Do you ever have phases when you felt like an outcast? I don't know what's wrong with me but lately I've been feeling like an outcast, I've never had a high self esteem, so it's actually quiet normal to go through 'low' phases, but I just don't know what to do to help feeling this way. I never really fit in anywhere, I'm not the prettiest girl around, nor am I the smartest. I just feel like I suck at everything you know? Just yesterday there was this party, heck I just couldn't fit in so I left at 9 pm. Sometimes I look at my friends pics on facebook and I'm like why can't I look that way? Or when I hear about someone being being extremely smart, I feel like I was born dumb, I'm not dumb, I'm a freshman at college, but it's just times like these when I hate everything about myself, even hate that I'm existing. I just so wish I could be someone else but I can't. Why am I the way I am?!
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Do you ever have phases
- Thread starter twinklEE
- Start date
Well, hun... Don't despair... I've been feeling that all my life... I NEVER fitted in anywhere... ONLY with my friends... There I can be ME... People will always have a 'label' to stick on you... They only 'nag' about the 'BAD' things about you and don't even see the 'GOOD' things that you should be proud of... Don't waist your time to be someone else... Just believe in yourself... You're UNIQUE... You have a mission... a dream...
When you feel like 'an outcast' ? To me, it feels like a blessing... Oh yeah, It was a 'curse' first... I too wanted to be like anyone else but I can't due to my 'disability' I'm DIFFERENT but that shouldn't stop you from being the 'special you' you are...
I personally HATE it when peeps 'label' you... I'm hurt and angry at first and then I laugh and fight back... The peeps who want to hurt and make you suffer are even more 'baffled' when you smile and fight... Always keep on walking how hard the road is...
Just 'create' our own world... Who needs 'fake' friends? Look for the ones that make you feel save and happy...
This book can really help you 'discover' who you 'truly' are... "The life you were born to live" by Dan Millman
Keep your head up hey
When you feel like 'an outcast' ? To me, it feels like a blessing... Oh yeah, It was a 'curse' first... I too wanted to be like anyone else but I can't due to my 'disability' I'm DIFFERENT but that shouldn't stop you from being the 'special you' you are...
I personally HATE it when peeps 'label' you... I'm hurt and angry at first and then I laugh and fight back... The peeps who want to hurt and make you suffer are even more 'baffled' when you smile and fight... Always keep on walking how hard the road is...
Just 'create' our own world... Who needs 'fake' friends? Look for the ones that make you feel save and happy...
This book can really help you 'discover' who you 'truly' are... "The life you were born to live" by Dan Millman
Keep your head up hey
kindofdisco
Proud Member
You know what I say when I feel like this? Screw it. Who cares! You're an individual, you have something that nobody else does because you are YOU. You are unique, special and beautiful in your own way and nobody can take that away. Put on your favourite music and forget about everything, just dance and feel good.
The world sucks sometimes, but you just gotta keep your head up and smile.
The world sucks sometimes, but you just gotta keep your head up and smile.
LindavG
Proud Member
Yes, I can definitely relate to what you're saying. I used to be quite popular in high school and had a lot of friends, but now I'm in the 2nd year of University and I just feel like I don't fit in there at all. Even though I love my study, most people are so different from me... like almost everyone I know does extracurricular activities, they are so ambitious and it makes me very insecure about my own abilities... I shouldn't be, I graduated high school cum laude and never failed anything in my life, yet when I am around fellow students I always feel like the "weakest link", you know? That's why I'm very quiet in class, I'm afraid to say something wrong. I never used to be like that. Also, I have this sense of "I can't do that, I will not be able to do that", a huge and paralizing fear that is blocking me from a lot of things that normal people my age do. For example, I've never had a job (I'm 21) not even a little side job like a waitress or casheer. I just think I will screw it up and I'm terrified of failing (even though I have never failed any assignments I was given, but perhaps that is why I am afraid for when this moment comes because it would crush my confidence). Also, I have never had a boyfriend even though there were some guys that liked me and let me know.. I just don't know how to act in a relationship, what is expected of me.. and I've never been in love. I also don't have a driving license and I don't plan on getting one soon, if ever. I am terrified when I'm in a car, I've been in a couple of car accidents and I just see danger everywhere when I'm on the road. I always compare cars to ticking time bombs that can go off at any time (i.e. accidents). If I were to get a car accident, OMG, I wouldn't know what to do.. it would crush me.. esp. if someone else gets hurt because of me. Also, I do not drink alcohol because I am very afraid to get drunk (as I would lose control) and I don't smoke because I am afraid of the feeling when the smoke would enter my lungs.
All these things make me feel like an outsider because other people my age just can't relate to these things... it seems like everyone is so confident and carefree and I'm the only one that worries about these things. :mello:
Other than that, I am pretty happy though
All these things make me feel like an outsider because other people my age just can't relate to these things... it seems like everyone is so confident and carefree and I'm the only one that worries about these things. :mello:
Other than that, I am pretty happy though
kindofdisco
Proud Member
Oh man, you're so lucky that your parents didn't practically force you to get a job when you turned 16, haha! I can't imagine how much easier it would be to go through college and not have to worry about work. At least you've got that, haha!
But honestly, please don't live your life in fear. You need to take some chances. Maybe speak out in class, or just join in a conversation now and then. Are you living in a dorm or travelling to class every day from home? Perhaps you could see if anybody lives in your area that's in your class, and strike up a conversation that way.
But honestly, please don't live your life in fear. You need to take some chances. Maybe speak out in class, or just join in a conversation now and then. Are you living in a dorm or travelling to class every day from home? Perhaps you could see if anybody lives in your area that's in your class, and strike up a conversation that way.
LindavG
Proud Member
Well, I don't know if I should be happy about that. Perhaps it would have made things easier for me if I started working at 16, when I wasn't that afraid yet. The problem is, I just don't know what side job I could do. I know I would be good at administrative things but they don't give these type of jobs to people with no work experience in that field. I am too insecure for practical jobs like a casheer or a waitress, I can just imagine myself dropping plates and forgetting orders. That's not for me.
Trust me, I tell myself that every day. I go "What are you worried about? Who cares if you make a mistake?" etc. but it just doesn't help, lol. I guess it's just part of my personality. I am a huge perfectionist. There are some things I am very confident about (like writing papers, exams, presentations etc.) because I know I will do well, that's where my talent is. But these things are just part of my study and my study won't last forever. What happens after that?
I live by myself, about 3.5 hours by train from my parents' home. I go home in the weekends (like almost every student does here).. So I am rather independent in that respect. Many people are surprised that I'm not afraid to travel this long distance back and forth (because I have to switch buses/trains 5 times along the way, it's quite a complicated route) but I am afraid to be in a car for like 10 minutes, lol. I guess it's because when you're in a car, it is your own responsibility when something goes wrong.
Another problem is that I go to an international university and only about 10% of the students is Dutch.. I notice that many students from the same nationality kind of cling together and start speaking in their own language before and after class, so it's hard to mingle with them. I do have some friends though.
kindofdisco
Proud Member
Well I can't tell you how to live your life, but you need to ask yourself questions like, "what's the worst that can happen?" in regards to getting a job or taking a chance. Okay, so you drop a plate; so what, almost every waitress out there has probably done that on their first shift, haha! It happens, and bosses are way more understanding than you'd imagine. They know it takes someone a little while to get the hang of things, and if they fire you....well, you had the experience! It's not going to effect the rest of your life. Just laugh it off!
Trust me, if you put things into perspective like that then you're going to come out of this "fear" thing you've got going on. I'm the same with my artwork, I'm so much of a perfectionist that sometimes, I'll just stare at a blank sheet of paper and not draw a single thing because I'm afraid it's not going to be good enough. In the end though of course I have to draw for my degree, but mostly I know within myself that I do have this talent, and even Picasso drew the odd crappy thing or two, haha! Just put things into perspective. Nobody is perfect.
Trust me, if you put things into perspective like that then you're going to come out of this "fear" thing you've got going on. I'm the same with my artwork, I'm so much of a perfectionist that sometimes, I'll just stare at a blank sheet of paper and not draw a single thing because I'm afraid it's not going to be good enough. In the end though of course I have to draw for my degree, but mostly I know within myself that I do have this talent, and even Picasso drew the odd crappy thing or two, haha! Just put things into perspective. Nobody is perfect.
I used to feel like an outcast all the time, years ago, when I was an overweight teen living in the closet. Once I came out of my shell, learned to love myself as I am and lost all the weight - my life changed. Now, here I am all these years later - happy as I can be. Being an outcast only builds character and makes you stronger.
I used to feel like an outcast all the time, years ago, when I was an overweight teen living in the closet. Once I came out of my shell, learned to love myself as I am and lost all the weight - my life changed. Now, here I am all these years later - happy as I can be. Being an outcast only builds character and makes you stronger.
I don't know how being an outcast makes one stronger, I for don't feel strong at all, I feel very weak, I try to be strong but it's just extremely hard when you have so much on your plate apart from having a low self esteem, I just feel like sometimes I can't have one single down moment, like I have to be there for others, like in my case I'm living in an all women household, I have a single mother and a younger sister, my mom only has a part time job, my sister is young, I always have to balance college and my two part time jobs in order to help out a little. Like now my sis's gone to a field trip, I paid for that trip, gave her pocket money etc. I'm doing whatever I can but I just feel weak and sometimes all this responsibility is just too much for me. My doing is not even appreciated (a lot more is expected from me), but I can only do this much. There is never a minute when I'm able to just be me, when I'm at college I feel like I don't belong there, I'm afraid to fail. I feel like I'm the only 'hope' there is right now for my family and if I don't make it, I don't even wanna think of not making it. I don't know there's so much pressure on me at times that I just want to either get away from everything and everyone or just stop existing, all this combined with my self esteem issues etc just make my life miserable every now and then.
Severus Snape
Proud Member
If by "phases" you mean your entire life, then yes. I have.
I daresay you're not an outcast until you're ostracized by your elementary schoolmates for not conforming to their standards/interests/gender roles, collectively bullied by your entire grade in middle school for being different (and by your family as well during this "most crucial time of self-discovery", as the shrinks would say), perpetually persecuted by your high school (not just idiot students this time, but also teachers and administrators, i.e. having your artwork vandalized and being called to the principal's office because you "looked at someone the wrong way", and being regarded by the general population and one very dense ESL teacher who believed the rumours as a "lesbian communist nazi" [logic is obviously not too relevant when labeling people/making accusations] and being told you should kill yourself, not to mention having the only person you could trust and who accepted you/saw through the rumours and the bullshit taken away from you) for having "odd" interests and being different, and being sent to the dean's office, referred to counseling, and generally feared/disliked/not understood by the student population in college simply for being a general introvert with "strange" interests and peculiar knowledge [rather off-putting, from my observations] who dared seek someone to have actual intelligent conversations with.
Couple that with childhood abuse by those who are supposed to protect/take care of you, abandonment, all sorts of traumas which I won't disclose in detail here for obvious reasons, and you've got one perfectly dysfunctional individual.
As one of my professors told me, the only reason people are hostile towards me is because I'm different, and hostility is the prime response those who "fit in" express when they encounter someone who deviates from the norm. He is right, for this can be observed in the animal world among "social" animals such as some of our primate relatives. It is a survival mechanism to react with hostility towards perceived deviants, for only through their removal can the group as it is, and therefore the species, be guaranteed to survive. It is the "group" mentality, which results in the exile (and subsequent death through starvation, etc. in some) of what the group perceives to be the "weakest link" or "deviation" from the norm, such as, say, a baby chimp who is born with a physical defect, a grown female chimpanzee who is undergoing an abnormally long period of depression because she lost her child, or an older chimp who has been sick for a long time and thus cannot contribute to the group, etc.
Therefore, this tendency to react with hostility towards those who deviate from the norm is deeply ingrained in and encouraged by our biology as a survival mechanism, despite its borderline uselessness in present times.
It explains why, even at fifty, he still feels as "different" as he did in his youth. He once told me that conversing with the parents of other children (when his participated in the typical suburban child activities) brought back horrible memories from his middle and high school years (his are pretty much like mine), and he felt as though he was just conversing with grown-up versions of those parents' teenage selves, so that they had not changed at all despite the years. He has yet to attend a single one of his high school reunions, and to be honest, I probably won't ever attend one in my lifetime either. I've worked hard to erase the memories.
Surprisingly, despite all I've been through as a result of being "different," I've always felt comfortable being myself and have never felt the need to conform to what others would otherwise demand from me. I've always had a good sense of my own identity, and I would rather hang myself from the tallest tree than to sell out in order to fit in with a society whose values and ideals are so diametrically opposed to my own.
I hope I've answered your question.
I daresay you're not an outcast until you're ostracized by your elementary schoolmates for not conforming to their standards/interests/gender roles, collectively bullied by your entire grade in middle school for being different (and by your family as well during this "most crucial time of self-discovery", as the shrinks would say), perpetually persecuted by your high school (not just idiot students this time, but also teachers and administrators, i.e. having your artwork vandalized and being called to the principal's office because you "looked at someone the wrong way", and being regarded by the general population and one very dense ESL teacher who believed the rumours as a "lesbian communist nazi" [logic is obviously not too relevant when labeling people/making accusations] and being told you should kill yourself, not to mention having the only person you could trust and who accepted you/saw through the rumours and the bullshit taken away from you) for having "odd" interests and being different, and being sent to the dean's office, referred to counseling, and generally feared/disliked/not understood by the student population in college simply for being a general introvert with "strange" interests and peculiar knowledge [rather off-putting, from my observations] who dared seek someone to have actual intelligent conversations with.
Couple that with childhood abuse by those who are supposed to protect/take care of you, abandonment, all sorts of traumas which I won't disclose in detail here for obvious reasons, and you've got one perfectly dysfunctional individual.
As one of my professors told me, the only reason people are hostile towards me is because I'm different, and hostility is the prime response those who "fit in" express when they encounter someone who deviates from the norm. He is right, for this can be observed in the animal world among "social" animals such as some of our primate relatives. It is a survival mechanism to react with hostility towards perceived deviants, for only through their removal can the group as it is, and therefore the species, be guaranteed to survive. It is the "group" mentality, which results in the exile (and subsequent death through starvation, etc. in some) of what the group perceives to be the "weakest link" or "deviation" from the norm, such as, say, a baby chimp who is born with a physical defect, a grown female chimpanzee who is undergoing an abnormally long period of depression because she lost her child, or an older chimp who has been sick for a long time and thus cannot contribute to the group, etc.
Therefore, this tendency to react with hostility towards those who deviate from the norm is deeply ingrained in and encouraged by our biology as a survival mechanism, despite its borderline uselessness in present times.
It explains why, even at fifty, he still feels as "different" as he did in his youth. He once told me that conversing with the parents of other children (when his participated in the typical suburban child activities) brought back horrible memories from his middle and high school years (his are pretty much like mine), and he felt as though he was just conversing with grown-up versions of those parents' teenage selves, so that they had not changed at all despite the years. He has yet to attend a single one of his high school reunions, and to be honest, I probably won't ever attend one in my lifetime either. I've worked hard to erase the memories.
Surprisingly, despite all I've been through as a result of being "different," I've always felt comfortable being myself and have never felt the need to conform to what others would otherwise demand from me. I've always had a good sense of my own identity, and I would rather hang myself from the tallest tree than to sell out in order to fit in with a society whose values and ideals are so diametrically opposed to my own.
I hope I've answered your question.
MJsBollywoodGirl7
Proud Member
Yes I was like an outcast when I was in school. Because of the fact that I have learning disabilities, I had a speech problem, I have a skin disorder, and that I am a Michael Jackson fan. This was after the 93 allegations when the other kids had a problem with me being a fan of his. Every single kid in my school could not understand me. So I was always made fun of and was teased constantly because of it. And I had absolutely no friends through most of my years when I was in school. Especially in elementary school where the other kids had treated me like I had some kind of contagious disease or Leprosy they had to avoid. So I never had anyone to play with most of the time when I was little. Which would explain why I had absolutely hated recess when I was in elementary school. Even some of my own family members had treated me like an outcast over the years. But you know what I eventually got used to being alone. And I now prefer being alone over being with other people.
morsmordre
Proud Member
Hugs to everyone in this thread :hug: I've felt like an outcast literally my entire life. I don't know why, but people just don't understand me.. I have a lot of friends, but I feel like they don't really know who I am so they're not really *my* friend, they're the friend of who I pretend to be.
Severus Snape
Proud Member
I can fully sympathize with your statements, and I feel as though I could have written them. I also prefer to be alone.