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How do you handle someone bad-mouthing Michael in front of you?

jackie11

jackie11

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Hi there

A couple of weeks ago I went for coffee with two friends, they are newest friends so we dont know each other that well yet. But anyway we somehow got on the subject of Michael Jackson, and one of them said something very untrue and mean about him. It actually made me feel sick, and couldn't say anything, so I quickly made an excuse and left. I'm not very good at confrontation at all. This has made me realise that I want to become a person who is. So my question is how do you handle someone bad-mouthing Michael in front of you without getting angry or aggressive?

Thanks x
 
Since I'm more confrontational, I tend to tell them in the things they're wrong (based on evidence) but if they continue bad mouthing Michael, I don't speak to them ever again.
 
Well to be honest, anybody bad mouthing Michael, I'd bad mouth at them back and flip a "stone cold" at them to show how provoked I am, if they continue and gone too far by telling me about the m*********n crap about him, I'd just punch em' in the face. Never poke the bear. Hey I'm sorry but that's just the way I am.
 
ok Thank you both for the replys. I don't wanna punch anybody. I did text her eventually to tell her that I didnt like her comment and that I have done alot of research to know that what she said was 100% incorrect. She then said that she thinks he was misunderstood, so it wasnt so bad afterall. I just wanna be able to deal with those situations alot better in the future (not that I wish to have any more) without getting angry

Oh yeah and I also said I would love to have the chance to exonerate him in her eyes, like I could build a case for him, and she said she would love to read it :) I will do this in the next few weeks when I havent got coursework to do

Thanks again both of you :)
 
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If they just say a stupid offhanded comment I first give 'the look'. If that doesn't shut them up I usually follow up with a variation of this:

"I don't care if you don't like his music, I don't care if you don't like his public persona. He at least deserves the respect that any other human gets. He has done more for this world than you probably ever will. He was a kind and incredibly misunderstood person who wanted nothing more than to spread love and unity through the universal language of music. Maybe next time you'll think the next time you open your mouth about him."

If it's a more specific argument. I will present them with facts and source material (books, quotes, transcripts, pics, ect.) If that doesn't sway them, I usually give up because the person is generally ignorant and won't ever change their mind. Oh well, their loss. I used to get really upset about stuff like this, but I've learned to deal with it. I will still defend Michael whenever necessary though.
 
EilonnaArroway said:
If they just say a stupid offhanded comment I first give 'the look'. If that doesn't shut them up I usually follow up with a variation of this:

"I don't care if you don't like his music, I don't care if you don't like his public persona. He at least deserves the respect that any other human gets. He has done more for this world than you probably ever will. He was a kind and incredibly misunderstood person who wanted nothing more than to spread love and unity through the universal language of music. Maybe next time you'll think the next time you open your mouth about him."

If it's a more specific argument. I will present them with facts and source material (books, quotes, transcripts, pics, ect.) If that doesn't sway them, I usually give up because the person is generally ignorant and won't ever change their mind. Oh well, their loss. I used to get really upset about stuff like this, but I've learned to deal with it. I will still defend Michael whenever necessary though.
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Hi Eilonna

This is great, thank you so much!! It really hurts me when people are ignorant, but yes you are right, it is THEIR loss, I am a way better person and have bigger dreams than I would have done if it weren't for Michael. I want to become a lot better at defending him, and not just run away feeling sick.

Thanks again,
Jackie
 
Ignore them... pretend they're not even there ...they are just poop!
 
So my question is how do you handle someone bad-mouthing Michael in front of you without getting angry or aggressive?
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With knowledge.
Ask them if they're honestly interested in talking about Michael and in finding out more about him and his personal life/career etc.

If so, they should read about him and inform themselves. Tell them that you're happy to discuss Michael controversially if they like. But this requires a certain input and knowledge they first need to acquire. Real friends will accept that.

And if they only try to slander him for the fun of it, I wouldn't call them friends anyway.
 
At the moment, I might have let out a "that's not true, all you gotta do is Google to know that's not true" in a scoffing tone, but I'd have left it at that. People that are overtly nasty for no reason when talking about Michael aren't interested in discussing facts or misconceptions. They simply delight in being cruel. Those kinds of conversations go no where, and always end with you feeling insulted and them looking at you like either a lunatic or an idiot. Always.

I've personally stopped talking about Michael in-depth with non-fans because this happens SO OFTEN. I simply don't have the energy for useless arguing and insults anymore. I'm willing to answer questions or rumors if I can see that the person is genuinely curious, but other than that, I leave it alone and probably wouldn't go out of my way to socialize with that person from that point onward...
 
I'd tell them that I could probably think bad about Michael Jackson too if I'd believe what's told in the media not really interested in telling the truth but making up sensationalism only but thankfully that's neither real life nor even a whole story.
I'd tell them that I had to study Michael Jackson in depth at University and latest since then do know much better. I'd also tell them to google him while keeping in mind that's not true research also lol but it's a start.
 
I would just say I like his music, but his personal life does not interest me. It's not my business. And if someone trash his music, I would say, it's about taste. Not about being good or bad. That's all. It never happened to me though.
 
I usually try to provide factual information and immediately say something like, "No that's not true. Here's what actually happened..." I also mention how mainstream media tortured him and misconstrued every aspect of his public and personal life. If productive conversation and genuine interest in Michael ensues, GREAT! If not, I simply state that they are misinformed because he was a very good man, a phenomenal entertainer, and a musical genius.
 
It's always good to have facts available to you, I have court transcripts, documents, FBI files and other information on my computer in an MJ file. I find it much easier to discuss anything about MJ online. There's a few reasons for this, one is that I'm not required to respond to a question immediately like in a face to face conversation. I can through the files I have and take the time finding what I need and lay out what I want to say and how I want to say it and I have the added bonus of being able to present a document or whatever is required to prove what I'm saying.

If I need information from a book on MJ I have a system ready for that too. For example, I started reading Jermaine's book "You Are Not Alone: Michael Through A Brother's Eyes" last week. I'm almost two thirds through it now, and I've been taking notes while reading. I make a note about something said and I put what page number this information is on to easily find it later. I personally like to be as prepared as I can. Speaking to people about it in person is more difficult, at least for me. In person emotions have more of a potential to overcome you in a debate, and if that happens things can go downhill fairly quickly. People are far less likely to take what you're saying seriously if you become too emotional.

One of my uncles once got me fired up, he's the only person so far who had tried to argue with me regarding MJ. Unfortunately he's the kind of person who's temper is quick to rise to a high level and he usually can't be reasoned with. I ended up walking away from him because he wasn't going to listen and I haven't spoken with him about it since and don't particularly care to. Not everyone will be willing to listen and in that case the best thing you can do is let it go.

One of the frustrating things about talking MJ is that thanks to the media coverage about him over the years many people are likely to have some kind of bias against him. There have been various things printed and repeated for almost 30 years and attempting to educate people about the misinformation can be difficult. Usually the longer a person holds a belief the harder it is to convince them this belief could be wrong but it can depend on how emotionally attached they are to their belief and for what reason. The press is still viewed as an authority figure on information so many people still fall into the trap of thinking that authority=correct.

One must be careful how they present themselves and speak to the other person, as it is you're already at a disadvantage due to the mountain of misinformation that's been given by outlets people trust and they'll wonder or may even ask how it is that you know better. One thing to be aware of how people will react to what you're telling them, you have to present your information in a respectful way. One of the ways they may react is in anger. This is because they can get it into their minds that you think they're stupid. I don't think anybody likes being wrong about something, especially if they have an emotional attachment to it. When I researched MJ for myself I know I felt both stupid and disappointed with myself for believing things that I hadn't looked into properly but I was open to that whereas other may not be.

It's not uncommon for people to think we're stupid or just crazy biased fans and this is an unfair assumption but again, their likeliness to think this can depend on how you approach it. Before a serious discussion about it starts I think it's a good idea to lay down some ground rules for the discussion. No talking over the top of each other and no personal attacks. If this is agreed to go ahead, and then if they violate those rules it's fair grounds for the discussion to end.
 
"Uh-uh. Nope! Not around me. NOT. AROUND. ME."

I don't mind people disliking him; he can't be liked by everyone. If they were saying something nasty for the sake of being mean, then I would comment that it's unnecessary--I'd have that reaction regardless of if it were toward Michael or not. If they were saying things that were not true, then I'd have to throw down some of my Michael knowledge to correct all of that.
 
I don't tell many people i love Michael for this reason. But when it does co e up, I tell them they are wrong and need to do more research. I'm a person of few words. If they keep on, I stop talking to them. And sometimes they get the picture that what they said was not cool.
 
I get very angry, the worst thing I did was, at my church none the less was say this "If you ever say that s**t faced lie again I will punch your lyin' ass, mu**af***in face off, don't test me n****..."
 
I first gently try to silence them. If that doesn't work I bombard them with incontrovertible facts, which, in most cases makes them shut their mouths :D I made it to raise my parents quite well with this method xD
 
Deep subject, folks! I've been lucky not to have come across that kind of stupidity regularly, but I have had to defend Mike about having Vitiligo (mostly to other Black people, unfortunately). They agree that the child molestation accusations were a bullsh*t attempt to stop his star from rising (and about extortion), but ironically they bought into the lie that he "hated being Black"! I've gotten into extremely heated arguments with relatives about that sh*t and when I explained to them what the skin disorder did, they still felt that he was secretly happy about "turning white". They also point out his wives and his kids as proof that he hates everything Black. It didn't help calm the flames when Quincy Jones said the same thing. . . *smh*

I asked them if they knew of every woman he's dated, slept with, dealt with and/or loved and what race they were and they said 'no'. Then I hit them with "then you can't say SH*T about who he was attracted to". It was no secret that he deeply loved Diana Ross (he even called her his 'mother, LOVER, and friend') and the last time I checked she ain't white.

People. . . :hysterical:
 
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His autopsy report states that he had vitiligo, there's no argument about it. Who he married doesn't mean he didn't like his own race, and how is it his fault that his kids have lighter skin? If a white person has married two black people in their lifetime does that mean they don't like being white? No! How ridiculous! They're also acting like they were in his head, speaking about how he was "secretly" happy about becoming white.
 
MJresearcher said:
His autopsy report states that he had vitiligo, there's no argument about it. Who he married doesn't mean he didn't like his own race, and how is it his fault that his kids have lighter skin? If a white person has married two black people in their lifetime does that mean they don't like being white? No! How ridiculous! They're also acting like they were in his head, speaking about how he was "secretly" happy about becoming white.
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It goes deeper than that, especially if you add the dynamics of racism and bigotry against Black people (worldwide, but specifically in American history). The world's so-called "standard of beauty" has never been people of African descent, the image of the blonde/blue eyes/white skin has been. Of course, times are still changing, but let's not pretend the hate/bias suddenly evaporated into oblivion. Michael himself has said often he didn't think he was beautiful (in his natural state) and anyone with eyes that work can see that he WAS (look at my avatar). He didn't see his beauty because his father didn't see it in himself, hence passing that ignorance onto his own children.

I don't feel Mike hated being Black per se, but it was painfully obvious (and sad) that he wasn't completely comfortable in his own skin (vitiligo or not), nose, etc. either and that CAN affect your partner choices.

I remember a documentary done decades ago about the effects of racism/bigotry using baby dolls and little black girls. They presented a white doll and a black doll, then asked the girls which one they felt was beautiful (and why). 9 times out of 10 they picked the white doll and the reason was "black isn't pretty".

Heartbreaking. . . :cry: Hate is REAL and it can hurt.
 
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ShipOfFools said:
I used to argue with them about it, but not anymore. Now I just walk away, but I don't keep them in my life unless I have to.
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Same exact thing w/ me. All I do is take a deep breath and leave. If I get asked why I left I will say it hurts my feelings every time someone attacks Michael, and that I have reasons why I defend him 100%.
I too avoid & have no desire to even deal with/look at people who are MJ haters, same with cat haters. That says enough to me about them.
 
^^ That is so sad :( In my country many of my fellow mexicans tend to worship the non-native indigenous features and consider it a blessing to have lighter hair/skin/eyes or children with those features.It makes me so angry!(Sorry if a little OT)
 
Well first I determine if they're just hating just to hate, or hating because they don't know any better.

If they're hating just to hate, then I definitely ignore them.

If they're hating because they don't know any better, I offer compassion because - well, not everyone has Michael Jackson as a priority in their lives. lol I won't fault THEM for buying into the onslaught that has brainwashed most about MJ.

Because I realized just recently that MJ's life was a VEHICLE for such things - for LEARNING. People weren't meant to look at MJ and just *snap* - automatically get and understand him. MJ lived on this planet almost as a means of reflection - reflecting things about our society, reflecting things about what is 'normal' and what isn't. It would not have been the same if Michael Jackson was easily understood. Many of us probably wouldn't be fans or had our lives changed if he were easily understood. I truly believe that was one of the reasons why God put him on this earth and why MJ had it so rough.

So with that in mind I'd try to take the time to explain to them the facts first. Then if they are receptive to the facts, I go into the deeper meanings and the heart of what MJ was about (for instance, explaining he didn't have a childhood etc. I never lead off with that. Always lead with facts and facts only, not emotional stuff). If they're not receptive to the facts, that is a sign they're hating just to hate or are generally closed minded. Time to leave them on their merry way lol It's like saying "the sky is blue' and someone is like "NO IT ISN'T"...well, then I suppose the conversation is over lol No point in arguing with people who deny facts lol

But there are people who say mean things about MJ because its 'popular' and they really haven't seen another perspective. I believe fans can open the door for those people. I"ve seen it a lot on comments on YouTube actually. Before his death, almost every MJ video was littered with hate. Now? Well MJ fans have done a good job combatting the hate with intelligent facts.

Plus I've heard insults all over the sun and theres really nothing about MJ that people can say that an MJ fan can't refute with legit facts. I'm no longer personally offended by them - partially because I know they cannot hurt MJ anymore, and partially because I realize that in the big picture of MJ's life .... those insults never could touch him. Mj was bigger than all of that and at the same time , that overall lack of understanding open my eyes...and many other eyes to just how much lies are spread in our culture and how much personal perspective can rule our lives and our opinion of others. Personal perspective does not mean ultimate truth. MJ's look on life is just as true as anyone else's, or mines or yours. Its just through a different lens. But people arent always on the up and up so I think MJ fans can educate them!


Edit: About the Racial issue: -- I agree with the whole culture aspect of it but I believe MJ has proven time and time again that he is extremely proud of his black heritage. MJ making his nose look thinner is no different from the many other black people who have gotten their noses done. Its only when MJ does it that its seen as hate or being uncomfortable with his race. Just like when black women straighten their hair - but if MJ wears anything other than an afro/curls, apparently he hates his race. If MJ dates/marries white women (when he has clearly also found black women attractive too)...he hates his race when there are tons of interracial couples thriving.

Being black and being proud of that fact is not just skin deep. But admittedly this assumption is not just directed at MJ. And it is unfortunate.

Sure I think MJ was not comfortable in his own skin - but I don't think it has anything to do with him being black.
 
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Dangerous_Diana said:
Same exact thing w/ me. All I do is take a deep breath and leave. If I get asked why I left I will say it hurts my feelings every time someone attacks Michael, and that I have reasons why I defend him 100%.
I too avoid & have no desire to even deal with/look at people who are MJ haters, same with cat haters. That says enough to me about them.
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They can be completely wonderful people in every other aspect, but not like Michael Jackson.

I try to educate them on why he's innocent, but if that doesn't work, I just leave it alone. No need to worry about that.
 
I used to get very angry and confrontational when people talked shit about Michael... but then I learned that it's best to ignore it completely, and don't let it get to me anymore.
 
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