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I'm not strong enough

twinklEE

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Today my mom went to court and got her divorce finalized.
Throughout my childhood and the earlliest memories I have of my father, is that he was a very insensitive person who could not show any kind of love or affection. As I got older and into adolescence around 12 I hated my father with all my heart and soul, he was abusive when I was a child toward my mom, my siblings and myself. I remember talking to my mom when I was probably around 9 and saying that I'd fight him back by the time I got 14 as he'd be too old then. Well anyhow, when I turned 14 it was my mom who fought back, she abused him mentally, there was fighting every night, as soon as he got home, then 4 years ago he moved out of our house, actually my mom threw him out,although he had gotten softer with age and wasn't like he used to be, like when I was younger, 2 years ago he suffered a stroke and my mom went to visit him(by that time she was already separated), I didn't go although she told me go and visit him I did not, at first I didn't want to, then I even went to the hospital but didn't go into the room, I dont know why.
So today after 4 years of separation my parents finally got divorced, my mom went to court to finalize it, my dad was also there, she told me that he looked old and frail. I haven't seen him for 4 years, and although I claim to be this strong person, totally detached and indifferent I'm not I feel sorry for him. Why can't I be indifferent toward him when I tried so so hard for these past years?! I don't even know why I'm posting this probably to get it off my chest as I cant talk to anyone.
 
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Re: What do you think of men..

n/m...........
 
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It explains a lot. Go to your dad and make peace with him. Do it for you. You love him whether he deserves it or not. Seeing him will enable you to move on with no regrets.
 
I didn't talked with my father for a while either, I tried to reach him but that's subject of another thread.
Like max000 told you, you should fix things so you can move on. Make a mistake is human, but forgive is divine. Maybe he has really changed. People starts caring about things when they are gone.
 
Reading your post reminds of me my relationship with my dad twinklEE...

Whenever I am with my dad, (it's even hard to say that word because he isn't one to me), we fight all the time. He's a very cold and insensitive person a lot of the time and I just can't handle being near him.

I've managed to get it to the point where I will occasionally phone him and talk to him (on my terms, he's not allowed to call me, only I can call him) And I'm happy with this kind of set up..Perhaps in the future it will change but I don't see it changing soon.

As for you, It's perfectly normal that you feel sorry for him..You are a very strong person but a dad is still a dad and there is always some sort of emotional connection to our parents. If you heard that he was doing very well, and not looking old and frail I think you would feel differently about it though.

Even if someone doesn't have a great relationship their dad, you still want him to be healthy. We all want our parents to be healthy, even if were angry with them or whatever the situation..we don't want our parents not well in any way.

Every situation is different but perhaps you can start off by talking with him on the phone? If things go well maybe you will be able to see him in person, whatever feels right for you, It's really hard to say what to do because everyone's different and situations can be different

That's how it is for me and perhaps it can work for you..I wish you all the best TwinklEE

:hug:
 
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Hi Twinklee,
I am sorry for your situation. I can relate as I have not a very good relationship with my dad because he is verbally and emotionally abusive. Go and see him if you feel it is right for YOU. Do what you feel feels right. hugs xx
 
stay strong honey :hug: probably it will really be good for you to talk to him...
 
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Oh hun, I'm so sorry it's been like this for you... :huggy:
I think you should listen to your instincts, and try and talk to your father. For closure, if nothing else. So that in a few years time, you don't have to look back and wonder, regret, and wish it was different. Faking indifference is a way of coping when it gets too much, when you're confused (I know because I do that, too), you try and convice yourself and others that you just don't care, but you KNOW you really do and you can only cheat your own heart for so long.
I hope you can work this out.
 
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