Latest on MJJC

I need some advice please

swirly

Proud Member
Joined
Jul 25, 2011
Messages
1,704
Points
0
Hello!

I might waffle a bit here but everything has come to a head for me really and I really need some advice as to what to do please.

Basically, I have been seeing a guy for coming up 2 years in March. We work together (not a problem for us) and everyone at work knows that we are together. All of my family and friends have met him, have spent time with him, I invite him to all of the family weddings and parties etc etc (he has met everybody I know many times) and he is round my house almost every night.

However.. I have not met anyone from his family. He lives with his sister and a dog.. I rarely ever go to his house and I have never even met the sister he lives with, let alone his parents or his other sister or brother. I vaguely remember meeting his best friends when we first got together but now I never see them.

Is this normal? I have been worried for some time, and it all came to a head last night at the New Years Eve party when my Auntie asked about my boyfriend and whether his family and the sister he lives with are nice, and I was lost for words and felt utterly embarrassed and pathetic.

Is he embarrassed of me? I really feel like he is either embarrassed of me or he's hiding something from me. There are little things that keep cropping up and now I am becoming paranoid. He has lied about very little things before, but he is friends with a girl on Facebook and they were blatantly flirting on there right infront of me (I'm sure he didn't realise I would see) and now that girl is in a "open relationship" and she is boasting that she has driven his car and when someone on there asked who it was she said "errrmm... just a friend's".

I think I AM becoming paranoid now, and I am not normally like this but everything is confusing me :(

I already asked him about this girl who he was friends with on Facebook and he said it is his best friend's sister but she has a completely different surname to his friend.

A few months ago also, someone that we work with closely came in shocked and stunned when some woman in the petrol station had said that she was married to him! Obviously my boyfriend denied it and thought it was ridiculous (he doesn't wear a ring or anything like that obviously) but he said that he didn't want to talk about it because it upset him yet he made no visible attempts to find out who on earth would say such a thing! If that was me I'd be ringing all of my friends asking them if it was them and if it was to never do such a stupid thing again!

I need your advice because I am confused and helpless and people are beginning to think it ridiculous that I even stay with him. Are they right?

It is his birthday on the 3rd and tonight we are going out for a meal to celebrate and it is the perfect time to bring up all of my issues.. where neither of us can run away. But I don't want to spoil his birthday :(
 
Hi love, have you talked to him about your feelings? I would say try not to let your thoughts get ahead of you.. but I think you are granted to wonder also. I hope maybe if you talk to him outright about it, he might answer your concerns. Wishing you the best.
 
Thank you bubbyduck.. I haven't talked to him about anything really yet, and was hoping to do it tonight but now I think that voicing my concerns over his birthday dinner will probably not be a good idea. I might just ask him tonight if he will introduce me to his family sometime soon??
 
I say this with all the love in the world, but, as Chris Rock says, if a man has been with you for more than six months and you have never met any of his people, you are probably not his girlfriend. I'm telling you this as a friend. I'm trying to hurt you or anything. Sorry, I'm just saying...:2cents:
 
Well I don't know... my boyfriend needed some time before he brought me into his family that time also... that was cuz of some stupid relationships he was in before which never worked out.
Still I think you need to talk to him and tell him it is because YOU DON'T WANT this mistrust between the two of you because YOU WANT this relationship to work and because you're really interested in him.
It's just normal to want to know things about someone we love... yes some things do need time... but sometimes talking helps and protects from thinking wrong.
 
Go with your instincts here. As you've laid it out for us, something is not right.

Talk to him. Pick a time when you are both relaxed, and definitely not during some argument. You care for him. He cares for you. Something is bothering you. If it is not addressed, then paranoia will definitely take hold and in this case naturally so. It'll just eat away at you. Don't do that to yourself.

If he doesn't want to discuss it when he sees this is really bothering you, then that does tell you something. You guys have been together for nearly 2 years, you deserve an answer on this. It's not unreasonable. But again, pick your time, don't give him an ultimatum, but if he is unresponsive, I can't see how you CANNOT start pulling back from him. You need some answers before you get yourself any deeper into a relationship that is lacking in what really should not even be an issue. It's being made into a big one by his avoidance.

Again, go with your instincts on this one. And best of luck.
 
im going to tell you some of my story because yours sounds somewhat vaguely fromiliar!!!
my second boyfriend...oh god i so was naive at the time looking back.
there was also this thing where i never got introduced to his family members, i never met his sister, never met his parents, i did get to meet his brother and cousin but thats about it. later he came out with it and said there was a reason i haven't met his whole family or even go to his house! because his family was pakistani and very strict to have him only be with a pakistani girl. very old fashioned people. marry your own race, you can't date, type thing. then i discovered the only reason i got to meet his brother, cousin, a friend or two, coworkers was because they wouldnt say anything back to his parents. Then when his parents went back to pakistan, i was allowed to finally go to his home. so yea you probably have to do some investigative work. i think if anyone is dating someone and six months or a year, years go by and they haven't introduced you to their family, theres something wrong. i was 18,19 and i strung it out too long and i shouldnt have because the situation only got worse from there, and another girl came into the picture, whom his parents would accept! they ended up engaged, mind you men take off wedding bands.
Anywho, you dont want to be with someone whom you'd think is embarrased by you. in my situation i wasn't 'a pakistani girl'. it was really stupid i wasted my time like that for him. so i'd look into seeing whats going on in your relationship or better yet leave right away.
Be with someone who will introduce you to their family. being in some kind of restrictive relationship like this where theres secrets, coverups, blah is not worth it. so hope i can help in some way. but personally i'd never put up with that again from the word go. hope whatever happens works out for you.





ginvid said:
as Chris Rock says, if a man has been with you for more than six months and you have never met any of his people, you are probably not his girlfriend. I'm telling you this as a friend. I'm trying to hurt you or anything.
Click to expand...
 
have u asked him why he doesnt want u to meet his family. like otehrs say go with your instincts. whats a relationship if theres no trust
 
Thanks everyone for your kind words and comments.

I bit the bullet and at his birthday meal told him my frustrations and concerns. He didn't say that he was sorry, he just said that he was a bad boyfriend and that he 'promises' he will introduce me to everyone soon. He told me he wasn't embarrassed of me and it was stupid of me to think it.

So I guess the only thing that I can do now is wait to see what happens. If at the end of 2010 it's still the same old story then I am out of there.

But thanks everyone for giving me the confidence to confront him :hug:
 
Hey,

Just to give you guys an update.. He is MARRIED! :( He got married last September when we were together.. Unbeliveable. How he managed to hide everything from me..

And his 'sister' that he lives with? Is actually his wife.

I feel so very stupid, but can't help still feeling very strongly for him :( And now he's saying that he is going to annul his marriage and he is looking at properties to move out to with his friend and that he never even really wanted to marry her in the first place, it was his parents that forced him into it..

But I don't trust him.. :( Should I just wait and see what happens with him or should he just kiss his sorry ass goodbye?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top