was alive. I cried over Michael, I cried myself to sleep even when he was alive and guess what, none of that has changed it has just made it so much more difficult now that I cant express my love for him in earthly ways anymore. The only thing I pray for is that he can still hear us from above, god forbid his beautiful soul just disappears into thin air when his soul left his body. He must still be around us, right? He must hear our love.

Ive written so many love letters to Michael but everytime it felt pointless because I was just another drop in the ocean, trying to reach the surface and have Michael read *my* letter and know *who I was*. But did that really matter? Michael felt our love regardless of fanmail and chasing. Thats why he did all those beautiful songs, he wrote those songs for us because he could feel our love from miles away, he knew were were there, he loved us even if he had never met us. And we loved him even if we never met him.

I get so angry when people say how I can love someone I have never met. Well excuse me but I have met Michael in many ways, Ive met him through his music, through his messages of hope and love, through his contribution to human society and the planet, through his wishes and through his pain. I felt it. And I think we all felt it. Dont tell me I cant love someone I didnt physically meet. I met Michael in the most profound way ever possible - I have met Michael spiritually and I think I speak for all of us when I say thats the ultimate way of connecting to someone.

Words cannot express my sadness, Im trying to right now but there arent enough fancy words to conclude this.. I was in pain 10 years ago, Im still pain for Michael. I was heartbroken many years ago, I still am but in a different light.

Ive lost hope in mankind, Im becoming so bitter, I cant for the love of god understand why the world is crashing and all good is taken away from us so fast. But Michael would never want us to be bitter, Michael loved life even when life wasnt perfect and when things were bad. We should never forget his message of love.

And to finish this.. What made me fall inlove with Michael? Ever since I can remember as a child it was always his smile. And those big eyes. Michael didnt even need to open his mouth and sing, you could tell by his charisma he was everything and more. And when he sang he was a thousand times more attractive and charismatic than when his mouth was closed. And when he smiled my heart melted and I felt a fuzzy warm feeling inside of me. Not alot of people can create that kind of inner happiness but Michael did.

I know Michael knew he was successful, but did he ever truly understand the depth of how much we loved him? I dont know.

:cry:
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Your words have really touched me, to tears. And I can't stop crying.. :weeping:
I know how you feel about him not being here and how it effect everything, absolutely everything. Sometimes I feel such physical pain in my heart I almost can't breathe. I lost a big part in my life. And a part of my heart, of my soul died with him.. It's so hard. How can it be better if we all know that he won't come back! I cry every day, and I cannot do anything about it. But I'm here for you anytime.. :(


 
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