Unclear Writing

[TarinJade]

I found this sheet that I was given in an English class when I was in college, and I hope you guys will find it funny. These are examples of unclear writing in correspondence.

1. "I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I have seven, but one died, which was baptized on a half sheet of paper."

2. "I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?"

3. "Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year, and has been visited regularly by the preacher."

4. "I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why?"

5. "I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead."

6. "This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?"

7. "Please find out for certain if my husband is dead. The man I was living with can't eat or do anything until he knows."

8. "I am very much annoyed to find that you have branded my son 'illiterate.' This is a dirty lie, as I was married two weeks before he was born."

9. "In answer to your letter. I have given birth a boy weighing 10 pounds. I hope this is satisfactory."

10. "I am forwarding my marriage certificate and three children, one of which is a mistake as you can see."

11. "My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago, and I haven't had any relief since."

12. "Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life."

13. "You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make any difference?"

14. "I have no children yet as my husband is a truck driver and works day and night."

15. "In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins, in the enclosed envelope."

16. "I want money as quickly as I can get it. I have been in bed with the same doctor for two weeks, and it doesn't do any good. If things don't improve soon, please send for another doctor to help him."

 

[Janey]

OMG that's so funny, Im laughing so much I can hardly see the keyboard to write cuz of the tears in my eyes.
Thank you so much, I needed a good laugh

 

[FinalEyes]

"My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago, and I haven't had any relief since."

"You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make any difference?"

"In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins, in the enclosed envelope."

"I want money as quickly as I can get it. I have been in bed with the same doctor for two weeks, and it doesn't do any good. If things don't improve soon, please send for another doctor to help him."

:lol:

 

[MJsPYT1]

"Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life."

LOL! these are funny!!!! THanks

 

[LindaC781]

1. "I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I have seven, but one died, which was baptized on a half sheet of paper."
So, one died after being paper-baptized? WTF?

2. "I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?"
Wow. That must have been painful.

3. "Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year, and has been visited regularly by the preacher."
OOoh...I wonder what she said to Mr. Jones??

4. "I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why?"
So you can get paid sick time if you have five children?

5. "I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead."
OMG. Does Forensic Files or the "Snapped" tv show know about this woman?

6. "This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?"
I'd say "Lady!! Have you ever heard of the phrase "Birth Control"

7. "Please find out for certain if my husband is dead. The man I was living with can't eat or do anything until he knows."
I wouldn't be able to either...and I'd like to know how he died too...

8. "I am very much annoyed to find that you have branded my son 'illiterate.' This is a dirty lie, as I was married two weeks before he was born."
Well, that just about explains everything, Lady.

9. "In answer to your letter. I have given birth a boy weighing 10 pounds. I hope this is satisfactory."
No it's not. Put him back in to bake a little more, why doncha?

10. "I am forwarding my marriage certificate and three children, one of which is a mistake as you can see."
So what size package are you using from UPS? The extra large, kid-tested, Mother approved one?

11. "My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago, and I haven't had any relief since."
I've heard it being referred to many things, but "project" aint one of them, Lorena Bobbitt....

12. "Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life."
So does that mean you are going back to that pole-dancing job you had before you got married, lady?

13. "You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make any difference?"
I'd say so. Just ask RuPaul....

14. "I have no children yet as my husband is a truck driver and works day and night."
What does truck driving have anything to do with the ability to conceive anyway?? Aw forget about it....I don't wanna know..

15. "In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins, in the enclosed envelope."
Wow. That post-office is pretty busy mailing them kids back and forth...

16. "I want money as quickly as I can get it. I have been in bed with the same doctor for two weeks, and it doesn't do any good. If things don't improve soon, please send for another doctor to help him."
Well, I certainly hope you aint gettin doctors bills after all of that effort, Lady.

 

[MJsPYT1]

^^^^^^^lol!!!!

 

[Safira]

this is so funny some of the things actually makes sense if you translate it directly to danish.