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Life is hard..I have to rant...

Bl00dyphynix

Bl00dyphynix

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wish i was in Vegas...only Texas! USA
Im not doing too good right now. please read this rant and bear with me...heh

I had to move back in with my family because I was low on money, and my folks want me to get an appartment. Im shy, and its hard for me to make friends. i dont have any friends here..my friends are back in Dallas and Arlington. There are things ive done that im still really ashamed of...im 20, and i didnt start dating till i was 19! ive only had 2 bfs.

I cheated on my recent ex with my frist ex and I feel HORRIBLE about it. It was only kissing and snuggling..but the impact its had on me i think is very close to what it would be if i had sex. my recent ex and i broke up, because i had to move. he was really sweet about it too, even though he told me a while back that I was the one that took the chains off of his heart, and allowed him to really love again..and he really thinks he could never love anyone as much as me! he loved the fact that we could trust eachother, and he told me he can trust me with things he wouldnt trust anyone else with. After he told me that, i go off and stab him in the back..and he doesnt even know it. I want to tell him but i dont know how. Im so scared. I feel like such a cruel person still.

its hard for me to forgive myself. and on top of that, i still want to be a close friend to my first ex...and hes been ignoring me and avoiding me..b/c he wants to stop feeling guilty, and blamed me for putting him on guilt trips. i dont mean to...i did it for relif and peace..even tho i know i can only get a real, lasting peace from GOD. i saw him one last time before i moved, and i thought things where really well when i left. but he continues to not talk to me.

and a guy i really like while i was dating Justin who is naturally really affectionette...was really sweet to me, and made me fall for him too. i felt kinda guilty about that. and when im single, and i can get his affection without feeling a bit guilty for it, we arnt close anymore...thats frustrating for me. ive fallen into what i never wanted to fall into..craving a guy's affection and feeling like i NEED one when i really dont...but i knew going into dating this would happen. happens to all women. and ive heard your first is the hardest to let go. psh. aint that true.

on top of that my best friend moved to Phillidelphia back in June, and I REALLY miss her...ive been wanting to go up to see her but i dont have any money..

please...any advice, encoragement, prayers would be greatly appreciated. ive been feeling like crap, and the only thing i think that is keeping me from going into a pit of despair is prayer! GOD always comforts me ^_^

but i want the anxiety to stop. i want to stop worrying. i want things to be good b/t me and my first again...it sucks.

thank you soo much for reading all of that...i love you guys! :flowers: GOD Bless all of you.

 
Oh Bloodyphynyx, I feel bad for you. I know you need to vent, but you also need to know that you are an absolutely normal 20 year old. I know this - my daughter is the same way. If I were you, I'd ask your parents why they feel that you should move out. You are only 20. You are not 21 yet. And also, you need to love yourself before you can love anyone else. Forgive yourself for past mistakes - we all have made them, and from this point forward look to the future. Take those past "mistakes" and think of them as learning experiences. And be easier on yourself. You deserve love. Love yourself first....

I love ya!! And take care of yourself!! You deserve it! Really. I mean it. :)
 
thank you guys ^_^ this is why i didnt want to date in high school...heartache PLUS worrying over schoolwork? noo thank you. lol

it would be easier for me if he talked to me. The guy I just broke up with and I still talk. I want to remain friends with all my exes. it hurts that im worried about it and he doesnt care.

I really appreciate it tho. and I know this happens to every women...break ups seem to be harder for us cause we are oohh so emotional. ;)

:hug: :flowers:

 
My opinion is anybody that sympathises with someone that has cheated on there partner. Is in the wrong.
Imagine if it was you who had been cheated on.
 
^
and
^

It's both true, but thats why you have to forget it. It already happend, and even if you would be his gf or jus close friends, I think it would be never before you broke up w/ him.

LOL. sounds stupid, but find a new crush to get over it a bit. :p
 
Bl00dyphynix...Sweet 20's....Sometimes we need to do big mistakes,fall very down to learn our best and biggest lessons that will be with you for life.
Yes for us girls some things are harder to let go or forget,but i think you should look at what happened as lesson to know who you really love,what you really want.
(sometimes we only know how much we love someone,when we loose that someone,or think that did.)
Take time for you.When something has to happen,it will happen.
Remember that what is yours,what has to belong to you,to you it will return in the right time.
Hugs
 
Bl00dyphynix said:
well i apoligise for seeking comforting advice..my bad. and yes i think ive learned my lesson. i already feel guilty, and id appreciate it if you wouldnt make feel feel worse. i think ive punished myself enough.
Click to expand...

I dont usually get involved in threads like this, but I did in this one because I have been cheated on by the girl that I loved. Not going to go on with myself either because I dont wanna sound sooo experienced in life, Im only 18 lol and I look like the bad guy in the thread already for not sympathising.
 
Mariajoaosilva said:
Bl00dyphynix...Sweet 20's....Sometimes we need to do big mistakes,fall very down to learn our best and biggest lessons that will be with you for life.
Yes for us girls some things are harder to let go or forget,but i think you should look at what happened as lesson to know who you really love,what you really want.
(sometimes we only know how much we love someone,when we loose that someone,or think that did.)
Take time for you.When something has to happen,it will happen.
Remember that what is yours,what has to belong to you,to you it will return in the right time.
Hugs
Click to expand...

thank you so much Maria :hug: I really appreciate the input. I like the last thing you said too. :) i know i can learn from this but i still wish i didnt stoop so low :(
 
Yeezy2008 said:
I dont usually get involved in threads like this, but I did in this one because I have been cheated on by the girl that I loved. Not going to go on with myself either because I dont wanna sound sooo experienced in life, Im only 18 lol and I look like the bad guy in the thread already for not sympathising.
Click to expand...

well yah. talking like that to someone who is emotionally still a bit messed up isnt a good idea. i didnt think someone would expect me to be perfect.
 
oh honey...you live and learn
it's not like you are married with children you don't have to feel THAT bad about it. guilty yes - but you didn't commit a crime :bugeyed
and please don't feel ashamed about not having too many boyfriends - you have to worry about yourself first stuff like college work doing something good with your life that's more important. Relationships are important too but boyfriends no matter how much you love them they can leave you just like that one day for god knows what reason...and then you find yourself alone again you with your problems...and the people that you loved so much will act like they never even knew you...it can happen. what I mean to say is that you shouldn't get that involved with somebody just because you're ashamed you don't have a bf you should get involved only if you really know the person
as for the cheating part - why was it so tempting I mean what pushed you? I like to hear these things :D
 
Yeezy2008 said:
My opinion is anybody that sympathises with someone that has cheated on there partner. Is in the wrong.
Imagine if it was you who had been cheated on.
Click to expand...

I can understand how you feel that way...but we are talking about a 20 year old. Yes, cheating is bad, but why do you want to compound the bad feelings she has about herself by putting me and others down for supporting her? Remember - judge not, or ye shall be judged.
 
lol life is hard... I remember I've thought the same when I was your age... and I had no idea... really, it is fun to look back at times.
Ok you asked for it, so I'll be a somewhat 'smart ass' also:
Don't be so hard with yourself... at the age of 20 we were somewhat all drama queens.
As everyone does mistakes, there's no sense in feeling too guilty and bathing in bad feelings... just learn. Don't do them again!
You need to understand you will be known for how much you stand with your words. Keep in mind actions speak much louder than words!

You say you love your 'first ex' boyfriend still? Well then it should be easy to accept his wishes... if he wants a life without you then really love him, accept his wish and make it possible for him.
I don't say it's easy.
You say you love him... love is not always easy and it's not only about sex and/or cheating or faithfullness. Love means to accept the other one the way he is... not only the way you want him to be.

But you'll hopefully learn all about this the coming years! :cheeky:
 
Here's my 2 cents...or more

Firstly, you have to admit to yourself that what happened was on impulse and it can happen again, because you've stated that you can't let your first ex- go. So you pretty much did make it happen again when you said you met someone else that was interesting but it didn't go anywhere (if I remember correctly), then you said that you wanted to remain friends with your first ex-...that's where you keep making the mistake.

Once you've left a relationship, there is a reason why it didn't work out. Unfortunately, you're not paying attention to the message your first ex- is giving you. You said that "he" said that "you" made him cheat and now he's feeling guilty as well. What does that sound like to you? It should sound like he didn't want to spend that type of time with you in the first place and you initiated it and he just went along with it. Am I right? When a guy just goes along with it because you put it out there, then it's not geniune affection that you are receiving.

What it boils down to is that you have to leave old relationships alone and go forward to something more rewarding and more real.

As far as the later ex- that you moved away from...it sounds as though it wasn't as tight as "he" thought it was. You said you were happy that he was this "nice" guy that showed you plenty of attention and love and that he had expressed how much you had made his life change...but, you weren't really all there for him. It was just something to do, basically. Often this happens when you are searching for something and you don't want to be alone, but the older you get you will realize what's more important and that is, that you have to be "true" to your own feelings.

Attention will come your way many times from many people, but you have to stay clear of the "ready and now" of receiving affection that you don't really care about. That's hurtful to the person who is giving you the affection and it's selfish of you to accept it. But you will learn these things as time past by.

It's called, "experience". Experience is when you make a mistake and you are capable of recognizing that mistake when you see it again, in order not to repeat the same mistake. Some people have a problem with this, the repetitiveness of making mistakes yields no experience.

I feel that your parents are not willing to have you at home, because of certain things you are not revealing. You know what they are and I'm not asking that you reveal them, but that you understand the reason behind it and try to make amends by doing what they ask you to do. They are your parents, they should be respected for being just that.

Sorry to have made this a long letter, of sorts,:D but I can see everything you were trying to explain. I think most of us who have been in love before and has been restless in love before can understand what you are dealing with, but childish things needs to end at some point. Take some time and find yourself and you won't have to ever feel guilty again...and if you do, then live with it, because you only have yourself to blame.

Your problem is not the end of your world, it should be the beginning of your world.:)
 
ladyplatinum said:
Once you've left a relationship, there is a reason why it didn't work out.

What it boils down to is that you have to leave old relationships alone and go forward to something more rewarding and more real.
Click to expand...


My thoughts exactly, sometimes it's hard to do too because we all want to be liked and some of us don't like the idea of someone thinking ill or even indifferent of us, especially after a close bond is shared.

For some people it's one of the hardest things to discover that yes we sometimes lose a connection with someone we assumed we would be close with forever (be it friends, lovers, family members).


But just because you lose a relationship doesn't mean you'll never find a new one. I also agree with this:


ladyplatinum said:
Your problem is not the end of your world, it should be the beginning of your world.:)
Click to expand...


You'll be alright :flowers:





Might I suggest that if you're feeling incredibly wracked with guilt over your cheating episode and you feel that you still want to be friends with the person you cheated on... then you will need to tell them what happened... otherwise you're always going to feel guilty and any friendship you try to forge with them from here on out will not be as truthful as a friendship should be. It's an incredibly hard thing to do and it might mean he never talks to you again but that's a risk to take for the price of a real truthful friendship. :flowers:
 
L.J said:
Might I suggest that if you're feeling incredibly wracked with guilt over your cheating episode and you feel that you still want to be friends with the person you cheated on... then you will need to tell them what happened... otherwise you're always going to feel guilty and any friendship you try to forge with them from here on out will not be as truthful as a friendship should be. It's an incredibly hard thing to do and it might mean he never talks to you again but that's a risk to take for the price of a real truthful friendship. :flowers:
Click to expand...

Yes, this is true...but from what she has stated he will be very hurt that she wasn't as involved in him or in the relationship as he opened up to her. If my thoughts are correct, hurt and all, he would accept her as a friend, but only in hopes of her coming around to feeling the way he does because he sounds like an overly sensitive guy (especially the way he expressed his love...guys just don't do that). He may not want to accept her as only his friend and this could cause more problems.

Of course, if she would tell him the truth and say to him that she was sorry just to feel better about herself, and that she wanted to end their past relationship as a "nice memory" and it's completely over, then he might become hateful and blame her for life. Telling him the truth won't be anything good for him.

It's not an easy win, someone will always be on the losing side. It seems as though he was already there. If he seriously loves her like she described in his words and he accepts her infidelity, then if she doesn't want him to be stalking around, then just leave it...

in the case of...

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him"

and if she doesn't want him to hate her guts, then just leave it...

in the case of...

"Keeping herself out of hot water".

And because I get the feeling that she really didn't love him, If it's me...I'd end all contact with him on a nice note...

in the case of...

"It was nice and sweet and I'll always remember you, but I have to move on". Then lose his number, address and email address and have no contact with any of friends or relatives. :D

It's all a maze. Maybe she'll let us know what she decided to do...or not.:D
 
Bl00dyphynix I hope what I said didn't bother you I don't mean to sound like a hypocrite giving you advices it's just that I've been through that - having boyfriends and revolving my life around them
as for the boyfriend part I don't know what to say that's too personal and I'm not in your shoes you're the one who has to decide...maybe you should take some time off let things cool off after that you can think more clearly
:innocent:
 
ladyplatinum said:
Here's my 2 cents...or more

Firstly, you have to admit to yourself that what happened was on impulse and it can happen again, because you've stated that you can't let your first ex- go. So you pretty much did make it happen again when you said you met someone else that was interesting but it didn't go anywhere (if I remember correctly), then you said that you wanted to remain friends with your first ex-...that's where you keep making the mistake.

Once you've left a relationship, there is a reason why it didn't work out. Unfortunately, you're not paying attention to the message your first ex- is giving you. You said that "he" said that "you" made him cheat and now he's feeling guilty as well. What does that sound like to you? It should sound like he didn't want to spend that type of time with you in the first place and you initiated it and he just went along with it. Am I right? When a guy just goes along with it because you put it out there, then it's not geniune affection that you are receiving.

What it boils down to is that you have to leave old relationships alone and go forward to something more rewarding and more real.

As far as the later ex- that you moved away from...it sounds as though it wasn't as tight as "he" thought it was. You said you were happy that he was this "nice" guy that showed you plenty of attention and love and that he had expressed how much you had made his life change...but, you weren't really all there for him. It was just something to do, basically. Often this happens when you are searching for something and you don't want to be alone, but the older you get you will realize what's more important and that is, that you have to be "true" to your own feelings.

Attention will come your way many times from many people, but you have to stay clear of the "ready and now" of receiving affection that you don't really care about. That's hurtful to the person who is giving you the affection and it's selfish of you to accept it. But you will learn these things as time past by.

It's called, "experience". Experience is when you make a mistake and you are capable of recognizing that mistake when you see it again, in order not to repeat the same mistake. Some people have a problem with this, the repetitiveness of making mistakes yields no experience.

I feel that your parents are not willing to have you at home, because of certain things you are not revealing. You know what they are and I'm not asking that you reveal them, but that you understand the reason behind it and try to make amends by doing what they ask you to do. They are your parents, they should be respected for being just that.

Sorry to have made this a long letter, of sorts,:D but I can see everything you were trying to explain. I think most of us who have been in love before and has been restless in love before can understand what you are dealing with, but childish things needs to end at some point. Take some time and find yourself and you won't have to ever feel guilty again...and if you do, then live with it, because you only have yourself to blame.

Your problem is not the end of your world, it should be the beginning of your world.:)
Click to expand...

wow. awesome. brutal honestly is what i need right now. not easy to hear, but i appreciate your openess :) and no he didnt just "go along with it" but i can see why you think that. its something we both wanted. he told me in the past he has issues with REALLY craving intimacy. his fience feb 07 died in car crash. he pulled her in his arms, reached for his glasses and when he put them on he saw her decapitated before him. he showed me the news article, and first told me this before we even thought about dating. i think thats why he craves intimacy because hes trying to fill a void. but this has been going on for a while. when we arnt with eachother we barely talk, hes tellin me hes busy, and when we get back together its like he expects us to still get close. im not saying my cheating is not my fault, of corse! but i think we are both in the wrong. i cheated, but he let me cheat. its difficult, b/c if we try to talk it over its like, "why did you do this? well i shouldnt be blaming you when im at fault too."...and he feels guilty. i dont get why he does this tho. makes me feel of corse, thats all i am to him anymore is a toy he can cuddle and kiss. as much as hed try to deny that. i think the reason for that is he wants to forget about what happened so he doesnt feel bad anymore, but doesnt want to let go of the intimacy. i know it would probably be best for the both of us in the long run if we just ended our relationship, and i should drop him and move on. but i want to keep him as a friend..both of them. I still love and care about both of them, and i dont want to loose them.

I have a question: should i call him up to tel him i cheated on him or in person? calling would i think be a teensy bit easier for the both of us, but i would think if i did it in person it would say i still care(which i do..), but he would probably be too shocked and hurt for that to have any impact. what do you guys suggest? :ermm:
 
Bl00dyphynix said:
thank you so much Maria :hug: I really appreciate the input. I like the last thing you said too. :) i know i can learn from this but i still wish i didnt stoop so low :(
Click to expand...

Bl00dyphynix...there's no need to thank me at all. i hope i can help you even if it is just a litle.
You say you wish you didn't feel the way you do...Well...i tell you that you can only learn and grow up,with the mistakes you will make.
Unffortunately our biggest live lessons,we learned them when we somehow suffer.
But not everything is wrong you know?the way you are feeling and thinking shows that you have a good heart and that you are listening to your conscience.
 
Bl00dyphynix said:
his fience feb 07 died in car crash. he pulled her in his arms, reached for his glasses and when he put them on he saw her decapitated before him. he showed me the news article, and first told me this before we even thought about dating. i think thats why he craves intimacy because hes trying to fill a void.
Click to expand...

OMG Bloodyphynix!! That must have been HORRIBLE for him!! I could see him actually going through some PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - because of that. ....and it may still be going on with him. What a horrible thing to have to witness!! Give him time. Please. If you think he's worth it, have patience with him. And if you really really love him, he will be worth being completely faithful to. Believe me. Special people only come once in a lifetime...
 
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hun just cuz u may bot have a boyf right now doesnt mean its the end of the world
Being single is great OWN IT! at leat u dont have to deal so much pain & heartache.
Just be single for a while and just do the things that u used to love when u were single...belive me it helps!


Then after a while when ur ready for a relationship - go for it! But make sure that u dont rush it too quick, otherwise u will only keep on making the same mistakes over & over again.
 
LindaC781 said:
OMG Bloodyphynix!! That must have been HORRIBLE for him!! I could see him actually going through some PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - because of that. ....and it may still be going on with him. What a horrible thing to have to witness!! Give him time. Please. If you think he's worth it, have patience with him. And if you really really love him, he will be worth being completely faithful to. Believe me. Special people only come once in a lifetime...
Click to expand...

yes. I cant imagine that. i dont know how you could recover from that...in less then...5 years or so. i dont see how you couldnt go INSANE with grief. he probably went through a period of blaming himself as well b/c you always think their was something you could have done...especially from something that tramatic! he sees a therapist(last time i check anyway..)to go through it, which is good. but on top of that, he has a personality disorder that i dont want to discuss...at least on here(i could fill you in if you want tho :) )that has made it hard for me as well...perhaps the both of us. i realise i have put myself through a lot by continueing to care and not letting him go completely. but i do love him. i don twant to talk about why we broke up but...i still think id die for him!

what is hard is...loving someone through the pain...and they dont seem to appreciate it. that just makes it harder. but then it makes me wonder..so am i just doing this for praise and gratutude or because i love him?

this has been helping me thank you everyone. :) :hug:

 
wow that's horrible the accident he must still be recovering from that...I can't imagine what he went through this is more serious than I thought
you need to take your time with him if you really love him
 
Bl00dyphynix said:
wow. awesome. brutal honestly is what i need right now. not easy to hear, but i appreciate your openess :)

I have a question: should i call him up to tel him i cheated on him or in person? calling would i think be a teensy bit easier for the both of us, but i would think if i did it in person it would say i still care(which i do..), but he would probably be too shocked and hurt for that to have any impact. what do you guys suggest? :ermm:
Click to expand...

I'm glad you accepted my openess on the situation. I don't sugar coat things easily.:)

From what I comprehend here, the first ex- is the one who has the personality problems stemming from seeing an old girlfriend's brutal accidental death and you feel like he needs you but sometimes acts as though he can do well enough without you...okay.

Even though you want to stay close to him because you are trying to be there for him, it's not sounding like a real relationship to me. If you let this continue, it will get more devastating for you, because you are doing more than just attempting to stay in love with him, you are trying to stay in his life because you feel sorry for him. Like I said before, you should be a distant friend. Don't share moments of intimacy with him because what you are filling is not a void, but a space that he can't really fill because he wants someone only when he wants to be intimate. It's a numbing affect to him, only.

I've heard this somewhere that a person who has lost someone from a dramatic situation, somehow can not feel those same feeling again for someone else because they are not sure that the person will stick around, either through leaving them the tradition way or through death.

I don't think you should blur the lines between love and empathy. You may truly love him for him, but can you really be sure, knowing what you know about him.

As far as the other guy, (second ex-?) and the phone call to tell him whether you cheated... What is the point? You can't make up your mind about the (first ex-) so why bother entangling yourself with another issue that can't be resolved easily. Unless you are going to devote yourself to one man and one man only...I would suggest that you find that answer within yourself first. No one else can help you with that.

Do you really know what love is? Dedicated love, monogamy love? I've never been able to love more than one man at one time. Either there was no love for each person and I was just fooling around or I didn't know what the hell I was doing and needed to stop the B.S. and get my head on straight. Most of have been in this situation at one time or another.

When I'm in love, really in love, only one person does that for me.

You need to stop stressing over other people's problems and think about yourself. You are going down the wrong path and you need to turn yourself around before it's too late and the choice is made "for you", instead of "by you".

Sorry to be so blunt, but life is blunt.
 
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