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Yeezy

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This isnt in no way anything inspirational coming up, just flowing words from whats on my mind I suppose. Just a spur of the moment thing really. On this forum right now, I feel Im posting more than ever really, not at a huge rate where I do a hundred a day etc but where I feel Im slotting in right with everyone and that Im listened to and maybe my opinions are valued. And I dont want to turn this thread into aww poor me etc because thats just not what I want really. I want everyone to come and give there opinions on life right now or what they have learned that has changed there life so they have a different view on life in a bad way and DEFINITELY in a GOOD way.

Right now in my life Im in a state where I could do almost anythin just to take away the pain. Earlier in the year I (we) lost an icon to who we all look up to and look for inspiration. Today I sadly had to have my dog of 12/13 years put to sleep because she was in the early stages of developing cancer and it was best we didnt reach the stages of her going through pain.

As of today I feel as Ive grown up in my mind quite abit at the age of 19. I, in my mind had this thing where it was like naa that won't happen just yet. Like I believed Michael would not die. Its like a thing in your head where you dont want something to happen soo much, you believe it won't ever happen. Which now I think is pretty imature. Ive never really had to deal with death within my family up until today. And her (my dog) being 13 really all Ive ever remembered, she was there in my life. And yeah its hard and its almost impossible to deal with. But, thats life.
 
Michael had a positive influence on me...he changed me as a person.

I really want a girl to love, TRUE love...and marry her and have children, but I don't go out enough to help make that a reality.

I don't like the college course I'm going to be doing for the next 2 years, and it's in no way essential and I'll have nothing of any worth to show for it, but I don't want to get a job as I'm only 16, so I have to do it so I'm not (as my parents would put it) "lazing around all day".

I haven't made any friends from the class 'cause they're all older and extroverted, while I'm pretty introverted, I'm just "the guy that likes Michael Jackson". I've actually cried about the whole situation before, and I hardly ever cry. There's always something that happens every day that makes me sad...during lunch time I just go sit in the park on my own and just think about things, maybe listen to my iPod (Stranger In Moscow often seems to pop up).

Everyone else is there because they WANT to be there and enjoy doing it, while I really don't. They're good at it and I'm not. It makes me feel guilty that I'm there doing when I don't want to, I've lied to the teachers and said I do, but I have to because I can't say that I don't!

So much more I could say but...bleh. :no:

And I just blogged about my life...hmm...I always end up unintentionally going off-topic.
 
in my experiences in life i have learned this, by doing lone soul searching and not going by the influences of other people..

it's something like what Michael said.
the more something is repeated, the more people tend to believe

i have learned that the final answer, that i assumed was the final answer, because of what i assumed other people were trying to convince me, was the final answer, wasn't necessarily, always, the final answer.

i'm really not trying to be clever,...i'm trying my best to write with clarity(as opposed to making this post look confusing to me, and possibly others) what i'm trying to convey.

i guess i'm trying to tell you not to be influenced by people, even though i am a person, writing this post for you to read.

...yah...seemingly weird post, of mine...but i didn't know how else to try and convey it.
 
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Man... my condolences about your dog. :(
I had to go through that once also, and it was one of the most painful things I've experienced.

I truly feel just like you about Michael also - I know this is gonna sound weird, but I always felt like he was never gonna physically die, like he'd outlive us all like some machine from the future.

But you know, life is often unfair, especially death.
The best thing we can do is reflect on it at all strive to live our lives to the fullest while we still have life.
We just borrow time in this zone called "life", whatever happens after "life" is the true life it self as it's probably the destination where we'll live eternally. (at least this is what I tell myself).

"We lose the people we love and care about the most in order start our life fresh, with a brand new start"
- Mike Tyson

Again, my condolences about your dog - it will take some time but you'll bounce back.
Just for now think about that 12-13 years is a pretty fulfilled life for a dog, where she had a home with people that loved her.
I had to suddenly put my dog that was in great pain to sleep when she was 8 years old - and I'm afraid my 13 year old dog that I have now doesn't have a long time left.
My parents are starting to get old also - and I think of things like this to not take it for granted, that is what I want y'all out there to think when you read this.
It's like, make sure to never take family for granted and if you have some stupid beefs with each other then squash them before it's too late.

Find love, and hold on to it - and if you have people in your life that just feed you bad energy then get away from them, because they need you more than you need them.

The realest shit I ever wrote.
 
Sorry about your dog, that's really sad! :( About life....yeah...it's a thing no one will really understand I guess. It's a life on it's own to explore about life....there's so much we don't know, so many purposes and reasons why we are here and do what we do.

Often I wonder about how it could be that some long time ago this all suddenly existed and that 'something'/'someone' decided how things would work out. Is it all written down? How much effect can we actually really make ourselves? We try hard, but how far can we get in be what we are? When's the end...is there even an end?:mello:

How come I know what I'm here on Earth for and know what my end goal is and still have to figure out that road in between by myself? Why do bad things have to happen before we know which road we must take...before we understand 'ooooh..so THAT's why'. Why are we born the time we were born, why do we feel the way we feel?

The one thing I fail to 'accept' is that the best people have the worst things to overcome.:smilerolleyes: That there are so few people that are this 'high sensitive' for life...that truly go deeper and care, notice and actually DO things. I can't stand I'm one of a few like that. Michael is also one of the big examples in that...he's the good itself and yet he had the most bad things happening around him. I guess bad things are needed to make the good things stand out even more, to keep it a living...if all was perfect, what would there be left to gain?

Just don't take time, feelings, people, etc. for granted and try to find as many answers to your questions in life as you can find. There'll be a moment in this existing where you will finally be fulfilled in your reason to be here and have all the wisdom gathered....;D

(Sorry, being in a philosophic mood...haha.)
 
So sorry about your dog, our pets never judge us and they are always there for us. Its painful when they go. About life - I haven't figured it out yet. :(
 
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