Isn't it confusing?

[Severus Snape]

Being the sort of person I am, I often ponder on the reason behind things, and the complete nonsense some people expect from others. In my case, it was always the whole talking to other people thing. Perhaps I remember it now because it is not any longer a relevant part of my life, but it used to be the dominating cause of discomfort for many years, as per usual caused by my mother and people under her influence.

You see, I have always been a rather creative/imaginative person. There's no helping it. I thrive on things like that, which is why I enjoy reading, music, and the arts. I am happiest when left to do my own thing, to be honest, but this is something neither mother nor the school ever understood. So, particularly during my middle school and high school years, when I was in a powerless position, I was told (or rather forced) to socialize, because it was thought to be for my own good, et cetera.

So, what they wanted me to do was talk to people and not be so lost in my own affairs. So, I did just that. The problem was, of course, that I always tended to talk to people who were significantly older than I (teachers and the sort.) Apparently, this wasn't exactly what they had in mind, so they basically forced me to desist and to try and talk to my so-called peers, with whom I had nothing in common other than opposable thumbs and the universal dependency on food and oxygen. Needless to state, that was torturous, and I resisted the attempt with every fibre of my being. Why? Because it was a waste of time.

Where am I going with this? Absolutely nowhere. It is just a reflection. I just thought of it now that I am free of all that nonsense, and completely able to do as I please, talk to whomever I please without silly speculations being made, and to ignore the rest as irrelevant to my purposes.

I suppose it just bothered me, how they attempted to make me fit into their silly cookie-cutter mold, when all attempts were obviously futile in the end. What a waste of time. So, the real question is, isn't it confusing that people tell you to go and talk to others, and when you do, they get all upset because that's not exactly what they had in mind. God forbid you talk to someone who actually has something halfway interesting to say--no, stick to your age group and talk about The Jersey Shore, or something. Goddamn stupid idiot who refuses to conform to our standards, away with thee!

I find it irksome that adults (at the time I was not legally one) set such stupid limits on distinct minds because they fail to equate their own experiences with the current process. It's really a tragedy for the person involved, not to mention a waste of time. I recall being rather upset over the direction my life was taking as a result of the outsiders attempting to control my affairs (my mother, most prominent among them), and the limitations set upon me by society and the backlash of my failure to conform to what they all wanted.

I think it extremely confusing that:
1) They don't like it when you don't talk to people, so they tell you to go talk to people
2) When you actually do talk to people and "open yourself up" to them, so to speak, it's somehow not a good thing because it was implied albeit never stated that these people should be around your age, despite the overwhelming fact that there is no uniting factor save that which unites us all as a species.

I just find it refreshing that I no longer have to deal with such nonsense. I resent it, in a way, because I was happy living in the paradise I created, where ideas never stopped flowing. I had to make my joy in introspection become less apparent so as to not attract my mother's attention back when I was under her direct control--yet, I am afraid that I have lost some of the magic as a result. It just irks me that they wouldn't let me be and basically forced me to do something I didn't want to do based solely on misconceptions they had about me.

I miss the freedom, and I hope to regain it again, in time. Now that I am away from all that, I am free to be alone again. It doesn't bother me at all that I have no friends on campus--and I find it rather tedious to oblige to the occasional social event acquaintances of mine wish me to attend. I'm happy just talking to that special person, who is far more interesting than all the rest, in any case.

I'm content with my solitude, and with my life in general, as it is now.

(Sorry for the quasi-rant. I was just reflecting on life, and thought it interesting. Anyone else feel the same way?)

 

[MJ~And~Me]

i dont listening to anyone :lol:i just do what i want :yes:which you should do :yes:

 

[xMichellex]

This may come across as being a bit harsh but are you sure that part of the reason you were 'forced' to interact with your peers wasn't down to what could be considered as a developing superiority complex? Gosh I do not mean to sound rude at all but a lot of your posts here seem to be about how much above people your own age you are and always have been, possibly even people in general. You are not as unusual as you think or maybe even like to think you are. I could always tell you were around 18 or 19 as I have told you before. Do not take this as an insult, of course everyone is unique but it does not mean you are completely off the scale when it comes to human beings. To be honest you sound like a teenager who is beginning to discover who they are, but has not quite got there yet, which IS what you are. I would say you're intelligent but there is still so much of that not quite lost yet not quite found aura that nearly every late teen has about them. Try not to belittle your peers so much, you may have more in common with them than you realise right now

 

[Severus Snape]

This may come across as being a bit harsh but are you sure that part of the reason you were 'forced' to interact with your peers wasn't down to what could be considered as a developing superiority complex? Gosh I do not mean to sound rude at all but a lot of your posts here seem to be about how much above people your own age you are and always have been, possibly even people in general. You are not as unusual as you think or maybe even like to think you are. I could always tell you were around 18 or 19 as I have told you before. Do not take this as an insult, of course everyone is unique but it does not mean you are completely off the scale when it comes to human beings. To be honest you sound like a teenager who is beginning to discover who they are, but has not quite got there yet, which IS what you are. I would say you're intelligent but there is still so much of that not quite lost yet not quite found aura that nearly every late teen has about them. Try not to belittle your peers so much, you may have more in common with them than you realise right now

Eh, no, and that's certainly not what I meant to say. I sense some defensiveness in your post. You must be, surely, around 18 or 19. That's the kind of "aura" I seem to be getting. Not that I meant to insult you, or anything.

In any case, it's not that I think I'm better than them. No one in this world is better than anyone else. Not you, nor I, nor Michael, nor Bill Gates, nor anyone. It's just that I hate being forcedly lumped in and forced to interact with people who are of no interest to me.

In any case, the question I posed is, isn't it confusing that when people encourage you to be more social, and you grudgingly oblige, they get all strange when it isn't with the sort of people they had in mind for you?

I don't think any more or less of people who are around my physical age. I just am not interested in them at all, that's all. We have nothing in common. We are beings who inhabit two completely different realms. To be honest, I don't care about most people, regardless of their age.

As far as your statements on me, professors and other people who are highly intelligent have told me otherwise, and I am conscious that I am strikingly different from the rest of them. Try living a day in the life, and then maybe you'll see why I view the lot of them with disdain. What they did to me because of it was beyond cruel.

If you're that interested in knowing, the reason why those people "encouraged" me to do that was because I tend to be overly introspective, and so this was a cause for concern. For what reason? That's beyond me, but that's what it was. I reckon they must have thought me a schizoid personality, or god knows what. Or perhaps their concern was because normal adolescents are overly concerned with socialization and "belonging" to a certain group, or following certain trends, et cetera, and I completely deviated from that model.

Then again, like I said in the other thread, you hardly know me, so your impressions of me are flawed. I would appreciate it if we kept the thread OT, that is, to simply answering the question: that is--is it confusing or not? I think it is. You can't just tell someone to be more social, but pigeon-hole them to a certain group, which is completely devoid of people of interest.

Overall, though, I resent being taken away from what I created, over nothing at all, and I only want to gain it back. Living in the world of ideas was a great thing.

 

[Severus Snape]

i dont listening to anyone :lol:i just do what i want :yes:which you should do :yes:

That's good, always. I don't listen to anyone either, and I do what I desire, however, if you depend on someone for food and other things--you're more inclined to follow what they say than if they were just a random human being, do you not agree?

 

[xMichellex]

Lol no honey I am a lot older than you are. It is not that I am insulted, obviously being so much older that wouldn't be the case anyway, but besides I have been your age many (moons ago lol) so I am familiar with the way you feel, and I also study psychology at post graduate level so I have shadowed a few psychologist sessions with people your age, and you would be surprised by the number of people very similar to yourself. You seem a little defensive of the fact that you're so 'different' especially in the way you inform me that your professors and "highly intelligent" people (I suppose implying I'm not lol) tell you this. Maybe, just maybe, you want to be different? But, a word of advise, wanting to be different is one thing, but insisting you're superior to them or somehow not human is not a good thing to go around boasting. I do not doubt your intelligence, but to tone down the superiority attitude wouldn't hurt. And for this reason I do not think it is confusing at all, I think you should have been encouraged to interact with others a lot more in order to create a better level of understanding of other human beings in general, without putting yourself on this pedestal. It is more than likely that your mother noticed this early on (I am a mother to a teenager, we notice EVERYTHING lol) and was concerned that this is not good behaviour, not just for other people but for yourself as well as once you leave education into the great school of life, this attitude will get you nowhere and cause you all sorts of problems. It is fine to like different things and nobody should judge you, but do not assume that you are unique in your interests or that your interests equals superiority. You seem far more quick to judge in my opinion (your assumption of my age and my therefore imagined 'insulted' state of mind) I'm afraid I am with your mother on this one. I wish you all the best, please do not get all defensive, just try to take things on board a little.

 

[Severus Snape]

Lol no honey I am a lot older than you are. It is not that I am insulted, obviously being so much older that wouldn't be the case anyway, but besides I have been your age many (moons ago lol) so I am familiar with the way you feel, and I also study psychology at post graduate level so I have shadowed a few psychologist sessions with people your age, and you would be surprised by the number of people very similar to yourself. You seem a little defensive of the fact that you're so 'different' especially in the way you inform me that your professors and "highly intelligent" people (I suppose implying I'm not lol) tell you this. Maybe, just maybe, you want to be different? But, a word of advise, wanting to be different is one thing, but insisting you're superior to them or somehow not human is not a good thing to go around boasting. I do not doubt your intelligence, but to tone down the superiority attitude wouldn't hurt. And for this reason I do not think it is confusing at all, I think you should have been encouraged to interact with others a lot more in order to create a better level of understanding of other human beings in general, without putting yourself on this pedestal. It is more than likely that your mother noticed this early on (I am a mother to a teenager, we notice EVERYTHING lol) and was concerned that this is not good behaviour, not just for other people but for yourself as well as once you leave education into the great school of life, this attitude will get you nowhere and cause you all sorts of problems. It is fine to like different things and nobody should judge you, but do not assume that you are unique in your interests or that your interests equals superiority. You seem far more quick to judge in my opinion (your assumption of my age and my therefore imagined 'insulted' state of mind) I'm afraid I am with your mother on this one. I wish you all the best, please do not get all defensive, just try to take things on board a little.

Well, I obviously have no way of knowing how old you are based solely on your posts. That's just the impression I got. Now that I know you're older, well, I'm surprised that someone so old would use such stereotyped thinking, and to even think you could make conclusions about me based on insufficient data, well, it's kind of disappointing.

How can you state your findings with confidence, without knowing me? At the end of the day, you and I are just two strangers in a Michael Jackson forum--you don't know me, and I don't know you. Then, to think you could judge someone based on a few forum posts seems a tad ludicrous to me. I mentioned the professors because they're not random people, they're obviously intelligent beings who know what they're on about. At no time did I mean to insinuate that you weren't intelligent--that seems to be an imagined wrong on your part. I don't know anything about you aside from the few posts of yours I've read, therefore, I cannot deduce whether you're intelligent or not. That's something only you would know.

As for the imagined pedestal, well, I never put myself on one. Perhaps you missed the post where I said that I don't think anyone better than anyone else--we're all made of the same stuff, so we are all essentially the same. However, I just don't find interacting with people my age to be interesting (I do like to observe them interacting amongst themselves, as I am a great lover of observing people in general.) Perhaps you take my stance as offensive because your children are teenagers, but that's no problem of mine.

In any case, I think it confusing to tell people to be more social, but to constrict them to the "socially approved" crowd of people. I think that kind of thinking to be both constricting and incredibly stupid. After all, if given the choice between making a professor's acquaintance, or a writer's, as opposed to some teenager, who in their right mind would choose the latter? I certainly would not.

As for wanting to be different-- well, no. Why would I want to be different? It doesn't serve me any purpose, doesn't put me ahead of anyone, doesn't get me anything that anyone else doesn't have as far as money, or status is concerned. It just is, and I accept the fact I'm different than other people in general, as what it is. If anything, I mind my own business, and in real life I actually try to draw the least amount of attention humanly possible, so that I will be left alone. That was the source of all this, remember? Overly introspective. Yet it never seems to work, and somehow people are very much interested in me, much to my dismay. I try not to go out.

Never did I say my interests were unique. There's entire online communities dedicated to WWII and Nazi Germany, for god's sake (Axis History forums most notable among them)--why on Earth would I deem them unique? We'd have to ignore half of Barnes and Noble, in order to make it so. Not to mention Michael Jackson--we're on a forum because we share that interest, after all. So, no, and thank god they're not unique. Imagine how much that would suck--if you couldn't share your love for Michael with other like-minded people? Or if you couldn't talk about Eva Braun's home films with others who are knowledgeable on the topic? It would be a very small world--thank god for the Internet, which allows you to do this without getting overwhelmed by other people's presence.

That's been my point all along. There's nothing that makes them inferior per se, just not interesting to me. Perhaps to someone else, they're the world. That's completely fine--we can't all be the same. I just think I have a limited amount of time on this planet, and would rather not spend it talking to people I don't find interesting. Imagine if you had to spend a set amount of time doing something which/talking to someone who doesn't do anything to stimulate you? It's the same concept. Just because you don't find it/them interesting doesn't mean it's/they're bad, or inferior. It's/they're just not for you. Someone else might find it/them thoroughly engaging, and that doesn't make them a bad person for finding it/them so, nor does it make you a bad person for not finding it/them interesting. Some things are just not interesting to us, and others are. It's a fact of life.

Thanks for your insights, however. I appreciate your time, as usual, even though in the middle of all this, it may not always be clear.

 

[xMichellex]

That was a little hypocritical. You become annoyed and defensive of me assuming your age (which I was correct about) and went on to claim you assumed my age to be younger (which I do not mind, especially with my often horrendous grammar). It seems strange to scold someone for something and then do the exact same thing. As for your professors "knowing what they're talking about", well what is it they teach? Are they qualified enough to say such things? Also I would be very concerned if someone in such a trusted position went around labelling their young students in such a manner. No you should not be forced to share the same interests as people your own age but do you only converse with people who share the same interests? When you leave education and gain employment it would be highly immature to act in this manner in your place of work, saying you should not have to interact with those around you as you do not share the same interests. It sounds a lot like you were being encouraged to interact with those the same age to curb this type of behaviour as it is generally not acceptable in an adult world. I am not trying to be mean here, I just think you sometimes come across in a manner that I previously suggested in my other posts that won't do you any favours in the long run. When all is said and done though, you will grow and change over the next few years. This thread in itself began the same way as one would expect a journal entry or letter to an agony aunt from an angst-ridden teen would, and it is not the first I have seen you post either. There is where my conclusion came from about your age. Don't take offense to that, embrace your youth, make the most of it, however eclectic your tastes are.

 

[PaceMioDolceCuore]

Is it confusing? Heck, yes.

About the only thing I really, really appreciated about becoming a little bit older was the ability to be able to chose people that I (and not social requirements such as school and the first years past High School) felt comfortable with and that reflected my interests.

I'm 30 and most of my life I have been the youngest just about everywhere I went= everywhere. Now I am finding out that I'm no longer the youngest, hehehe.

I recall joining a political party at 16- and was surrounded by 50 years olds- I wasn't throwing rocks while sniffing red wine discussion revolution (although I did plenty of that), I was dealing with 'serious' people who dealt with 'serious' business.

That was 'normal' for me. I also was married to someone who was 30 years my senior because I simply had no patience for dealing with men my age, I don't mean that as an insult. But there simply was nobody for about 10 years in my surroundings that was a match for me- and that happens. I am glad that I was able to spend 6 years with someone who was so much older. That was not a mistake, but right at the time.

NOW it's a different story. Now I find that age doesn't really make a difference anymore. These days I often don't even know how old people are, some of my friends are younger, a lot are older.

It really depends on who you're dealing with. There are 19 years old I would have LOVED to be friends with at the time and others, not so much. I had the big luck of living in a big city that offered many different people- if I were stuck on a tiny campus in the middle of nowhere= believe me, I would have blown a gasket (or 2).

I can recommend patience and trying to seek out people that understand your interests. Sooner or later, it'll happen and it goes from "oh my God people" to "oh, this is pretty cool". Been there, done that. And I understand to a degree what you mean.

I was extremely unhappy from 3rd grade up until 18. I was also bored to death in school which actually led to my utter academic failure- not because I was not able to live up to expectation- but because I was extremely unhappy with the public school system that did nothing but kill my natural appetite for knowledge- and it takes a lot to break me.
Then it was up to me to find the right people and I did.

Another thing I have to mention- people with certain abilities (even in just one or two areas) tend to have issues like that. I recall being tested for being 'gifted', yeah. I was passed around from languages schools to music schools= and lemme tell you, almost everyone in those schools has had that sort of experience. It happens and at the end of the day it somehow worked itself out. My brother showed similar signs and thank God by then he was able to study in different academic surroundings that reflected him- and didn't try to break him down to being 'the average student'.

Simply being out there in the 'real world' made the difference. Finding the right people to hang out with. High School and the first few years of University sucked though, I'll give you that. After that- a world apart.

 

[Severus Snape]

That was a little hypocritical. You become annoyed and defensive of me assuming your age (which I was correct about) and went on to claim you assumed my age to be younger (which I do not mind, especially with my often horrendous grammar). It seems strange to scold someone for something and then do the exact same thing. As for your professors "knowing what they're talking about", well what is it they teach? Are they qualified enough to say such things? Also I would be very concerned if someone in such a trusted position went around labelling their young students in such a manner. No you should not be forced to share the same interests as people your own age but do you only converse with people who share the same interests? When you leave education and gain employment it would be highly immature to act in this manner in your place of work, saying you should not have to interact with those around you as you do not share the same interests. It sounds a lot like you were being encouraged to interact with those the same age to curb this type of behaviour as it is generally not acceptable in an adult world. I am not trying to be mean here, I just think you sometimes come across in a manner that I previously suggested in my other posts that won't do you any favours in the long run. When all is said and done though, you will grow and change over the next few years. This thread in itself began the same way as one would expect a journal entry or letter to an agony aunt from an angst-ridden teen would, and it is not the first I have seen you post either. There is where my conclusion came from about your age. Don't take offense to that, embrace your youth, make the most of it, however eclectic your tastes are.

Actually, I assumed you were around 18-19 based on your posts on that Hugh Hefner thread. I just forgot to mention it in my last post. It wouldn't make sense for you to take such a keen interest in defending people of that age group unless you were part of them. That, combined with your posts' general tone, thus my assumption. I'm glad you took no offence to it. As for interacting for people in a professional setting--that's an entirely different situation, obviously. You seem to assume I wouldn't behave differently in a professional setting, which is a poor assumption, since everyone behaves differently in their professional lives than they do in their personal lives. You have to treat everyone out there with a degree of general/universal respect and consideration, especially if you're being paid for it. I'm a fervent believer in what Tom Lehrer said, ideas don't put meals on the table. So if there's something in it for you (money, in this case) then you're more willing to tolerate things you otherwise wouldn't. I think that's the whole concept of employment. That, or thousands of people all around the world stuck in jobs which they don't particularly like are secretly masochists.

As for seeing more than one post--I wouldn't count them as enough to actually judge a person. I started this thread as more of a reflection, yes, and perhaps I didn't explain things in the best way, but that's what it is. I don't think it sounds like that at all, but you're free to think whatever you will. Angst-ridden teens, and I have met many of them, tend to sound different. However, as I said, I'm no one to tell you what to make of it, so make of it what you will.

If you want to know the actual reason why my mother encouraged social interaction, it's in the OP. I believe I made it known that the concern was that I was spending large amounts of time in my own company, and this was an apparent cause for concern because my mother doesn't seem to understand gifted individuals. Her concern was that I was "depressed" because I wasn't socializing like a normal teenager would. The truth was that such things simply did not/do not matter to me at all. It wasn't because she thought me arrogant or any of the stuff you said in your post. That, combined with the fact that I'm really into WWII stuff and other unconventional things caused her to be concerned about me, for no good reason, really. The gifted specialist explained to her that it wasn't uncommon for gifted children to act thus, and harbor interests of the sort (and it isn't.) Still, my mother insisted (and does to this day) that I was somehow "depressed" because I was uninterested in having much to do with other people. At this point, it was in general, it was only after I obliged to become a bit more social that the whole "you should do this only with people your age" thing cropped up. I believe I said all this before, but you must have missed it.

I thought it was curious that she would have thought minding my own business and living wholly in my world made me "depressed" somehow. The funny thing is, that after she attempted to seize control in the draconian manner she went about it, that's when I can say I was truly caused much grief. The resentment is over this more than anything else, because I was happy where I was at, and did not appreciate her taking steps and making stupid assumptions without attempting to even understand me first, thus trying to force me into fitting a sort of cookie-cutter mold (as my prof. would say.) That, to me, doesn't sound like teenage angst. That's legitimate resent, with good cause. Of course, I'm not going to go into the details of my relationship with my mother, nor of anything else surrounding this matter on a public Michael Jackson fan board. It's simply not the place for it. However, you will find that once the patronizing attitude and stereotyped thinking is abandoned, things are far more clear than they would otherwise be.

As for youth--I don't feel it, and it's not part of me. I exist completely separate from whatever my physical age is. Some people don't seem to understand that for whatever reason, and that's ok. It's really not that uncommon to find people who are not entirely in sync with their physical age. Probability alone tells me I'm not the only one, just part of a small community of malcontents who are wise beyond their years.

As for my professors, well, they're pretty qualified to teach what they teach, otherwise they wouldn't be there (or for as long as they have.) You can believe what you will, as I said, but the facts remain the same. Questioning their qualifications is a pretty sad attempt on your part, but I won't take offence to it. They know how overqualified they are, so that's all there is. I know what you're implying, but if that's the case, then the people who tested me for the gifted program must have wanted to get into my pants too, when I was in the fourth grade, and every teacher, male and female, that I've had over the course of my life, must have wanted the same. Sometimes, people do mean what they say. Did that ever occur to you?

Thanks for your post, though.

 

[Severus Snape]

Is it confusing? Heck, yes.

About the only thing I really, really appreciated about becoming a little bit older was the ability to be able to chose people that I (and not social requirements such as school and the first years past High School) felt comfortable with and that reflected my interests.

I'm 30 and most of my life I have been the youngest just about everywhere I went= everywhere. Now I am finding out that I'm no longer the youngest, hehehe.

I recall joining a political party at 16- and was surrounded by 50 years olds- I wasn't throwing rocks while sniffing red wine discussion revolution (although I did plenty of that), I was dealing with 'serious' people who dealt with 'serious' business.

That was 'normal' for me. I also was married to someone who was 30 years my senior because I simply had no patience for dealing with men my age, I don't mean that as an insult. But there simply was nobody for about 10 years in my surroundings that was a match for me- and that happens. I am glad that I was able to spend 6 years with someone who was so much older. That was not a mistake, but right at the time.

Ah, finally, someone who actually understands. I've seen you around here, and it's always a pleasure to read your posts, Pace. You seem to really understand what I'm going/went through. I know others on here mean well, but this struggle is hard to understand if you didn't go through it, so I understand why they don't understand. Having gone through it, though, you seem to really understand what I'm talking about. I have no patience for dealing with men my age either (women are slightly superior to them, from my observations, although not by much, and their obsession with them really reflects badly upon them.) In any case, I, like you, get along better with men (and women) who are (the same) about 30 years older than I, physically.

That's my point exactly--we don't match. It's not that they're better than me for being developmentally average, nor that I am better than them for not being so, but it's just that we don't match, and that's ok. Interacting with them, over the years, has proved itself to be akin to attempting to fit a square peg into a round hole. C'est impossible.

I would love to be more involved in politics, it sounds like you had a good experience. Unfortunately, where I live, we just have Democrats and Republicans, neither of which I affiliate with.

NOW it's a different story. Now I find that age doesn't really make a difference anymore. These days I often don't even know how old people are, some of my friends are younger, a lot are older.

It really depends on who you're dealing with. There are 19 years old I would have LOVED to be friends with at the time and others, not so much. I had the big luck of living in a big city that offered many different people- if I were stuck on a tiny campus in the middle of nowhere= believe me, I would have blown a gasket (or 2).

Ah, well, I just happen to live on a tiny campus in the middle of nowhere. :yes: I haven't blown a gasket because the profs here are amazing, and thus they keep my sanity. The students stay out of my way, and I stay out of theirs. We've reached a point of mutual respect and distance, so there's no real reason for me to be unhappy here. In fact, I rather enjoy it, since I'm not a very social person to begin with. Still, I can see the benefits of living in a big city, where probability alone suggests you would be fated to meet at least one person of interest, since the population is so diverse.

The problem was more prominent in High School, like I said in my original post.

I can recommend patience and trying to seek out people that understand your interests. Sooner or later, it'll happen and it goes from "oh my God people" to "oh, this is pretty cool". Been there, done that. And I understand to a degree what you mean.

Indeed, I am sure, as all things are destined to change with time. It's an inevitable part of life. I like it best when people don't bother with me, but if I am to talk to people, I would at least want them to be interesting.

I was extremely unhappy from 3rd grade up until 18. I was also bored to death in school which actually led to my utter academic failure- not because I was not able to live up to expectation- but because I was extremely unhappy with the public school system that did nothing but kill my natural appetite for knowledge- and it takes a lot to break me.
Then it was up to me to find the right people and I did.

Yeah, that happened to me as well, the whole being bored to death in school. The entire environment is incredibly unstimulating--and I must say it's not really the teachers' fault. Those poor souls are utterly powerless, contrary to popular belief. They have to strictly follow a curriculum set by the district, and cater to the average person (understandably enough, since they're the majority) in the way they teach. I always found it ironic that, by forcing people to do things which they find completely uninteresting, the school system actually repels people from wanting to have anything to do with academia. Not even the average kids go for it. It's simply a system which does not work.

It didn't lead to an utter failure in my case, but rather my disengagement from "learning" in their system as a whole. I've been able to pass simply because of my intelligence--I always performed excellently on exams and things of the sort, but couldn't be bothered to do the daily homework or anything like that. It wasn't because I was lazy, but simply because I felt it wasn't worth my time. Most of it tends to be just busywork with no purpose other than keeping rabid, hormonal adolescents off the streets. Thus, I didn't think it either intellectually challenging, nor worth the time and effort required to complete it. During that time, I pursued higher goals--I am proud to say I read more literature in a month than High Schoolers read in the entire course of their High School career.

Back then, I had no one but this one teacher whom I was pretty fond of. He was excellent, and to this day I have nothing but good things to say of him. For two years, he was the person I talked to about all sorts of interesting things, like history (he was a History teacher.) School ruined that for me, though, of course. That's really what the majority of the OP was about (I just didn't really want to say it because it's a bit personal, I guess)--it sounds a bit angsty because of my resentment of them taking him from me. There was really no good reason for them to do that, and it was so cruel of them to take away my only support in a place which was so hostile. Whatever they speculated is really worth bollocks to me, since nothing of the sort ever happened. They should have investigated first, then they would have seen for themselves, and left us alone accordingly. It felt so unfair, what they did.

Especially the hypocrisy and stupidity of it. Here they are, chasing ghosts, when out there in the hallway, idiots are smoking pot and giving blow jobs for a dollar. Our school was truly such a disgrace--the administrators seemed more keen on enforcing some sort of societal status quo rather than actually maintaining order and ensuring people aren't doing illegal things like making and selling alcohol in the school basement (you can't make this sh*t up.)

It truly never ends--just this year, one of the main administrators who gave me grief was forced to retire after it was discovered that he was changing his son's grades so he would pass High School with honours. I always thought it was weird that he never showed up to class, did no work, and failed tests, yet somehow he managed to make it year after year. So, yeah, looking at the details of it, you can see why I resent the lot of them.

Another thing I have to mention- people with certain abilities (even in just one or two areas) tend to have issues like that. I recall being tested for being 'gifted', yeah. I was passed around from languages schools to music schools= and lemme tell you, almost everyone in those schools has had that sort of experience. It happens and at the end of the day it somehow worked itself out. My brother showed similar signs and thank God by then he was able to study in different academic surroundings that reflected him- and didn't try to break him down to being 'the average student'.

Simply being out there in the 'real world' made the difference. Finding the right people to hang out with. High School and the first few years of University sucked though, I'll give you that. After that- a world apart.

Ah, yeah, the gifted program. I was tested for it in the fourth grade, and admitted accordingly. For a while, we had a special building where we would go, once a month, and take classes which were more intellectually stimulating than the average school. There were only a few of us, but it was still nice, while it lasted. Sadly, they chose to close down the gifted program, and make the building we once attended into district offices. Oh, but all the high schools have state-of-the-art football fields with electronic scoreboards. That alone should tell you about our school district's priorities.

Yeah, some of the people who attended were also intellectual malcontents, like I. Most of them, though, were only slightly different from average, and blended in quite nicely with the general populace. They usually tended to be the people who were of average intelligence, but really gifted in musical and/or artistic ability.

That's good, that your brother got to develop without the cumbersome interference of "normal" education. I wish I could say the same. My brother, though, is exactly the sort of person whom that kind of education system seemed to be made for. He's average in every way imaginable, obedient to a fault, and wholly unremarkable. A traditionally "good" student, in short.

 

[xMichellex]

Gosh that was some big assumptions there! I was not defending people of your age, I was trying to point out that whilst you might like to place yourself above or at least seperately from them you do still have the classic traits of a girl the same age, like for example the angst ridden posts you frequently make (not a bad thing to do, people your age do express themselves in this way and it is a good thing, it helps to deal with things) and the desire to appear or think yourself different or unusual. There used to be a few pages on british teletext dedicated to like minded teenagers to write in with 'unusual' letters and your posts remind me of these in so many ways. I will try to find a link to any archives that might still exist somewhere. You also assumed I was saying your professors were being sexually inappropriate. Where on earth did you get that idea from? I mentioned no such thing, there was nothing in your post that remotely pointed to that sort of behaviour. What I was concerned about with your professors was the fact you claim they have told you they think you are different. Someone in a trusted position should not be labelling their teenage students, it could be potentially damaging at such a confusing age. I also noticed you did not once mention being on this gifted program until the other poster mentioned they had been and all of a sudden that has become part of what is central to what you were implying, whereas previously you stated it was due to your different interests but as I have already said you appear intelligent so I will not accuse you of making it up, but I do think it strange it was not mentioned before but I'll take what you're saying as true. I am not sure why you are so offended by being seen as the age you are, there is no doubt about your intelligence but there are still many classic traits of someone in their late teens, but that should not be an insult to somebody who IS in their late teens.

 

[PaceMioDolceCuore]

...

That's my point exactly--we don't match. It's not that they're better than me for being developmentally average, nor that I am better than them for not being so, but it's just that we don't match, and that's ok. Interacting with them, over the years, has proved itself to be akin to attempting to fit a square peg into a round hole. C'est impossible.

It'll become easier as I find that with age things equal out a bit more. School and University are still very much socially demanded and prescribed. It's something you walk through because you either have to or think you should be walking through. It becomes what you make out of it.

Later it becomes the decision of wanting to be part of the rat race- and which rat race it is you want to be a part of- or not. Do you play the corporate game of climbing the career ladder, chase the proverbial cat's tail by believing you can have it all- career, children and the ultimate super-duper 'I've done it all and I am happy, damn it' situation.

Or you simply decide for yourself what it is that YOU want. Maybe no children and an artist's life? Maybe children and an artist?

For example, many in my surroundings are feeling obligated to buying a house and spending the rest of their life worrying about their mortgage.
For example, I knew I wanted children- but not the corporate life. I am an artist and I need to live that way- and have children. I'm not the stay at home mom alone, but I am also not the person who show's up at the Office and managing children, house and smashing career all at the same time. (and actually, while I was writing this, YOU helped me understand something I have been stewing over for a long time- so thank you!)

In the end it's a tale about not only knowing who you are but having the guts of living who you are.

I would love to be more involved in politics, it sounds like you had a good experience. Unfortunately, where I live, we just have Democrats and Republicans, neither of which I affiliate with.

Yes, I am much more radical than that myself. I just mentioned it as an example. I was also very involved with what many people sort of look down as 'high art', boring and 'blueheads art and music'. It was my interest. I spent many afternoons rehearsing Mozart with a 55 year old pianist because those were my interests.

I'm just saying, follow your heart and instincts. Find out what it is that interests you, don't spend 10 years following the directions of others. Your calling might differ, just listen to that calling, even if it seems fuzzy now.

...It wasn't because I was lazy, but simply because I felt it wasn't worth my time. Most of it tends to be just busywork with no purpose other than keeping rabid, hormonal adolescents off the streets. Thus, I didn't think it either intellectually challenging, nor worth the time and effort required to complete it. During that time, I pursued higher goals--I am proud to say I read more literature in a month than High Schoolers read in the entire course of their High School career.

I skipped school and sat in the library and read because I considered that more interesting. (unfortunately that seemed like an unbelievable tale to many although it was the simple truth)

And you know what- contrary to what people told me about "you might not see the usefulness now- but you'll understand later"- well, no, not really.
It's nice to know that drinking Methanol might not be a good idea- but aside from that I am hard pressed to remember instances that improved my life by being able to write up complex organic chemistry on some blackboard- those were our High School requirements- and it's no wonder people left and right grabbed their heads.

Conventional schooling is more and more failing a growing number of people- by design. So those who realize how frustrated they are and why need to channel that frustration into something- i.e. find their calling- yet again.

Back then, I had no one but this one teacher whom I was pretty fond of. He was excellent, and to this day I have nothing but good things to say of him. For two years, he was the person I talked to about all sorts of interesting things, like history (he was a History teacher.) School ruined that for me, though, of course. That's really what the majority of the OP was about (I just didn't really want to say it because it's a bit personal, I guess)--it sounds a bit angsty because of my resentment of them taking him from me. There was really no good reason for them to do that, and it was so cruel of them to take away my only support in a place which was so hostile. Whatever they speculated is really worth bollocks to me, since nothing of the sort ever happened. They should have investigated first, then they would have seen for themselves, and left us alone accordingly. It felt so unfair, what they did.

I could tell there was something causing your post and accompanying frustration.
Losing a teacher that understands you to stupid and weird circumstances is very hurtful and very much understood. That is the system at work- and from their stand point it is their duty to act, yes.

I've had a few numbers of outstanding people like that in my life as well and have hurt very much myself when losing such a person whom I felt understood and respected me. When under tutelage like that I was able to grow wings I didn't know I had, yes. And with mentors like that even the most independent grumpy 20 year old can learn, feel respected and understood.

Now, if you managed to make one connection like that- could you possibly make another connection like that? Yes, and you will. People like that will cross your path in more than one shape- outside of school and later.

And sometimes even these relationships will part their ways and sometimes due to circumstance far out of your reach. It happens.
Cherish what you had and that understanding- I do look back fondly at those whom I've felt that affinity for, sometimes there are reasons behind these things that have their origins far outside our current physical realities.

Just imagine you might potentially have all sorts of people like that teacher in your surroundings- and it'll happen.

And sometimes a teacher like that was just there to point out your own wings to you so you learn to fly yourself- and sometimes that's all you needed. You don't need the teacher to fly for you, but you don't want to fly by yourself, just look for the other birds.

 

[Severus Snape]

Gosh that was some big assumptions there! I was not defending people of your age, I was trying to point out that whilst you might like to place yourself above or at least seperately from them you do still have the classic traits of a girl the same age, like for example the angst ridden posts you frequently make (not a bad thing to do, people your age do express themselves in this way and it is a good thing, it helps to deal with things) and the desire to appear or think yourself different or unusual. There used to be a few pages on british teletext dedicated to like minded teenagers to write in with 'unusual' letters and your posts remind me of these in so many ways. I will try to find a link to any archives that might still exist somewhere. You also assumed I was saying your professors were being sexually inappropriate. Where on earth did you get that idea from? I mentioned no such thing, there was nothing in your post that remotely pointed to that sort of behaviour. What I was concerned about with your professors was the fact you claim they have told you they think you are different. Someone in a trusted position should not be labelling their teenage students, it could be potentially damaging at such a confusing age. I also noticed you did not once mention being on this gifted program until the other poster mentioned they had been and all of a sudden that has become part of what is central to what you were implying, whereas previously you stated it was due to your different interests but as I have already said you appear intelligent so I will not accuse you of making it up, but I do think it strange it was not mentioned before but I'll take what you're saying as true. I am not sure why you are so offended by being seen as the age you are, there is no doubt about your intelligence but there are still many classic traits of someone in their late teens, but that should not be an insult to somebody who IS in their late teens.

Pace understands it better than you do. It's not angst, but an actual and legitimate reaction to a very painful loss. Whatever came out may be muddled, may be unclear, may even sound stupid--but that's what it is. It's the raw emotion, because I do still feel that loss to this day, and it was "the system at work," as she said.

Like I said, it's not so much regular teenagers, nor myself being different from them, that is the point--but rather the power of social conventions and their part in destroying much of my life back in those years. That's actually where I was going with the OP, perhaps that was unclear?

As for wanting to be different--I am unsure as to why anyone would want something so useless. Like I said before, the government doesn't pay people for being different, nor does it offer them any opportunities which it does not offer anyone else. It serves no real purpose, then, so why would I desire it? I am different than average on grounds of being gifted, perhaps tortured to an extent, and that has made me mature faster than your average person. We're all different--some to a higher degree than others, and I simply do not happen to fit the mold. How do I know? They constantly remind me, and try to give me Hell for it.

I didn't mention the program in the OP because I thought it would sound arrogant to do so, as so many people who are gifted are wrongly accused of being arrogant by those who aren't when they point out their giftedness, (as if it was something to be ashamed of.) It was a mistake to not mention it in the OP, since it would have shed light on a lot of the situation, but I didn't want to reveal too much about my personal life. Too late now, though. Pace brought in that insight, and her post reminded me of what the gifted specialist had told my mother during a meeting in my Freshman year, which was an important piece of the puzzle. Like I said in the previous post, she mentioned that gifted children often have unusual interests (which is true, both in myself and in others, such as Pace, for example) and they tend to overly focus on areas of interest, et cetera. Why would I make something like that up?

I don't think anything any of my teachers and professors have told me is damaging. They're beyond pretending we're all the same, because we aren't. We're not created equal, it's a truth people would like to avoid, but a truth nonetheless. They're not blind, and they're knowledgeable people who obviously know someone special when they see them. As to why I would think (wrongly, hence your clarification) of you implying it was sexual--that's the history of it, and when you understand what happened in the past (in my reply to Pace) then you could see why I would assume it so.

Reacting to a great loss is not a classic trait of being in one's late teens. It's a classic trait of being human. What you mistakenly take for "angst," which usually has no justification (a la Holden Caulfield) is actually legitimate suffering, thus why I take offence at your generalized assumptions. That's all I will say of it.

 

[Severus Snape]

It'll become easier as I find that with age things equal out a bit more. School and University are still very much socially demanded and prescribed. It's something you walk through because you either have to or think you should be walking through. It becomes what you make out of it.

Later it becomes the decision of wanting to be part of the rat race- and which rat race it is you want to be a part of- or not. Do you play the corporate game of climbing the career ladder, chase the proverbial cat's tail by believing you can have it all- career, children and the ultimate super-duper 'I've done it all and I am happy, damn it' situation.

Or you simply decide for yourself what it is that YOU want. Maybe no children and an artist's life? Maybe children and an artist?

For example, many in my surroundings are feeling obligated to buying a house and spending the rest of their life worrying about their mortgage.
For example, I knew I wanted children- but not the corporate life. I am an artist and I need to live that way- and have children. I'm not the stay at home mom alone, but I am also not the person who show's up at the Office and managing children, house and smashing career all at the same time. (and actually, while I was writing this, YOU helped me understand something I have been stewing over for a long time- so thank you!)

In the end it's a tale about not only knowing who you are but having the guts of living who you are.

Indeed. I've never felt the need to follow convention. I ignore it, as I am uninterested in doing things in that manner. It's the fact that people take offence to you ignoring it and doing things your own way again, though, that makes it all the more difficult to carry things out the way you would like.

Yes, I am much more radical than that myself. I just mentioned it as an example. I was also very involved with what many people sort of look down as 'high art', boring and 'blueheads art and music'. It was my interest. I spent many afternoons rehearsing Mozart with a 55 year old pianist because those were my interests.

I'm just saying, follow your heart and instincts. Find out what it is that interests you, don't spend 10 years following the directions of others. Your calling might differ, just listen to that calling, even if it seems fuzzy now.

That sounds quite lovely. You seem to have lucked out in meeting interesting people.

Interestingly enough, I've always known what I wanted to do. I have a pretty strong sense of self and purpose, which is rare in people (from my observations of them.) I want to be a professor, and I think it's quite obvious why I would choose such a path.

The teacher I made mention of in my last post encouraged me further to pursue that goal, as he deemed High School to be a poor fit for a career in my case. He said I should strive for University level, which I already knew I wanted to pursue, but his approval is obviously important to me.

You do seem like the artistic type, from my impressions of you. I'm a self-taught amateur "artist" myself, although I would by no means use such a label on myself, since I am just an amateur, like I said.

I skipped school and sat in the library and read because I considered that more interesting. (unfortunately that seemed like an unbelievable tale to many although it was the simple truth)

I hear you. I would have never dared to skip a class back in HS! I just read in class. Now that I think about it, perhaps the latter was much riskier (and a stupid thing to do.) I only did that in classes where I didn't respect the teacher, nor the material being taught, though.

I can see why no one would believe you, though. The majority of HS students skip to go smoke pot and give blow jobs in the staircase. Disgusting, but that was my school. The whole hallway smelled of pot. It was so stupid.

And you know what- contrary to what people told me about "you might not see the usefulness now- but you'll understand later"- well, no, not really.
It's nice to know that drinking Methanol might not be a good idea- but aside from that I am hard pressed to remember instances that improved my life by being able to write up complex organic chemistry on some blackboard- those were our High School requirements- and it's no wonder people left and right grabbed their heads.

Conventional schooling is more and more failing a growing number of people- by design. So those who realize how frustrated they are and why need to channel that frustration into something- i.e. find their calling- yet again.

Indeed, for the most part, that which is covered in high school is largely forgotten. It serves no real purpose, if you're not interested in it. The mind simply won't retain it in desired detail. There definitely needs to be a reform in the way things work in the education system--it's detrimental to everyone: the gifted, the average, and the below-average, with the first and last being the most affected groups. The average kids simply don't learn the stuff they should, which you kind of expect anyway. The gifted children, who are by nature highly curious and easily bored, get numbed into becoming entirely apathetic (which is pretty much what happened to me, and I am still kind of that way to this day.) The worst thing, though, is that those kids with severe learning disabilities, or low IQs don't get the help they need to succeed academically, because the system's so status quo and tailored towards theoretically favouring the average. Yet in the end it favours no one.

I could tell there was something causing your post and accompanying frustration.
Losing a teacher that understands you to stupid and weird circumstances is very hurtful and very much understood. That is the system at work- and from their stand point it is their duty to act, yes.

I've had a few numbers of outstanding people like that in my life as well and have hurt very much myself when losing such a person whom I felt understood and respected me. When under tutelage like that I was able to grow wings I didn't know I had, yes. And with mentors like that even the most independent grumpy 20 year old can learn, feel respected and understood.

Now, if you managed to make one connection like that- could you possibly make another connection like that? Yes, and you will. People like that will cross your path in more than one shape- outside of school and later.

And sometimes even these relationships will part their ways and sometimes due to circumstance far out of your reach. It happens.
Cherish what you had and that understanding- I do look back fondly at those whom I've felt that affinity for, sometimes there are reasons behind these things that have their origins far outside our current physical realities.

Just imagine you might potentially have all sorts of people like that teacher in your surroundings- and it'll happen.

And sometimes a teacher like that was just there to point out your own wings to you so you learn to fly yourself- and sometimes that's all you needed. You don't need the teacher to fly for you, but you don't want to fly by yourself, just look for the other birds.

Yes, that's exactly it. It was the stupidity of the circumstance which caused the OP. I should have explained it better, then we perhaps would have avoided the confusion I seem to have caused here. Like I said, I didn't include that in the OP because I didn't want to divulge too many details/specifics of my personal life, but it appears as though I've ended up doing just that in attempting to clarify everything to the best of my ability. Gome, gome. Yeah, that was what I was on about when I said, in the OP, that mother/school wanted me to be more social/open because they perceived my natural introspection as somehow being indicative of depression, which is not the case. Yet, when I obliged and opened up to someone, this wasn't right in their eyes because that person wasn't around my age. That's the heart of what I really resent, and you caught it without my needing to go into unnecessary detail, so bravo.

I don't doubt that others like him will come with time, indeed, there's this one prof. I am rather fond of. We talk a lot, and he's really interesting, but seeing what happened in the past, I am a bit paranoid of people around us, and "them" ruining things once again with silly speculation. In fact, the way things are now, they seem to almost mirror my relationship with the previous teacher, which is why I reckon I'm paranoid about things. This is college, though. Thus far, people don't seem to care, but that assumption betrayed me last time, so IDK.

I'm afraid to lose him, like I did the other, for good reason. He's the only person in this uni who understands me, and with whom I really get along. He's just fantastic, wholly brilliant, and fun to talk to. I missed having someone who was on my level. I was wholly apathetic senior year in HS after he was taken, so it's nice not to feel that way anymore.

I do agree that we ought to take flight as individuals, guided by our own effort and abilities, but exceptional people like them make life really worth living, much like the pursuit of knowledge does.

Yes, I look back at the time I spent with him fondly, and I still have the card he gave me (I suck for being weak and sentimental there.) It's been two years (almost three) since I saw him last, but I still think of him with great fondness.

Things will reveal themselves in time, though, so there's no use in rushing it.