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culture difference about death

sweetbabyxsj

sweetbabyxsj

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sorry, my english is not good, i just want to talk about the culture difference about death and funeral. i am Chinese. In China if a person is dead, all his relative ,family member have to cry aloud in the funeral the louder the better. it means the more you cry, the more you love him. Even within a long time, his family member can not smile and laguh. if you smile , it means you don't love him.
But when i watch western people's funeral and death, most of them are very different from our chinese. they can smile even laugh in the funeral. they don't show their tears often. they keep their pain for themselves. the most important thing for them is to move on.
is this culture difference?　
 
Yes. It's culture differences.

I'm arab and I've only been to arab/asian funeruals and unfortunatly, they are exactly as you described them. However, I was raised in the west and I see it like they see it over here.
 
Some people feel that a funeral is a celebration of that person's life. With that comes laughter and tears. Also some feel if a person has died that they have gone to a better place and they no longer have to worry about the issues of life that they had to deal with while on earth.

The feeling is that person is finally at peace.
 
thank you so much for replying my thread. can I say different religion results in culture differnce about death? I know most people in Europe and American believe in Christianity and Catholicism. what do these people think about death and heal pain?
 
Well...I am not really a 'religion' follower of any kind, but my Dad's side of the family is Catholic.

It is traditional to have a Wake/Viewing the night before the actual service. People get together and view the body. It is usually pretty quiet. No one wants to really speak up and say anything but everyone makes a point to say how 'good' the deceased looks. There are usually 'memory boards' hanging up which are just boards with pictures of the deceased throughout their life hanging on them.

Usually they are buried with pictures and meaningful momentos from their life in their caskets with them. Lots of flowers are sent to the funeral home in memoriam of the deceased.

They did the rosary at a couple funerals I have been to, during the viewings.

Then the next day in the morning is usually the service at a church. People read eulogies, bible stuff is read, Amazing Grace is usually sung...then they are taken out to the cemetary where they are interred. The family and close friends usually get together for a dinner afterwards to celebrate the deceaseds life.

I have also been to funerals on my Mom's side though for my Grandparents that were nothing more than a closed viewing for the family, no service at all, and they were interred the very same day at a very private service. Very few words were read, and that was it.

Death seems to be very taboo. No one likes to talk of it (atleast that I know of). People find it to be depressing and sadenning, which it is, but it is also a time of celebration. They are passing on to a better part of their being, and are no longer here hurting and suffering with the rest of us.

As far as the healing process goes, many people just try to 'live their life' like 'normal' after someone close to them has passed. Trying to ignore the grieving process is usual, and many times people are forever 'changed' because they don't know how to cope with their loss.

But...that is just my family, what I think, and my opinions/views. This is coming from someone who wanted/wants to be a Mortuary Science major...I would be the one embalming, reconstructing, and dressing the bodies as well as making the arrangements and working with the families.

I still may go to school for this after my Education degree is finished...
 
I'm not sure what type of western funerals you have seen. If you have seen funerals of famous people, they tend to be more like a celebration, with laughter and applause. Most private, family funerals tend to be very tearful occasions, though I've never heard of not crying meaning you don't love the person.
 
Science freak said:
What I don't really understand is this:


It's not really human if you fake your tears on a funeral. Tears are coming from your heart about a love lost one, so I think it's sick to cry louder on a funeral when you don't really have to cry loud.
Click to expand...

Sick? A little tolerance goes a long way my dear. There's nothing sick or fake about it, that's just how the culture is.

I'm Arabic too so I know what you mean about the crying thing, we cry up a storm! And when my father died, my mother wore nothing but black for a whole year. She didn't fake her sadness but she expressed it in a different way.

To be completely honest, when I saw the Jackson family all wearing sunglasses at the memorial, I thought "WTF are they doing?" and seeing Usher do it really irritated me.

I found out later that it's some sort of black tradition to hide your tears. Now we would never do that. If I wore sunglasses at a funeral (and especially indoors), my mother would probably tell me to take them off and stop being disrespectful.
 
000cozzie000 said:
Sick? A little tolerance goes a long way my dear. There's nothing sick or fake about it, that's just how the culture is.

I'm Arabic too so I know what you mean about the crying thing, we cry up a storm! And when my father died, my mother wore nothing but black for a whole year. She didn't fake her sadness but she expressed it in a different way.

To be completely honest, when I saw the Jackson family all wearing sunglasses at the memorial, I thought "WTF are they doing?" and seeing Usher do it really irritated me.

I found out later that it's some sort of black tradition to hide your tears. Now we would never do that. If I wore sunglasses at a funeral (and especially indoors), my mother would probably tell me to take them off and stop being disrespectful.
Click to expand...

You didn't really understand me. I meant if you don't have to cry loud (because you are not able to, because your inside won't let you) respect to every culture, and when you then creating the cry scene, yes I think it's not normal to do such a thing.
 
But what I mean is, if that's what they've grown up with then that's what's "normal" for them. They probably don't need to force this loud crying, it just comes naturally. ;)
 
crying loud in the funeral is one of the funeral culture in China. even there are profesional "crying man "who get money after theri professional cry loud in the funeral. sometimes I really don't understand either why I　have to cry loud because i think pain can not be measured by tears.
 
Science freak said:
What I don't really understand is this:


It's not really human if you fake your tears on a funeral. Tears are coming from your heart about a love lost one, so I think it's sick to cry louder on a funeral when you don't really have to cry loud.
Click to expand...


yes..I lost my brother and I didn't cry exactly at his funernal because looking back I was in shock. later because of the grief process. I cried a million tears later and can still cry at times and always will..but there are times I smile equally too thinking of him.
 
I lost my grandmother in 1988 and my grandfather in 1996, and I was so close to them. Not a day goes by that I don't think of them, and yes, I still cry. I do choose to cry in private though. Not a day goes by that I don't miss them or think of them. I have my moments when I cry, and I also have times when I recall a nice memory, and I smile to the Heavens at them.
 
ReneeM said:
Some people feel that a funeral is a celebration of that person's life. With that comes laughter and tears. Also some feel if a person has died that they have gone to a better place and they no longer have to worry about the issues of life that they had to deal with while on earth.

The feeling is that person is finally at peace.
Click to expand...

Well said, Renee!
 
thanks everyone for replying my thread. yeah, sometimes as chinese, i still can't not understand why i have to cry loud in the funeral.but it is our Chinese funeral culture. well, i can't say which funeral and deah culture is better because everyone has a different way to death and loss. now I can understand western people's culture about death and loss. Thanks.
 
sweetbabyxsj said:
thanks everyone for replying my thread. yeah, sometimes as chinese, i still can't not understand why i have to cry loud in the funeral.but it is our Chinese funeral culture. well, i can't say which funeral and deah culture is better because everyone has a different way to death and loss. now I can understand western people's culture about death and loss. Thanks.
Click to expand...

You are very welcome!!!
 
In the African American culture a funeral is more of a homegoing.. Many of us really do call it that. We believe that this person who has left us is now free from the pain and suffering of this world and has been called home by God. We cry at a funeral because we miss this person, but we also laugh and smile because we are celebrating that person's life and rejoice in the fact that this person, this friend, family member, loved one, is now "home" with God.
 
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