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Denial....

The Healer

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I am still in denial. I listen to his music all day, looking at his pictures.....pretending that everything is ok. But at the same time I know it is not.
It hurts me way too much to think what happened to my dear Michael. I cannot believe it.
I am very sensitive abouth death anyway.....and when it happens to someone I love all my life....it"s like neverending nightmare. I still haven"t cried all my tears for Michael. I am keeping it inside. When I am alone I cry and I hurt. But I still feel a strong, strong denial...
How can I go through this....?
 
Even after all these months it has not sunken in with me yet and i don't think it ever will
 
I'm not in denial, I just don't immediately think "Oh, he's dead" when I listen to his music or watch footage of him.
 
i know how you feel. the pain is just tremedouis. it never goes away even of you try to make it go away it doesnt. i still havent cried out all my tears for michael. even once a year passes or 10 years i know i will still be crying over michael. your not alone.
 
I'm STILL in denial. Sometimes I just completely forget that he's gone, and then it hits me again and it really is too much to deal with at times so I find some comfort in sleeping, writing and arts. :depressed:

That happens to me pretty often. I hate it, because it's just like finding out the news all over again, which brings me back to June 25th. :weeping: I Know I'll never get over it.
 
I agree with all the posts.

There are certain threads that I refuse to look through such as the "Visit to the Cemetary" threads and what not. -No way. No thanks.

Also, I don't think I could deal with another "tribute" in the media right now because it brings me down way too much. I just want to remember the good times and good memories I have of when he was alive.

Unfortunately, I will never be able to escape this sad reality that he is gone. :mello: -(me feeling numb and emotionless after typing that last sentence.)
 
I'm not anymore in a denial, but I still feel the pain that he is gone.
 
I still want to be in denial at times. Like I was for the first few minutes after I had heard the horrible news. Because I just could not believe that the person I had spent nearly 30 years of my life loving is forever gone. I still cry over Michael a few or several times a day. But back in December I thought I was doing really good. Because I had 1 day where I didn't cry over Michael at all. And a couple of days not together where I only cried over him once or twice. And also in that month I had watch the entire 93 Deposition Tapes. And those tapes are over 3 hours. And I also listen to the The Dangerous Court Case Deposition. With almost no problems of me crying over Michael. But now I am having trouble watching him again. And I just don't understand it. Especially I since I had downloaded a bunch of Michael related videos. But I really don't know when I will be able to handle watching them. Yet I can handle listening to him with almost no problems. Even though there are still songs of Michael's I am still not ready to hear yet. And I really don't know when I am going to be able handle hearing these songs. Especially the song This Is It which would you believe I have not heard yet. I want to hear that song but I had heard from other fans how that song made them cry. And that has what put me off of wanting to hear that song. I even find it hard looking at certain pictures of him. Especially the ones taken during his final days. I just wish so much I could forever remain in denial. And still pretend that Michael is still very much alive and with his children where he belongs. But I know that is not reality.
 
It kinda makes me feel better knowing I"m not alone in this.....I am really so confused about everything. Some people can call it stupid and childish....not be able to face the truth. The other day I was watching pictures of his fans crying all over the world that day....tears were just falling down my face...so heartbreaking.People love him so much.And sometimes when I read a book or watch a movie...those every-day things we do...and then it hits me....he can"t read a book or he can"t sit down with his children and have dinner....unbelievable painfull. I also don"t look at the Forrest Lawn pictures. I can"t imagine him being there...omg.
 
zpredra5 said:
It kinda makes me feel better knowing I"m not alone in this.....I am really so confused about everything. Some people can call it stupid and childish....not be able to face the truth. The other day I was watching pictures of his fans crying all over the world that day....tears were just falling down my face...so heartbreaking.People love him so much.And sometimes when I read a book or watch a movie...those every-day things we do...and then it hits me....he can"t read a book or he can"t sit down with his children and have dinner....unbelievable painfull. I also don"t look at the Forrest Lawn pictures. I can"t imagine him being there...omg.
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I know exactly how you feel. Its the same way with me. Plus every single thing I see, hear, read, or do it reminds me of Michael in some way. So no matter what I do I can never get Michael off of my mind. I know this is terrible thing to say. But sometimes I wish I never became a fan of Michael's. That way I will not be feeling such deep pain, sadness, and depression now. You know I have not even felt a single ounce of geniune happiness. Since before I had heard the horrible news. That happiness that I once had forever died with Michael on that really horrible day. So did any other feelings that is similar to happiness like joy and excitement. Those are the kinds of feelings I am never going to feel again. The only feelings I am going to feel from now on is:


sadness
pain
misery
depression
tiredness
sickness
anger
and hatred


The tiredness and sickness that I feel any more. Is from my depression that is making me feel that way. And the anger and hatred that I feel now is only for the guy that forever took Michael away from us. And because of what Dr. Death did he has shorten my life span. Cause depression can shorten your life. From what I had read. But you know what I really don't care anymore. Cause the sooner I die is the sooner I can be with my Michael. I just wish I was with him now.
 
that's what i do too..denial or I shall say I try to escape the fact that he's gone. The most funny thing was when I look through his pictures.. I would giggle. It's hard to describe here since English is not my first language.
 
I accept that he's gone but I feel like his spirit is close to all of us. VERY CLOSE.


So I'm okay for the time being.
 
Upside said:
I'm not in denial, I just don't immediately think "Oh, he's dead" when I listen to his music or watch footage of him.
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I have the oppisite problem :cry: I can't help but thinking OMG MICHAEL when i hear him and I think "omg he's gone:cry:"
ugh I HATE this
to me his music wont ever be the same..I can't listen to my fav. slow songs anymore cause they make me cry. I gotta listen to the fast songs if I don't wanna cry.
 
I had watch the entire 93 Deposition Tapes. And those tapes are over 3 hours.
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Sorry, I just wanted to ask where did you get those tapes from? I want to have them too. Thx.
 
I have something to post here soon but for now I send my love and best wishes to you all.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

xxxxxx :heart: :heart: xxxxxx
 
stineLOVESmichael said:
I have the oppisite problem :cry: I can't help but thinking OMG MICHAEL when i hear him and I think "omg he's gone:cry:"
ugh I HATE this
to me his music wont ever be the same..I can't listen to my fav. slow songs anymore cause they make me cry. I gotta listen to the fast songs if I don't wanna cry.
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*hugs* I'm too.. Fast songs like Thriller cant bring me to the verge of tears but still I miss him during the Thriller era :cry: I love One Day In Your Life & Someone in the Dark so so much I wish someone could just kill me so that I could be with Michael. It is a real pain
 
Hun, the pain's still here for me too. I posted on here a while ago when I went into deep sadness for a couple days, it just kinda hit me out of nowhere. I'm better now and can finally watch him without tearing up. After all this, most of us probably don't believe the line "time heals all wounds", but it does, it may be extremely slow, but it does. Everybody's gotta leave this earth someday, no one's here forever. Michael's life was cut short by an irresponsible idiot, but I guess God just wanted his moonwalking angel back. You are definitely not alone in this, 8 months later, there are still sooo many people who have him in their thoughts everyday. He left his giant footprint on earth, and no one will ever be able to match it. He will never be forgotten, and we'll continue to spread his message of love, like Prince said.
 
Many of us still feel the same :cry:
Here if ever you need to talk
 
I'm not in denial. I know he's gone but it's hard to deal with so... this is how I feel, this is how I cope:

Queen - The great pretender

Oh yes I'm the great pretender (ooh ooh)
Pretending I'm doing well (ooh ooh)
My need is such I pretend too much
I'm lonely but no one can tell

Oh yes I'm the great pretender (ooh ooh)
Adrift in a world of my own (ooh ooh)
I play the game but to my real shame
You've left me to dream all alone

Too real is this feeling of make believe
Too real when I feel what my heart can't conceal

Ooh Ooh yes I'm the great pretender (ooh ooh)
Just laughing and gay like a clown (ooh ooh)
I seem to be what I'm not (you see)
I'm wearing my heart like a crown
Pretending that you're still around

Yeah ooh hoo
Too real when I feel what my heart can't conceal

Oh yes I'm the great pretender
Just laughing and gay like a clown (ooh ooh)
I seem to be what I'm not you see
I'm wearing my heart like a crown
Pretending that you're
Pretending that you're still around

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywZmQ2rg7GQ
 
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