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Explaining to the boyfriend the importance of Michael in my life?

Courtney

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How do I even begin to explain to my boyfriend what Michael means to my life? This is seriously stressing me out because Michael is SO important to my life for so many reasons. I told him that there is another part of me that he doesn't know. And that part of me is Michael. He knows that I am a fan of Michael's but he doesn't realize how "serious" and important he is to my life. He think I just really like his music and that's it. But he doesn't know that Michael is like another part of me. He doesn't know that Michael made me the person I am today and that he impacts and affects my life, STILL everyday. He doesn't know that I think about Michael everyday and how he lived his life and how I want to live my life the same as he did. I always consider this: "Well is this what Michael would have done?"
I also wear a ring in memory of Michael and my boyfriend is also wondering about that. I've held back from telling him simply because I don't think he'll understand, even though he says he will, and I fear he will judge me, even though he promises he won't.

So sometime around June 25th, close to Michael's anniversary, I think would be the most appropriate time to tell him since that will be such a special but difficult day for me. I want him to know and understand why I am who I am. Michael is so important to me and so is my boyfriend. I just want to share with him that other side of me because it's apart of who I am you know? How did you fans deal with sharing to your friends, family, or significant others specifically, about what Michael means to your life? How do you even begin so they don't think you sound loony. I just want him to understand.

To be clear, I am not ashamed of Michael. My boyfriend knows that I do have a lot of love for him and he respects that I am a fan. I'm just afraid that, because I made a big deal over this, he'll think it's ridiculous compared to the serious thing he will share with me about himself. But to me, Michael IS serious you know? He plays a serious role in my life and he always will. He changed me and my life.

I know I can always come here and receive support from my MJJC family. You all understand and feel the exact same thing I am. I love you all. Does anybody have any suggestions for me?

Thank you. L.O.V.E. to all. :heart:
 
I'm bumping this, although I don't really have any advice to give in this kind of situation. I'd also like to know what suggestions people have. :yes:
 
Hi, sorry for the delayed response but I didn't see the thread right away.

I relate to your story and your feelings! Michael has impacted my life in a similar way -- I think about him A LOT every day and I often find myself making choices based on his example. That's hard for a lot of people to understand especially if they don't know much about Michael, if they see him as just a musician/performer, or worse, as what the tabloids made him out to be. You are definitely not alone in feeling a deep and special connection to Michael as so many of us here feel similarly, but it's true that the world may not always understand.

It can be hard to build trust in any relationship, feeling each other out over time and gradually getting to the point where you can share you innermost secrets. I'm happily married for five years and we share everything now with no embarrassment, but I remember vividly what it was like to be dating and hold back my passions (like Michael), my own art, and a piece of myself I thought might not be understood. Over time hopefully you will both confide in each other. It's always an emotional risk, but the rewards can be great knowing there is a person in the world who knows you completely.

My advice is to reveal what you are comfortable with, emphasizing that it's important to you and that it's because you feel close to your bf that you are able to share that kind of thing. Maybe doing it close to June 25 might be too painful? I think it would be for me. Also, I find that even confident-seeming men can feel threatened by other men (I think they are biologically programmed that way!) so if you can, try to be sensitive to your bf's feelings about that. Like maybe don't show him the "manhood thread" ;)

Good luck, and feel free to PM me anytime if you want to talk further! :)
~Janine
 
Thank you so much for your repsonse! I really appreciate it. It is very helpful and supportive. It feels really good and relieving to know that other people went/are going through what I am. I feel such a strong need to share this with him because Michael is such a huge part of me and I have a great deal of love for him. So much love, unconditionally.

I agree that doing it around June 25th would definitely be very painful for me. But that day, I plan on just spending the day celebrating Michael by myself and I will probably be very emotional. I have a few routines planned for that day that I want to do to remember and honor Michael. My boyfriend and I talk constantly throughout the day and he can sense when something is wrong. I also know that the date might seen a bit too familiar to him as well. So he will definitely suspect there's something, so this is why I think around that time would be an appropriate time to tell him. However, I fear that by that time, which is in a month, I still won't be ready. If I know how I am, I just won't be able to spit it out to him correctly. I won't know how to tell him. My boyfriend has an idea about how I feel about Michael, but he doesn't know the entire story. He doesn't know how he's affected and changed my life and basically made me the person I am right now. Michael made me the person that my boyfriend loves. He hasn't showed any kind of resentment towards him or jealousy or hatred. He does have his own opinion on Michael and he expressed it only once, before we were dating. But when I told him that I'm a fan and explained to him my points, he respected that and kept his thought and opinions to himself ever since. I've shared with him some things about Michael and he opened his mind and took it in, for me. So that's a good sign.

So he's pretty respectful at the fact that I am a fan and I enjoy his music, but since he looks at Michael in a completely different way than I do, I have no idea how he'll take this. I'm still very nervous, but I think I'll make him understand. I just don't know how to go about doing it. Like how would I even begin? Oh boy..

Thank you so much Janine, your help is greatly appreciated. Much L.O.V.E. to you. :)
 
Don't be ashamed to be a fan. MJ is something and someone special to you. I don't know what to tell ur bf if he gets jealous and wants to hate on mj or at you for liking or loving someone dead or weird. That's his problem, not yours.
 
IxxTreasuredSoulxxI said:
Don't be ashamed to be a fan. MJ is something and someone special to you. I don't know what to tell ur bf if he gets jealous and wants to hate on mj or at you for liking or loving someone dead or weird. That's his problem, not yours.
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No, no no. :no: I am not ashamed to be a fan. I've already stated that and I've made it clear that he knows I have a great deal of love for Michael. He knows how much I love him and his music, but he doesn't know the entire "story." He doesn't know the huge part Michael plays in my life and who I am, no one I know personally does. I usually keep things to myself but this is something I want to share with him because we tell each other everything and we trust each other. I just want him to understand why this is so.

I am not ashamed to be a fan of Michael's. I'd announce it to the entire world if I could.
 
That which you explain is fandom. Your love for him goes beyond words, you're a fan of his. It's all integrated into 1. He needs to know how MUCH mj means to you, how he hasn't died in your heart. It sounds like you haven't shared that with him yet, you're keeping your real fan-heart quiet from him, therefor well..he doesn't know like you think he does. He just thinks you like mj and his music, but it goes deeper than that and that is what I was getting at. :)
 
Just wanted to write a little more! You said something great with: "Michael made me the person that my boyfriend loves." That's true! I think that is the key in relationships to accepting the other person completely -- all of the passions or quirks or even the mis-steps in the past make a person who they are today.

And also we all have things that have influenced us deeply. Bonds with parents, our upbringing, possibly religion or community, etc. And for us, Michael was and is a big part of our lives and our creation of self. For me, even with all the sadness I've experienced since last June, I know Michael has given me so much happiness (or magic and wonderment as he might say) and people who know me well respect that, and respect the fact that I love him like a family member and aspire to be like him.

I'm not sure how old you are or how old your boyfriend is, but I really do hope that he is mature enough to accept you, because you sound like a wonderful person and someone Michael is truly looking down on, smiling. :yes:
 
I know EXACTLY what you mean Courtney! I go through this everyday with my friends and family. I cant stop including MJ in everything I do, because I dont mean to include him in everything it just happens. Its not something that is forced. Like you said, he is a part of me. and Im just Another Part of Him lol.. but anyway I go through this all the time. My family especially, since theyre around me the most, they are really sick of my love for MJ. only my oldeset bro understands me because he is also a huge fan and is the reason im a fan. but other than that the other members are fed up with me talking about MJ, listening to MJ, watching MJ. I cant help it though, I have not been able to play any other music since June. In my car, house work anywhere, I cant listen to anything else anymore. I tried listening to other artists just to not piss off everyone else that is around me, but that music just doesnt satisfy me anymore. Everywhere I look MJ is there, whether theres a pic of him, a cd, dvd, book, or just seeing him in things that remind me of him. He's the wallpaper on my comp, the display on my fone, the case on my computer, the chain on my rearview mirror, etc..... anything i display is him. I cant help it. Even quoting his songs in everyday conversation. lol. i know i sound obsessed and like a crazy fan but he's seriously just a part of me. I know exactly what you're feeling. Everyone keeps telling me gosh get over it, he's dead. But i dont see how i can get over someone so positive in my life. he really does make me a better person, because like you said when im thinking about doing something, I think about what MJ would do. He is such a positive role model and great person and I always use his ways as a guidance. If i am about to lose my cool and get real mad, I take a breath and think how he endured so much and never once lost his cool. So dont worry about it, i used to feel like you about not being able to express to the people around me exactly what MJ means to me, because to me he is not an artist he is really a friend. As crazy as that sounds. His message is what is important to me and what he was all about. I used to want to hide that from people around me because I never thought they would understand, but after thinking about it, MJ does make me a better person, and stronger person. The people around you need to know how you really feel, because once it's all out, you will feel much better and have an even greater love and respect for MJ because he would have gotten you even closer to the people you love. Just be yourself and all will be just fine, because its always better to let your true emotions out and to be honest with yourself and others, because then there wont be any barriers. I swear it is much better ;)
 
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