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How's Everyone Holding Up?

Oh, it's been such a bad day. I have been really sad all day with intermittent attacks of sudden crying. I honestly wanted to stay home today and do nothing but cry all day. I miss him so much still. :(

Unfortunately, I had to go to my physical theraphy program. Instead of sitting all day crying, I had to do pushups, sit-ups, planks, and various other exercises all day while crying. It's a pretty strict program so the only way you can excuse yourself is if you have a high fever. So although I was an emotional wreck all day today, I still had to push myself through and do all those things.

I had a lot of crying attacks, especially when seeing him on the TV. It was really hard to go through it all like I would do on any other day. I really felt the sorrow, but I pushed through in honour of Michael. He would have wanted me to succeed, not sit out and cry.
I cried on the train ride home, though. Fully, freely, without restraint or concern for what the others thought of me.

I tried to make myself as comfortable as possible today. I wore my fedora, my aviators, one of my MJ shirts, and I listened to no one but him all day today. What made me really angry, though, was one newspaper I saw at the train station. Someone had left it on one of the chairs, so I picked it up. Michael's picture was on the cover, so I opened it to see what they would say. I expected maybe a halfway decent message or something. What I read instead was highly offensive. The headline was "Was Michael Jackson all "Heal the World", or was he a "Smooth Criminal"? Was it "The Girl is Mine", or was he "In the Closet"? It was so stupid. Half the thing was about the allegations, etc. No wonder it was left behind by whoever got it. I immediately ripped it to pieces and threw it away.

So, yeah. It's been hard.
 
I'm sitting up here watching The 30th Anniversay, getting all choked up and teary.
The joy MJ brought to so many people that night! It was incredible!
It's all just memories now.

How am I doing? Fair. Considering.
 
I've had mixed emotions today but my heart hurts. Otherwise, I think I'm okay. Wait until my mom gets home from her friend's house because she wants to watch TII on our DVD player with me and then that's when I think I'll cry. I don't know, my feelings right now are messed up! 1 year....
 
I've felt so empty all day today. Only way to explain it :(

It's 4 in the morning now and I can't sleep, I'm watching his Private Home Movies and it's making my heart hurt.
 
I woke up this morning crying, cried for three hours non stop and then my sister said come on let's watch the King and we have been watching the 30th Anniversary, his short films and Moonwalker tonight. I am in absolute love and awe of this splendid man.

I hope everyone else is doing okay ((( Hugs ))) to you all!!!


I Love you Michael with all my heart!!
 
I haven't been well at all. However I'm worse now as I'm angry. Please see the thread I started. Tomorrow I am itching to let this frustration out as I was today but had no way as it's an oven outside here. So what the heck do I do. How do I let this out!
 
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