I don't know what to do.

[Gisselle]

I hurt my boyfriend recently. We have been fighting for about a week now. We make up because we talk about our issues. then I say theres nothing left. The thing is at that time there isn't anything, but then later on I always think of something else, for example we weren't fighting and we made up, then later on I was very hurt by his friends not liking me, and that every time i saw him I thought of how much they hated me. I told him about this and on Friday and realized why they hate me and I dont blame them, and that theres nothing bothering me anymore. None that I would admit because I didnt want to admit about this next problem. Well today I knew he was upset and i asked him what and he said it still didn't feel the same. So again we spoke about it, and then i realized what was really bugging me was that i really am still bitter from my ex of 3 yrs ago. I love Ken so much, and I hurt him. I told him that it will take a while for me to get over my ex, because I am still angry with how he treated me. It hurts me that Ken says he was hurt, but I helped him get over it. And it hurts that he didnt do the same for me. So he believes I didnt really love him which is a lie, because I do. And now the holidays is up and he's leaving home i am staying here and he wants to think about things, I'm not crying i know it could be the end for us. i know I hurt him so much, because he feels like i wasnt being completely honest, and i know, and feel like he lost his trust in me. I don't know why I am not crying because he wants to think things through, I dont want to lose him, but I am not physically crying or doing anything. It makes me wonder why? How can I gain his trust back? I'm scared. I feel like i became the person that hurt me, i feel like i became so bitter and numb, that I hurt the ones who love me, and that i love. I feel like I have become a monster. How do I stop> How do I truly let go of this?

I don't want to lose Ken, he is a very good guy, and I trust him, and I just lost his trust.

 

[Darvon1982]

I wish I could help you but our situations kind of sound the same.... (except for the ex part)

(hugs)

 

[Mechi]

You've left me a bit puzzled with that post cuz I'm still not really sure I understood what really happened and/or what the problem really is... but I'll guess...

I think, you need to take your time to really find out what it really is that you want.

There's no sense in hurting someone cuz you've been hurt (no matter if by this very person or someone else) before, that's a chain you should break and be able to break as an adult... take your time to get over things.

Some ppl are only in relationships cuz they fear to be alone with themselves. But this is exactly what's needed to find out about yourself, to get over being hurt and learn from mistakes. You need to find out about your wishes and you'll see it's also helpfull cuz you'll present yourself to others a way which makes them easier finding out about the person you really are and it helps them also to feel right about you and trust their feelings.

So if your boyfriend is going into some distance cuz of the holidays and really wants to think about everything... that's good cuz that's exactly what you should do also! Use that time.

See trust yourself that you're not a monster, cuz I suppose you don't want to be one... sooooo he'll come back to you and you guys can talk again... but you need to be clear about yourself, your feelings, get over those hurt feelings from the past and make space for some new feelings... You should go for what you do want positively (instead of doing what you obviously don't want, like hurting someone in being this or that way)... take your time, come clear with yourself.

 

[Pua]

Letting go of bitterness towards someone will help you to move on. The best thing you can do for yourself is forgive. Doesn't mean you have to forget the experiences you went through with your ex, but you will notice a change in the energy around you and within you once you forgive and let that past go. Also, sometimes in life we need to be by ourselves in order to figure out what we truly want out of life. Maybe you and your current boyfriend need time away from each other to find out if this is truly something that is meant to be.

I know honesty and trust are huge for me and without that I can't be with someone. I won't put myself through life always having questions in the back of my mind. It's not a healthy way of living.

Best of luck to you.