moonstreet
Guests
As the the days go by and the court case gets nearer, the reality of whats happening sets in. Exactly 5 years ago today, 2 April 2005, I was in Santa Maria.
That was something I never expected to do. I grow up loving Michael, watching him on tv, going to concerts and events, seeing him in real life, and all the magical memories. Then suddenly I find myself on a plane, on my own, flying halfway around the world, to see Michael in court......
Being in the UK, I felt soo soo isolated. The UK is 8 hours behind LA, so everyday when Michael arrived in court it was around 4pm where I lived. Everyday, at 4pm, I would start shaking, my heart beating, and I wouldnt be able to concentrate at work.
T
he forums were a lifeline, but at the same time, I just knew I had to go to Santa Maria, and just be there. Going to Santa Maria, I had no expectations, all I wanted to do was just be there and see Michael get out of the car and see fans outside the court and know he was not alone.
Being there was heartbreaking, seeing all the media circus, knowing that Michael was inside that building, fighting for his life.......
Then on Friday 1 April, I got a ticket for the public seats.
It was all very surreal, all the formalities before hand, signing the forms and getting the official court ID sticker.
Walking into the court was one of the hardest things Ive ever done.....
Walking through the same security scanner that Michael walks though every day, going into the court, seeing the Jury seats, the Judges table, I just couldnt believe that it was real, that it was really happening...
How could this be, that instead of seeing Michael onstage, I was about to see him in a court, with the very real possibilty that this could be the last time I ever saw him....
Sitting in my chair at the back of the court, my stomach was churning, it felt so so wrong, why was this happening......
As the court started to fill up, an older man in a suit walked past me, to a seat at the front. Omg, my stomach heaved.... it was Tom Snedden........
Then suddenly, I looked up, and there was Michael, standing in the doorway, right across from me....
That image haunts me, seeing him standing there, soo soo thin, soo soo zoned out,.... even know as I write this, the tears are flowing, I just couldnt believe that this was happening, that it was real, that I was sitting in the court in Santa Maria......
But seeing Michael, seeing how strong he was, seeing the pain on Katherines face, seeing the Jacksons together, fighting and not giving up jolted me back to reality.
If They could do this, day after day, if Michael could sit there day after day and have his entire life brought into public knowledge, then I could.
No matter how much pain I was in, no matter how it hurt me to be there, it was nothing compared to what they were going though.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To all those in LA right now, preparing to go to court on Monday, stay strong. Yes its heartbreaking, yes its tough. You think that what you are doing is nothing, that what you are doing wont make a difference. Dont worry, thats what we felt back in 2004 /2005. Think of all of us around the world, who cant be there, yet feel the pain and heartache just as much as you. Think of it like a jigsaw, little pieces come together to make a big picture.....
Know that now, just like back in Santa Maria, The Jacksons know that they have the fans support, and thats all that matters.
That was something I never expected to do. I grow up loving Michael, watching him on tv, going to concerts and events, seeing him in real life, and all the magical memories. Then suddenly I find myself on a plane, on my own, flying halfway around the world, to see Michael in court......
Being in the UK, I felt soo soo isolated. The UK is 8 hours behind LA, so everyday when Michael arrived in court it was around 4pm where I lived. Everyday, at 4pm, I would start shaking, my heart beating, and I wouldnt be able to concentrate at work.
T
he forums were a lifeline, but at the same time, I just knew I had to go to Santa Maria, and just be there. Going to Santa Maria, I had no expectations, all I wanted to do was just be there and see Michael get out of the car and see fans outside the court and know he was not alone.
Being there was heartbreaking, seeing all the media circus, knowing that Michael was inside that building, fighting for his life.......
Then on Friday 1 April, I got a ticket for the public seats.
It was all very surreal, all the formalities before hand, signing the forms and getting the official court ID sticker.
Walking into the court was one of the hardest things Ive ever done.....
Walking through the same security scanner that Michael walks though every day, going into the court, seeing the Jury seats, the Judges table, I just couldnt believe that it was real, that it was really happening...
How could this be, that instead of seeing Michael onstage, I was about to see him in a court, with the very real possibilty that this could be the last time I ever saw him....
Sitting in my chair at the back of the court, my stomach was churning, it felt so so wrong, why was this happening......
As the court started to fill up, an older man in a suit walked past me, to a seat at the front. Omg, my stomach heaved.... it was Tom Snedden........
Then suddenly, I looked up, and there was Michael, standing in the doorway, right across from me....
That image haunts me, seeing him standing there, soo soo thin, soo soo zoned out,.... even know as I write this, the tears are flowing, I just couldnt believe that this was happening, that it was real, that I was sitting in the court in Santa Maria......
But seeing Michael, seeing how strong he was, seeing the pain on Katherines face, seeing the Jacksons together, fighting and not giving up jolted me back to reality.
If They could do this, day after day, if Michael could sit there day after day and have his entire life brought into public knowledge, then I could.
No matter how much pain I was in, no matter how it hurt me to be there, it was nothing compared to what they were going though.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To all those in LA right now, preparing to go to court on Monday, stay strong. Yes its heartbreaking, yes its tough. You think that what you are doing is nothing, that what you are doing wont make a difference. Dont worry, thats what we felt back in 2004 /2005. Think of all of us around the world, who cant be there, yet feel the pain and heartache just as much as you. Think of it like a jigsaw, little pieces come together to make a big picture.....
Know that now, just like back in Santa Maria, The Jacksons know that they have the fans support, and thats all that matters.
Thank you for posting this. I was there at the courthouse on january 30th 2005, the first day of his trial, I will never forget that day. And for all those who are going to be there in LA for the hearing stay strong, fans all over the world are there in spirit