Am i alone in this?

[Staffordshire Bullterrier]

Awhile ago i already had a thread about this, but when there were some forum changes...some threads dissapeared and it seems this one was among it. I hadn't checked out the thread enough, but i know there were several replies..so here goes again

Basically, i need some advice. All my life (27 now) i've been managing very well on my own, at school i never needed much friends, and outside of school i was always on my own , along with my brother. But i kinda start to feel that i am missing out on things. When i watch tv shows and just hear stories from friends (who unfortunetely don't live nearby at all). The thing is...i really ain't into going out. With that i mean going to clubs where they play 'music' that i can't even stand...and where it's crowded as hell, i just don't apreciate that.

I much rather stay at home, watch tv shows/movies, play games. And stay with my dog, basically. But it's not nesssecarily only the thing about going out. Also during daytime i just don't get out much...not enough, not enough to have a slight chance of finding a friend. But this evening i was kinda tired of not doing anything about it. So i checked online to see if any good music was gonna be performed in certain clubs, which was the case. So i decided to go check it out, it's kinda weird and not too cool to go all by yourself but it's not the end of the world. I am gonna do this more often, as long as good music is playing its all good.

I am glad i decided to go though, cause if i don't....that just ain't good, you know. I was just wondering though...am i the only one who goes to a club all by himself or are there many others just like that? I'm just completely unfamiliar to this whole thing, so i am 'exploring' it all now, and who knows what comes from it .

I guess my question is...and this might sound stupid, i don't know. But in my opinion i need to get out more, also during daytime, to meet people i guess. So i need some tips/advice what are some things to try? I tried fitness awhile ago...didn't work for me, i absolutely didn't enjoy it all.Then again, it was a fancy fitness club where mostly much older people than me come. Maybe i should give it another shot at a different and probably smaller fitness club. But anything else? Any recommandations and advice is welcome :yes:

 

[Tom]

Anything, as long as its something you enjoy doing, is perfectly normal. You don't have to do something you don't want to, if its just not you. You could always go for a stroll in the park, or down to the local city center. Its great to hear that you are becoming open to trying things you might not usually, so that shows you are changing in interests, you'll probably soon go to a club or fitness center and really enjoy yourself. Just keep doing what you want to do

 

[Michael Jackson Moonwalk]

You're not the only one who's not into 'going out'. I'm 24 and my story is pretty much the same as yours. I like my own company, and can keep myself occupied for hours...but like you I sometimes feel I may be missing out on something that most other people my age are currently into. I've just never been the going out type, it doesn't relax me or enrich my life in any way. I'd much rather hang out with friends at home, or go for a meal etc.

As for tips, I think it's great to venture out by yourself. You haven't got anything to lose! You have the freedom of meeting people and doing your own thing and testing the water so to speak. It sounds like you researched the kinda place that would suit you, so it's likely that you'll bump into people who have similar interests as you fand hey who knows, you may make some friends!

Finally, don't feel like you 'have' to be into certain things just because everyone else is. It's hard to be yourself sometimes, because society gives us a blueprint of acceptable and expected behaviours for every segment of the population. Don't be anything other than who you want to be. And above all, be happy :yes:

Have fun exploring

 

[xthunderx2]

well I have a 19 year old son who like you is NOT into going out...he rather stay at home and play video games, computer games and such....I dont force him to go out..however I do from time to time say like..:Hey Josh feeling like going to the store with me"...he either says yes or no.....now dont get me wrong he does have a couple of friends that he does like to visit from time to time....but not very often.....My husband is always trying to get him to do what he calls man things.....But see I tell him....everyone is different and they like to do different things...so what makes one person the man that they are doesnt make someone else the same kind of man......So my advice to you.......Do what makes you happy...maybe try going to your local bookstore or coffeshop...or even the mall....anything you enjoy and helps you to get out for awhile is just fine..so just be yourself...

 

[Staffordshire Bullterrier]

Thanks people, great replies. Always good to hear from people who are very similar to me in that aspect. The thing is, i wanna know what else there is to do,next to gaming and watching movies/shows. So yeah, trying fitness out once again is a option, or maybe something completely different, a new kind of hobby. I just don't really know though .

I definitely am gonna be going to that club more often, especially if they have musicians that are listenable at the very least. Other clubs in my town are basically just....no musicians but just music that plays in the background...well...music...if you can consider ridiculous up-tempo trance, music. It's just not my cup of tea at all. And there's no reason for me to go there then.

What i do kinda 'hate' about myself is that when i am at a concert or anything similar, i just can't really get 'into' it, you know. I just stand there and watch the musicians, but i never really dance or bust out some crazy moves, lol....then again, i shouldn't make this a big deal, cause tonight at that club, more than half of the guys was exactly like me.

 

[shaugnie]

Hi im 14. Im not big on socialising and am not sure if i should be. I dont feel like i need loads of friends i never have done really.
I have two really good friends who i love and can completely rely on to be ther for me. I have quite a few friends, and we can have fun and joke with eachother, but nothing compares to the friendships i have with my other 2 friends. I think just finding people who will love you and people you can openly talk to and enjoy the company of is most important! You dont need to go out and socialise alot if its not for you!

 

[Staffordshire Bullterrier]

Hi im 14. Im not big on socialising and am not sure if i should be. I dont feel like i need loads of friends i never have done really.
I have two really good friends who i love and can completely rely on to be ther for me. I have quite a few friends, and we can have fun and joke with eachother, but nothing compares to the friendships i have with my other 2 friends. I think just finding people who will love you and people you can openly talk to and enjoy the company of is most important! You dont need to go out and socialise alot if its not for you!

I definitely agree with you, but i do feel that when it's starting to bug you, even though i am still enjoying myself plenty with everything in my home, i think it's time for a change. But i am gonna keep it normal, like...i'm gonna try things that i know i could apreciate, and i guess in the hope of finding some new contacts. My true friends , only friends really ...live in a different town than me, quite a distance from me as well.

It's not a big deal really, but sometimes it does suck though...on the other hand, when i know that i'm gonna be seeing my friends again, i have something to really look forward to. .

But lately it's starting to bug me....day in day out, i do the same things, and sure i'm having fun and managing by myself...but more and more do i crave for a nice lady in my life as well, you know . And with only staying home and doing these things...that simply ain't gonna happen. Well..if i was to go try out dating sites, but for some reason i keep staying away from it. I guess i believe more in the 'walking in the park with the dog and meeting a nice lady or anywhere, anytime...basically' idea .

 

[karmagrl]

Hi Staffordshire,
First of all enjoy being 27, this was my favorite age and is my favorite number:cheers:!!!! Do you work outside of your home? If so find out if anyone goes our for a drink/snack at the end of the work week...even if you don't really want to be 'friends' with them it gets you out with a group of people, giving you an opportunity to meet their friends or makes it easier to chat with strangers if you 'look' like your there with friends. If you don't have any coworkers you could try something like meetup.com...no, it's not a dating site. It's groups of people that get together because of a common interest such as hiking, wine tasting, yoga, DOGS:cheeky:, etc...If you don't find a group that interests you start your own! Check out your local newspaper in the 'community' section, you may be surprised at what goes on in your own town that you never knew about.
Best of luck to you Sweetie, I hope you find some great people who know how to have a good time!:wub:

 

[Bee]

That's strange that these threads dissapeared...I'm sure there were even 2 or 3! I remember quite a lot people felt the same...guess people who love MJ are just a different type of human, that don't go with the 'normal' stuff....LOL.
Anyway, you're not alone, but you've read that already. I'm 20 and quite the same....I do go out to concerts and stuff, but just these club things I don't feel for much. All people do there is trying to be the coolest kid in the house. Very tiring. :lol:

But you live in Groningen right....hmm...ain't there ways to do some sort of course on things you like? Like, I really wanna play the guitar to accompany my singing, so I think of doing a course in that. You have many instances that don't ask so much money and are for 'young people' or people from university and even when you already graduated you can still go there. Then you're busy and can create new friends 'round you as well!

Oh and you could go to the JacksonEvent thingys. There's one on 19-12 in Veldhoven...should be cool! At least I've already made new lovely friends through MJ, especially the last months since we went on to met at these events etc.

Anyhow, good luck with it... :hug:

 

[Staffordshire Bullterrier]

Hi Staffordshire,
First of all enjoy being 27, this was my favorite age and is my favorite number:cheers:!!!! Do you work outside of your home? If so find out if anyone goes our for a drink/snack at the end of the work week...even if you don't really want to be 'friends' with them it gets you out with a group of people, giving you an opportunity to meet their friends or makes it easier to chat with strangers if you 'look' like your there with friends. If you don't have any coworkers you could try something like meetup.com...no, it's not a dating site. It's groups of people that get together because of a common interest such as hiking, wine tasting, yoga, DOGS:cheeky:, etc...If you don't find a group that interests you start your own! Check out your local newspaper in the 'community' section, you may be surprised at what goes on in your own town that you never knew about.
Best of luck to you Sweetie, I hope you find some great people who know how to have a good time!:wub:

At the moment i am still unemployed. I have worked for 9 years, and last january i was unemployed. However, things might really start to change in february, there's a chance i am gonna start with an education/course for health-care helper/assistant. It's a completely different thing than what i used to do but that's good. I'll be working 24 hours in a hospital and go to school for 8 hours each week. That's definitely gonna change my life around. But nothing is certain yet, as with practically everything in life.

Meetup.com does sound great, but i don't think that site covers the things to do in my country . But i'm gonna check it out, whether it's for me and my dog, it's all good, i'm always up for something new, a challenge, and if Yoshi can come along that would be great.

But even though it was kinda strange yesterday and it really takes to getting used to and adjusting(going by yourself to a club) i was enjoying the music, so i'm just gonna keep on with this and i bet that eventually i will enjoy it more and more. I never really read the paper anymore, but i bet i can find a community section on the online site of the newspapers as well. I'm definitely gonna be on the lookout more for short trips and just things to check out. Like someone here said..you can explore all you want, which is very true...the thing is, you just gotta go out and DO it.

That's strange that these threads dissapeared...I'm sure there were even 2 or 3! I remember quite a lot people felt the same...guess people who love MJ are just a different type of human, that don't go with the 'normal' stuff....LOL.
Anyway, you're not alone, but you've read that already. I'm 20 and quite the same....I do go out to concerts and stuff, but just these club things I don't feel for much. All people do there is trying to be the coolest kid in the house. Very tiring. :lol:

But you live in Groningen right....hmm...ain't there ways to do some sort of course on things you like? Like, I really wanna play the guitar to accompany my singing, so I think of doing a course in that. You have many instances that don't ask so much money and are for 'young people' or people from university and even when you already graduated you can still go there. Then you're busy and can create new friends 'round you as well!

Oh and you could go to the JacksonEvent thingys. There's one on 19-12 in Veldhoven...should be cool! At least I've already made new lovely friends through MJ, especially the last months since we went on to met at these events etc.

Anyhow, good luck with it... :hug:

Yep, very true. I noticed that alot. MJ fans in general are much more like this compared to non-fans. And that's nice, cause here...i know i have a place to go and ask advice, this is a great forum, a great place.

It's not even nessecarily only to find friends though, i think it's more...the feeling that i am missing out on things, and with that i mean new things, adventure. This year i didn't go on vacation, because we were gonna go to the O2, but when MJ passed away, none of us were in the mood of going anywhere. But next year in the summer, who knows...i might just go on vacation by myself and meet people on the destination i'm going to .


There's gonna be another MJ event this year? Sure alot this year....but i really only went to one, which was in Eindhoven. Veldhoven, is dat near Eindhoven or not at all? . Too bad that its not around christmas when that happens, cause i could have combined it. On the second christmas day i'm going to my friends in Den Haag and Delft, i could have combined it. Ah well.

 

[Bee]

Yep, very true. I noticed that alot. MJ fans in general are much more like this compared to non-fans. And that's nice, cause here...i know i have a place to go and ask advice, this is a great forum, a great place.

It's not even nessecarily only to find friends though, i think it's more...the feeling that i am missing out on things, and with that i mean new things, adventure. This year i didn't go on vacation, because we were gonna go to the O2, but when MJ passed away, none of us were in the mood of going anywhere. But next year in the summer, who knows...i might just go on vacation by myself and meet people on the destination i'm going to .

There's gonna be another MJ event this year? Sure alot this year....but i really only went to one, which was in Eindhoven. Veldhoven, is dat near Eindhoven or not at all? . Too bad that its not around christmas when that happens, cause i could have combined it. On the second christmas day i'm going to my friends in Den Haag and Delft, i could have combined it. Ah well.

Hmm yeah understand the feeling...I have that too, now and then. It's indeed like someone said that you just need to go and DO it...difficult, but true. It's easier to stay in and just enjoy what feels 'save', unfortunately. But when you're at the point, you'll feel better and proud!

Going on vacation alone isn't such a strange idea, I have a lot of peepz around me who actually did or do that! You're much more open for the culture and atmosphere as well I think.

Yeah there are a lot, LOL...but I like it..feels comforting. Thought there's gonna be an ice-skating part, and ofcourse the impersonators etc. Don't know where it is either since I'm from Amsterdam so I have to figure these things out by then...but well...think we just get the car and go. ;D Maybe see ya there!

 

[Alenyx]

Hey there, you're definitely not alone in this.... I'm pretty much the same. I'm 27 too, got two dogs and few close friends, some of whom also live quite far away...

I don't go out much either... I've got two close friends who don't live that far and we often spend the weekends together just watching movies, playing games or exploring new places in the area with the dogs.

During the week with I don't have time for this anyway. I'm always glad about some peace when I come home after works.

I've always found that the dogs are a really good way to get to know other people. You always meet someone when going for a walk and sometimes when the dogs get along well, you meet again...

The other way to get to know people has always been music for me. I've met the two friends mentioned above and even my boyfriend through liking the same band....

So if you like to get to know new people why don't you try to find out if there are some people on here who don't live too far away...

 

[snowhite]

even after you do meet new people it doesn't necessarily mean you're going to find friends, people are so different and some of them are very pretentious when it comes to picking a friend it's like they have a chart or something people can be very very difficult

 

[Staffordshire Bullterrier]

Hmm yeah understand the feeling...I have that too, now and then. It's indeed like someone said that you just need to go and DO it...difficult, but true. It's easier to stay in and just enjoy what feels 'save', unfortunately. But when you're at the point, you'll feel better and proud!

Going on vacation alone isn't such a strange idea, I have a lot of peepz around me who actually did or do that! You're much more open for the culture and atmosphere as well I think.

Yeah there are a lot, LOL...but I like it..feels comforting. Thought there's gonna be an ice-skating part, and ofcourse the impersonators etc. Don't know where it is either since I'm from Amsterdam so I have to figure these things out by then...but well...think we just get the car and go. ;D Maybe see ya there!

I just checked Routenet.nl, it's very close to Eindhoven. But i'm probably not gonna go, the problem is not the distance, i have a great car, no problems there. But the money for the whole trip, that's gonna be a problem. But i haven't decided yet.

Hey there, you're definitely not alone in this.... I'm pretty much the same. I'm 27 too, got two dogs and few close friends, some of whom also live quite far away...

I don't go out much either... I've got two close friends who don't live that far and we often spend the weekends together just watching movies, playing games or exploring new places in the area with the dogs.

During the week with I don't have time for this anyway. I'm always glad about some peace when I come home after works.

I've always found that the dogs are a really good way to get to know other people. You always meet someone when going for a walk and sometimes when the dogs get along well, you meet again...

The other way to get to know people has always been music for me. I've met the two friends mentioned above and even my boyfriend through liking the same band....

So if you like to get to know new people why don't you try to find out if there are some people on here who don't live too far away...

That's definitely very true, whether it's an old lady or anyone, 99% of the time when you walk your dog , you get to talk to someone. The thing is...all this time i only walk with my dog at one area...basically a simple field where there aren't many people. But alittle further away from my house is a big park and from now on i'm just gonna go there more often with Yoshi. It's great for her and good for me, a longer walking distance, i'm alittle longer outside of the house than usally, its good .

I always used to go to several hiphop shows, but the thing is...it's rarely in my hometown. I always travel to Amsterdam/Rotterdam for it, because most rap-acts only go to Paradiso/Melkweg. So if i was to get in contact with people there, i still won't have contacts nearby, it's all so far away, lol. But by going to that club i went yesterday more often, who knows what i might find eventually, and maybe nothing...but at least i'll have a good time and alittle change .

Also....there's gonna be a choir, called The harlem gospel choir who will do a tribute concert to MJ in my hometown, i think i'll go there too.

even after you do meet new people it doesn't necessarily mean you're going to find friends, people are so different and some of them are very pretentious when it comes to picking a friend it's like they have a chart or something people can be very very difficult

True, but still. I do have true friends....it all started with one. Years ago we were playing an online game, and after lots of fun talk about cool things with that guy, me and my bro decided to meet up and talk.
At that guy's house was another dude who happened to be an hardcore MJ fan, well, well that's the case...it's ALWAYS good, haha.

But like i said..it's probably not even nessecarily only about meeting new friends, it's mostly about doing/seeing new things, experiencing more things than i am right now, things like that.

 

[Dr.Feelgood]

Well, you are 27 and if you got a job it is not that special to not go to clubs anymore.
If you're thinking your're missing out just try it if you don't like it just stay as you are. The oppurtunity is on.

 

[2600becs]

i also find it hard with friends.. i mean i get on with people well and everything but they jut don't want to be proper 'friends' if you know what i mean. like snowhite said, it's like they have a chart or something. so i was always the one (like in school) that was never invited anywhere etc
i'm also not into clubs or anything like that. i like going to the movies and stuff but people my ago around here find their entertainment in going out and getting drunk out of their minds. hmm. classy. i men, it's like their only mission when on a night out. i don't get it, so that's why i've always steered clear.

 

[Staffordshire Bullterrier]

i also find it hard with friends.. i mean i get on with people well and everything but they jut don't want to be proper 'friends' if you know what i mean. like snowhite said, it's like they have a chart or something. so i was always the one (like in school) that was never invited anywhere etc
i'm also not into clubs or anything like that. i like going to the movies and stuff but people my ago around here find their entertainment in going out and getting drunk out of their minds. hmm. classy. i men, it's like their only mission when on a night out. i don't get it, so that's why i've always steered clear.

I 100% agree with you on that, they all do it to get as much wasted as possible, so next day they wake up with a horrible headache and don't remember much from the night before. Like you said....for me for years, going out meant going to a movie or to a concert or comedy show, things like that. Now that i'm gonna visit this club more often, it's only to have a good time and for the music. Sure i'll drink something, but i'm not gonna try my best to get wasted or anything, lol.

 

[Staffordshire Bullterrier]

Went to a concert this evening, had a great time, great music, nice atmosphere, it was all good. After awhile during the concert , i noticed a girl next to me...and several times during the show i could see her looking at me.
And instead of looking back or just say something nice or whatever...i did the opposite and just stood there and did nothing. If i need to change one thing about me it's that i must learn to loosen up more. For some reason i don't like to look people in the eye too long...i guess it makes me uncomfortable but most of all i find it kinda rude.

It was the same with this tonight...because of some reason something told me not to look next to me or just look at people...but that's nonsense, cause it's exactly what all those other people are doing, including that girl of course. I am kind of starting to think i might need to look for help for this, don't get this the wrong way...but just see someone, someone who can help me build up self-confidence, try to get rid of my shyness and loosen me up more. The thing is...when i'm at home by myself..i can go crazy just for no reason, and do some MJ moves...i do it, because i know there's no one else besides me and my bulldog, lol. But as soon as i'm in a crowd, around people....nah. Damn, i suck at life , lol.:doh:

 

[ElleBella]

Hey! I kind of understand, I'm 21, more than likely always at home with my two kids under 3. My husband is on tour 9 months out of the year and when he's home he's either in the studio or playing with our boys. I have family that could help me out but I haaaaaate asking for help. But my mom has been forcing me to get out, I'm not into clubs or anything, so I started taking classes, first was a culinary arts, then cake decorating, and now I'm doing a photography. They were each $100 for 6 weeks 2 days each week. I learned a lot and made some friends too. The past few weeks a couple of friends and I meet up for brunch. Maybe look into some classes? It would get you out of the house, meet new people and learn new things.

 

[Bee]

Went to a concert this evening, had a great time, great music, nice atmosphere, it was all good. After awhile during the concert , i noticed a girl next to me...and several times during the show i could see her looking at me.
And instead of looking back or just say something nice or whatever...i did the opposite and just stood there and did nothing. If i need to change one thing about me it's that i must learn to loosen up more. For some reason i don't like to look people in the eye too long...i guess it makes me uncomfortable but most of all i find it kinda rude.

It was the same with this tonight...because of some reason something told me not to look next to me or just look at people...but that's nonsense, cause it's exactly what all those other people are doing, including that girl of course. I am kind of starting to think i might need to look for help for this, don't get this the wrong way...but just see someone, someone who can help me build up self-confidence, try to get rid of my shyness and loosen me up more. The thing is...when i'm at home by myself..i can go crazy just for no reason, and do some MJ moves...i do it, because i know there's no one else besides me and my bulldog, lol. But as soon as i'm in a crowd, around people....nah. Damn, i suck at life , lol.:doh:

Oh, I can so relate to that! I'm not having a fair answer for you on how you can change that, but...you're NOT strange or anything. Just don't think negative of yourself, okay?:no: Know that there are loads more like that out there!
And also, remember you don't have to be that outgoing to be 'attractive'.

What I experienced is that when you're feeling like that it's something you don't get rid of when you snap your fingers. It takes time 'cuz you've built those 'walls' around you and actually, you can hardly do anything about it. It's a mindset that needs to change, you can help changing that by trying every time again, such as you're trying now, which will maybe fasten the change a bit....but for me it has 'just' changed in time. When I was having the exact same thing, I wasn't secure enough of myself, it changed when something major happened in my life and I began to realise how much I am worth, etc.

Maybe you can find that major thing yourself...don't know what exactly but you could try to think of going into a whole new way which you didn't do before? Just trying to come up w/ something here...dunnow...it's hard though!

Hug for you...don't lose the hope. :hug:

 

[BlackCat*]

........instead of looking back or just say something nice or whatever...i did the opposite and just stood there and did nothing. If i need to change one thing about me it's that i must learn to loosen up more. For some reason i don't like to look people in the eye too long...i guess it makes me uncomfortable but most of all i find it kinda rude.

I think 90% of people react so .... so it is perfectly normal.
I don´t like it ,too , if people try to look to long into the eyes ...
And certainly if there are people I do not know.
So, I think you don´t need any help, (you know what I mean:cheeky,
only a little support, next time when there is a nice girl beside you....;D

Anyway, you are on a good way,
you try to change something ,you are going out..
to me that looks like a lot of self-confidence !!!

 

[Staffordshire Bullterrier]

Oh, I can so relate to that! I'm not having a fair answer for you on how you can change that, but...you're NOT strange or anything. Just don't think negative of yourself, okay?:no: Know that there are loads more like that out there!
And also, remember you don't have to be that outgoing to be 'attractive'.

What I experienced is that when you're feeling like that it's something you don't get rid of when you snap your fingers. It takes time 'cuz you've built those 'walls' around you and actually, you can hardly do anything about it. It's a mindset that needs to change, you can help changing that by trying every time again, such as you're trying now, which will maybe fasten the change a bit....but for me it has 'just' changed in time. When I was having the exact same thing, I wasn't secure enough of myself, it changed when something major happened in my life and I began to realise how much I am worth, etc.

Maybe you can find that major thing yourself...don't know what exactly but you could try to think of going into a whole new way which you didn't do before? Just trying to come up w/ something here...dunnow...it's hard though!

Hug for you...don't lose the hope. :hug:

Thanks alot for this, but slowly, little by little i'm going out more. Trying new stuff. At first i wasn't gonna go to the show, but all week i had doubts about it...and this afternoon i decided to get a ticket to the show. Kinda like a last minute decision, glad i did...cause i had a great time. But i don't wanna push it you know....i could go do all kinds of things, simply for the fact to 'get out ' more, but nah. That would be a waste of time and money. So i make sure it's things that i can enjoy...sadly..in my town we just don't have that much good concerts, it's always in amsterdam or things like that. So this was rare.

I think 90% of people react so .... so it is perfectly normal.
I don´t like it ,too , if people try to look to long into the eyes ...
And certainly if there are people I do not know.
So, I think you don´t need any help, (you know what I mean:cheeky,
only a little support, next time when there is a nice girl beside you....;D

Anyway, you are on a good way,
you try to change something ,you are going out..
to me that looks like a lot of self-confidence !!!

Yeah that's true, i could have still sat at home and 'planning' on doing things, but i actually am doing things. So i agree, you can call this progress . But next time i shouldn't care so much and just look back..i mean hey..she does too .

A few months ago i was at this job interview, and the lady said 'I noticed you don't look me much into the eyes' and i basically said..that's true, i always have that with new people. I should also said that i find it rude.
And later she even asked me if i have that with friends or familly as well, it was almost as if she was already judging me there, sigh. But at the my previous job..where i worked 9 years. One of my co-workers was the kind of guy who would always stand straight in front of you and look you right in the eyes.....an almost piercing look. Hated it. lol.

 

[Bee]

Thanks alot for this, but slowly, little by little i'm going out more. Trying new stuff. At first i wasn't gonna go to the show, but all week i had doubts about it...and this afternoon i decided to get a ticket to the show. Kinda like a last minute decision, glad i did...cause i had a great time. But i don't wanna push it you know....i could go do all kinds of things, simply for the fact to 'get out ' more, but nah. That would be a waste of time and money. So i make sure it's things that i can enjoy...sadly..in my town we just don't have that much good concerts, it's always in amsterdam or things like that. So this was rare.

Well, that's great that you did go! Sometimes all you need is to step outside that comfort zone and just do it, often you'll be realising how good things will work out.

But you know...also don't try to force yourself like 'I MUST now do this, or I MUST now say something'...etc. That doesn't work...I've tried but it only got worse. Just try to 'fool yourself' and draw your attention to something else, and that's the time you will suprise yourself of what's happening.

 

[BlackCat*]

One of my co-workers was the kind of guy who would always stand straight in front of you and look you right in the eyes.....an almost piercing look. Hated it. lol.

I know what you mean, as a teen I did hate this " stare" ...
and tried to stop it. Special for people who wanted to exercise their Authrotität . I started to stare back, and all the while saying to myself:
"You win, you win, you're not the first to give up."
Often, it worked.
And sometimes I still do it so, mostly on the work. LOL

 

[Staffordshire Bullterrier]

Lol, yeah the staring is real annoying. Plenty of people i have known did this, and you know...i don't even believe it was always on purpose, sometimes they just don't realize it.

As for loosening up more, i forgot to tell something. Before i went to the show, i had alittle alcohol, not much...but just a bit. Cause if i take too much
i get very tired and can almost fall asleep. I really am not that used to it.
just now and then...but i basically did it, and i guess...hoping , that way
i'd loosen up more...do things i'd normally not do, like...you know, just really dancing to music. But nah...it's nonsense to try that out...i'll only make me more 'less' me , you know.

 

[Nar]

MMm, Im sort of on the same boat. I plan to take plenty of time to head out to museums, zoos, theme parks, beaches, possibly even start surfing again etc.

I tend to find people to talk to at zoos very much. Especially with the workers who tend to animals.
So much information.
I love museums, so im sure socializing there would do some good.

I dont go to night clubs no more. Theyre chalked full of materialistic one night stand type of folk. If it isn't what youre about, then dont do it.
Do what makes you happy. Go where you think you might find like minded people.

I'm not Christian but I also had wonderful experiences with Christian groups (been invited to their bible study get together) and its a nice change from the usual vulgar crap in my vicinity.

But yeah.
Making new friends is great. Gotta be a reliable personality too. Dont just get out once and go back to limbo. It takes time to grow on you too. The first few times is kind of weird. Kind of like looking out through a window.

I remember not talking to people for a long time that when i finally began socializing, i couldnt even find the right words to express myself. I would stutter or forget words because i lost practice in speaking. LOL.
Spending more time communicating online did a number on me.
Balance is the key.
I hope you find it. :cheeky: