DJs_Doodles
Daryl Joel 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
WARNING: This post will discuss some topics that may be triggering for some people, like suicidal ideations, and of course, mentions of Michael Jackson's allegations and his death.
As passionately as I feel regarding Michael Jackson's allegations and maintaining his innocence, I typically refrain from engaging in discussions about it (even fan-related spaces, as, surprisingly, things there can even get extremely divisive). I also know that many other fans feel the same way. Sometimes though, I will make some exceptions to this rule if I feel something incredibly important needs to be said or if I'm in the right headspace to contribute something to any kind of debate or discussion related to this topic.
As for why I usually refrain from talking about Michael Jackson's allegations or arguing with MJ guilters online, here are the reasons.
1. It's mentally exhausting.
Especially when you're faced with an incredibly stubborn MJ guilter (the amount of times I've heard/seen them say "I'm not reading all that" whenever proof of Michael's innocence is offered... UGH), it gets exhausting having to repeat yourself and debunk their idiocy over and over again with what feels like the same argument. It gets frustrating real quick and quickly becomes a waste of time.
Also, for me, I'm really a person that actually doesn't like to argue. For more personal reasons, it's incredibly triggering, but also, just mentally draining. I used to be a person that always loved to argue. I am not that same person anymore. I've also lost friendships and relationships due to excessive arguing and being overly defensive all the time (not with matters involving Michael of course, but still).
2. I want to spend time uplifting Michael's legacy, not spend time talking about something that stains him.
Ironically though, I actually became a fan because I found out about his allegations and did a pretty substantial amount of research on them for an 11-year-old (I became really hyperfixated on the topic of the allegations, very possibly due to my autism). But, after that, I discovered more of his artistry, music, personality, and generosity. Today, those are the things I want to spend time paying attention to and talking about. It just feels better for me to talk about those topics instead of things like his death and his allegations.
(Actually, I think I refrain more from talking about his death than his allegations. I think the only time I ever voluntarily speak on it is on June 25th. Otherwise, I don't like talking to others about his death or the conspiracies surrounding his death. It usually makes me feel very sick to my stomach. I also hate answering questions from my non MJ fan friends about his death or when my boundaries are crossed regarding that. That's how much I despise talking about it).
3. It brings back awful memories.
Especially with the time of LN (early 2019), most discussions about his allegations bring back some very unpleasant memories for me. Especially ones of feeling afraid that people would bully me if they found out about me being an MJ fan at school, feeling borderline suicidal because it was so hard dealing with seeing Michael slander everywhere I went, and lastly, feeling the pressure to speak up on it when I didn't feel mentally prepared to/was definitely NOT in the right headspace to do so.
By the way, all of those things happened when I was only thirteen years old (I'm eighteen now... time flies). A literal child. No child should have to deal with any of those things or the pressure. And even before that, learning about the allegations possibly a little too early was also very triggering, having to learn exactly what the term "pedophile" meant and what sexual abuse was. Don't get me wrong: I wouldn't change a thing, as it made me aware of these topics and educated about it, but at that very young age, there was definitely a cost. I was also consuming a lot of media that I shouldn't have at the ages of 11-13 in general. Even worse, learning that there are actual victims out there being abused every day who were far younger than I was. I learned many things too soon.
Anyways, when I feel pressure today to engage in allegations discussions against my will, it brings back those awful memories and awful feelings. For today's younger MJ fans, I also do not want them to feel the pressure. I want them to have positive MJ memories and to have fun with him, not reminisce one day about how all they did was worry about Michael their whole childhood. And to be kids.
Finally, if you feel this exact same way, it's okay. You're not any less of a fan for not saying anything about the allegations. As long as you know the truth in your heart, that is all that matters. Michael is very important to us, but you are also important. Be sure to also look out for your own sanity and mental health. And I'm sure Michael is very proud of all of us just for being here and uplifting him and his legacy.
~ DJ
As passionately as I feel regarding Michael Jackson's allegations and maintaining his innocence, I typically refrain from engaging in discussions about it (even fan-related spaces, as, surprisingly, things there can even get extremely divisive). I also know that many other fans feel the same way. Sometimes though, I will make some exceptions to this rule if I feel something incredibly important needs to be said or if I'm in the right headspace to contribute something to any kind of debate or discussion related to this topic.
As for why I usually refrain from talking about Michael Jackson's allegations or arguing with MJ guilters online, here are the reasons.
1. It's mentally exhausting.
Especially when you're faced with an incredibly stubborn MJ guilter (the amount of times I've heard/seen them say "I'm not reading all that" whenever proof of Michael's innocence is offered... UGH), it gets exhausting having to repeat yourself and debunk their idiocy over and over again with what feels like the same argument. It gets frustrating real quick and quickly becomes a waste of time.
Also, for me, I'm really a person that actually doesn't like to argue. For more personal reasons, it's incredibly triggering, but also, just mentally draining. I used to be a person that always loved to argue. I am not that same person anymore. I've also lost friendships and relationships due to excessive arguing and being overly defensive all the time (not with matters involving Michael of course, but still).
2. I want to spend time uplifting Michael's legacy, not spend time talking about something that stains him.
Ironically though, I actually became a fan because I found out about his allegations and did a pretty substantial amount of research on them for an 11-year-old (I became really hyperfixated on the topic of the allegations, very possibly due to my autism). But, after that, I discovered more of his artistry, music, personality, and generosity. Today, those are the things I want to spend time paying attention to and talking about. It just feels better for me to talk about those topics instead of things like his death and his allegations.
(Actually, I think I refrain more from talking about his death than his allegations. I think the only time I ever voluntarily speak on it is on June 25th. Otherwise, I don't like talking to others about his death or the conspiracies surrounding his death. It usually makes me feel very sick to my stomach. I also hate answering questions from my non MJ fan friends about his death or when my boundaries are crossed regarding that. That's how much I despise talking about it).
3. It brings back awful memories.
Especially with the time of LN (early 2019), most discussions about his allegations bring back some very unpleasant memories for me. Especially ones of feeling afraid that people would bully me if they found out about me being an MJ fan at school, feeling borderline suicidal because it was so hard dealing with seeing Michael slander everywhere I went, and lastly, feeling the pressure to speak up on it when I didn't feel mentally prepared to/was definitely NOT in the right headspace to do so.
By the way, all of those things happened when I was only thirteen years old (I'm eighteen now... time flies). A literal child. No child should have to deal with any of those things or the pressure. And even before that, learning about the allegations possibly a little too early was also very triggering, having to learn exactly what the term "pedophile" meant and what sexual abuse was. Don't get me wrong: I wouldn't change a thing, as it made me aware of these topics and educated about it, but at that very young age, there was definitely a cost. I was also consuming a lot of media that I shouldn't have at the ages of 11-13 in general. Even worse, learning that there are actual victims out there being abused every day who were far younger than I was. I learned many things too soon.
Anyways, when I feel pressure today to engage in allegations discussions against my will, it brings back those awful memories and awful feelings. For today's younger MJ fans, I also do not want them to feel the pressure. I want them to have positive MJ memories and to have fun with him, not reminisce one day about how all they did was worry about Michael their whole childhood. And to be kids.
Finally, if you feel this exact same way, it's okay. You're not any less of a fan for not saying anything about the allegations. As long as you know the truth in your heart, that is all that matters. Michael is very important to us, but you are also important. Be sure to also look out for your own sanity and mental health. And I'm sure Michael is very proud of all of us just for being here and uplifting him and his legacy.
~ DJ