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Help Me

mjfanny

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I am new here. But I have browsed a few times. I don't really know hwo to come out and say this, but I really need your help.

I just don't have anyone to talk to and I need your help. No one will listen to me. I am really sad about things that have happened in my past and I am alone and not at all where I want to be at in life. Yesterday I tried to talk to mother but it turned into an argument and she turned it into a "me- fest"..."how could you insult me!". I don't have anyone to talk to and I feel very alone. I am not suicidal, but I do have thoughts of not living anymore, what's the point if I can never find happiness? A few months ago I was asked to seek therapy and I did, but it just didn't work I couldn't open up to my therapist and she just was too nice and not real enough for me to feel comfortable around her. She asked me about my parents and when she got to my dad I told her I didn't want to talk about him and she said "well how do you expect to get help if you don't talk about it" and just stared at me. I can't talk to a stranger about my past that easy. I have been praying and reading the Bible, but it just doesn't help very long, I feel good and optimistic for the moment but later I am back to feeling hopeless again. I have had really traumatic experiences as a child I was sexually abused by 2 different people, one being my dad, and I was teased by other kids so cruely. It has messed me up as a person, I lost my innocence at such a young age, I can't trust anyone. I have never dated or even talked on the phone with a guy. I have stopped talking to all my firnds becuase I don't fel comfortable around them eith. The only person I seem to think about and feel some type of happiness with is michael jackson, he has been a huge inspriation in my life this past year and I din't know what I would do without him. I spend so much time in my room alone, he his music and life makes me happy, plus he seems like me - a really good person who has been put through alot of bad things. But still, that is not enough. What do I do? Help me. I feel like I am at my end.

My brother told me that, that God told him out of no where that one day I will bring millions of people to me and that everyone is going to "want what I have", but I don't have anything. My therapist asked me to name some good characteristics about myself and I could barely do it, the only thing I could come up with is "I am loyal, and I can kinda sing" and that is it.

I shouldn't feel self-pity for myself, but I can't help to think with all that I have been through "why me?". Help me.
 
Omg that's just terrible :(
No one should ever feel like you do, like there's no one you can trust but believe me you can always trust in God and just don't give up!
I hope this can become a place where you can find joy and friends among other MJ fans :)
It's great that Michael has helped you so much to get trough this..
I'm afraid I can't help you that much because I have probably no idea how hard it is for you but believe me I hope from the bottom of my heart that you'll be better and you are in my prayers.
Huuuggggss :better:
 
mjfanny> What happened to you is one of the worst things that could ever happen to someone. And You were courageous to survive through it twice. You are a true survivor. It's not self pitying to ask "Why did this happen to me?" ,especially considering your situation. I think that is a normal response to something bad happening in someone's life.

It's not your fault. That is the first thing you've got to know with all of your heart and soul. You did not do ANYTHING to make these sick individuals abuse you. The problem lies with THEM.. Not you. I was abused sexually by my stepfather and my dad so I know how hard it is. I know what it's like to have other relatives and people you thought you were behind you, turn their backs on you because it's uncomfortable for THEM to deal with it in an appropiate manner. That is their problem, hon. Do not let them mark your soul with their issues and their ignorance.

There was a time I wanted to commit suicide. Heck, I went through a very deep depression where I didn't want to exist at all. I stayed in my room listening to Michael Jackson and reading books. I didn't want to face people, and I didn't love myself at that time. I saw no end in sight for my pain.

Hon, You will NEVER get over this. This is a major tamatic event in your life, and That's something that will never completely go away. However, You will reach a point in life where that wound will heal and the past will stay in the past. Allow yourself enough love and compassion to heal. Don't allow anybody or anything to get you down!

And If you need a friend.. (Heck who doesn't) I know you will find many caring people at MJJC... People who have been through exactly what you're going through.

Don't give up! If I had committed suicide like I had wanted to, I never would have my beautiful daughter and the love of my friends and family. You don't ever know what tomorrow will bring. Maybe, It will bring that success your brother is talking about and You will serve as an inspiration to those countless billions who do not have that voice.

It was very courageous for you to share your life experiences with all of us. Thank you for giving us a chance to listen to you and wish you nothing but the best.

Don't ever give up. :flowers:
 
*hugs*
I know any kind of advice can seem patronizing or whatever, but you are here for a reason, and try and get it into your head that you are still breathing because you are meant to be here. You are a strong person who has got through alot, and you will probably be an inspiration to others who are going through the same thing that you are. Please never give up hope, I really mean that!
You are not alone! (lol Mike), but for real, you aren't. I really wish you nothing but the best, just try and find that inner strength and remember that life throws obstacles at you to make you a stronger person, and the fact that you are still standing shows that you can get through it.

If you have msn or anything you can add me if you like, to have someone to talk to.
 
Opening up to a stranger can be difficult and as hard as it is opening up to an unseen stranger it is easier. There are more of us but we are a computer and can be turned off in an instant. But it is a start towards finding a comfort zone. You still need a connection in your own surroundings though. Don't give up on finding someone you can open up too.

Part of life is nothing more than overcoming what doesn't kill us. I know. My own story won't change the pain of yours but you should know there are many people out there who have been to Hell and back again for many reasons. Life is never easy but our struggles do make us stronger.

Sometimes the end of the pain doesn't seem possible but time will show you a loving future. The memories will be erased by love. The nightmares will come and go for many years but don't dispair I'm confident they too will end as they are only once in a blue moon now that I'm considerably older.

Time is all we have. What we do with our time is what makes us. Embrace what you do have and learn to share your strengths with those who need a hand. In helping others you heal your own wounds as well.

Never let allow others to dictate who you are or how you feel. Depression is a state of mind, body and soul - don't give into it. Suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem. Never acceptable.

You are among friends - don't forget that.
 
Oh MJFanny. This is such an important first step, you taking the time out to explain your situation to me. I care about you so much. You seem to be a very sweet girl and I want to help. I am including a link for you. Please, take time to read this. And if you EVER need to talk again, you can PM me. I want to help....this is a national number. If you ever feel like you need to talk to someone, please use it. It's 1-800-273-TALK. Here is a website for you to read. This may help. http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

I wish you the best. Please, do not blame yourself for what happened to you. It is NOT your fault. Not at all. Know that everyone here loves you and wants to help...I will PM you every so often, just to see how you are doing. Please, don't do anything until you seek help ok sweetie? Believe me. I CARE. EVERYONE here cares about you.
 
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Thank you all for your encouragment.

I do want to live and I think I might write a journal on how I really feel. I have never really wrote about that. Even though I am a writter.

I am still lost about what it is I need to do to help myself though, but I'm sure I will find my way with the help of God and support from from people like yourselves. It's just hard talking to people because I have trust issues, plus I'm just not use to people being really givnig and helpful towards me. For days I've been somewhat avioding this topic because I have never had anyone to be so caring as you all are being towards me and I just don't know how to respond to it.

Even with all I have been through, as of right now I am not bitter - I'm actually at peace. But I don't know how to stay consistent with this feeling. I still have a relationship with my dad but I would like to end it, I have been trying to for the last 5 years but it's really hard to, being that no one knows why I don't want to speak to him, even he's dumbfounded. I mean, how do you tell your grandmother you don't want to talk to your dad anymore because he molested you without breaking her heart? As conservative as my grandmother is it just seems like it's best kept a secret, she will not be able to handle this I'm sure. I don't know, I'm still trying to figure this out.

Thank you all again.
 
The truth is one of the most inconvient things in the world but without it we are always lost. Maybe talking to another family member first would be best. Writing is a good way to learn more about yourself too and walk yourself though your feelings.
 
believe me love i know how that feels i ve been suffering lot of things myself and sometimes everything feels empty like there s nothing good waiting for you and never will
but you never should give up hope
try looking the other way do you rather want to look back or look forward and hope for the better future as hard as that is as as you keep telling yourself to do that last your life seems much more bareble (liveble i mean)
 
first of all i'd like to say how much i ADMIRE u for having the courage to start this topic on here. i'm not saying this as a compliment or to just be nice to u i'm saying it because its the truth.

ALL u need to do is try to find out urself who you really are and then try to accept it. love urself for who you are. life is beautiful and i know that u will find true happiness someday and u will forget all about the past. u just need to hung in there. NEVER give up. u always need to keep fighting and even in ur darkest hours u should try ur best to not have pessimistic thoughts and thoughts about how u dont wanna live no more.
occupy urself with things that u love, surround urself with ppl that u love and that u know they love and care about u. try ur hardest to find the ability to trust in people again. just be more careful whom u trust and open ur heart to. try to start finding happiness in ur life with the small things. the everyday things. always after the dark comes the light. i'm sure the good days are ahead of u. all u need to do is wait for them to come and never ever ever give up. i've never been in a position like urs but there were times in my life when i'd feel depressed and "down" and think "whats the point of all this since i cant be happy?" then i realized the ONLY thing that was keeping me away from happiness was my own self. i wasnt satisfied with who i was. i didnt accept myself. i didnt like myself. in fact i didnt even KNOW myself. so i looked deep inside my soul and heart, i discovered who i was, i accepted myself, i learned how to love and be happy with myself. so thats all u need to do. to shout out loud that u are who u are, u are a God's special creation and u are here for a reason. leave ur past behind u. whats happened its happened. we cant change things that are already done. what we can do is create the future as we want it to be.
just remember ur not the only person whos been thru hell. many ppl have been thru stuff like that and worse and they keep going on with their lives. dont say "why me?" cuz its NOT just u. u are NOT messed up. u are what u think u are. if u think ur messed up then u are. if u think ur not then ur not. its up to u. my advice is for u to say "F*CK the past. i love myself. i ROCK!!! from now on i control my life and i say i will smile everyday and be happy cuz every moment in this life is super precious and doesnt come back.
when i become very very old i will die in my sleep feeling happy with the life i've lived but for now.....I WILL SURVIVE and i will keep ROCKIN" :punk:
 
something very important that i forgot to say

in order to make peace with ur past, forget about it and move on with ur life its absolutely NECESSARY that u cut ties with ur father and never see him or hear from him ever again.
u cant move on if u continue to have a relationship with him cuz every time u see him or hear him u relive ur past and the bad memories are coming back.
so as much as ur granny is gonna get hurt by this, as hard as it is for u to come out and say it U HAVE TO. its one of the things in life that we dont wanna do and we hesitate but we have to in order to find peace inside of us. so take the big decision and go tell her. tell ur whole family and then never see him again. dont allow anyone to even mention him in front of u. and heres one last thing u have to do. i know its even harder but u have to do it. u have to forgive ur father. forgiveness is the key to find happiness sometimes. so forgive him, break ur relationship with him, make peace with ur past and move forward with ur life. i know it takes a lot of strength to do that but u have to.

i believe ur such a sweet person for not wanting ur granny to be hurt by telling her the truth but u really have no choice here. any help u ever need i want u to know that i'm here for u. PM me anytime. MJJC should be very proud to have wonderful sweet ppl like u as members and i gotta say michael's fans are the BEST!!! :D
 
You're a very courage person to share your feelings with us. I applaud you for that . What you have gone through is nothing short of horrific. The fact that you are still standing your ground is very telling. You sound like a strong person.

From my line of profession I can only recommend you to seek help in overcoming your ordeals. One step at a time, that's what is most important. And one thing you should remember if you decide to seek professional help > the connection with your therapist is what determines the outcome of treatment! So if you dont feel comfortable with your psychologist, know that it is your right to seek another with whom you feel like you can share your story. I won't tell you that it's going to be easy, because it's not. But whatever hard work you put in, in the end it will all be worth it. Like others already said, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. You're worth fighting for, so believe in yourself!

And like Sharon said: you are among friends here, don't forget that. Take care! :yes:
 
Remember hon that everyone here is here for you but it is the internet and doubtful that any of us are qualified to give the best advice. Seek help from those around you too.
 
You know, unfortunatelly many kids go through things like that.... And many of them suffer exactly like you are suffering.

What I can say to you is that you're not the only one, you're not guilty of anything and you can change your situation if you want to. You already gave the first step, by creating this thread! Now, you just have to go on...

Take MJ for inspiration... And search for other histories like yours, but search for people who could deal with it and are happy today. Get their example and their adivices...

Don't fall in despair, because it's a long and hard proccess to learn to deal with such bad things.

Don't feel obligated to be close to your dad because of your grandmother. You can make up an excuse... You don't need to stop talking to him at all, but you can slowly get far away from him.

And please, do not hide yourself! Find some pride and lift your head up high! Go live your life, friend!

You know, despite of what your dad and the other person did to you, they could not destroy you. You're alive and healthy, aren't you? So, why will you destroy yourself now? Prove to them that you're stronger enough to face any problem! Prove to them that you are brave, that they are the cowards in this history!

I really believe that you have started the process by creating this thread. And I really believe that you're gonna find a way out of this, specially with all the help from the members of MJJ Community...

I hope you could understand me, because I don't speak English very well... And I hope I could help you...

Count on me and be strong!

Remember... happiness is the best weapon against sadness. If you're feeling down, search for something that makes you happy, but don't let the sadness lead you to darkness.

God bless you.
 
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