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Don't know when it got this bad...

Stargirl

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Last night...after watching beautiful Paris Katherine Michael Jackson's words for her father I just can not explain the way that pain resurfaced...

and I touched my cutting glass (which, before this, I only used to make thin scratches) and carved his full name onto my arms.... Michael on the left and Jackson on the right.

And I think I almost hit a vein...

and I'm not scared...but it's been bleeding since...and for some reason...I feel happy that it's still bleeding...as if slowly...all my life will drain out and I'll be freed to be with him...


I don't know what to think right now. I just touch the roughness where his name is carved and the way the blood drips - I almost feel like I can feel him within me and around me and every single where in the universe.
 
Honey, you need to put the glass away. If Paris has the strength to face the world and honor her father by continuing her life in the love he gave then you too need to be strong. We are all here for each other. Please it's time to throw away the glass and live for Michael.
 
I'll echo what Shannon said. Put the glass AWAY! Paris was very courageous, to do what she did. You, too, must have courage in facing life without Michael. Hurting yourself is not going to be the way. . . . NOT. Please take good care of yourself. We are all here for you.
 
The thing is...his name has already been carved...and still bleeding...

and I miss him...

thank you though.... I really love you guys from MJJC...their really haven't been better fans of ANY artist then these on MJJC.
 
Please dont harm yourself in this way, you have to let the grief out instead of using the cutting glass to distract from it. Michael needs everyone to be strong and be there for his children. We need to be sending positive vibes and love. Doing what you're doing wont change anything, you're mobilising an emotional pain into a physical pain.

remember there are plenty of people on here to chat with.

x
 
I too, took my knive and wanted to cut my veins but then I thought of my parents. If I die, they'll suffer, and it would be selfish of me to do this to them.

I know it's hard, I understand you more than anyone else, but please, think of all the persons who love you.
 
Sweetheart, get a towel and stop the bleeding. Then I want you to go to your family, a friend or a neighbor and ask them to help. Talk to them. You'll see they will help you and together we will all get through this. I have a project coming up for paris, prince and blanket. I need you help with it. I need you to write some poetry for me. So you need to get well so you can help me finish the project.
 
please go see a psychiatrist. you should not be hurting yourself.
 
Michael would NOT want you to do this. Nor would any of his family.
 
oh guys....i can't stop...

I need to direct the pain where I can control it....but Shannon...I would love to be of any help to that lovely project you are planning for those two cherubic angels
 
Stargirl you have to be alive and well so direct your pain into words. Keep posting here and write down your emotions. Learn that pain can be expressed without blood. Open your heart to Michael's message and help us carry that message to the next generation. Michael's children are suffering so much more than we are draw strength from their courage. Write me some poetry Stargirl so that I can include it into my project. I'll be posting about the project soon but I need to get everything straight for it first. So, take this time to heal yourself up and then come help me get the project rolling.
 
Our pain IS NOTHING compared to that of his children's. If they can get through it then so can you and every other fan.
 
Stargirl Shannon is right. We're here to share pain and I'm sure we can go through this together.
Please you're so wonderful and talented with words, can't you vent and get controll over your pain through writing and creating? You did so touching before and it helped a lot of us fans here.
So please we need you here, not only for that beautiful project Shannon plans. Let's do that in honor of Michael and uplifting for his kids. We want you taking part in that and we need you healthy for that.
Try to stay with us. Call a fellow fan or call your family and get help please.
 
Stargirl, Michael would NOT want you to be doing this! We here, understand your pain, but please, also find a grief-counselor in the area where you live. Maybe a therapist can give you a medication to blank out the pain long enough for you to regain some balance.

We DO understand what you are going through. We also hate it that you are harming yourself. Please do not do this anymore, for your sake, and for everyone's?

love you,

Vic
 
................Dont harm yoursself hun! ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
 
Try directing your pain to something else like writing. Think of all the people that care about you. Don't harm yourself. *hug* We're here for you. If his kids can get though this so can we.
 
Stargirl, if Michael could go on living his life and continue get up and be in the spotlight, than surely you can keep on living. Michael would never want anyone harming themselves because of his death or any pain he has felt in his life, you KNOW this. Michael wanted to put love in this world not pain. You are doing this for yourself, not Michael. I hate hearing people cutting themselves, it hurts me because I want people to be happy . Life is hard Stargirl, we all know that, but don't give up just because you are feeling pain. You are letting the negativity of this world get to you too badly. I pray that you understand your worth in this world, and try to find inner strength as well as strength from MJ.
 
hey Star
what about "a world made of paper"?
you should have made a beautiful tatoo instead of ugly scars.
how's the kitty by the way? havent heard from you for ages.
remember what you promised me. as for Paris - she the most couragous little girl in the world. she has the strength of her father. when i saw her i actually felt ashamed of myself and thought that she would be my role model from now on. don't you think so?
 
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