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I need your guys help to stop me being so obsessive

clairedelune777

clairedelune777

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My boyfriend and i have been going out 10 months and we have a long distance relationship as he is at university at the moment and i am not until sept. Anyway we see each other all holidays and normally every 2/3 weeks however whenever i see him i really cant get enough. It is so bad to the point where i dont like him going out when he is home, or even when i want to talk to him on the phone all night. I get really upset! And he always ends up feeling so guilty! Obv i dont have as good a social life as he does, he is older and at uni....... so it is not even like i can go out with my friends when he does.
I just dont know how to stop being so obsessive! When he goes out all i want to do is text him and then i get upset when he doesn't text me back. I dont want to be like this, i know we cant spend every minute of every day together but i dont know how to stop feeling so upset all the time. I always read way to much into it and start thinking he doesn't want to spend time with me or gets bored when really its the fact he wants to spend time with his friends alone - he sees them less that me and that is of course understandable.
HELP!
 
Oh dear :(

That sounds like what a guy is like with me, and I really hate it. It's an extremely unhealthy relationship :( I don't think there is really a way to fix it, you just need to trust him and know that he loves you.

I'm sorry to be so unhelpful, but I know what you (sorta) are going through from the opposite angle :(
 
clairedelune777 said:
My boyfriend and i have been going out 10 months and we have a long distance relationship as he is at university at the moment and i am not until sept. Anyway we see each other all holidays and normally every 2/3 weeks however whenever i see him i really cant get enough. It is so bad to the point where i dont like him going out when he is home, or even when i want to talk to him on the phone all night. I get really upset! And he always ends up feeling so guilty! Obv i dont have as good a social life as he does, he is older and at uni....... so it is not even like i can go out with my friends when he does.
I just dont know how to stop being so obsessive! When he goes out all i want to do is text him and then i get upset when he doesn't text me back. I dont want to be like this, i know we cant spend every minute of every day together but i dont know how to stop feeling so upset all the time. I always read way to much into it and start thinking he doesn't want to spend time with me or gets bored when really its the fact he wants to spend time with his friends alone - he sees them less that me and that is of course understandable.
HELP!
Click to expand...

Claire,

I have been through a a very similar situation except for me this isn't a long distance relationship, but yet I was still obsessive. Trust me, you don't want to be like this. Do ALL that you can to try to stop this. Or else it will lead to depression. I've experienced being obsessed with a guy I was obsessed for like 2 1/2 years. It is NOT very fun. I think I am very lucky for the guy to keep forgiving me and forgiving me. You need to stop this now or you are going to make him depressed and yourself depressed. I know you love him so much and you want to be with him all the time.. but you need to find other things to do to get him off your mind. Let me ask you something. Before you were obsessed with him, what did you do with your time? Did you stop doing anything that you loved to do? On your own time?

That's what happened to me, I stopped listening to MJ, I stopped dancing, I stopped writing in my journal and I just stopped being me. :( I got so depressed and SO very jealous, it was a VERY unhealthy relationship. I swear you sound just like me when I was obsessed. I just got over the obsession actually like... for about a month. And it feels so much nicer. I feel so much more free.

Listen... if you need ANYONE to talk to, you can talk to me. If you have him on your mind, you can tell me about it. I don't want anyone else to go through what I've been through. If you haven't been depressed yet, I want to try my hardest for you to not go through that. It was the worst part of my life.

here are my messangers if you ever want to talk I'm on yahoo most of the time.

yahoo: Dmjdrivesyouwild@yahoo.com
msn: Dallasmjgirl@hotmail.com
aim: DarvonMJGB
 
@@ double blades of 1 knife.

i love my lover being obsessive, it was natural... and i do like/need such a strong reaction from the guy i love.
for sure i have the sameeeeeeeeeeeee reaction to him, oh ok, maybe i just control it better.

no, i never, didn't reject/object being obsessive in love(for sure everything shouldn't be overdone too much).
what i reject/object isssssssssss being hungry!!! especially the unjust being hungry!!!!!

@@
 
what about a compromise and you go out with him?

You have to be understanding to his feelings too, if he is back home from uni, he will spend time with you and others, it cant be all about you.

Forcing him to be with you, or making him feel guilty may drive him away from you because you are being clingy, guys really dont like that. You have to find something to do when he is out so you arent sitting texting him all night, or find something to do together and go out.

Time together and apart is good.
 
I was in the same situation in a relationship, my ex made me feel guilty to go out with friends and speak to other girls and I've lost all confidence to speak to girls and it's really affected my life. I've been single for ages now and I've lost all of my girl-friends.


I can't give you the adivce you're looking for but please try and stop this for your sake and his.

I admire you for relasing you have a problem and you want to fix it, best of luck to you!
 
Last edited:
clairedelune777 said:
My boyfriend and i have been going out 10 months and we have a long distance relationship as he is at university at the moment and i am not until sept. Anyway we see each other all holidays and normally every 2/3 weeks however whenever i see him i really cant get enough. It is so bad to the point where i dont like him going out when he is home, or even when i want to talk to him on the phone all night. I get really upset! And he always ends up feeling so guilty! Obv i dont have as good a social life as he does, he is older and at uni....... so it is not even like i can go out with my friends when he does.
I just dont know how to stop being so obsessive! When he goes out all i want to do is text him and then i get upset when he doesn't text me back. I dont want to be like this, i know we cant spend every minute of every day together but i dont know how to stop feeling so upset all the time. I always read way to much into it and start thinking he doesn't want to spend time with me or gets bored when really its the fact he wants to spend time with his friends alone - he sees them less that me and that is of course understandable.
HELP!
Click to expand...

I see the problem in yourself more than in your relationship to be honest. My question to you would be if this is the first serious relationship for you when you feel like this.
However if it seriously bothers you and/or your boyfriend and you seriously want to work on this I'd suggest a therapy. Think you'd do soon some steps into a better direction then!
However good luck and my best wishes to you!!!
 
big DB said:
what about a compromise and you go out with him?

You have to be understanding to his feelings too, if he is back home from uni, he will spend time with you and others, it cant be all about you.

Forcing him to be with you, or making him feel guilty may drive him away from you because you are being clingy, guys really dont like that. You have to find something to do when he is out so you arent sitting texting him all night, or find something to do together and go out.

Time together and apart is good.
Click to expand...

We do go out together a lot when he is home, with his friends and without them, but he also wants to spend time with his friends alone - which is deff understandable. When he is at university though i cant go with him, and i cant afford to go out and am not allowed too seen as i still live at home.
 
thanks to everyone who has replied. You guys have helped me alot.

xxxx

more advice is more than welcome
xxx
 
Hi,

How's it going? Have you felt like you are feeling a bit more relaxed within your relationship? :)
 
I think you just miss him because you see him rarely and when you two are together you want to make up for the lost time, your behavior is completely understandable it's not obsessive...maybe the problem is you're a bit insecure and you're afraid of losing him, I react the same way when people I care for don't talk to me as often as I'd want to, I'm like did I do something wrong are they upset with me but most of the times it turns out it was nothing but that's just me I'm very insecure I'm afraid of losing them I need them to prove to me that they love me then I won't feel so insecure anymore
 
Well.. for myself I think nothing helps so much as this quote.

[FONT=Dauphin, Arial]"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

If you keep that in mind, when you realize you are acting opposed to what love should be, then maybe you can put yourself in check type of thing. Or if it doesn't line up with this, it isn't love as much as obsession or perhaps lust? I know that that can feel very strong, but if you hold too tightly, you'll break what you do have or what could become love.
[/FONT]
 
clairedelune777 said:
We do go out together a lot when he is home, with his friends and without them, but he also wants to spend time with his friends alone - which is deff understandable. When he is at university though i cant go with him, and i cant afford to go out and am not allowed too seen as i still live at home.
Click to expand...


well in the time he does spend at home, Id recommend working out when you can both see each other and stick to that. Give each other a text or call when you cant see each other but if the other is going out, respect that. Tell him to have a good time and text you if he wants, or give you a text the next day to see how he enjoyed it.

Is part of your texting when he is out, to do with worrying about what he is doing? Also Id definitely recommend going out or finding something to do when he is out. Living at home doesnt stop you going out? i live at home and I am able to spend time with my other half and go out, I dont understand that.
 
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