Truly worried about my father.

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I'm writing this cause i feel fucked up, and i'd apreciate any kind of good and normal advice. Although...at the same time i highly doubt much advice can be given.



I'll try to make this brief but i am not sure that's gonna happen, i'll do my best though.

My father (60), found happiness with a new wife in 2005, never did i and my brother think he'd find another woman again,he simply didn't seem open for it and not interested. At that time he was a very unhappy and depressed man, but ALWAYS there for me and my brother.

I am not gonna make it too private cause there's no need for that, but my dad has been through enough shit in his first marriage, let's just say that. He studied his ass of till he got an incredibly high degree, was around the age of 30...went to job agencies and they simply told him 'Mister..i'm sorry, but there's no work for you' in other words, my dad was too old. So he then got the most lousy of lousiest jobs you can imagine, no wonder the good man got so depressed. After awhile he quit working and solely focused on being a housefather, when me and my bro got home after school he was always there, for problems and what not..he was always there.

But several years after the divorce between my mom and my father, he met a great woman, and real soon it became his wife, cause they both were 100% sure they were 'made' for eachother. So it was amazing to see how he became a completely different man when he married his second wife. Happy as can be and it looked so good, we never had seen him like this. And hoped the depressive feelings would never return...

He has been on medication for lots of years during his first marriage. He actually still was on medication after his second marriage, but after awhile he starting feeling so good and happy, he decided to completely do away with the meds, basically against doctor's orders. He simply didn't see reason to take them anymore and he said it was junk, it's bad...and i agree. But as of lately, well basically...at the start of this year , it became bad again. And now to a point where i'm really starting to worry.

His life is basically now...sitting home alone with the dog ALOT. Because his wife works, she's off from work on friday and in the weekends, but he's still plenty of times alone. It's kinda hard to explain, but even though my dad would like a nice job....he can't get one, cause they declared him, how do i put this...unsuitable for a job. So he tries to make the best of things.

The thing is, he has plenty of hobbies, like playing guitar or on the piano.listening to music, playing with the dog, watching tv,movies,etc. But he simply doesn't. Basically he doesn't seem to find ANY enjoyment in anything much lately, except for watching some tv. He's afraid of the future and he's seriously considering going to a shrink. But first he's going to a doctor, to see if the doc finds it nessecary to find him a shrink. He also said he needs to be careful about the things he's gonna say to the doctor or shrink, cause he doesn't want to be 'put away' ...god.

My father doesn't really told all this himself, ok..he did. But only after i really honestly asked him how he was doing, he finally opened up. He said he doesn't want to me worry but it's quite bad. The mornings are horrible for him and that's why he gets up at the start of the afternoon...i truly don't believe he's considering...you know...certain attempts, but one can NEVER be 100% certain. Words like 'Afraid of the future, the way it's going now, sometimes i'm afraid of myself..' are very worrysome. But WHAT can i do, i feel so helpless and i want to help him SO goddamn bad.

He told me he's also considering going back to medication, he's really against the usage of them, but if it makes him feel better, i can only agree with him really. I can't imagine the feeling of not finding any enjoyment in the nice and simple things in life. All of this combined IMO is very worrysome.

I just wanted to write this off my chest and hope....to get some advice, some help. I don't want any unpleasant surprises you know, my dad is an incredible man, did so ridiculous much for me and my brother, if someone deserves a truly happy life with not too many worries, it's him .

A friend of mine who i only know on MSN, is around my age too, 28, has also felt very depressed. He told me that he simply stopped thinking so much about how depressed he was, and got rid of those feelings, it then all went away and he's good now. It all sounds so simple, but we are all different people, i can't look inside my father's head...but this can't go on like this. So you see...even though he finally got an amazing and seemingly carefree life, the depression didn't go away. At the end of the day it all doesn't seem to matter at all.
 
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I'm writing this cause i feel fucked up, and i'd apreciate any kind of good and normal advice. Although...at the same time i highly doubt much advice can be given.



I'll try to make this brief but i am not sure that's gonna happen, i'll do my best though.

My father (60), found happiness with a new wife in 2005, never did i and my brother think he'd find another woman again,he simply didn't seem open for it and not interested. At that time he was a very unhappy and depressed man, but ALWAYS there for me and my brother.

I am not gonna make it too private cause there's no need for that, but my dad has been through enough shit in his first marriage, let's just say that. He studied his ass of till he got an incredibly high degree, was around the age of 30...went to job agencies and they simply told him 'Mister..i'm sorry, but there's no work for you' in other words, my dad was too old. So he then got the most lousy of lousiest jobs you can imagine, no wonder the good man got so depressed. After awhile he quit working and solely focused on being a housefather, when me and my bro got home after school he was always there, for problems and what not..he was always there.

But several years after the divorce between my mom and my father, he met a great woman, and real soon it became his wife, cause they both were 100% sure they were 'made' for eachother. So it was amazing to see how he became a completely different man when he married his second wife. Happy as can be and it looked so good, we never had seen him like this. And hoped the depressive feelings would never return...

He has been on medication for lots of years during his first marriage. He actually still was on medication after his second marriage, but after awhile he starting feeling so good and happy, he decided to completely do away with the meds, basically against doctor's orders. He simply didn't see reason to take them anymore and he said it was junk, it's bad...and i agree. But as of lately, well basically...at the start of this year , it became bad again. And now to a point where i'm really starting to worry.

His life is basically now...sitting home alone with the dog ALOT. Because his wife works, she's off from work on friday and in the weekends, but he's still plenty of times alone. It's kinda hard to explain, but even though my dad would like a nice job....he can't get one, cause they declared him, how do i put this...unsuitable for a job. So he tries to make the best of things.

The thing is, he has plenty of hobbies, like playing guitar or on the piano.listening to music, playing with the dog, watching tv,movies,etc. But he simply doesn't. Basically he doesn't seem to find ANY enjoyment in anything much lately, except for watching some tv. He's afraid of the future and he's seriously considering going to a shrink. But first he's going to a doctor, to see if the doc finds it nessecary to find him a shrink. He also said he needs to be careful about the things he's gonna say to the doctor or shrink, cause he doesn't want to be 'put away' ...god.

My father doesn't really told all this himself, ok..he did. But only after i really honestly asked him how he was doing, he finally opened up. He said he doesn't want to me worry but it's quite bad. The mornings are horrible for him and that's why he gets up at the start of the afternoon...i truly don't believe he's considering...you know...certain attempts, but one can NEVER be 100% certain. Words like 'Afraid of the future, the way it's going now, sometimes i'm afraid of myself..' are very worrysome. But WHAT can i do, i feel so helpless and i want to help him SO goddamn bad.

He told me he's also considering going back to medication, he's really against the usage of them, but if it makes him feel better, i can only agree with him really. I can't imagine the feeling of not finding any enjoyment in the nice and simple things in life. All of this combined IMO is very worrysome.

I just wanted to write this off my chest and hope....to get some advice, some help. I don't want any unpleasant surprises you know, my dad is an incredible man, did so ridiculous much for me and my brother, if someone deserves a truly happy life with not too many worries, it's him .

A friend of mine who i only know on MSN, is around my age too, 28, has also felt very depressed. He told me that he simply stopped thinking so much about how depressed he was, and got rid of those feelings, it then all went away and he's good now. It all sounds so simple, but we are all different people, i can't look inside my father's head...but this can't go on like this. So you see...even though he finally got an amazing and seemingly carefree life, the depression didn't go away. At the end of the day it all doesn't seem to matter at all.

ok? let me think he is too young to be put retairment/nursing home?
your father sould change a doctor get different medication to help him cope better
to enjoy life more he sould look through magizines do some kind crosswords
he can spend time in fresh air with you your brother
maybe you can show your dad how to use a internet
im not sure about the future? that will work it self out
 
The feelings strike a feeling of familiarity within me. What I would recommend, more than anything, is finding the man a source of fulfillment--even if it's not the best of jobs. Even a simple job is better than no job at all. It sounds to me like he's just wanting fulfillment and to be told he's doing something well, and to do something useful. A lot of older folks go through a period of depression because places won't hire them, but they feel like themselves again once they find some job to do, even if it's a meaningless one, from my observations.

What your dad is going through is quite normal for a person his age. I wouldn't worry about it, or about any attempts, unless he talks of suicide explicitly. "Worrying about the future" doesn't mean he wants to off himself. Loads of people worry about the future--and the fact that he's considering treatment is a sign he probably doesn't want to die. If things get really bad, I would say, at the last resort, do go to a shrink. Did nothing at all for me, but everyone's different.

I know what suicide talk sounds like because I've been there before, and I've had friends who have been there before as well. Bad times, but just know your dad will get through it. As soon as he finds something to fulfill him, to feel independent, he'll find those feelings will fade.

My situation, and my feelings, came from being stifled at the hands of a merciless dictator/parental figure. I only considered that fatal road because I saw no other way to escape my situation (keep in mind, this was like, way back when in middle school about 7 years ago.) I struggled on through, telling myself it would all get better and that no suffering lasts forever, and now I'm semi-independent, attending/living in college, and couldn't be happier, overall.

Your dad just needs to take control of his own life again and he will feel more fulfilled and less depressed.
 
I definitely recommend some kind of therapy for him -- I think even the best of us need a tune-up now and then to get re-motivated or to talk out old issues. Perhaps a talk therapist in conjunction with a medical doctor/psychiatrist? My dad is around the same age and recently retired, and I know how hard it can be for men of that age group to ask for help; many want to be the strong one in their family and not appear weak, but it sounds like he would really benefit from having someone to open up to. If you can, maybe you can remind him that depression often has biological/medical causes and can happen to ANYONE of any walk of life and does not mean anything is "wrong" with the person because they have a mental health issue. We are often far less embarrassed about physical health problems than mental health and I wish that stigma could be lifted!

It also sounds to me that he's a wonderful man and a dedicated father who has a lot to offer the world. Even if it's not a paying job, maybe he could find some way to use his hobbies/interests.... maybe teaching music lessons to kids, volunteering by performing at a hospital or nursing home, starting a local dog walking service, etc? Something that would let him be creative and interact with new people?

Best of luck to you and your dad.... he is lucky that he has you to care about him so deeply. :heart:
 
I think your father should go to a doctor to see if there are any biological problems that causes his depression.If they don´t find anything I guess he needs medication again.
It´s like you are in the bottom of a deep hole you are numbed and need help to start to climb up.
When the medicin/therapy start to work he hopefully get rid of the numbfeeling and get more energy to do things.
There are old people who appreciate if someone would come and visit them,maybe play music for them, take them out for a walk, there are animalshelters.
 
I don't really know what to advice.... so just sending hugs your way... stay strong. it's good that your dad realizes the problem and want to go to a doctor. I think he needs professional help, some therapy. I really hope he will feel better!
 
If he is highly educated, maybe he could volunteer tutoring his favorite subject.

He could find that rewarding.

My 2 cents.
 
Sending you my love and prayers :hug: I hope things get better
 
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