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Broke down for first time since the Memorial ...

WeegieMac

WeegieMac

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Like everyone else, I broke down hard while watching Michael's memorial service, but since then I've been able to hold it together pretty well, even if it took me a long time to be able to listen to Michael's music again after he passed.

However, the other evening I watched a tribute video someone linked to on YouTube, a tribute video montage with Beyonce's "Halo" as the soundtrack. It was the best tribute video I've seen, but after managing to sit through it once, every time I watch it or hear the song "Halo" I struggle to hold it together. Despite this, I bought it on iTunes. My wife will wonder why I'm listening to Beyonce all of a sudden.

A beautiful song, but it just sounds so "personal" now.

It just feels surreal to think he's no longer physically with us, I can't imagine life without Michael Jackson ... he's always been here, for four generations, part of everyday modern culture.

As long as I have listened to music, adopted different styles and genres, I have never followed and been loyal to anyone the way I have Michael.

I miss him, I really miss him ... watching these videos people post is great in that we can relive little moments for a split second, but I feel like I'm hitting those moments a lot of people on here dealt with almost instantly after he passed away.

"Halo" is playing right now as I type this, and it's tough going ... why him?

All I can do is thank myself fortunate to have been alive during Michael's reign as the undisputed King of Pop, but I am also proud to have been one of the people who believed in him and who, most importantly, loved him.

I love you Michael, take care.
 
I know which video you are talking about. There are lots of other fan videos made in the memory of Michael. I watched the memorial service in July and i broke down really bad at that time. After that i had my moments where i would cry myself to sleep, cry during driving whilst listening to his songs. Cry here on MJJC. But for a while now i havent cried over him and it feels good. Last night i challenged myself to watch the memorial again. And i remembered that i cried the most last time when they were taking his casket away. So i turned it off right before that part came on. I guess we are still quite weak now. Or i am. I dont think i have enough strength to watch the full memorial service, and i also avoid fan vids on you tube. I love him unconditionally and i always will. But i really want to be strong enough to move on. But then to think about it, its only been abt 4 months and few days. It hasnt been that long since his gone. You can not get over someone whose impacted your entire life in just a few months. I am guessing a few years or more it will take to get back to normal. But he will remain in our hearts for as long as we live.
 
i know how it feels. every time i think i hold it together something comes around and i break down. i decided that im not trying to get rid of the pain. cause it will never go away. the world without Michael is not the same. it's worse. i dont know how to figure it out yet.
 
WeegieMac said:
Like everyone else, I broke down hard while watching Michael's memorial service, but since then I've been able to hold it together pretty well, even if it took me a long time to be able to listen to Michael's music again after he passed.

However, the other evening I watched a tribute video someone linked to on YouTube, a tribute video montage with Beyonce's "Halo" as the soundtrack. It was the best tribute video I've seen, but after managing to sit through it once, every time I watch it or hear the song "Halo" I struggle to hold it together. Despite this, I bought it on iTunes. My wife will wonder why I'm listening to Beyonce all of a sudden.

A beautiful song, but it just sounds so "personal" now.

It just feels surreal to think he's no longer physically with us, I can't imagine life without Michael Jackson ... he's always been here, for four generations, part of everyday modern culture.

As long as I have listened to music, adopted different styles and genres, I have never followed and been loyal to anyone the way I have Michael.

I miss him, I really miss him ... watching these videos people post is great in that we can relive little moments for a split second, but I feel like I'm hitting those moments a lot of people on here dealt with almost instantly after he passed away.

"Halo" is playing right now as I type this, and it's tough going ... why him?

All I can do is thank myself fortunate to have been alive during Michael's reign as the undisputed King of Pop, but I am also proud to have been one of the people who believed in him and who, most importantly, loved him.

I love you Michael, take care.
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I'm still dealing with those moments too. It's like I live in constant denial until I watch a video, hear a song, see a picture of Michael, or hear his name. Then, it hits me and I break down completely.

One moment I'm smiling, because I heard a child giggle or saw a beautiful sunset and I try to see it as a small gift Michael is sending to the fans that can see it. The next moment, I'm crying and my soul is screaming.

Michael's death killed me inside. I hardly smile, I don't get excited about things, and I have to try very hard not to ignore everyone around me. The world is grey without him. When I look up at the sky I wonder what I'm doing here. I'm not suicidal or anything,but I do seriously wonder what I'm doing here.

The only people who I feel okay around, are Michael fans because they KNOW my pain and they understand. :better:
 
WeegieMac said:
Like everyone else, I broke down hard while watching Michael's memorial service, but since then I've been able to hold it together pretty well, even if it took me a long time to be able to listen to Michael's music again after he passed.

However, the other evening I watched a tribute video someone linked to on YouTube, a tribute video montage with Beyonce's "Halo" as the soundtrack. It was the best tribute video I've seen, but after managing to sit through it once, every time I watch it or hear the song "Halo" I struggle to hold it together. Despite this, I bought it on iTunes. My wife will wonder why I'm listening to Beyonce all of a sudden.

A beautiful song, but it just sounds so "personal" now.

It just feels surreal to think he's no longer physically with us, I can't imagine life without Michael Jackson ... he's always been here, for four generations, part of everyday modern culture.

As long as I have listened to music, adopted different styles and genres, I have never followed and been loyal to anyone the way I have Michael.

I miss him, I really miss him ... watching these videos people post is great in that we can relive little moments for a split second, but I feel like I'm hitting those moments a lot of people on here dealt with almost instantly after he passed away.

"Halo" is playing right now as I type this, and it's tough going ... why him?

All I can do is thank myself fortunate to have been alive during Michael's reign as the undisputed King of Pop, but I am also proud to have been one of the people who believed in him and who, most importantly, loved him.

I love you Michael, take care.
Click to expand...

Thanks for expressing exactly how I feel.
 
The wonderful thing with this community is that we all know how everyone is feeling as we all share that pain. You expressed yourself wonderfully. I broke down last night after watching the MINM performance from Moonwalker and its comforting that people like yourself and everyone here knows how each other is feeling :hug: Sometimes my heart just feels like its encased in lead and I just want to cry. :hug: :hug: to all xx
 
I still weep on a regular basis, in ASDA today they were playing This Is It and I had to fight back tears. I still cannot get my head round the tragic way he died, if it had been natural causes, or an accident I think I could handle it better, but the fact that it happened because he trusted the wrong person once to often and it cost him his life, is just impossible to accept.
 
hilliver said:
the fact that it happened because he trusted the wrong person once to often and it cost him his life, is just impossible to accept.
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+1

And I've been a MJ fan since I was about 3 or 4 years old when I heard my first J5 songs (1979/1980), but I've never been able to see him live.
TII would've been my first time and I was going the 4th show.

Then 3 weeks before the show this happens.
The day I was going to see Michael I was in London because I couldn't cancel my planetickets but I couldn't get over the fact that I wasn't going to see Michael that night.
I felt empty walking around there, even the thriller live show couldn't cheer me up (it was awesome though).

I don't cry about it and I'm happy that I can listen to his music without breaking down but at sometimes I feel really empty inside.
I can't describe it, but I think it's the same feeling we al have here.

I feel so sorry for all his other fans and seeing the picures of the crying fans the day he died, gives me a lump in my throat.:(
 
WeegieMac said:
Like everyone else, I broke down hard while watching Michael's memorial service, but since then I've been able to hold it together pretty well, even if it took me a long time to be able to listen to Michael's music again after he passed.

However, the other evening I watched a tribute video someone linked to on YouTube, a tribute video montage with Beyonce's "Halo" as the soundtrack. It was the best tribute video I've seen, but after managing to sit through it once, every time I watch it or hear the song "Halo" I struggle to hold it together. Despite this, I bought it on iTunes. My wife will wonder why I'm listening to Beyonce all of a sudden.

A beautiful song, but it just sounds so "personal" now.
Click to expand...

I guess I'm the one to blame, because I recently linked that video in one thread :hiya: :(

I feel just like you do after I first time saw the video, and I felt I simply couldn't keep it by myself...I had to share it! :cry: But I'm sorry if that made you feel worse :(
I'm listening to Halo all the time nowadays, and it really, really reminds me of Michael. Sometimes I can't help crying when listening to it.

If someone wants to see the video so here it is again:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AO9k1GKKNU

I have to warn you, it's really heartbreaking - but at the same time very beautiful and touching.
 
Like you guys I just cannot watch the memorial. I tried watching it again but had to turn it off after five minutes as I just couldn't stop crying.
 
I really miss Michael to ): I would of given anything to just sit and talk with him for 10 mins oh well maybe one day I will meet him
 
I don't cry as often as I did. Every now and then, a song of his, a reminder of Michael's beautiful face, smile, and loving personality, oops! There I go again!
 
oceanborn said:
I guess I'm the one to blame, because I recently linked that video in one thread :hiya: :(
Click to expand...

No, no, no ... please, there's no "blame" to be attached to anyone.

The video was beautiful, it simply evoked emotions I hadn't allowed myself to access since the Memorial.

I am grateful you linked the forum to that video tribute, it deserves to be seen by fans across the world.

I wonder if Michael could ever possibly have imagined he'd be the focus of such an outpouring of love. He knew he had millions of fans, but the outpouring of sheer generosity and togetherness the fans have shown since Michael passed away has been overwhelming.
 
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