Latest on MJJC

Please pray for my working colleague...she's losing her daughter to ovarian cancer....

LindaC781

Proud Member
Joined
Jul 25, 2011
Messages
3,199
Points
0
Location
Boston, MA USA
Ovarian-Cancer-Header.jpg


It is just so unbelievably sad. My cube-mate has been out of work all week - I think on short-term disability. The hospital released her daughter, and she is back home now....Her daughter is actively dying of ovarian cancer. They must be receiving in-home nursing hospice care now...She is only 39. I just can't believe it. I am so sad for her....and her 14-year-old and 11-year-old daughter and son.
I am at a quandary about this however. On one hand, the young mother needs to be home with family to die in the comfort of their own home. Yet she has young children - I imagine they aren't sleeping too well anyway, with their mother being in the hospital this long (since September). Now that she's home, they can say their goodbyes. My other colleague didn't like the fact that the woman has gone home to die - inferring that it is some sort of cruelty to the children. But I say that this is all part of the dying process....people have to handle these end-of-life type situations individually. I just hope the end comes quickly and relatively painlessly for this poor young woman...and that her remaining family can handle this loss.
My next door neighbor did this when her husband was dying of non-Hodgkins lymphoma. She had him home, in his own bed, while hospice nurses came around daily to medicate him for pain. I don't think I could do this...watch my husband die like that. But they were like my Mom and Dad - married at least 50 years. My mom and dad just celebrated their 55th anniversary the other day...They grew up together. And when they took those vows "In sickness and in health, till death do us part"...both of them were serious about that...
I told the older mother that I was here for her whenever she needed me. We've had our disagreements in the past, and she has been pretty rude to me on occasion, but that doesn't make me turn the other cheek to her. I wasn't brought up that way...I will help out. If they want, I can go over and help watch them some time when she needs respite care. I don't know what else to do. It's horrible. She was the lady I performed the Heimlich maneuver on when she was choking last year...
UPDATE 11/5/08 - I found out that the woman has her daughter in a hospice house a couple of towns away. I went to this hospice house, it is absolutely wonderful. There are about 8 patients in there, and the ratio of nurses to patients is about 2:1. This hospice house was one of the places I had to go to during my week of Community Nursing when I was in IGN - Intergenerational Nursing. It is a gorgeous house, that is very old New England colonial.
Here is a picture of it...
sawtelle_bedroom.jpg
 
Our thoughts and prayers will be with your associate, her family, and friends...

God Bless~~~:angel:
 
She and all her family will be in my prayers!

Oh and you too Linda! Your attitude is adorable!!!
 
Linda...My prayers are with you,your colleague,and both families.
In your post you said something that it touched me very deep and that i wish more people were like this,because in the end we will all die one day,we are all humans,we all do good things and bad things as well,but it is when it's really needed help or support,that we see how people really are.

I'm saying this because you wrote:

"...We've had our disagreements in the past, and she has been pretty rude to me on occasion, but that doesn't make me turn the other cheek to her. I wasn't brought up that way..."

Why staying upset ?...why not talking?...why ignoring and avoiding?with what purpose?
One day we wake up,and that person is gone.And in that moment,we will feel so frustrated and upset with ourselfs,cause we listened more to our mind than to our heart.

I'm with you and i think your attitude is very human.In your shoes,i would do the same.
I'm sure that if more people we like that,this world would be more peacefull somehow.
God Bless your heart!
 
i'm in prayer now...


and...take it from me....you want to be connected to someone you love when they are dying. my dad died in my arms. it's much more comforting, if you can say goodbye.
 
OMG. Thank you to all of you. Hospice Nursing must be one of the most difficult jobs to do in health care. But they are the ones that make sure the dying person dies with dignity, respect, and as painlessly as possible. They are the ones that provide comfort during those last days. They actually have TWO sets of patients - 1. The patient him/herself and 2. The family left. Hospice nurses probably not only have to administer some pretty strong narcotic pain killers, but also deal with some pretty difficult emotional issues regarding the family. Hospice nurses need to guide the family in making some important decisions....

I tip my hat to all hospice nurses out there. You definitely have the most difficult job to do. I would have loved to get into hospice care, but I don't think I will. I don't know how I could handle caring for a young child or even worse, a baby who's dying....it would tear me up...I don't think I could handle that well at all.
 
Sorry to hear this Linda.

Ovarian cancer is certainly not nice and is one of the most common cancers affecting women, the sad part is that is more likely to be detected in the advanced stages of the cancerous growth which means it results in a higher mortality rate. :no: :no:

My thoughts are with you and your friend and her daughter.



I understand the dilema of whether the mother should be at home or not as she slowly succumbs to the cancer, but from everything I know about the stories of friends who have been through similar situations, the children have been happier knowing that they can go to their parent, even if it's just to see them, as opposed to those who had to rely on someone driving them to the hospital or palative care unit for them to see their parent. Children are amazingly resilent beings, and if the situation is well explained to them in their language, then more often than not I notice that it is children who handle the situation better than their adult relatives and family friends. :)
Granted they don't have to deal with additional stresses that we adults put ourselves through :)

I hope she isn't in pain :flowers:
 
Thanks you guys....and Maria - I agree with you. Life is TOO DAMNED SHORT to stay mad at someone for something very small and insignificant. For instance, I found myself getting mad at my mother for constantly criticizing me - and I'm 50 years old for crying out loud - then I thought "you know, you never know when you are going to lose this precious person in your life"...so I found myself calming myself down and going along with what she wanted....Life is too short. Pretty soon, we do things we don't have the chance to do over and end up regretting things we either have done or said...
 
LindaC781 said:
Thanks you guys....and Maria - I agree with you. Life is TOO DAMNED SHORT to stay mad at someone for something very small and insignificant. For instance, I found myself getting mad at my mother for constantly criticizing me - and I'm 50 years old for crying out loud - then I thought "you know, you never know when you are going to lose this precious person in your life"...so I found myself calming myself down and going along with what she wanted....Life is too short. Pretty soon, we do things we don't have the chance to do over and end up regretting things we either have done or said...
Click to expand...


Couldn't agree more with you linda.I learned this lesson the worst way possible.
Now i don't waste time or energy being mad or upset.I know better than ever,the meaning of forgiving and forgeting.
Hope your cloleague is not in pain.

Take care and God Bless.
 
Maria - I have found many times that I was angry at someone for some silly reason....and lived to regret that. I vowed to myself NEVER to do that ever again. You just never know when you won't see that person again...and this life is just too precious.
 
Case in point. I worked with a lovely young woman named Jennifer Capobianco....she was killed during a rampage at Edgewater Technologies in Wakefield MA - here's the story ...http://goliath.ecnext.com/coms2/gi_0199-5732932/Killer-coworker-the-case-of.html

We tried to call her that morning..and got her husband. This was to be the first day back to work after maternity leave for her....and her husband told us she just left. She didn't have a cell phone or it was off - we couldn't get in touch with her to tell her to turn around and go home. OMG. To think, while we were panicking waiting to reach her, she was getting killed...she left behind a young husband and a baby... I'm telling you, LIFE IS TOO SHORT to STAY ANGRY.
 
Yes-my prayers and condolences to you and those you know that are hurting or in pain
 
LindaC781...I'm so sorry to hear about Jennifer Capobianco...i can only imagine the panic and the hurt you and everybody trying to reach her felt.
What you say about life being too short to stay angry is so true,that i make sure that the ones i love,know that i love them.
I'm always saying and showing my mother how much i love her so,how proud and happy i am to be her daughter,and how thankfull i am for raising me like she did,despite all the troubles and hard times she had to go through.
My conscience is very important to me,And because the time i have for me is so few,i pray a lot.
When i pray i gain strengh to moove on.
As you can imagine,my life is almost a ckaos,could be a bit better if i had help,but if at first i got really mad and angry with my family,and some friends that when i started to stay home to take care of my mother,moved away,right now i don't feel anything bad for anyone,and i just pray,that when their parents need them,they can have luck with their kids,cause otherwise,all i feel is very sorry for those parents that did all for their kids.
Anger and hate are for sure feelings i don't have for anyone.Besides being bad feelings,it's unhealthy.It closes our heart to what really is important.:LOVE,UNDERSTANDING,COMPASSION, and FRIENDSHIP,among many others.

Please keep us updating on thecondition of your colegue.My prayers are with you,her,and everybody she loves.
God Bless you linda
 
Re: Please pray for my working colleague...UPDATE....so sad...

11/11/08 11:46AM. OMG. I just got called into my supervisors office - apparently, my cube-mates daughter just passed away. I just can't believe it. She was in the hospital since beginning of August this year, and my cube-mate just put her into a hospice just the other day. I am so sad, I am at a complete loss for words....but at least the poor young woman isn't suffering anymore. Oh My God. Please dear Lord - keep Becky close to you during this horrible time. This was her only child. It reminds me of just how precious life really is...I have an only child also, a female. I couldn't begin to imagine the heartache that poor woman is going through right now...as well as the young woman's children. Thank you for all of your prayers..now the older woman needs them more than ever. She has to raise those two young children, as well as fight their drug-addicted father (he stole Oxycontin from her while she was alive! can you believe that?) for custody...
 
Ovarian cancer is certainly not nice and is one of the most common cancers affecting women, the sad part is that is more likely to be detected in the advanced stages of the cancerous growth which means it results in a higher mortality rate.
Click to expand...
yeah the cancer is caused by the same gene default that causes breast cancer. i guess this lady may have that gene seeing as she is so young. hopefully her children can take a test and be protected more
 
A big hug to all of you. I am home now. Still in shock. I mean, it was just this year in about July or August that we first HEARD that she was sick!! And now she's DEAD. And what a hard-working, beautiful young (she was 39 - younger than me) she was. Thank you so much for your prayers and thoughts. They mean the world to me.
 
Linda...hugs...I'm so sorry to hear your latestes news...
But like you said,she dosen't suffer anymore.
My prayers are with you and the family of your friend.
 
In Remembrance of her..


VFTCreepingDeath0864.jpg

"Whispers" by Walt Whitman
WHISPERS of heavenly death, murmur’d I hear;
Labial gossip of night—sibilant chorals;
Footsteps gently ascending—mystical breezes, wafted soft and low;
Ripples of unseen rivers—tides of a current, flowing, forever flowing;
(Or is it the plashing of tears? the measureless waters of human tears?)

I see, just see, skyward, great cloud-masses;
Mournfully, slowly they roll, silently swelling and mixing;
With, at times, a half-dimm’d, sadden’d, far-off star,
Appearing and disappearing.

(Some parturition, rather—some solemn, immortal birth:
On the frontiers, to eyes impenetrable,
Some Soul is passing over.)
 
im sooo sorry to hear linda that that girl passed away shes only a yr younger than me ..makes me think how precious life is my thoughts and prayers go out to u her family and mother,,,at least shes in a better place and not suffering anymore and shell be a guardian angel looking out for her kids and mom!!!
 
This coming December 16th or 18th (I forget the exact date for some reason) it is going to 7 years since my mother lost her one older sister to Ovarian Cancer. She died in a Hospice in Lancaster, PA. She was only 50 years old when she had died. So I definitely know what it is like to lose someone to that form of cancer. So she is definitely in my thoughts. Sorry I really can't say prayers because of the fact that I don't believe in them.
 
MJsBollywoodGirl7 said:
This coming December 16th or 18th (I forget the exact date for some reason) it is going to 7 years since my mother lost her one older sister to Ovarian Cancer. She died in a Hospice in Lancaster, PA. She was only 50 years old when she had died. So I definitely know what it is like to lose someone to that form of cancer. So she is definitely in my thoughts. Sorry I really can't say prayers because of the fact that I don't believe in them.
Click to expand...

That's okay MjBollywood...I understand. It is the thoughts inside that count really.
 
I don't want to be maudlin, but I just got back from the wake....and this just happened this week. I hugged my colleague -she was happy to see me. I got a little choked up....and told her the offer to help out with either the kids or the house was still open. She thanked me.

On my way out, I picked this up. I am so glad I waited till I got home to read it - it's a poem from the 14 year old daughter to her mother...

poem_to_rebecca.jpg
 
What a beautiful poem.......Im all choked up right now, how sad. It brings it home just how fragile life is, we must make the most of every day and every minute.
My prayers are with you and especially with your friends family, xx
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top