It has been months since I've posted on any MJ forum, and I'm afraid it will be a long time before I post again. Truth be told, I'm finding each day harder to understand than the last--time is not healing anything for me. When Michael Jackson was murdered one year ago, life as I had come to know it died with him. Everything seems to lack purpose now, and every day I am reminded more and more of the emptiness and immense loss we've been dealt. Never have I felt such lingering hopelessness and sorrow, nor will I ever again.
One minute I was reading a newly published story about the brilliant costumes they were polishing up for This Is It; I was anticipating what was to become the greatest summer of my life, and literally two minutes later all future memories were shattered forever. Finally, after so many years of enduring hell that nobody else would've survived, Michael was literally just weeks away from coming back in the biggest way imaginable.
The words Michael used during his final interview on his 50th birthday still echo endlessly in my head. "I am still looking forward to doing a lot of great things. I think the best is yet to come in my true humble opinion. (Aug. 2008)" The best was to come, as confirmed by the production of the This Is It concert series and Michael's rehearsals, not to mention all of the related plans being finalized at that point. Michael was within an arm's reach of turning his grandest vision into a reality and showing his children, his fans, and his detractors what the world had been missing for so long. To be robbed of his life by the one person that he put the most trust in is beyond gutwrenching.
In this era of technology, everything lacks purpose to me without Michael's presence--knowing that there will never be newly recorded music from Michael on iTunes, that he will never again be a surprise performer at an award show or talent show, that decades of memories to come can never be realized... Knowing that his voice, his creativity, his one-of-a-kind personality is forever halted... Long gone is the element of surprise and the meaning of "exciting news." Without Michael being here, I'm also finding it impossibly difficult to enjoy many of the other interests I once had, now knowing that the best is really gone. Not considering his celebrity status, over the years I like most everyone here grew the highest respect for Michael as a person; his humbleness, his kindness, his sincerest care for others and the world.
As the months have gone by, depression has overwhelmed me. It brings me a great deal of pain to see how many of Michael's closest contacts jumped at the opportunity to slander his name to the highest paying tabloid as soon as he was gone, same goes for all the phonies who were very publicly against him up until the day he died, whereby they instantly became his best friend to cash in. Sickening. Life will never be the same without Michael and all that he brought to the world as a creative genius, a humanitarian, a father, a friend, a real human being. I am deeply saddened for his children, and feel as though I have lost a very close family member.
I wish I could have been more positive in my reflection here, but that would not have been the truth. I wish everyone the best.
One minute I was reading a newly published story about the brilliant costumes they were polishing up for This Is It; I was anticipating what was to become the greatest summer of my life, and literally two minutes later all future memories were shattered forever. Finally, after so many years of enduring hell that nobody else would've survived, Michael was literally just weeks away from coming back in the biggest way imaginable.
The words Michael used during his final interview on his 50th birthday still echo endlessly in my head. "I am still looking forward to doing a lot of great things. I think the best is yet to come in my true humble opinion. (Aug. 2008)" The best was to come, as confirmed by the production of the This Is It concert series and Michael's rehearsals, not to mention all of the related plans being finalized at that point. Michael was within an arm's reach of turning his grandest vision into a reality and showing his children, his fans, and his detractors what the world had been missing for so long. To be robbed of his life by the one person that he put the most trust in is beyond gutwrenching.
In this era of technology, everything lacks purpose to me without Michael's presence--knowing that there will never be newly recorded music from Michael on iTunes, that he will never again be a surprise performer at an award show or talent show, that decades of memories to come can never be realized... Knowing that his voice, his creativity, his one-of-a-kind personality is forever halted... Long gone is the element of surprise and the meaning of "exciting news." Without Michael being here, I'm also finding it impossibly difficult to enjoy many of the other interests I once had, now knowing that the best is really gone. Not considering his celebrity status, over the years I like most everyone here grew the highest respect for Michael as a person; his humbleness, his kindness, his sincerest care for others and the world.
As the months have gone by, depression has overwhelmed me. It brings me a great deal of pain to see how many of Michael's closest contacts jumped at the opportunity to slander his name to the highest paying tabloid as soon as he was gone, same goes for all the phonies who were very publicly against him up until the day he died, whereby they instantly became his best friend to cash in. Sickening. Life will never be the same without Michael and all that he brought to the world as a creative genius, a humanitarian, a father, a friend, a real human being. I am deeply saddened for his children, and feel as though I have lost a very close family member.
I wish I could have been more positive in my reflection here, but that would not have been the truth. I wish everyone the best.
Nothing makes sense anymore - We have lost an angel of love in our world
