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Self harming

Dangerous 1991 HIStory

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It's sad that it's taboo. And it's sad that so many people are so uneducated when it comes to SH. It's even sadder when depressed kids are called emos.

About 10% of teens self harm (or did it at least once)

It's something about what we should know more, so we could help people that we love and have this problems.

I would like to hear your opinion about this.

http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Understanding/Understanding+self-harm.htm
 
I've heard that the incidents of self-harm have increased in recent years. I think it all just boils down to the increasing pace in the world, and children are being left behind whilst mum and dad work and their teachers deal with increasing work loads and increasing class sizes. Kids just don't feel loved as much any more.
 
I can not almost even read that site, it feels so bad.
This actually is very close subject for me right now since one of my firends tried to commit suicide. It feels so strange to have someone so close to you who has really thought about killing herself. It has never before touched me in such way.

We need to take care of our loved ones and even those we don't love. No one should be left alone and everyone should have someone to love and talk..
 
Well said :flowers:

Sorry to hear about your friend, been there on both sides of that coin and it's a scary experience.
 
I've done it....I don't know why though and I still have urges unfortunately:(....I would never commit suicide though:no:
 
J5baby said:
I've done it....I don't know why though and I still have urges unfortunately:(....I would never commit suicide though:no:
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*hugs* to you. If it makes you unhappy then try to get someone to trust and talk about this. It makes sense to sit down together and try to find out why you're doing what you're doing.



I did also when I was a pretty young teenager. I was always biting on my finger nails till they started bleeding. It was about simple insecurity. When my mom noticed I thought I would die... so emberassing. I mean it was a obvious thing and difficult to hide... but when my mom noticed I couldn't even stop although it must hurt I was finally sent to a councelor but she just was the exact right choice for me. Well I was lucky. Aside from that we just talked about everything going on in my life, everything which just didn't feel right somehow she also sent me into a social competence training and with increasing self esteem and self conciousness the self harming decreased and finally disappeared.
It helped me to find out ppl were not thinking half as stupid and half as bad about me as I'd always thought they do. I was always so worried what others could think about me and I learned one of the key sentences in my life... 'who cares!'
Now it's only important to me what the important ppl in my life think... and as a matter of fact it's me deciding about their importance in my life.
Well that's only my personal story!

There's billion of ppl self harming... countless. Ppl are not aware.
To me it starts psychologically... overeating is as self harming as starving is. Staying in a relationship which only hurts... or only makes you upset with someone...
Well... interesting link. thank you!
 
I think one of the reasons why self-harming is on the rise is not just because of the added stress, but also because we live in the world with no right and wrong. We live in a world where no matter what you do, you end up the same place. No matter what you do, life is pointless.

I don't agree with it, but I'm just saying that we live in the world where we are told be everyone that you have all these choices, and each of them can be right. We have very little direction, and nobody to tell you, "Do that!". There are no boundaries, and there is no truth. No certainty.

If anyone knows the philosopher Satre, the way he describes life and describes how that impacts us, I think that fits today perfectly.

With everything being noting but hopelessness, there is nowhere to go for solace, and harming yourself is a way to ease that pain,
 
Minnie said:
I think one of the reasons why self-harming is on the rise is not just because of the added stress, but also because we live in the world with no right and wrong. We live in a world where no matter what you do, you end up the same place. No matter what you do, life is pointless.

I don't agree with it, but I'm just saying that we live in the world where we are told be everyone that you have all these choices, and each of them can be right. We have very little direction, and nobody to tell you, "Do that!". There are no boundaries, and there is no truth. No certainty.

If anyone knows the philosopher Satre, the way he describes life and describes how that impacts us, I think that fits today perfectly.

With everything being noting but hopelessness, there is nowhere to go for solace, and harming yourself is a way to ease that pain,
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We live in a world with no right and wrong? You got me puzzled first and then you got me thinking: "That's sooo wrong!"
I'm not sure the world is how Sartre looked at it.
I mean I'm also not sure the world is how I look at it... but I prefer my way lol somehow...
 
From: http://www.mirror-mirror.org/selfinj.htm
"Most people who self-injure tend to be perfectionists, are unable to handle intense feelings, are unable to express their emotions verbally, have dislike for themselves and their bodies, and can experience severe mood swings. They may turn to self-injury as a way to express their feelings and emotions, or as a way to punish themselves."

I believe that those who self harm may use this to try to feel SOMETHING, anything where they otherwise feel completely empty inside. I also think that this is may be their way of relieving stress.

Please....if you feel like doing this to yourself...read that website..It's an awesome source of information.
 
I haven't checked the sites posted here yet, but sadly, I'm very familiar with the subject. (a relative of mine) I read (on the Internet) about kids practicing SH all the time, it terrifies me whenever I come across such cases.

So many can be said on this subject...

The saddest thing is that very few parents are ready to deal with such an issue; they don't realise that their child needs real, professional help, and instead they ground them, they beat them, say they are stupid for practicing corporal mutilation; they just refuse to understand it's a problem that needs to be dealt with with attention and patience.

It pains me whenever I hear people say that: "Oh, you'd have to be crazy to do sth like this!" Suuure, call a person crazy and that will solve the problem! Taking drugs, smoking or being an alcoholic are worthy of seriousness and attention, but when it comes to self-harming, you're either called crazy or it's considered "just a phase".

There are many factors that can determine someone to resort to such acts.....the lack of stability in their life, family/social problems, low self-esteem, a series of painful events in a short period of time and the list can go on. They begin to replace the suffering in their hearts with physical pain, which, after a while, is no longer felt. (this relative I'm talking about is covered with scars and claims she could cut herself anytime without feeling a thing) In other cases, self-harming is a way of self-punishing, a result of feeling unworthy of others.

I really think there should be places where teenagers would receive help in fighting this. I'm not talking about a psychiatrist, but someone to deal with this problem only, who knows the symptoms and what caused them and is capable of approaching the problem correctly.

Thank you for making this thread :flowers: Wanted to make one myself a while ago, but I got lost in ideas and gave up.
 
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Mechi said:
We live in a world with no right and wrong? You got me puzzled first and then you got me thinking: "That's sooo wrong!"
I'm not sure the world is how Sartre looked at it.
I mean I'm also not sure the world is how I look at it... but I prefer my way lol somehow...
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I mean, usually you are taught that you can do what you want - though as long as you stay within the legal system of your country, right? You can be anything you want to be, you can go anywhere you want to, and believe what you want to. In a sense it's the ultimate freedom, because we can shape our own destinies.

If seeking guidance from your parents, school counsellor etc, they'll all say "You have to find what is right for you".

I can sometimes get angry with my dad because I'll ask for his opinion and he'll say "That's your decision". I realize it's my decision, but sometimes it's good to have a 2nd opinion, even if you don't follow it.

This 'ultimate freedom' can become overwhelming to alot of kids. That's what causes the hopelessness according to Satre. That you basically can shape your life in any way you wish, through the free will, but in the end, you die anyways. What happens in between is just wasting time.

IF people see their lives this way, self harming eases the frustration.

Again, this is not how I view life, but what Satre is saying falls 100% into place with what is said about todays society by sociologists etc
 
I don't know Minnie... it's just a feeling cuz I'm probably much more confronted with the other side of the coin?!
Ppl feel patronized and pressured and in cages by all kind of stuff... too strict parents, friends expectations, societies 'to do' and 'not to do' expectations (like for example in a certain age you should be married, earning a lot of money is the only way to get happy etc. etc. etc.), religions and most of all their own anxiety to do something wrong... almost everything.

I enjoy having my freedom and doing my choices.
To have no choice cuz there's only one way possible left is no fun and no way easier. You could ask my boyfriend about that.

I think the problem lies somewhere else... there is an exessive demand in doing choices... but it's not coming from actually having these choices.
I'd call it anxiety or insecurity cuz one could do a 'wrong' choice... more going into the way of depression... well when I read Satre I often had that feeling he must have been.


geeeez but we're way of topic uh, Sartre is too much philosophical/theoretical at times... well to me... is it really sociologists of today take him as 'their bible'?!
Wow knowing the effect of a 'self fullfilling prophecy' lol bad CHOICE I'd say... that's a negative way of looking at life... not necessarily a real one... 'everyday create your history' serves much better.
wellllllllllllllll lol sorry... back to self harming.
 
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You two, I'm not sure how much the subject of this topic has to do with freedom of choice.... We're talking about teenagers here, not 30 year-olds. We're talking about people harming themselves because they have an emotional problem, not because it's their plan of building a future.
They need guidance and help, even interdictions in some cases...telling them "you're free to do whatever you want" could easily lead to suicide.

Sorry if I misunderstood what you (Minnie and Mechi) were trying to convey, I had a slight impression that you went O/T at some point. (though I got what Minnie was trying to say in her first post - I agree ;) )
 
cryingangel said:
The saddest thing is that very few parents are ready to deal with such an issue; they don't realise that their child needs real, professional help, and instead they ground them, they beat them, say they are stupid for practicing corporal mutilation; they just refuse to understand it's a problem that needs to be dealt with attention and patience.
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Yep that's surely 'one' core of the problem often.
 
But I also think there's too much confusing guidance given without offering really a choice... pretending too much right and wrong only!!!
Also the freedom to children to develope self esteem and develope some true self concioussness is missing... or really to know themselves.
Too many ppl grow up without the possiblity ever to really think what it is they want... they just breathlessly try to fullfill 'others expectations'.
parents, boyfriends-girlfriends, husbands-wifes, friends, workmates, etc. etc. etc.
 
Mechi said:
But I also think there's too much confusing guidance given without offering really a choice... pretending too much right and wrong only!!!
Also the freedom to children to develope self esteem and develope some true self concioussness is missing... or really to know themselves.
Too many ppl grow up without the possiblity ever to really think what it is they want... they just breathlessly try to fullfill 'others expectations'.
parents, boyfriends-girlfriends, husbands-wifes, friends, workmates, etc. etc. etc.
Click to expand...

Indeed, it could result from too many people imposing themselves on others, restricting the ability to judge certain situations by yourself. I agree, it's easy to end up with a messed up system of values, where it isn't clear anymore what's right and what's wrong.

I thought you meant that if you choose to cut your veins, people should accept it as your choice :lol: Sorry for the misunderstanding :flowers:
 
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This is one of the main reasons why I am going into Art Therapy. I want to help children/teens that SH, have been abused, etc and cannot express their emotions verbally through speech.

I had to deal with someone who I thought was SH, but was just an attention seeker. But because of this experience it helped me realize what I want to do as a career, and that I really am here to help others.

I really do wish this subject is not so taboo, because so many teens do suffer from this, and do need help. I also do hope that teen parents do look into this subject even if they know their child is not an SH'r because it could educate them, and hopefully understand the situation, and what precautions to use in case this ever does occur in their child's life.
 
Mmm hmm. And I have to admit, I've done it too. You never really think you'd do it, like you watch programs about it and say "I'll never do it", but then a situation comes around and you do it.
 
Gisselle said:
I had to deal with someone who I thought was SH, but was just an attention seeker.
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Speaking from experience on the subject, isn't this what many people want - not even just self harming individuals - but people in general? It's still hard even for me to speak on the subject, but when some people don't receive proper help/treatment, then they take matters into their own hands. In some cases, it's resolved through drugs, other cases it's alcohol, self mutilation and other forms of harm.

What I find disappointing is that people think resolving these issues are as easy as going to exercise or having pizza with a friend...and though activities like that can curb certain emotions, I think that it will take a long time and a lot of therapy (IMO - real friendship, if the other is strong enough to tolerate the individual) to actually resolve the deep seeded issue/emotion that cause certain people to use certain means to calm a pain in life.
 
Sparkling9Souls said:
Speaking from experience on the subject, isn't this what many people want - not even just self harming individuals - but people in general? It's still hard even for me to speak on the subject, but when some people don't receive proper help/treatment, then they take matters into their own hands. In some cases, it's resolved through drugs, other cases it's alcohol, self mutilation and other forms of harm.

What I find disappointing is that people think resolving these issues are as easy as going to exercise or having pizza with a friend...and though activities like that can curb certain emotions, I think that it will take a long time and a lot of therapy (IMO - real friendship, if the other is strong enough to tolerate the individual) to actually resolve the deep seeded issue/emotion that cause certain people to use certain means to calm a pain in life.
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No this person was an emotional manipulator. Not only did this person create emotional stress on me, and to others, but did SH so that others would feel sorry for this individual. Real SH cutters do not want people to know they do it, because they are ashamed. This person showed everyone, even the person they claimed made them want to do such a horrible thing to themselves. This individual took photos of their cuts, and put it on the internet for everyone to see. I tried to help them, but things only progressed and became worse. This all happened due to the fact that I didn't want to be in a relationship with this individual. So yes i believe this person is an emotional manipulator, and attention seeker. Because everything this individual did was not for the other person, but to keep the other person from leaving, for feeling sorry for them, for selfish reasons.

Because of this situation that I have gone through, it made me angry that someone would use a real sickness, that a person does have for their own gain, and selfishness. It made me want to help the REAL individuals that go through SH, and help them heal.
 
I just don't understand it. One of my closest friends used to harm herself and she was so good at hiding it. When I found out, I kept asking her why, but it's like everything she said didn't make sense. I used to be very judgmental when it came to self-harming prior to my knowledge about my friend...To an extent, I still am. Why harm yourself? What do you gain? I've heard all the answers, but they're not solutions... But I guess you can't judge somebody unless you've walked a mile in their shoes.
 
Well with me it was really that I didn't know why I did it. There was no controll about it from my side it just happened to come out.
Now I'd say it was the very person who is me who tried to get attention from noone else but myself in the way I was living myself or in the way I was creating the person who was me.
But looking back now everything looks easier and clearer. I think it was cause I felt a lot of pressure on me cuz I thought my parents wanted me to be a certain way, my brothers wanted me a certain way, school-teachers wanted me a certain way... I mean there was even a fight over me between school teachers cuz one wanted me in the debate team and the other wanted me in the table tennis team and another one wanted me in the school choir... all of it happened to have training or lessons on the same time and I just couldn't decide... I really couldn't cuz I wanted to please everybody and really didn't even know what I want... or that I should care at all about the person who is me and what I want in this.
Same aside from school... I thought my Mom loved that I was very engaged at church but my brothers always wanted me to go with them to concerts or sport events or drawing club or whatever... also friends...
I mean later I found out nobody was mad with me when I said no to something but as a matter of fact I had never learnt to say no to someone and I wanted to please everybody. I didn't even have an opinion about things... I just tried to fullfill what often enough only I thought it was expected from me. It is important that you learn to listen to yourself to find out what's important for you and also to make your very own decisions based on that... but it is something I certainly had to learn.
I really had to learn that ppl have to love me for who I am and not for what I'm doing to them or for them.

Anyways what I want to stress is, that I could have never answered the simple question 'why' if it would have posed to me that time.
It all came clear to me decades later.
But there is often a problem hiding that ppl try or can't solve for themselves... an inner conflict. And it's not an easy thing to find out.

Still I would like to tell ppl not to fear themselves and also not to fear therapy... because there is a way out.
 
Gisselle said:
No this person was an emotional manipulator. Not only did this person create emotional stress on me, and to others, but did SH so that others would feel sorry for this individual. Real SH cutters do not want people to know they do it, because they are ashamed. This person showed everyone, even the person they claimed made them want to do such a horrible thing to themselves. This individual took photos of their cuts, and put it on the internet for everyone to see. I tried to help them, but things only progressed and became worse. This all happened due to the fact that I didn't want to be in a relationship with this individual. So yes i believe this person is an emotional manipulator, and attention seeker. Because everything this individual did was not for the other person, but to keep the other person from leaving, for feeling sorry for them, for selfish reasons.

Because of this situation that I have gone through, it made me angry that someone would use a real sickness, that a person does have for their own gain, and selfishness. It made me want to help the REAL individuals that go through SH, and help them heal.
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Well not everyone hide it.
I know someone who was doing it, and that person was certanly attention seeker, he showed scars to many people, but he actually had real problems and was severly depressed.

Maybe it's just that people feel lonely and they do need to get attention on some way, so the other could see how they suffer.

I cant beleive that its possible to cut your wrist just to get attention, without having any problems.
 
^^ It is...sadly, it is...

Although, that desperate need to get attention is a problem itself...
 
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