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Funniest Jokes You Have Ever Heard?

Karice

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This has to be one of the funniest jokes I've ever heard. :D


A boss of a prestigious firm sees a young man counting money with expertise skill. Impressed, he askes the young man, "Where did you learn to count like that?" The young man answers, "Yale." The boss says, even more impressed, "Ah! A fellow Ivy leaguer! What's your name?" The young man answers, "Yack Yohnson!" My stomach hurts from laughing so hard!:wild:
 
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HAAAAHAHAHAAHAHAA :lol: that was espic :lol:
 
Two tourists are visiting Beethoven's Grave in Vienna and when they were their they herd is Symphony's being played in reverse order from 9 -1 one of the tourists says "Why do you think there being played in that order" the other tourist says " I think he's decomposing"
 
A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we have no bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we haven't got any f*cking bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any f*cking bread, ask me again and I'll nail your beak to the bar you irritating bird!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"
Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?
 
Karice said:
This has to be one of the funniest jokes I've ever heard. :D


A boss of a prestigious firm sees a young man counting money with expertise skill. Impressed, he askes the young man, "Where did you learn to count like that?" The young man answers, "Yale." The boss says, even more impressed, "Ah! A fellow Ivy leaguer! What's your name?" The young man answers, "Yack Yohnson!" My stomach hurts from laughing so hard!:wild:
Click to expand...

The first time I rread this joke, I thought, "What's funny about someone named Yack Yohnson? That name just sounds stupid." :no: I read the joke again, and GOT it!:wild: what a funny joke! :wild:
 
Karice said:
The first time I rread this joke, I thought, "What's funny about someone named Yack Yohnson? That name just sounds stupid." :no: I read the joke again, and GOT it!:wild: what a funny joke! :wild:
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I still don't get it :no:
 
lanne said:
A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we have no bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we haven't got any f*cking bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any f*cking bread, ask me again and I'll nail your beak to the bar you irritating bird!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"
Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?
Click to expand...

Hahah! I like this one :D

Karice said:
The first time I rread this joke, I thought, "What's funny about someone named Yack Yohnson? That name just sounds stupid." :no: I read the joke again, and GOT it!:wild: what a funny joke! :wild:
Click to expand...

Same here.. it took a few minutes to sink in.

twinklEE said:
I still don't get it :no:
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Well, its supposed to be Jack Johnson, but when he speaks it sounds like Yack Yohnson, soo he didn't learn to count in Yale, he learnt to count in Jail. It's never good when a joke has to be explained.
 
twinklEE said:
I still don't get it :no:
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Its that the person in the joke pronounces his J's as Y's.

So when he said Yale before. He was trying to say Jail.

I hate explaining jokes haha If theres one rule I go by in life its that you should never repeat a joke, or explain it. So I have just personally broken that rule :(
 
Yeah, that's the joke. His "Y's" are "Js"(not to be racially offensive, but that is how many Hispanic people speak. There "js"s are prounounced as ys.") So, he learned how to count in jail.... Not so smart to tell the boss where he learned to count like that -_-...... Honest, but not too bright.......... -_-
 
lanne said:
A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we have no bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we haven't got any f*cking bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any f*cking bread, ask me again and I'll nail your beak to the bar you irritating bird!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"
Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?
Click to expand...

Hahahahahaha
 
Here is a funny joke. :) There once was an evil, nasty, woman, who was a BITCH! everyone feared her, and she completely controlled her husband. He was scared of her too. She was loud, abrasive, and agressive. She died, and went to hell. The DEVIL said, "Even I don't want you here. I have enough problems. Get out of hell!," and threw her out :lol:
 
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