The emotional impact of watching white people wake up to racism in real-time
By Natalie Morris, Senior lifestyle reporter
Friday 12 Jun 2020 10:32 am
Over the last few weeks we have seen a tidal wave effect in the global consciousness of issues of racism.
Since the worldwide Black Lives Matter protests began, the movement has gone far beyond marching in the streets. As a direct result of protest action, we are now starting to see real changes, meaningful apologies, and conversations about privilege and racial injustice had on a larger scale than ever before.
It really does feel as though it has the potential to go beyond the hashtags and the performative solidarity. Statues of slave owners and racist historical figures are being toppled, TV shows where comedians wore blackface have been taken down, people with problematic views are leaving their jobs, institutions are pledging to reform their internal structures to improve diversity.
Many Black people and ethnic minorities are tentatively hopeful that this could be the beginning of monumental change. But, witnessing this change happen in real-time can also feel incredibly draining and triggering for people who have experienced racism their whole lives.
Just this week, a collection of powerful, white Hollywood celebrities released another cringe-worthily earnest video in support of racial equality – giving off strong GSCE drama vibes – in which they pledged to ‘take responsibility’ for their privilege, and ‘no longer’ turn a blind eye in the face of racism and police brutality.
It was the ‘no longer’ that felt jarring for many. So, before today, these influential actors would have been fine with ignoring a racist joke, or staying silent about the unlawful murder of Black people at the hands of the police?
It feels like we are watching the collective belated awakening of white people to racism – as though, somehow, it has only just occurred to them to do something about it.
While it is obviously a good thing for people to acknowledge their own complicity in historic racial injustice, it is emotionally draining to realise that before this ‘moment’, so many people just didn’t care.
Honour* says she has found the reactions from some white friends disingenuous. She doesn’t buy that they have only just noticed that racism is a problem.
‘I think all Black people would be lying if they said they weren’t disappointed at how long it took white people to arrive at the party,’ she tells us.
‘We all like to think we are good at picking friends who are moral and conscious. But how can we be in the face of such incredulity from our white friends?
‘I just don’t accept the “we didn’t know how bad it was” rhetoric. Black people have been calling out racism for generations. We said it calmly, we protested, we put it in our music, our art, our movies, our television, our stages. And they watched, danced, laughed and clapped. But they never heard.
‘Or perhaps they did hear, but just didn’t care until it was at their front door.’
Honour admits, however, that her thoughts on this are nuanced. In some ways, she says she can understand why white people may not have a full picture of what it’s like to live with racism, because she says Black people tend to keep day-to-day microaggressions to themselves.
‘Some of my friends were horrified when I recently revealed that I research racism levels in other countries before I go on holiday, or that in 2020 I stagger entrances into clubs with my other Black friends because all together we look “dangerous”,’ she says.
‘They just couldn’t fathom that anyone so close to home was dealing with anything like that on a regular basis.’
‘Just say you didn’t care before because it didn’t affect you, and go.’
But when it comes to the overt examples of undeniable racism – a Black person dying at the hands of a police officer – Honour says claiming to be oblivious just doesn’t wash with her.
‘It’s insulting to my intelligence frankly. Just say you didn’t care before because it didn’t affect you, and go,’ she says.
Honour is determined not to let the disappointment at the reactions of white people distract from the important task at hand – the task of dismantling racism.
‘I am more hopeful than I’ve ever been that we are capable of eradicating racism. So I’ve put aside any bitterness at white people’s late arrival as it doesn’t serve my cause,’ she tells us.
‘It is not up to Black people to deconstruct an issue we did not create. And further, what’s both frustrating and humiliating is that Black people don’t hold enough power to end racism ourselves. We need as many white people to care as possible. Therefore, rather they woke up late than never at all. We need to stay focused.’
Zahra* has South Asian heritage, and she says that this sudden and intense interest in racial equality from her white friends and colleagues, has been a lot to handle.
‘I could never speak for the specific pain of Black people. The levels of racism and discrimination that Black people face is on a different level to other people of colour,’ Zahra tells Metro.co.uk.
‘I can talk about racism, though. I know what it is to be subject to racist abuse; to be held back by structures that endlessly favour white people.’
Zahra says that every time she logs on to social media or a WhatsApp group, white people are sharing pledges, links to articles, screenshots of arguments with racist people in their lives.
‘Someone will text me to tell me they have called out a racist at work, but do not care to begin the conversation with, “How are you?” It’s a double-edged sword for many of us,’ she explains.
‘It’s good these conversations are happening, but it’s also draining to be the person that has to clap and applaud and validate. Why should we be white people’s cheerleaders at the moment? Where has everyone else been for decades?
‘I feel like white people are grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking me, desperately pleading – “You have to understand I’m not racist. I’m not! Look! I’m trying really hard!” – but they simply don’t realise that they’re shaking too hard.
‘They’re unearthing old wounds in people of colour, and their grip is leaving bruises. Can’t you educate yourselves quietly?’
Zahra has had counselling sessions in the last week because the emotional stress of talking these issues through with her white friends was becoming too much. She was exhausted, her body was aching and she found herself randomly bursting into tears.
Advertisement
‘I have cried too many times to count because I’m frightened that white people will use our pain and experiences to fix their own guilt and then just… forget.’
Psychologist Dr Roberta Babb says it isn’t surprising that this sudden influx of public conversations about racism is causing a severe emotional reaction for so many people.
‘Seeing white people discuss racism with an apparent sense of freedom that has not been afforded to ethnic minorities in the past is painful and more than frustrating,’ Dr Roberta tells Metro.co.uk.
‘It feels like conversations about race have been sanctioned and are now allowed, which can evoke feelings of sadness, powerlessness and hopelessness. This can trigger traumatic memories of their own experiences of racism, which are characterised by demotion, devaluation, not having a voice and not being seen or heard.’
How to cope if racism conversations are emotionally draining
There are a number of things you can do to manage the impact conversations about race can have upon you:
As a Black person, it is important that you do not feel that you always have to be the educator during conversations about race.
If you find you are in a conversation that feels too emotionally overwhelming, you can leave the conversation, request that the topic is changed, because of the emotional impact or decline to participate.
If you are finding you are having lots of conversations about race, you may wish to create specific spaces where these conversations can place.
If you are feeling emotionally exhausted or fatigued by having conversations about race you can take a break from spaces where conversations about race, racism, and racial violence take place. You can do this by being mindful about watching the news, which television programmes or films you decide to watch, and the type of social media posts you read and how often and long you engage in the activity.
It is also important to engage in self-care activities which help to alleviate the stress and anxiety that can be present during conversations about race.
You can read and watch stories and instances where Black people are empowered and achieved, as this is an important way to retain a sense of hope about the socially just anti-racist cause.
Dr Roberta Babb, psychologist
She says these conversations also re-enact some of the destructive dynamics of racism – which are associated with power, privilege and position and which have served to keep racism alive.
‘Racism is serious and is a public health issue,’ says Dr Roberta. ‘Eliminating racism should be a priority. It should not have taken the numerous violent tragedies that we have witnessed in recent times to make the conversations about racial inequality, racial violence and racial trauma mainstream.’
On the other hand, Dr Roberta knows that anti-racism is everyone’s business, and it is vital that white people and non-Black people continue to have these conversations.
‘The wider the diversity of people discussing and challenging racism, the more it helps to actively deconstruct the idea that racism is a problem for/of Black people,’ she explains.
‘In order to progress anti-racism, important conversations about race cannot prioritise white discomfort and white guilt ahead of racism, racial inequality and trauma.
‘Bearing the responsibility of having to hold the conversations about race all the time, can have a detrimental impact on Black people, their mental health, and their relationships to racial inequality and social justice.’
So, if you are feeling emotionally exhausted by the current conversations about race – you are certainly not alone.
In order to truly progress this movement, white people must find a way to discuss racism without placing undue burden on ethnic minorities to educate, validate or applaud their efforts. Because otherwise it is just an unfeasibly draining process.
https://metro.co.uk/2020/06/12/emotional-impact-watching-white-people-wake-racism-real-time-12839920/
