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Need advice on how to deal with a break up

L.T.D

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I have been with this girl a year and a half, about a month ago she told me her feelings had changed and she came over the nect day to talk about it. By the end of the night her feelings had came back and we were now just on a break. We have been on a break for a month now and I was looking forward to being re-united with her on my birthday in 3 weeks. However I just spoke to her on the phone and she seemed reluctant to say 'love you' at the end of the phone call. It became apparent that something was wrong again when I thought everything was fine again. We have just spoke for an hour about it and we are now broken up.

I am completely lost, this girl has been in my life for a year and half constantly and we have so many memories together and everytime I think about little things about her and realise she is now gone from my life it just devastates me.

Im 17 and this is my first major break up, I feel completely lost and foolish basically and need advice on how to deal with this from people who have experienced the same thing and worse.

Also I would just like to say that there are further details about the break up, overall she has been decent about the whole thing and respectful to me. She really is not a bad person at all, in fact she is a wonderful person which makes it a whole lot worse. In a way I know its for the best but the idea of her not being in my life is just hard to fathom at this moment.
 
Hi mate :)

You know just take your time. You have every right to do so :) It takes a lot of time to recover... and you'll be feeling down for some time. But it will be over :)

You say she's a great person - that's how you should remember her! Don't think about how awful it is now and that she's broken your heart... don't hate on her. Just think that this past year and a half was a wonderful time and experience, a great adventure for you two. And be glad you were fortunate enough to share it with her! Try to cherish all the moments you've spent together ;)

You should go out with your friends more and try to focus your attention on different aspects of your life ;) think how much you can do as a single! think how many things you can do with your friends ;)

One of my girlfriends went through a very similar situation just three months ago... her boyfriend broke up with her after a 2,5 year relationship... and even though it was a really tough time for her now she's going back to life and feeling good :)

I know how hard it is... but remember that time heals the pain... and after all this suffering you'll be fine again! With some help from your friends its gonna be sooner than you think!

edt
sorry for my writing but it's 2 am here and i'm a bit sleepy :d
 
Breaking up, and in special the first break up in your life is terrible...........
After the dark clouds sun will shine, i know it......because it also happend to me....

Now, after 2 huge break ups, 2 times i ended it...........i,m more realistic about relations and every rlation i had was a huge lesson........and it,s helping me finding my way and finding out who i am......
see it the positive way..............hard at the moment, but it really helps.

Keep the faith, i did that too...and look at me now.........last year i married the love of my life, as long as it will last...........beacause saying that a love will never end is unrealistic...........
 
no strenths and ways would be better than the life poured into our body by GOD
just give times, keep away from the old enviroment, and try hard to find sth. new to do(even if you are so relutant to stand up again in tons of love-embers, try! try!)....... then, finally the life in your body & soul would work! once more! as you were born by GOD again. the life we wer bestowed is so hard to die easily---if you give times, it would recover itself. 3 key elements:

1)time
2)environment(away from the old, run as soon as you can to the new one)
3)patience, calmness... etc.(those good character that can prevent you from do sth. crazy while you were soaken in sadness and desperation)

you will be better day after day! :D
 
I think just one key thing (out of probably many) is to not beat yourself up about how you behave and react to it all in the next however long it takes for your heart to recover.
We each will deal with heartache differently. Some can calmly take a break up of one they love, but deal terribly with a job loss, or something. Some will calmly accept and deal with tragedy or chaos or something disastrous in life, but will become basket cases when the relationship they are in ends. You can try to compose yourself and not contact her and not make a fool of yourself by crying to her on the phone begging her to take you back, or sending her anonymous roses and love letters, or getting upset with her for breaking your heart, or singing loudly your song to her through her bedroom window at 12 at night, or any number of things, but sometimes our best intentions get overcome with emotion and we do the thing we said we'd never do. As long as it doesn't put anyone in harms way or start making things way worse to where you become obsessed, then I think some of these things can happen, and later on in life, you can laugh at yourself for it. Sometimes you just have to forgive yourself for making a bit of a fool of yourself (if that happens) as love has a way of turning us all into fools at some point.
 
Ape said:
I think just one key thing (out of probably many) is to not beat yourself up about how you behave and react to it all in the next however long it takes for your heart to recover.
We each will deal with heartache differently. Some can calmly take a break up of one they love, but deal terribly with a job loss, or something. Some will calmly accept and deal with tragedy or chaos or something disastrous in life, but will become basket cases when the relationship they are in ends. You can try to compose yourself and not contact her and not make a fool of yourself by crying to her on the phone begging her to take you back, or sending her anonymous roses and love letters, or getting upset with her for breaking your heart, or singing loudly your song to her through her bedroom window at 12 at night, or any number of things, but sometimes our best intentions get overcome with emotion and we do the thing we said we'd never do. As long as it doesn't put anyone in harms way or start making things way worse to where you become obsessed, then I think some of these things can happen, and later on in life, you can laugh at yourself for it. Sometimes you just have to forgive yourself for making a bit of a fool of yourself (if that happens) as love has a way of turning us all into fools at some point.
Click to expand...

Haha oh yeah, I think ive had a few moments like that already :\ Not this time round, but other time in the past.

Im going to meet her today to give her some of her things back which she left at my house and to say goodbye. How to say goodbye to someone who has been so close to you for so long? Today is probably going to be one of the hardest days of my life. but I have to do it.

First time she had different feelings was over a year ago and only about 4 months into the relationship. I could cope with that, especially since I found out quite a while afterwards. 2nd time I thought, well.......this is a lot more serious than last time and she almost finished it with me then but we both agreed to work at it. 3rd time, somethings just wrong and I just had to let myself recognize the fact that its just not working for her anymore.

Thank you for all of your replies by the way, its good to read these things. I am very close to my mum and dad and can talk to my mum about a lot of things but cant really open up FULLY to her as being a 17 year old boy I have certain problems with that lol

I suppose the worst thing about it is that I used to go to my girlfriend for comfort but of course this time it is her that is the cause of it, and while she has comforted me in some ways, I am trying to stop myself seeming desperate and declaring my love for her.
 
just dont worry. i know everything seems awful right now...believe me i know. at that sort of age it does seem like the end of the world....and tbh it dont get much better even when you're older.

but time heals everything, or as much as wants to be healed. things will seem much better soon and you'll be able to move on and probably meet someone else :)
 
it will be hard, but as others have said time is a great healer, get out have fun, go out with friends, hang out and just do the things you would do before with her.

Life does go on and it time for you to get on with yours. Dont live with regret or what could have beens, it just delays the healing process, I continued to get hung up on an ex and it just made me miserable and live a lonely life for a while after our breakup, if I could offer any advice it would be to move on, I know lots of people say it, but the quicker you move on the happier your life will be.

I know that is easier said than done but it really is the only thing truly standing in the way. If you have questions, ask her, you need closure and this can assist in that.

Chin up my friend! this is just a way of life telling you she wasnt the one, you'll find the one. :)
 
Look @ it as opportunity to meet someone1 better and who will value you, or an opportunity to date several people which is always fun. . . . and in the future if some1 starts w/ the 'breaks' and the 'i need my space' blah blah blah BS, take control my friend and YOU end it, and be like, "Cool, I agree," and start dating other people. Then if she crawls back to you, it's at least your choice to take her back, and if she doesn't, then you know sooner rather than later and you will have met some1 new neway. . . . Your time and energy are valuable, and if the person won't appreciate it, there are plenty of people who will.
 
you are so attached to her because she is your first serious girlfriend but there will be others too you'll see, you'll get your heart broken many times before you find the right person...and if your girlfriend said she doesn't want to be with you anymore then in my opinion she's not worth it
 
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