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I'm giving him space - advice, please!

MJJ_luv1991

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The guy I've been seeing and I had a little discussion via text on Thursday after I told him I wanted to talk, but he said he didn't think we'd be able to meet up that day. He said, "We can start here. What do you want to talk about?"
I told him I noticed he hadn't been very wordy lately in his messages. I asked him if anything was wrong. He said he feels like I demand to see him and if he's busy that it's just not good for me. "I work, I do other things, and I honestly don't think I can trust you." I told him I never meant to come off that way and all this, and he couldn't trust what I said. So, I asked him what I could do to regain his trust and told him that I was still new to all of this and didn't know if I was doing anything wrong. He said, "Right now. Do not talk about me to anyone. I will know if you do. Give me space." I said ok and that I trust him fully, really care about him, and trust that he will get back to me when he's ready to see me, and there were no replies after that. I know he's been kinda depressed, too, even though he hasn't told me what's been going on, and I know some of it has to do with his ex. He also works quite a bit. (We had a couple of other issues before where he couldn't trust me, but there's no reason that he can't now. I don't understand.)
~
It's been four days and I've gone NUTS. I have not contacted him in any way, shape, or form. I'm so afraid that he's going to forget about me, not want to see me, will not contact me, that he's not thinking about me, EVERYTHING. I'm so worried. It's so tempting to pick up my phone or write on his wall or send him an email, but I don't want to push him away and I want to show him that I can do this and that I am independent and that I can be someone who is not demanding. I have NEVER cried over any of this (I almost have, but never) -- that might mean something, too. I have no clue really how to handle this. I've talked to numerous people about this. "Give him the space, he'll come around. He'll realize how much he misses you." I have also done other things to try and get my mind off it, and it works for only a little while, a few hours at least. The only time I'm at a complete blank and don't think about it is when I'm asleep. I've been praying for him, too, that he can resolve all these issues that he's facing and come back to me ready for my love. We've been pretty intimate and have done some pretty physically intimate things that have been enjoyable...I want to be back with him on the emotional and physical levels. It's been more physical than emotional, but we DO know a LOT about each other. Little things.
I really miss him...I miss seeing him...I miss hearing his voice...
(Oh, and I'm 19 - as of last week - and he's 21)
 
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Honey, hugs to you first of all. Secondly, I do not see where you are in the wong, and he keeps saying he can't trust you, which is weird to me, especially if you have not done anything to not make him trust you to begin with. Maybe he has trust issues with his ex, who knows.

I think the problem lies with him, not you. It's nothing you've done, said, etc. I know you really like him, Jaye, but is it really worth all of this drama that he puts on you?

Please keep me posted. I do care.

God bless!
 
Interesting, I'm clueless when it comes to relationships but it seems like it is up to him to make the choice. You gave him what he needed (which was space)... the only thing to do is wait? I'm not much of help here but my best wishes are with you.

hope he'll come around and let you know what's up.
 
Ok, I saw him today. He was civil with me. Like "Hey," and he and his friend took me home and he was like "Well, Jaye, have a nice night." I sent him a text that said, "You ok? I enjoyed seeing you today," but he didn't reply to it. What is up with this.
 
Hmm...honestly it sounds like he really needs to focus on him right now. There's that saying, "you can't love someone until you love yourself". You have to respect the fact that he is telling you straight up that he needs time for himself and not leading you on and putting you in a spot where he hurts you. For right now, focus and pamper yourself, when he fixes whatever he needs for him, I promise, he won't forget about you. For a healthy relationship, the two people need to make sure they are totally in it, and it's the best time to be in it. Maybe right now, he's not fully able to commit to a relationship. Like I said, respect that and tend to who matters the most, YOURSELF. Good luck hun, guys are complicated...then again so are we lol.
 
How long ago did he break up with his ex? If it hasn't been all that long, perhaps he's still dealing with the issues surrounding the breakup, and maybe he isn't ready for a new relationship. He might be feeling overwhelmed with what has progressed between you and him and may be freaking out. I know it is hard, because it sounds like you do like him, but you need to back away. Guys, especially one that says straight up he needs space, often do not like to be smothered, so contacting him in any form might just aggravate him. As far as the standoffish attitude, well hun I think you deserve better! You deserve a guy that is ready to love you, as it doesn't sound like this guy is ready to do just yet. Keep your options open for other eligible bachelors! :wink: Best of luck! :huggy:
 
tell the guy truth, because he also should get the option right
 
Honestly to me you're making this more complicate than it has to be.
You're both young but well you're adults! God has not given a mouth to each of you only cuz he didn't know where else to put your teeth... so TALK.

You need to know what you want and then you need to go for it.

So if he is the guy you want, then you should tell him and also tell him what exactly you want.
If he then says nothing to it. Or if he says that it's not what he wants then do look for someone else honestly. And forget about him. He doesn't deserve you anyways then.
If you only want him as a friend... what's all this thinking for then? I guess you want more?

And please the 'I don't wanna lose him as my friend in the end' stuff... read your posts lol you don't want him to be your friend only. You want to suffer for the rest of your life? Oh ok lol if that makes you happy, then be it.

Sure you can also spend your life waiting if he changes and/or that he changes and one day comes out with that he does want or doesn't want you but just know you'll might wait forever. But well again if that is what makes you happy, then please wait.

If he says he needs time you need to know how much time you want to give him. Then give it to him and make him clearly talking about how he wants you to wait. A relationship even a friendship is reciproce... so yes give him time (just not forever? you need to know what you're dealing with). If he's a friend (or more) he'll understand. He doesn't want to see you suffer.

Honestly guys who do not go for what they want are not too attractive to me lol I don't have enough patience for those it seems! But heck... what do you have to lose?

You need to know what it is you want from him... then go for it. If it's meant to be it will be! ;)
If he makes you wait, you do know the answer also even if only given by his conduct.

If you're not going for your own happiness nobody else will. Just you can not force someone to fall in love with you or even to one day really love you... that's for sure.

Again... many ppl wait there whole life for the one true love to appear... some of them even marry someone just to be married while still waiting for that true love to appear.
Waiting is might not enough.
Some ppl have truely found it... me has found it ;)... and I'm sure all those others all went for it also one special moment.
 
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Thanks for the advice so far. His ex broke up with him in late October/early November. They had been engaged. I know he doesn't want a relationship just yet and told me a couple weeks ago that he wanted to take it slow and not rush into anything. It seems stuff has piled on top of him making him stressed and depressed, and something happened that just kinda did this and seemed like the final straw. He's been pretty pissed at his ex for it from what I understand.
And I would love to talk to him about this stuff, but if he won't talk to me about it, what's the use? I'm not contacting him until he contacts me. I don't want to push him further away. Seeing him yesterday was interesting.
I'm about to give up. But I don't know. I have not been able to cry about any of this, either -- almost, but never completely.
 
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If he needs space, give him space.

I really hope that things will turn out well for you but this is hard situation. If he doesn't talk about his ex ever, he won't get over it. Or at least I think so. I believe that this guy needs space and time for thinking, so give him some. It can help very much.
 
wow if he has been engaged then that will might need some more time.

Again please you need to know what you want. Even more as he will be pretty vulnerable still. But well if he is that great a guy it's maybe worth it to wait. But then you probably should take things really slow also on yourself. Just make it clear to yourself... it is your choice. You don't have to wait for him. It is that YOU WANT to wait for him.
If he doesn't know then it is that YOU DON'T WANT TO TELL HIM.

There's no real reason to cry, you know. In a way however you want to put it, it's all your choice. It's maybe a huge chance... you know best... just stick clear with your inner self... what you still can take... what you still want to take.
And still I think when you're falling in love there... you might should tell... give him clear signals... don't ever pretend you don't want, when your inner self cries that you do want! ;) And hey... have faith... why do you wanna cry at all?
 
I told him to get a hold of me when he was ready to see me. And I heard nothing more from him after that. This is making me extremely depressed and I just want to stay in bed and not talk to anyone.
 
IMO it sounds as if you need time for yourself. You can't base your happiness on another person.
 
OMG try and forget him. I could not have the patience to deal with this guy.

It seems you're giving him your heart and he isn't giving much in return... telling you to give him space..

Doesn't sound like he deserves you.
 
ElleBella said:
IMO it sounds as if you need time for yourself. You can't base your happiness on another person.
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Agreed.

He seems like he needs time to get over his ex, and it's not fair for you to be waiting around for a guy to get over another woman. You deserve better.
 
MJJ_luv1991 said:
I told him to get a hold of me when he was ready to see me. And I heard nothing more from him after that. This is making me extremely depressed and I just want to stay in bed and not talk to anyone.
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Noooooooo.
Is it you want others to feel sorry for yourself then ok start with yourself and feel sorry for yourself.
Is it you want others to understand that they can be happy with you then ok start and be happy with yourself.

It really works like that... come on... you deserve more than your very own pity... get distracted... do something with other friends... don't stay alone. You need to show ppl how to care about you in the way you care about you... you really need time to enjoy yourself... then others will enjoy being with you and they will not get enough of being with you surely also! ;)
So come on! Have a little faith in yourself! Listen to keep the faith! That's why we got it from Michael! :yes:
Give yourself a kick in your behind if needed!!! Coooooome on! *hugs*
 
Rockin. said:
OMG try and forget him. I could not have the patience to deal with this guy.

It seems you're giving him your heart and he isn't giving much in return... telling you to give him space..

Doesn't sound like he deserves you.
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I totally agree, Rockin!

You deserve better, Jaye.
 
awww jaye im sorry you're going through all these horrible emotions *hugs* i can really relate to how you feel :(

take it one day at a time. try your best not to base your day around waiting for him. you need to keep your mind busy - if you're not in the mood for other people, watch some movies, listen to music, exercise, make small goals to make each day easier.

it's good that you're keeping your word and giving him space - if you dont, he'll only push himself further away from you. he will never forget you, even if he chooses not to be with you. those special moments you shared will always be remembered. keep that in mind.

believe it or not, giving him space might help you too. you'll learn a lot about yourself and become a stronger person :)

i'm here if you wanna talk :)
 
If you truly think he's a great guy, give him some time and then talk to him to see what he intends for your relationship. You don't know how much time he needs to be ready. So, give him some time that you think is adequate then talk to him a straight talk. I advise you to be patient and give him some time because I think you should see this thing through. You don't know he may be the one. If was really a great person, then he's worth the wait. Of course, you cannot put your life on hold forever for him, so you decide how much time is fine with you. I know how hard it is to keep away, but you should give it a chance. Plus, if he cares about you, he'll appreciate your patience and will not keep you waiting long and will talk to you.
 
From what you told us in the original post, he said he didn't trust you... I don't know the details of your relationship and what went on before that. If these words he told you were uncalled for, then they were somewhat insensitive "rude." Any decent person would clarify they didn't mean to say that and it came across wrong, but people say things they don't mean when they are stressed. So, it all boils down to how he was before that. If he is really a good guy who is well mannered and all, be patient a little with him. The most important thing is that you don't surrender your heart to someone who isn't deserving. They will just keep on hurting you and would never change.
 
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