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Still feels so surreal...

bowen9999

bowen9999

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I don't know why I'm writing this... I just needed to talk to someone that understands.

Rarely is Michael far from my mind these days. I go to bed thinking about him and often wake up thinking about him. My first port of call when I get up in the morning and my last before I go to bed, is this forum to check up on any new developments. Most of the time I'm just reading it all and trying to decipher the whole mess. But, every now & then it hits me all over again - we were going to see him perform in just a few weeks. We were looking forward to the most anticipated return to the stage ever. Then, all of a sudden, it was over. Instead of getting excited, we're getting angry. Instead of reading reviews, we're reading about conspiracies & murder. We're watching tributes on Youtube instead of sneakily recorded video clips of This Is It. And I just can't believe it.... it's all so surreal. I still feel like I'm going to wake up soon & find it's all been the worst nightmare ever. :cry:

I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever get over Michael's death (I can still barely bring myself to say that). I know I need to move on as I have a loving husband and 2 wonderful children that need my full love & attention, but I feel like I've got a huge hole in my heart where Michael was and I'm really struggling to get back on track.

I just want someone to tell me it's all over... that's it's been a big joke or bad dream.... or turn back the clock to a time before the This Is It concerts were announced. :no:
 
surreal is exactly it. unreal. i keep thinking we're in some movie and there'll be a happy ending at the end where this whole period of him being 'gone' is some lesson/wake up call for everyone to see how instrumental he is to our world. alas. :weeping:
 
[quote bowen9999]
"I just want someone to tell me it's all over... that's it's been a big joke or bad dream.... or turn back the clock to a time before the This Is It concerts were announced. :no:[/quote]



all of what you said is exactly how i feel, especially this last part:no:
 
I was praying a few nights ago that I would wake up in the morning and all this wouldn't have happened. That the worst thing that would have happened would be just a cancelling of the concerts...
 
bowen9999 said:
I don't know why I'm writing this... I just needed to talk to someone that understands.

Rarely is Michael far from my mind these days. I go to bed thinking about him and often wake up thinking about him. My first port of call when I get up in the morning and my last before I go to bed, is this forum to check up on any new developments. Most of the time I'm just reading it all and trying to decipher the whole mess. But, every now & then it hits me all over again - we were going to see him perform in just a few weeks. We were looking forward to the most anticipated return to the stage ever. Then, all of a sudden, it was over. Instead of getting excited, we're getting angry. Instead of reading reviews, we're reading about conspiracies & murder. We're watching tributes on Youtube instead of sneakily recorded video clips of This Is It. And I just can't believe it.... it's all so surreal. I still feel like I'm going to wake up soon & find it's all been the worst nightmare ever. :cry:

I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever get over Michael's death (I can still barely bring myself to say that). I know I need to move on as I have a loving husband and 2 wonderful children that need my full love & attention, but I feel like I've got a huge hole in my heart where Michael was and I'm really struggling to get back on track.

I just want someone to tell me it's all over... that's it's been a big joke or bad dream.... or turn back the clock to a time before the This Is It concerts were announced. :no:
Click to expand...

OMG, you took these words right out of my mouth!
At times I get really frustrated, even angry, with my own self - because I've got life to go back to, and I just...can't.:girl_weeping:
 
*hugggs* :better: "Smile, though your heart is aching, Smile, even though it's breaking..."

I know how you feel.. for me it's very weird feeling because sometimes I feel like I'm 'over' his death and I'm not sad all the time anymore, tears aren't trying to come every minute like it was when I first found out about his death (I hate to write that, too :( ) but then sometimes the reality suddenly hits me, usually before I go to sleep. I realise that he's gone forever from us but most of all from his children :cry: It makes me so sad and still it feels surreal and it's hard to understand sometimes. Our hero is really gone..

As you said we may not ever get 'over' Michael's death but we get used to the feeling that he's not here. We just have to make ourselves forget the pain and sorrow we feel in our hearts and look to the past - the wonderful things Michael gave us and to the world. We must cherish the memories we have about him. We are the ones who must carry on his legacy to future generations and spread the message Michael was spreading: to love each other, to love the world, to love the life.

I believe Michael is in better place now. He is in Heaven with no fear, pain or sorrow. Though it hurts to know he's not with his children that he loved so much we can't grieve forever. Michael would want us to go on - to continue his work trying to make this world a better place. We don't have to worry about Michael anymore because he's just fine. We only have to worry about ourselves and this Earth.

I hope I put my thoughts the way it's easy to understand what I'm saying. We must be thankful we got to be Michael's fans while he was alive! And let's be thankful for all the awesome things Michael gave us through his music and his life! Michael is great, we love him and let's show it to the world! What we really need to do now is just carry on Michael's legacy - so it will live on forever.
 
Even reading this thread is fuelling how surreal it feels that Michael is gone.
I can't fathom it. :cry:
Some days it's clear. Other days, like today, it's hazy, like I can't pin down the thought that Michael is gone.
 
I haven't been able to live a day since his death without crying. I've prayed night after night that God would turn back the clock, or that I'd wake up from this nightmare. I think about the number of times I fell down stairs or banged my head and wonder whether these past 20 years or so have been all one long nightmare that I'm stuck in and that I'm either lying in bed or at the bottom of the stairs as that little girl fighting to wake up. If time could be turned back I'd go through everything again - the bullying, the abuse, the loneliness, if only to make my way to Netherland and tap at its gates asking for Michael and to give him a long hug and tell him I believe in him.
 
Yeah it feel very strange. It could take months until we saw some picture of him, but now there wont be any more pictures..It not about the pictures, cant explain. And the death was in so bad timing, it is sick. It is like the worst scenario happen. And he was only 50 years old! :(

We all knew this day would come some day, but I didn't expect it in the next 25 years. OMG he could be with us 30 years more. That's a long time, he really was "gone to soon".

Im glad 1 month has passed, it gets easier with time. I do not like the way he died in :(

God bless him
 
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