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Im sinking in..

MichaelMySoul

MichaelMySoul

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I lost my job the same day Michael passed away on Thursday. Its not my job Im sad about, but had I still worked I would have gotten a bit of Michaels death out of my mind and focused on working and being busy. Now I just stay at home 24/7 in grief thinking about or trying to understand what has happened... I feel so depressed..

My friends dont understand me.. They question why in the world I would cry for Michael Jackson.. They do not understand that he was more than just an icon and a singer to me, I feel like a family member has died.. I dont even bother speaking about MJ anymore...

As much as I wanna celebrate Michaels music and his life.. Its getting really tiring hearing his music on and off every single morning, day and night.. My neighbours blasted Man in The Mirror at 8 o clock in the morning.. Yesterday I heard We are The World.. I walked across the street today and they also blasted Michaels music.. and as much as I wanna say ''Wow people are honouring Michael!''.. I just cannot appreciate the songs right now.. Everyones entitled to listen to whatever they want.. But its too much for me... Its like I cant decide anymore when I wanna listen to Michaels music, its being blasted everywhere whether I wanna listen to it or not..

Im tired of seeing Michael on all front pages... in every newspaper and every website.. This is just so painful.. and as much as I want everyone to keep his spirit alive and spread his message and remember him.. Its just so hard.... I wanna hide in my bed for weeks and not come out...
 
I'm out of comforting words, really, I just want to send you warm thoughts. *HUGS*
 
:( *BIG HUGGGGGGGG*
i have hell in my life, too now cuz of many reasons. and with Michael's death I feel dead myself. i don't know to where to move with my life and what to do anymore :(
it's all so painful, no words...... my life is senseless now
i feel i'll get ill from it all and will die
 
*huge hugs*
I feel the same :( I can't cope with this anymore. Seeing him everywhere - the tv CONSTANTLY, all over every newspaper, every news report...people talking about him that don't even care.
It's breaking me apart...it's killing me. It's just TOO much. I can't deal with it. I want to crawl into a hole, I want this all to go away.
He felt like family to me...EVERYTHING. my inspiration, the reason I believed. Now I really feel like I have nothing :(

*hugggs for you* thinking of you and always here for you.
 
We are all in pain. Yet it's not what Michael would want. He want's to continue to inspire us and most of all make us smile.

As far as feeling purposeless in life, live your life to the fullest. Do everything you can to be the best person you can be. And keep Michaels's memory and legend alive. When it's time, I truly believe that we'll see him again...this time, in a greeting.
 
i love to see Michael everywhere, or to hear, it's the reason i'm still here and trying to breath
 
you have to understand and go through the grief to come out of the other end smiling. Its natural and also with normal grief we dont have our parents/aunties etc plastered all over media outlets, therefore your grief is stagnated to an extent.

But, life is life and at times it is cruel. But through the down times we are at most tested and it is these times which affect and change us and can provide changes in life - its up to us to take from the experience and learn and improve.
 
Sweetie, you aren't alone. Right now, I just wish I was dead. I wish it was me instead of my Michael. I'm not old enough to get a job, and it's summer, so right now I'm going through hell myself. My friends don't understand, they think he's 'creepy' (they're too ignorant to do some research-they don't even know him), and my parents think I'm depressed. Well maybe I am, but I just don't know how to deal with this anymore. My dream to see him in London was so close, and now my heart is broken that he's gone. I loved him so, so much. :cry:
I know it sounds bad, but I've never really felt that father-daughter connection with my dad. He shows no emotion, never seen him cry, and maybe that's the reason why. I turned to Michael, and it feels like I just lost a dad, a best friend. But I do know that as long as he continues to hold my hand and pull me through this, I'll never ever let go of him. I'm sending you a big hug right now, we have to get through this all together. It's hard, but Michael would want us to :)
 
Please PM me if you want to talk. I'll call you if you need it, or you can call me.
It is very hard right now for all of us. Some are taking it harder than others. Some didn't think it would hurt this bad.
It does hurt. This pain is very real. We need to remember, even if we never met Michael. Even if Michael never knew our names, he loved us. We love him. That is a bond no man can break.
 
MichaelMySoul said:
My friends dont understand me.. They question why in the world I would cry for Michael Jackson.. They do not understand that he was more than just an icon and a singer to me, I feel like a family member has died.. I dont even bother speaking about MJ anymore...
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This sounds EXACTLY like me. I'm SO glad we're all here for each other... I seriously don't know what I would do if we weren't all here to share our feelings and support one another.

I only work 4 days a week, so that distracts me, but the other 3 days, I just find myself sitting at home, depressed, just dwelling on his death. And I know its not healthy, but I simply can't help myself. Every time I try and listen to a song or watch one of my Michael DVDs, it only reminds me of his death. The fact that the journey is now done sinks in, and we'll never again get another music video, or another interview. It's really bad. The pain runs so deep. I know EXACTLY how you feel when you say you've lost a family member. It sounds ridiculous to so many, but I know all hardcore fans feel the same. You can't truly understand it unless you were a really REALLY big MJ fan. I understand you. Hang in there. Take naps, it helps take the focus off. This past weekend was real bad for me, so I decided to sleep for a bit whenever I was thinking negative thoughts, and it helped.
I find mornings particularly hard, because from the second I wake up, reality hits, and I find myself tremendously sad all over again. Ever since June 25th, I've been in a terrible mood all the time. I just genuinely don't feel happy, and I don't feel like I need to put on a fake front. I'm tired of everyone constantly making comments about my mood or asking what's wrong. So I COMPLETELY understand when you say you want to hide in your bed for weeks and never come out... you want to grieve alone without people pestering you about it, without anything that's going to remind you of MJ... it's very very hard.

And you know what? I'm tired of everyone calling it a 'celebration', saying we should celebrate his life and legacy. Well to me, I'm sorry, but it's more of a tragedy than a celebration. Someone SO good and SO giving and such a gift to this world, was taken away from us so abruptly. I DON'T have to celebrate that. So you are allowed to grieve and be upset... don't let anyone make you think otherwise.

I am sorry you lost your job... I hope things get better for you soon.


I just want to give you all a big hug right now.... thank you for all being here.


Tamou said:
My dream to see him in London was so close, and now my heart is broken that he's gone. I loved him so, so much. :cry:
I know it sounds bad, but I've never really felt that father-daughter connection with my dad. He shows no emotion, never seen him cry, and maybe that's the reason why. I turned to Michael, and it feels like I just lost a dad, a best friend.
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Wow. Everything from London to your dad, is EXACTLY the same for me.

I seriously love you guys. You have all given me so much hope in such a dark time.
 
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I can't stand to see or hear anything related to Michael either...I don't have any peace eversince the day he died
and hearing and seeing Michael everywhere is not a celebration that's called hypocrisy - when he was alive everyone was doubting his capacity to make a good comeback and everyone was calling him a weirdo or a pedo. They tortured him all his life and now they celebrate him? They can f*ck off!
this makes me hate the world so much...I'm angry as much as I'm depressed
you know what he said in Escape "when I go, This problem world won't brother me no more" he was right...only when he left this world they finally left him alone :cry:
 
I will encourage you with this.

Think of MJ after the trial. He was feeling low, isolated, and everything you can imagine.

Because of the strength within and the love of those around him, he regrouped, despite attacks.

He began creting music in Ireland, returned to the US and was on stage ready to move on.

So, you may feel low without a job and in grief. But don't lose hope. Find strength within after a bit of rest, begin searching for new jobs, hang out with friends and family and chat about positive stuff, avoid reading any negativity especially about Michael.

And look forward to when his album and DVD are released, that you will go and purchase and his legacy will live on.

Don't sink in, don't despair, focus on something.

If Michael had despaired after 2005, there wouldn't be this great work that he created that i'm sure will be released this year by November 2009.

Infact, to lift spirits on the forum after a period of mourning, let's look forward to Michael's legacy work, the album and DVD
 
Bless you all... I love this place... I feel so much comfort in my mourning..

I'm tired of everyone calling it a 'celebration', saying we should celebrate his life and legacy. Well to me, I'm sorry, but it's more of a tragedy than a celebration. Someone SO good and SO giving and such a gift to this world, was taken away from us so abruptly. I DON'T have to celebrate that.
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I FEEL EXACTLY LIKE THIS!!!!!!!! Everyone is blasting and celebrating, dancing and singing.. Yes its wonderful... But Im not in a place where I can do just that... I feel just like Michaels family members, I cry.. Im sad.. I feel like a part of my heart has been ripped out and tossed on the ground... I cant celebrate and be all happy about his music...
 
After seeing his kids and everyone singing along to We Are The World and Paris getting up on stage and saying what she did...

If those children can do that, we can go on.

*hugs*
 
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Michael lives on in his children, let's stick around and live as they grow into beautiful adults who will help keep Michael's spirit here. Paris was incredibly inspiring.
 
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