kolibri
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- Joined
- Jul 25, 2011
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Hi everyone, I’m new to this forum. I just wanted to vent my feelings in a place that I know people will understand how I feel. I’m listening to MJ’s music and crying. I was a huge fan in my teens and took up dancing because of Michael. He influenced me a lot. The walls of my room were covered with MJ posters from the floor up to the ceiling.
Somehow I lost interest in Michael and his music, some time when I grew up. I’m in my thirties now and have come to realize, it was because what Michael represented to me. He was much more than a singer or a dancer, a teenage idol for me. He represented the hope, the joy, the innocence of life. I had lost that hope totally because of some very bad experiences that I had gone through in my childhood but repressed the memories. I began to be really depressed and sought out counseling and started to sort through my feelings and experiences and to remember what had happened to me. It took me a long time, but I can say that I am really happy now and have started to enjoy my life again. And curiously, I have started to be interested in Michael Jackson again. I have been catching up on his life, his music, everything. I have a deep hunger to know more and read about him, I even read the Aphrodite Jones book about the trial.
I think I can appreciate Michael once again because I have regained my faith in humanity. Now I see what initially drew me to him, he was so good, so pure, so innocent and really there to open our eyes and help the children and the planet as a whole. I had lost that belief that anything good exists and could not listen to his message. I am very grateful that I have regained my faith.
But with this new found appreciation comes a deep sadness, because Michael was taken away, and I wasted so many years not caring, not being interested. I could have had so many opportunities to see him, to go to his concerts but I didn’t. It makes me so sad, I feel like I lost so much.
Adding to this the fact that I don’t have friends who understand how important this all is to me. When Michael died, I was devastated. There hasn’t been much death in my family, but when for instance my grandpa died, I wasn’t sad because I knew his life was over. He had Alzheimer’s and wasn’t really there any more, it was easy to let go. But Michael’s death was completely different. I wasn’t ready to let go, I had just started to pay attention to him again, I had just taken him back into my life. I had just started to appreciate him again.
I can’t really talk about this with my friends, I know they wouldn’t understand. Some of them even hate Michael Jackson and think he was a child molester and don’t want to hear the truth. I can’t stand it. I always tell them, they don’t know all the facts and they should read about it more or at least let me explain why they’re wrong but they’re not interested. Of course they don’t want to read about MJ, because they’re not fans. So the dilemma remains that only his true fans really know what the truth is. It’s so sad. I feel that Michael deserved so much more. It pains me that people are ready to believe the crap that the tabloids wrote about him, that people are so willing to hate someone they don’t even know or understand.
It also makes me wonder if I should be friends with these people. If I can be. This is just such an important issue to me. This represents more to me than just if you like some singer as opposed to some other singer. I understand that everyone is not interested in Michael’s music and not his fan. It’s not about that. It’s about so much more. Can you give me some comments and tell me how you deal with this?
Somehow I lost interest in Michael and his music, some time when I grew up. I’m in my thirties now and have come to realize, it was because what Michael represented to me. He was much more than a singer or a dancer, a teenage idol for me. He represented the hope, the joy, the innocence of life. I had lost that hope totally because of some very bad experiences that I had gone through in my childhood but repressed the memories. I began to be really depressed and sought out counseling and started to sort through my feelings and experiences and to remember what had happened to me. It took me a long time, but I can say that I am really happy now and have started to enjoy my life again. And curiously, I have started to be interested in Michael Jackson again. I have been catching up on his life, his music, everything. I have a deep hunger to know more and read about him, I even read the Aphrodite Jones book about the trial.
I think I can appreciate Michael once again because I have regained my faith in humanity. Now I see what initially drew me to him, he was so good, so pure, so innocent and really there to open our eyes and help the children and the planet as a whole. I had lost that belief that anything good exists and could not listen to his message. I am very grateful that I have regained my faith.
But with this new found appreciation comes a deep sadness, because Michael was taken away, and I wasted so many years not caring, not being interested. I could have had so many opportunities to see him, to go to his concerts but I didn’t. It makes me so sad, I feel like I lost so much.
Adding to this the fact that I don’t have friends who understand how important this all is to me. When Michael died, I was devastated. There hasn’t been much death in my family, but when for instance my grandpa died, I wasn’t sad because I knew his life was over. He had Alzheimer’s and wasn’t really there any more, it was easy to let go. But Michael’s death was completely different. I wasn’t ready to let go, I had just started to pay attention to him again, I had just taken him back into my life. I had just started to appreciate him again.
I can’t really talk about this with my friends, I know they wouldn’t understand. Some of them even hate Michael Jackson and think he was a child molester and don’t want to hear the truth. I can’t stand it. I always tell them, they don’t know all the facts and they should read about it more or at least let me explain why they’re wrong but they’re not interested. Of course they don’t want to read about MJ, because they’re not fans. So the dilemma remains that only his true fans really know what the truth is. It’s so sad. I feel that Michael deserved so much more. It pains me that people are ready to believe the crap that the tabloids wrote about him, that people are so willing to hate someone they don’t even know or understand.
It also makes me wonder if I should be friends with these people. If I can be. This is just such an important issue to me. This represents more to me than just if you like some singer as opposed to some other singer. I understand that everyone is not interested in Michael’s music and not his fan. It’s not about that. It’s about so much more. Can you give me some comments and tell me how you deal with this?