adamschoales
Proud Member
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2011
- Messages
- 2,391
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- 48
Firstly let me say, I'm a mix of everything. Im sad that he's gone, but happy that his music will live on, and can't help but dance whenever I hear one of his songs.
But lately I've been feeling a lot of anger. I know its one of the stages of grief, but I dont know there's just something that bugs me.
I think seeing the TII rehearsal footage was the kicker - the man looked so happy to be on stage again, he sounded great, he looked great (though admittedly tired at points). This does not look like a sick man. This does not look like a weak man. This does not look like a scared man. Thats my hero, Michael Jackson, doing what he was born to do.
Now I know sometimes tragedies happen. Jonathan Larson, the genius behind "rent", died the night before opening night (also of a heart related cause). He was plucked away from us just before he got his big chance to shine, and now michael!
Watching the footage makes me wish he was there, at least so he could have done the show once, to prove the world he still had it in him (though of course now I dont think anyone doubts that he did...). I wish I had been there to see it (not that i would have been able to go to any of the TII concerts). I keep hoping that he's really not gone, and he's just pulling a prank and he's in disguise just so he could finally live the life the way he wanted to (while it would mean no more "michael jackson" at least I could know he was happy).
and then theres my anger over the death. it could have been a fluke. it could have just been one of those things that happens. but if the reports are true, and the doctor did CPR on the bed, and didn't call for 30 minutes, and could have iven him an ER room drug to save his life, or just not given him the drugs in the first place... I cant help but feel like this man took away our hero. and he knows it.
and then there's us! we sorta pushed him to this. he wanted to make us happy. he wanted to give us what we wanted. if we hadn't of been so demanding, if one show had of been enough maybe he'd still be with us. i feel so guilt knowing that i wanted more and more from this man who just wanted to raise his kids and live as normal a life as possible.
then there's the 'fans'. the people who say they love him so much but dont even own a copy of thriller. dont get me wrong, im glad his music is finally being appreciated again, by everyone, but it makes me so sad and angry that it takes a death for people to open their eyes (and ears) and realize just what a genius he was. (and the leeches who are feeding off our loss make me angry too - people selling thriller on ebay for $1000+ and trying to sell fake stuff just makes me sick)
then theres the media: the two faced people who a week ago would have joked about his face now call him "a genius". the woman from the local paper who didn't know he was african american... the local radio station that refused to play his music when he was first accused 7 years ago now dedicates a weekend to him and talks about how much he meant to all of them... the fact that once the shock waves stop they'll all go right back to the trash talk, be it about him, or britney, or jon and kate. they're responsible too, probably the most. and the fact that even after his death they continue to spread lies and half truths, and unverifiable facts... TMZ and Perez Hilton are not journalists. they should be ashamed.
then there's joseph... do i really need to say more.
the people who tell me "what i missed" while i was busy obsessing over michael jackson. there was an article telling me about 10 things I missed this week while I was busy obsessing over michael jackson (really it was 10 things about the SAME thing - iran - so really its one thing...). that bothers me. why is it that what you care about is more important than what i care about? yes there are tragedies in the world. yes aids still runs through africa, and yes iran has politcal issues. but the fact is those didn't touch me. michael jackson did. he touched all of us (no pun intended). this was a man who's been in the public eye for nearly 40 years. should hundreds of deaths in iran be more important than the death of one celebrity? probably. and you know what, if michael were around he'd probably want us to worry about things like iran. this man gave to more charities than anyone, he's the one who for twenty years has been saying "help the children. help the world" but everyone sat back and instead made jokes about his nose. now when he's gone you try to tell me to care about other stuff? you're only doing it to be contradictory. this is the first time i've seen you mention anything about "political turmoil". again, I'm not trying to say that what's going on throughout the world isn't bad. it is. it's horrible. but don't tell people what they should care about. thats the world we live in, and something that michael himself wanted to change but no one would listen.
okay. long winded rant over. im still sad. i want him back. i want new music. i want new concerts. i know thats selfish, and that makes me feel worse.
it's been a week. I think its time for me to return to normal life (though I've been surprisingly good about all this. the only thing thats changed is my twitter and facebook pictures, and the amount of MJ stuff I post to twitter and my blog), but I still feel funny about it. I dont want to drive my friends crazy, but at the same time I have things I want to get off my chest. And I know that every time a new 'development' happens its one more day I will want to talk about it, and post positive things in response...
when all is said and done though, I want his kids taken care of. i dont want neverland turned into some freakshow tourist attraction. personally i would be just fine with it being sold off and dismantled. let the man rest. let him find peace.
because im afraid that while things are great now, liza's right. all hell will break loose, and its going to be a long time before he and his family ever truly find peace.
But lately I've been feeling a lot of anger. I know its one of the stages of grief, but I dont know there's just something that bugs me.
I think seeing the TII rehearsal footage was the kicker - the man looked so happy to be on stage again, he sounded great, he looked great (though admittedly tired at points). This does not look like a sick man. This does not look like a weak man. This does not look like a scared man. Thats my hero, Michael Jackson, doing what he was born to do.
Now I know sometimes tragedies happen. Jonathan Larson, the genius behind "rent", died the night before opening night (also of a heart related cause). He was plucked away from us just before he got his big chance to shine, and now michael!
Watching the footage makes me wish he was there, at least so he could have done the show once, to prove the world he still had it in him (though of course now I dont think anyone doubts that he did...). I wish I had been there to see it (not that i would have been able to go to any of the TII concerts). I keep hoping that he's really not gone, and he's just pulling a prank and he's in disguise just so he could finally live the life the way he wanted to (while it would mean no more "michael jackson" at least I could know he was happy).
and then theres my anger over the death. it could have been a fluke. it could have just been one of those things that happens. but if the reports are true, and the doctor did CPR on the bed, and didn't call for 30 minutes, and could have iven him an ER room drug to save his life, or just not given him the drugs in the first place... I cant help but feel like this man took away our hero. and he knows it.
and then there's us! we sorta pushed him to this. he wanted to make us happy. he wanted to give us what we wanted. if we hadn't of been so demanding, if one show had of been enough maybe he'd still be with us. i feel so guilt knowing that i wanted more and more from this man who just wanted to raise his kids and live as normal a life as possible.
then there's the 'fans'. the people who say they love him so much but dont even own a copy of thriller. dont get me wrong, im glad his music is finally being appreciated again, by everyone, but it makes me so sad and angry that it takes a death for people to open their eyes (and ears) and realize just what a genius he was. (and the leeches who are feeding off our loss make me angry too - people selling thriller on ebay for $1000+ and trying to sell fake stuff just makes me sick)
then theres the media: the two faced people who a week ago would have joked about his face now call him "a genius". the woman from the local paper who didn't know he was african american... the local radio station that refused to play his music when he was first accused 7 years ago now dedicates a weekend to him and talks about how much he meant to all of them... the fact that once the shock waves stop they'll all go right back to the trash talk, be it about him, or britney, or jon and kate. they're responsible too, probably the most. and the fact that even after his death they continue to spread lies and half truths, and unverifiable facts... TMZ and Perez Hilton are not journalists. they should be ashamed.
then there's joseph... do i really need to say more.
the people who tell me "what i missed" while i was busy obsessing over michael jackson. there was an article telling me about 10 things I missed this week while I was busy obsessing over michael jackson (really it was 10 things about the SAME thing - iran - so really its one thing...). that bothers me. why is it that what you care about is more important than what i care about? yes there are tragedies in the world. yes aids still runs through africa, and yes iran has politcal issues. but the fact is those didn't touch me. michael jackson did. he touched all of us (no pun intended). this was a man who's been in the public eye for nearly 40 years. should hundreds of deaths in iran be more important than the death of one celebrity? probably. and you know what, if michael were around he'd probably want us to worry about things like iran. this man gave to more charities than anyone, he's the one who for twenty years has been saying "help the children. help the world" but everyone sat back and instead made jokes about his nose. now when he's gone you try to tell me to care about other stuff? you're only doing it to be contradictory. this is the first time i've seen you mention anything about "political turmoil". again, I'm not trying to say that what's going on throughout the world isn't bad. it is. it's horrible. but don't tell people what they should care about. thats the world we live in, and something that michael himself wanted to change but no one would listen.
okay. long winded rant over. im still sad. i want him back. i want new music. i want new concerts. i know thats selfish, and that makes me feel worse.
it's been a week. I think its time for me to return to normal life (though I've been surprisingly good about all this. the only thing thats changed is my twitter and facebook pictures, and the amount of MJ stuff I post to twitter and my blog), but I still feel funny about it. I dont want to drive my friends crazy, but at the same time I have things I want to get off my chest. And I know that every time a new 'development' happens its one more day I will want to talk about it, and post positive things in response...
when all is said and done though, I want his kids taken care of. i dont want neverland turned into some freakshow tourist attraction. personally i would be just fine with it being sold off and dismantled. let the man rest. let him find peace.
because im afraid that while things are great now, liza's right. all hell will break loose, and its going to be a long time before he and his family ever truly find peace.