Ankita
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I found this on another fansite. Hope this is helpful. Thanks to the original poster there. Here is the link-
http://www.aolhealth.com/2010/07/26/celebrity-grief/
Star Sorrow: Coping With Celebrity Grief
By Sandra Gordon
Jul 26th 2010 10:40AM
Family Health
When a celebrity dies, it can hit us as intensely as when a friend or a beloved family member passes on. We asked David Kessler, an AOL Health advisor, co-author of "On Grief and Grieving" and a death and grieving specialist in Los Angeles, to give us some perspective on celebrity grief and the meaning of our public mourning.
AOL Health: Why do we grieve for celebrities, people we don't know personally?
David Kessler: Because we do know them. Many times, we're grieving for someone we've spent hours with. It may have been through TV or at the movies, but in a very real way, we come to know their public persona, their personal work and sometimes their personal lives. Our grief is a loss of their continued body of work. We also connect celebrities to our own lives, such as "they played that song at my wedding" or "I saw that celebrity on Broadway" or "that celebrity has a son who is the same age as my son." We tend to find personal connections with celebrities that endear them to us.
AOL Health: Why do we take some celebrity deaths harder than others?
DK: In general, our depth of grief depends on the amount of expectation we have. When a celebrity or someone else we know dies young or suddenly, it disrupts our personal sense of safety. It hits us as "that shouldn't have happened." On the other hand, you expect someone such as Ed McMahon, who was getting up in age, to pass away, especially if he's sick. That anticipation can soften the blow when the person actually dies because you know it's coming and you've had time to adjust to the reality.
A celebrity death can also be shocking because it's a reminder of our own mortality. There's an assumption that with fame and money come the best doctors and the best care. There's a sense that if Farrah Fawcett, for example, can't survive [anal] cancer when she's traveled the world for the best treatments and doctors, what's our hope? When a celebrity dies, it reminds us that death is the great equalizer. No one gets an exemption.
AOL Health: How does celebrity grief differ from what you might experience with the death of a friend or family member?
DK: Celebrity grief is more judged by others. For example, if your 50-year-old brother had a heart attack or your 60-year-old sister got cancer, everyone would appreciate your loss. But if your favorite TV star dies and you're upset and grieving over it, there will be people in your life who will say, "You didn't even know the person. How can you be grieving?" The people in your life may not understand your connection to the celebrity. But Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett, for example, are celebrities many of us may have known intimately all of our life and their life, too. Many of us grew up with Michael Jackson. Farrah Fawcett might have been on a poster in your locker when you were 15.
AOL Health: Do we experience the five stages of death -- denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance -- when a celebrity dies?
DK: Yes, the stages of death are universal to everyone. I could go though any celebrity and do the stages. With Michael Jackson, for example, there was denial -- the sense that he's in the hospital. They say it's serious, but Michael Jackson can't die. Then anger: I'm angry that he died. How could this have happened? Then bargaining: Well, wait a minute. If the doctor wouldn't have been there or if it had been a different doctor, could it have happened differently? Then there's the depression that Michael Jackson is gone forever. There will be no more of that music that will be new and no more performances of him. Then the acceptance that Michael Jackson is now in the realm of Elvis Presley and so many others.
AOL Health: What part do the media play in the grieving process?
DK: The media continues the relationship that we've had with the celebrity. Because of the media, we now know the moment a celebrity goes into the hospital and what's going on with them. The moment of their death we hear about it. And it's only fair. If you've seen this person in the media all of your life, to have covered their life but not covered their death would be unthinkable. But everyone's grief is as unique as a fingerprint. There will always be people who will look at the media coverage of a celebrity death and say, "Enough already." And there will be people who can't get enough of it. All told, public grief is not a new phenomenon. We used to gather in town's squares and villages to talk about the well-known people of the community who were ill or dying. But TV has brought it to a new level.
AOL Health: Can media coverage of a celebrity's death help the grieving process?
DK: Seeing funerals and coffins or a tragic event that's being replayed on TV can be helpful to process the death if you're prepared for it and it's done appropriately. It doesn't speed up the grieving process, though. Grief is a natural, healthy reaction. Compared to mourning, which is what we do externally, grief is what we do internally. We may discontinue to outwardly mourn someone, but we may still grieve for them for years. Grief goes away then comes back. In grief, things don't hurt less; they just hurt less often. Media coverage of the anniversary of a celebrity's death, though, can help us continue to grieve if we need to process the death a little more. For instance, if you lost a loved one or are connected somehow to 9/11, or just feel moved by that day, you can tune in on September [11] and see some kind of memorial. That's just as true with a celebrity's passing. Many times, they'll do something on the anniversary of the death. If you feel like you need to reconnect and remember and grieve a little more, the media often provides that opportunity.
AOL Health: Should you protect yourself from the media if you think coverage of a celebrity's death isn't helpful?
DK: We all need to monitor our own grief reactions and mourning process. If you're drawn to the media coverage and you think it's helpful, you can tune in. We know when we're compulsively drawn to it and can't get away and when it's not conducive. If you feel it's not right for you, keep in mind that you can change channels. There is an off switch.
AOL Health: What can we do to manage our own grieving process?
DK: Externalizing your feelings can help them from becoming overwhelming. Here are five ways to do it that I recommend:
1. If your feelings are very strong and there's a public memorial service for the celebrity, attend it if you can or watch it on TV.
2. Send cards or a short note to the celebrity's loved ones. You can usually find an e-mail link to them on the Internet. I also try to provide links on my website.
3. Talk with others who feel connected to the celebrity like you do.
4. Volunteer or give money to a charity in the celebrity's name.
5. Remember what that celebrity did and stood for in your heart and cherish it.
AOL Health: Can celebrity grief ever become a problem?
DK: Crying and sadness when a celebrity dies are absolutely normal unless it's every day, every hour or not progressing. For example, if you listen to Michael Jackson's songs every once in a while and remember him, the intensity and duration is probably okay. But if you told me you were listening to his songs every waking moment and not able to go to work, the intensity is way too much. You've gone into the unhealthy side. If you truly loved that celebrity, you will truly grieve for them. So don't deny your feelings. You have a right to them. But seek counseling or bereavement support if the intensity or duration of your grief is too long or too strong.
http://www.aolhealth.com/2010/07/26/celebrity-grief/
Star Sorrow: Coping With Celebrity Grief
By Sandra Gordon
Jul 26th 2010 10:40AM
Family Health
When a celebrity dies, it can hit us as intensely as when a friend or a beloved family member passes on. We asked David Kessler, an AOL Health advisor, co-author of "On Grief and Grieving" and a death and grieving specialist in Los Angeles, to give us some perspective on celebrity grief and the meaning of our public mourning.
AOL Health: Why do we grieve for celebrities, people we don't know personally?
David Kessler: Because we do know them. Many times, we're grieving for someone we've spent hours with. It may have been through TV or at the movies, but in a very real way, we come to know their public persona, their personal work and sometimes their personal lives. Our grief is a loss of their continued body of work. We also connect celebrities to our own lives, such as "they played that song at my wedding" or "I saw that celebrity on Broadway" or "that celebrity has a son who is the same age as my son." We tend to find personal connections with celebrities that endear them to us.
AOL Health: Why do we take some celebrity deaths harder than others?
DK: In general, our depth of grief depends on the amount of expectation we have. When a celebrity or someone else we know dies young or suddenly, it disrupts our personal sense of safety. It hits us as "that shouldn't have happened." On the other hand, you expect someone such as Ed McMahon, who was getting up in age, to pass away, especially if he's sick. That anticipation can soften the blow when the person actually dies because you know it's coming and you've had time to adjust to the reality.
A celebrity death can also be shocking because it's a reminder of our own mortality. There's an assumption that with fame and money come the best doctors and the best care. There's a sense that if Farrah Fawcett, for example, can't survive [anal] cancer when she's traveled the world for the best treatments and doctors, what's our hope? When a celebrity dies, it reminds us that death is the great equalizer. No one gets an exemption.
AOL Health: How does celebrity grief differ from what you might experience with the death of a friend or family member?
DK: Celebrity grief is more judged by others. For example, if your 50-year-old brother had a heart attack or your 60-year-old sister got cancer, everyone would appreciate your loss. But if your favorite TV star dies and you're upset and grieving over it, there will be people in your life who will say, "You didn't even know the person. How can you be grieving?" The people in your life may not understand your connection to the celebrity. But Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett, for example, are celebrities many of us may have known intimately all of our life and their life, too. Many of us grew up with Michael Jackson. Farrah Fawcett might have been on a poster in your locker when you were 15.
AOL Health: Do we experience the five stages of death -- denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance -- when a celebrity dies?
DK: Yes, the stages of death are universal to everyone. I could go though any celebrity and do the stages. With Michael Jackson, for example, there was denial -- the sense that he's in the hospital. They say it's serious, but Michael Jackson can't die. Then anger: I'm angry that he died. How could this have happened? Then bargaining: Well, wait a minute. If the doctor wouldn't have been there or if it had been a different doctor, could it have happened differently? Then there's the depression that Michael Jackson is gone forever. There will be no more of that music that will be new and no more performances of him. Then the acceptance that Michael Jackson is now in the realm of Elvis Presley and so many others.
AOL Health: What part do the media play in the grieving process?
DK: The media continues the relationship that we've had with the celebrity. Because of the media, we now know the moment a celebrity goes into the hospital and what's going on with them. The moment of their death we hear about it. And it's only fair. If you've seen this person in the media all of your life, to have covered their life but not covered their death would be unthinkable. But everyone's grief is as unique as a fingerprint. There will always be people who will look at the media coverage of a celebrity death and say, "Enough already." And there will be people who can't get enough of it. All told, public grief is not a new phenomenon. We used to gather in town's squares and villages to talk about the well-known people of the community who were ill or dying. But TV has brought it to a new level.
AOL Health: Can media coverage of a celebrity's death help the grieving process?
DK: Seeing funerals and coffins or a tragic event that's being replayed on TV can be helpful to process the death if you're prepared for it and it's done appropriately. It doesn't speed up the grieving process, though. Grief is a natural, healthy reaction. Compared to mourning, which is what we do externally, grief is what we do internally. We may discontinue to outwardly mourn someone, but we may still grieve for them for years. Grief goes away then comes back. In grief, things don't hurt less; they just hurt less often. Media coverage of the anniversary of a celebrity's death, though, can help us continue to grieve if we need to process the death a little more. For instance, if you lost a loved one or are connected somehow to 9/11, or just feel moved by that day, you can tune in on September [11] and see some kind of memorial. That's just as true with a celebrity's passing. Many times, they'll do something on the anniversary of the death. If you feel like you need to reconnect and remember and grieve a little more, the media often provides that opportunity.
AOL Health: Should you protect yourself from the media if you think coverage of a celebrity's death isn't helpful?
DK: We all need to monitor our own grief reactions and mourning process. If you're drawn to the media coverage and you think it's helpful, you can tune in. We know when we're compulsively drawn to it and can't get away and when it's not conducive. If you feel it's not right for you, keep in mind that you can change channels. There is an off switch.
AOL Health: What can we do to manage our own grieving process?
DK: Externalizing your feelings can help them from becoming overwhelming. Here are five ways to do it that I recommend:
1. If your feelings are very strong and there's a public memorial service for the celebrity, attend it if you can or watch it on TV.
2. Send cards or a short note to the celebrity's loved ones. You can usually find an e-mail link to them on the Internet. I also try to provide links on my website.
3. Talk with others who feel connected to the celebrity like you do.
4. Volunteer or give money to a charity in the celebrity's name.
5. Remember what that celebrity did and stood for in your heart and cherish it.
AOL Health: Can celebrity grief ever become a problem?
DK: Crying and sadness when a celebrity dies are absolutely normal unless it's every day, every hour or not progressing. For example, if you listen to Michael Jackson's songs every once in a while and remember him, the intensity and duration is probably okay. But if you told me you were listening to his songs every waking moment and not able to go to work, the intensity is way too much. You've gone into the unhealthy side. If you truly loved that celebrity, you will truly grieve for them. So don't deny your feelings. You have a right to them. But seek counseling or bereavement support if the intensity or duration of your grief is too long or too strong.
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thank u for the article we can all relate
