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Chuck Norris facts

analogue

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Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. To bad he never cries

Chuck Norris died 6 years ago. Death is just to scared to tell him

Chuck Norris's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd. Why? Because nobody fools Chuck Norris

If you see Chuck Norris in your dreams don't worry he's just looking for Freddy Cruger

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is
 
- Chuck Norris doesn't need a compas, he decides where he is.

- Chuck Norris uses Robocop as MP3 player

- Chuck Norris plays Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun.

- Chuck norris can slam a revolving door
 
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-Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.

-Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

-How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do? -All of them.

-Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice!

-When Chuck Norris does the push-ups, he's not lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

-It's not Chuck Norris who is on Earth, it's the Earth who is under Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris has a bear as a carpet in his living room. The bear is not dead, it's just afraid to move.
 
Chuck Norris pours the milk first, then he pours the cereal. Then he places the bowl.

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life

Chuck Norris does not have a middle name, nobody gets between Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris killed 2 stones with 1 bird

Underneath China it says "Made in Chuck Norris"

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris

:lmao:
 
In fine print on The Last page of Guinness Book Of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten
 
-Chuck Norris can play football as a referee and win the match.
 
Chuck Norris was once put on the wrapper for a toilet paper company. The company field tested it but it didn't work because Chuck Norris doesn't take crap from nobody.






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When Chuck Norris falls out of a boat he dosn't get wet the water gets Chuck Norrised






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When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.






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The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris every night.






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If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more than you.





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Chuck Norris has clicked the unclickable button... twice







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Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
 
1. Only Chuck Norris can dislike on Facebook.
2. Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
3. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
4. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
5. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
6. Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
7. Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
8. Chuck Norris does not need Twitter…he is already following you.
9. Chuck Norris doesn’t cheat death, he beats it fair and square.
10. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life.
11. Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
12. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
13. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
14. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
15. Google won’t search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don’t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
 
-Only Chuck Norris has Twitter on Facebook.

-Chuck Norris can hack a Facebook account using MySpace.
 
analogue said:
Chuck Norris's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd. Why? Because nobody fools Chuck Norris.
Click to expand...

I never got this Chuck Norris thing, but if you're attempting to state that his calendar would never hit April 1st, wouldn't it go from April 2nd to March 31st?

If it went from March 31st to April 2nd, as you suggest, it would only have three days, those being March 31st, April 1st, and April 2nd.

If you want to say his calendar simply skips April 1st, it would make better sense to say: "Chuck Norris' April calendar page starts at April 2nd, because nobody fools Chuck Norris..."
 
Mikage Souji said:
I never got this Chuck Norris thing, but if you're attempting to state that his calendar would never hit April 1st, wouldn't it go from April 2nd to March 31st?

If it went from March 31st to April 2nd, as you suggest, it would only have three days, those being March 31st, April 1st, and April 2nd.

If you want to say his calendar simply skips April 1st, it would make better sense to say: "Chuck Norris' April calendar page starts at April 2nd, because nobody fools Chuck Norris..."
Click to expand...

I think you misunderstood this. What is meant here is that Chuck Norris's calendar skips the 1st of April as it is known as "April fools" day. That day people make jokes and fool people... except Chuck Norris. Nobody fools Chuck :cheeky:
 
BUMPER SNIPPET said:
I think you misunderstood this. What is meant here is that Chuck Norris's calendar skips the 1st of April as it is known as "April fools" day. That day people make jokes and fool people... except Chuck Norris. Nobody fools Chuck :cheeky:
Click to expand...

Yeah, I get that, but the way OP had posted it was awkwardly phrased.
 
JMie;3313997 said:
1. Only Chuck Norris can dislike on Facebook.
2. Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
3. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
4. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
5. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
6. Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
7. Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
8. Chuck Norris does not need Twitter…he is already following you.
9. Chuck Norris doesn’t cheat death, he beats it fair and square.
10. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life.
11. Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
12. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
13. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
14. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
15. Google won’t search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don’t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Click to expand...

:lol:

I don't know where I read it but people are doing the same with MJ now, I hope someone can post them too
 
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a slot machine?

A: One is something people try to get money out of and one is a machine in a casino!

Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and an Easter egg?

A: An Easter egg cracks under pressure!
 
BUMPER SNIPPET said:
-Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.


-It's not Chuck Norris who is on Earth, it's the Earth who is under Chuck Norris.
Click to expand...

morsmordre said:
Chuck Norris does not have a middle name, nobody gets between Chuck Norris


When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris

:lmao:
Click to expand...

BUMPER SNIPPET said:
GW180H101
Chuck Norris has clicked the unclickable button... twice




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Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Click to expand...

:toofunny: :toofunny:
 
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
 
Chuck Norris ordered a steak and fries in a vegetarian restaurant and got it.
 
-Chuck Norris drew a straight line till the end.

-Chuck Norris once drank all the water from the tap.

-Chuck Norris took a pic of Big Bang

-Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

-When Chuck Norris shouts from the cliff, there's no echo. Nobody answers to Chuck!

-When Chuck Norris drops a slice of bread with jam, jam changes the side before hitting the ground.

-When Chuck Norris throws a cat, the cat falls on her back.

-Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.
 
In the Kinder Surprise chocolate egg, Chuck Norris gets a Playstation III as a surprise.

Chuck Norris emptied a box of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
 
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