I'm almost 40, and live in Europe. I hope my answers will help !
1. How did you deal with the death of Michael Jackson?
I was shocked. I was not able, and I am still not able to watch the memorial.
I prefer to listen to his music, watch his interviews, his concerts.
2. What did you think when you first heard about it?
Due to the time difference, it was 9 or 10 pm here when the news broke that he was in hospital. At first I didn't think it was so serious, so I was wondering why they made such a fuss about it.
I had a news channel on, they tend to make a whole fuss about nothing sometimes. So I didn't take it seriously and waited for more info. Almost immediately, they stopped talking about anything else, and began a live coverage.
Very quickly it turned out it WAS serious, and as they kept giving more details, it was very clear to me that Micheal would either die or be in a coma with possible very serious consequences.
A little before midnight I was almost certain he had passed, so I decided to wait for a confirmation. That confirmation came around 1 am, when the coroner's office said there would be an autopsy.
I stopped watching after that, I went to bed, but couldn't sleep. To me it was clear that he had ODed on something. At that time, there was no other explanation for me, it seemed to me that you don't suddenly go in cardiac arrest and doctors can't figure out why. I realise now it was wrong, but at that time that's what I thought.
I don't know it that answers your question. I got the news "progressively", I was expecting the bad news.
Still, it was a shock. Disbelief. I thought "on no, no way, it's just NOT possible". It should never have happened.
3. What emotions did you feel?
Shocked, very sad. I couldn't believe it.
I was thinking about him, his family, his friends.
I was thinking about the 80s and 90s, I was remembering when Billie Jean came out, Black or White, etc.. And thinking about his life, how hard it had been for him.
Back then, when all these songs came out, he was extremely popular, it seemed unthinkable that things would turn out this way for him.
I was thinking about what had happened, and how could so many people be so cruel to him. How could this happen, and why ? Why did it go so out of proportions when it came to him ?
I still don't understand that, it makes me sad, and it still really makes me feel bad about the world we live in. I felt that, in some way, we are all responsible for this.
For people my age, Michael Jackson has always been a part of our lives, whether you are a fan or not, whether you like him or not. So when he died, it's a part of our youth that died with him.
I was thinking that we had "our" legend, like Elvis, Marilyn, The Beatles, but many people did not understand that when he was alive.
4. Where were you when you heard it?
home, talking with friends on facebook, about Farrah Fawcett. I had a news channel on, but was not really watching at first.
5. How did your behavior change?
I was really sad about all this. I don't know what else to say.
6. Who did you tell about the event?
I put the news on facebook, then erased it almost instantly : I thought that was not the right way to talk about it, and at that time, we didn't know if he would make it or not.
Then I didn't talk about it with anyone, it was too late, it was about 1 am.
The day after, at my work, I was suprised to see how many younger people were shocked by his death. They were talking about his music, the short films, the genius he was, and asked a lot of questions about him, his life in general. I mean, of course I know MJ had younger fans, but I didn't expect this from so many people.
7. Whats your goal now that you have experienced this event?
I don't know yet. I am not over it yet, it's too early for me to answer that.
I had to deal, and still have to, with people who have a self destructive behavior. It happened to me twice so far, one of them is addicted to medication, the other one is self destructive in the sense that he has an excessive behavior in many areas of his life, he puts himself in impossible situations, with, unfortunately, harmful consequences for him.
I don't know if Michael was like that too, and if so, to which extent.
My feeling is that he probably did have a certain self destructive behavior. I have been thinking about that, and have been trying to understand his reasons.
I don't want to get into their relationship, this is certainly not my place, and I don't mean to be judgmental, but what Lisa Marie wrote on her blog really touched my heart. I can totally understand it and relate to it. Wether she was right or wrong is not the point to me, I was not there with them, I don't know.
She was just so right in describing how it is to try and help in these situations. And how hard it is, if it is possible at all. The toll it takes on you. I totally understand when she says you have to give up to save yourself.
I had to come to the same conclusion myself, thinking that these persons maybe could not be happy with a "normal" life. Or what we think is normal.
So it's not a goal in itself, but all this brought me back to these moments in my life, trying to understand it.
And I think I must add, the more I think about it, the more admiration I have for Liz Taylor, for the way she supported Michael, and Janet Jackson for her public support.
And the more admiration I have for Michael himself. He reached most of his goals, on a professional level, and has brought up 3 wonderful kids who seem to be doing great. He dealt with difficult things, in a beautiful way.
Good luck with your work, and let us know what you come up with !
Very painful memories.
