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how do you feel about people with a facial disfigurement?

moonstreet

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what are your thoughts on facial disfigurements? Should people try to cover up birth marks and scars or get laser treatment to "look normal"?? what goes though your mind when you see someone who has a big red mark on their face? When children ask, " what that on that person's face" do you tell them not to be nosy and stop staring or explain to them in terms that then can understand?
 
Tell you something. One of my best friends in high school had a lower lip that was all disfigured and swollen. And she was one of the best friends I ever had in school. She was a soprano - had a great voice too. I think all are God's children.
 
awww, thats so nice. this is always something Ive wondered about , as its something that is not really talked about much. People tend to not ask questions in fear of offending the person, when in actual fact, most of the times, its the stares not the questions which offend most
 
Just to not sound fuckery, I'll go with that ^
 
There was a boy in my class for years who had a facial disfigurement....Half of his face was lower than the other half....anyway he was very popular and involved in sports....no one cared or talked about his disfigurement at all....and I've never heard anyone say anything negative about it....People in my school were pretty tolerant of stuff like that, nobody was really teased a lot in my school (that I know of), and it was a pretty big school....
 
moonstreet said:
what are your thoughts on facial disfigurements? Should people try to cover up birth marks and scars or get laser treatment to "look normal"?? what goes though your mind when you see someone who has a big red mark on their face?
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To be honest I don't tend to notice all that much I just tend to brush it off as a difference in appearance (like hair colour etc). I'm not exactly the most observant person on this planet :lol: Though I do notice when it has something to do with their mouth to the point that it impairs their speech, only because I rely on lip reading sometimes when people I don't know talk. And with that it's no one's fault but circumstance.
As for covering them up etc I think they should do what they want to do, if they're happy as they are great! if they want laser surgery removal and it makes them feel better after great!
What goes through my mind when I notice they have a big red mark on their face? "Oh they have a big red mark on their face and then I go back to whatever I was doing/saying etc" It's no different from people noticing that I have a hearing aid, I don't tend to notice too many people staring at it though. :)


moonstreet said:
When children ask, " what that on that person's face" do you tell them not to be nosy and stop staring or explain to them in terms that then can understand?
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I always explain what I know about anything to a child who asks me :lol:
 
Since my boyfriend is fighting brain cancer and a huge tumor was removed out of his brain as complete as possible he has a pretty huge scare on his forehead from one side of his head to the other. Also the radiology and chemical therapy he's going through since has caused him losing his hair from the front to like the middle of his head... well he's shaving the rest off now. Plus the medication has caused him fluid retention in all his body.
He's telling me at times he feels incredible ugly now.
When I see him, I still see one of the most beautiful persons I've ever met in my life, if not THE most beautiful. That's why I think love doesn't make someone blind... it makes you see (the real).

To my boyfriend, well he has never been someone enjoying attention of someone (else but me lol) too much. But I know he can deal much better with those ppl starring and asking than only with those starring and then whispering to someone else. Well he wouldn't like to be asked by a totally stranger probably also. But questions of children don't disturb him... it disturbs him more when the mom is then telling that it's not polite to ask such a question.

I know as much as he knows curiosity is natural in human beings... so something different (special?) will always drive our attention on itself... it's not to really direct for anyone. That's why we automatically watch if there's an accident or a fire somewhere... that's just not the normal one would expect. So we shouldn't feel too guilty in the first moment.
But yeah when it goes into starring we adults should try to emphasize with ppl generally more, not only when it's about looks. Put yourself into the other ones shoes... try to imagine how it must feel... and only then really act.

As I consider myself a free person and do enjoy that I'd not expect someone else to be or feel different. So let ppl do (also with their bodies) whatever makes them feel best as long as noone else gets hurt. Nobody has to please me really, how ignorant would that be! lol I am perfectly able to let ppl be different.
See if it feels good for my boyfriend I do of cuz let him wear a cap... but for me he doesn't have to. Same with everyone else!
 
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Mechi said:
To my boyfriend, well he has never been someone enjoying attention of someone (else but me lol) too much. But I know he can deal much better with those ppl starring and asking than only with those starring and then whispering to someone else. Well he wouldn't like to be asked by a totally stranger probably also. But questions of children don't disturb him... it disturbs him more when the mom is then telling that it's not polite to ask such a question.

!
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oh wow, thanks for sharing your story, ok time for me to explain why I started this thread. I have a red birthmark on the left side of my face. Ive always wondered what people think about people like me cos over the years Ive had to deal with negativity and questions and stares.

My parents gave me the strenght and confidence when I was growing up not to be ashamed of how I look and over the years Ive learned how to deal with the stares etc. Like your boyfriend , I too have no problem explaining to people about my birthmark and it also really bugs me when children want to ask me but their parents are too embaressed and tell them not to be nosy.

Like any teenage girl, I when I was growing up I experminted with make up and got soo frustrated when all the make up I tried never looked right. I think I went to every beauty counter in all the department store where I lived and got a free make over, but no matter what products they used, it was never right.

In the end I decided to go to a beautician and it was the best thing I ever did. I was 16 years old, and totally in the crazy about Michael stage of being a fan. When I went to the beautition, she knew exactly the right brand of makeup for people like me. During the consultation she bought out the sample book of the make up brand and showed me photos of all the different types of facial disfigurements and how this brand can be used. Along with the photos of people with birthmarks like me, there were also photos of people with VITILAGO!!! Of course I didnt say why I suddenly got excited but I just couldnt believe I was being recomemned the same brand of makeup that Michael uses!!!

anyway thats just one of my stories, now I only wear make up when I go out or for special occassion. Day to day I dont cover up my birthmark and most of the time I forget I have it.
 
There was this woman who came into the store where I used to work. She had a very drastic face disfigurement (it looked like they had to do surgery on her face) and she was blind, too. Customers used to stare at her, but me and all of my coworkers loved her, because she was incredibly kind and had a really lovely personality. I always felt angry at people who stared at her like she was a freak, even though I never said anything to them about it.

I think you should be judged for the person you are, rather than what you look like. People are people.
 
Well I do notice things that are "out of the normal"...it's my job to be observant and notice even little changes...can save a patient's life sometimes...so even little tiny spots..I usually do notice...But in every day life, I just notice them and move on. It doesn't bother me. Or if I talk to someone that has something out of the normal...I don't concentrate on THAT...to me every person is just like any other person...it's the inside that counts. I guess it has a lot to do with my upbringing..my mom was also a nurse and so I played with handicapped children and healthy kids and all kinds of kids...it was important to her that me and my sister learn to get along and respect all kinds of people, not just "normal, healthy" ones. So it never was a problem for me to interact with all kinds of people. And I think if I ever have kids, I think I'll do the same my mom did. And if a child asks me..I'll explain to them the best I can.

This one litle kid once was pointing at me and laughing in the subway and was like "Mom!!! Look at her!! She is so pale!! She is white like a cauliflower!!" and her mom was like "Shhh...shhh..you don't say that!", but it cracked me up. The "cauliflower" part jts totally cracked me up! :lol: I know I'm VERY pale, and I get a lot of "ARE YOU ALRIGHT??...ARE YOU SICK???" comments and I do try to cover it with make up to make at least my face look a bít darker or try to get even a LITTLE tan during the summer time...and sometimes it is very annoying because there is nothing I can do about it...but ultimately..I don't really care. If it bothers someone that I am very pale...then that's their problem.

I think if someone wants to get surgery or cover something up...they have the right to do it. If they feel more comfortable that way...why not. But if they don't cover it, I'm fine with it too. Like I said, it doesn't bother me.
 
I knew a classmate of mine from high school who went a couple of classes with her, her face and hands were kinda disfigured and when I first met her in class she wasn't all that bad. I became friends and I never seen anyone making fun of her, they treated her like she's a friend to them and I'm glad about. People who disfigured are god's kids that's true and I believe people who calls them "freaks" or something to hurt them are very prejudiced.
 
years ago, people like me were called devils children, cos people believed the mark on our faces was the sign of the devil. Many people with facil disfigurments were kept captive and were put on show as part of freakshows
 
moonstreet said:
years ago, people like me were called devils children, cos people believed the mark on our faces was the sign of the devil. Many people with facil disfigurments were kept captive and were put on show as part of freakshows
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That's disgusting.

I remember someone at our school had a large scar on her face from when she was burnt as a child. If any kids asked her about it she used to just tell them that she was in a fire when she was younger, and the scar was a result of the burns. I don't think people treated her with disrespect because of it, no one in our school really cared that she had a scar on her face and never really confronted her about it. But I'm sure she got her fair share of stares and weird looks...
 
I, too, have a huge red birthmark on my face. I've been through surgeries as a child and as a teenager. Will I ever go through another one? I seriously doubt it, even though I should have another surgery done because my face droops a little on the one side.

While it does hurt deeply to be considered a social outcast simply based on a birthmark that one didn't ask for and didn't plan, I would not do anything unless it was something that I wanted to do....unless of course, It is a health concern.

I used to hate plastic surgery. Scratch that. I STILL hate it. You wake up from the operation and feel like you went rounds with a boxer or something. Your face is swollen and all bruised up. It hurts. It is not fun and not something to go into lightly. However, I learned to appreciate it as years went on because I saw a man with the same condition as I had and He DIDN'T have any operations. All my love and my heart still goes out to this man because he made me grateful that my mom had the insurance to pay for corrective plastic surgery. His family didn't have the money and people treated him horribly all for something he could not help. He touched my heart and reminded me that no matter what, We are ALL God's children. Every single one of us.

As A child, I didn't understand what was going on during surgery or why this was happening to me. I used to have nightmares about what was done... how I was held down by doctors and made to undergo the procedures. I am scared half to death of surgery now. I hate being put to sleep and not being in control of things. I even once canceled a knee operation with a torn ACL in my right knee all because I was more frightened of the operation than living with falling down all the time.


Anyway, While I know we should all learn to accept ourselves as we are and be thankful God gave us the blessing we are even on this earth, This is rarely the case. This is why anybody with a facial mark has to weigh out all the pros and cons of a surgery with a plastic surgeon.
 
Tiffany, my heart goes out to you, (((((((((HUGS))))))) across the miles. When I was a teenager my parents offered me laser surgery to get rid of my birthmark. By that stage it had become part of me and I had finally accepted it a part of my body and it didint feel right to get rid of it. My parents said they had wanted me to make the choice whether to keep it or get rid of it and thats why they didnt do anything when I was a child.

most days I forget I even have it and now when people say, "whats that on your face" my first thought is, is my face dirty, not that they are asking about my birthmark.

some things Ive noticed about me, and Tiffany you will probally agree, mirrors are not something I am comfortable with. Ive never been the type of person who spends ages looking the mirror when I am getting dressed etc. In fact, in my flat I dont even have a full lenght mirror, and the biggest mirror, which is in the living room I have placed a huge house plant infront of it.
 
moonstreet said:
what are your thoughts on facial disfigurements? Should people try to cover up birth marks and scars or get laser treatment to "look normal"?? what goes though your mind when you see someone who has a big red mark on their face? When children ask, " what that on that person's face" do you tell them not to be nosy and stop staring or explain to them in terms that then can understand?
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Well most people can't help the way they look. Not everybody have money or the possibility to get plastic surgery. I guess I feel a bit sorry for them. I try not to stare and try to treat them as normal as possible. I don't know I haven't seen anyone who'd have like a really bad disfigurement, like some elephant man.
To try to cover up, you can't make anyone to do that. If I had a bad disfigurement I think I'd cover myself as much as possible, at first atleast.
I would try to explain to a child in a nice way that there are people who may have been in an accident and that's the reason why they look the way they look.

I tried to watch a document about a chinese man who had the elephant man face but it looked too grose I couldn't watch it to the end.
 
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