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A very good friend has been talking very suicidal lately.

Staffordshire Bullterrier

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And damn man, i need some advice on this, this really ain't good.


It's one of my friends, the fucked up thing is, he doesn't live nearby. It's basically a two hour distance by car. He does have several friends in his neighborhood though. He's always the one that is quiet, and always these rather negative views on life in general. This year especially he's been putting some weird things in his MSN name and also his Xbox live motto thing, he put his birthdate, but he means it as the day he dies(this year).

He also lives quite isolated, he does have a job, and next to that he goes to the gym every week and also a fighting sport for hobby. But for some reason he just can't seem to find someone nice, a nice lady. Maybe he's just not open to it, maybe not interested...i have no idea, but he definitely is lonely.

Long story short....on his Hyves, which is basically a dutch version of facebook , he wrote this, and i translate:


" i hope that i won't be on this planet anymore in three months. i am tired of being like this everyday. everyone hates me, i can see and feel it, but i never hurt anyone. i am not depressed, i just dont see the point of living anymore. i dont see a future in my life anymore, only one big grey mass of hate and disbelief. i dont have anyone to fight for or love. i tried everything to stay positive, but it just doesnt work."


Yeah it worries me, to say the least. He's got like three or four real friends over there, the fucked up thing is though. One of them has recently lost his child(unborn child) so he's definitely still in mourning. And the other guy is through with it..he can't have this, he lost his uncle recently, and the death of his friend's daugher has hit him hard, he can't handle this, he told me. So it's definitely up to me to do something.

My dad, who has been in a huge depression for a long time, but is much better now, gave me advice to call someone tomorrow, people who will hear my story and probably go to his house and help him or whatever,i have no fucking clue though if that's gonna change anything, but i have to do something. A friend of mine said ' you know, if i wanted to kill myself, i wouldn't anounce it, i'd just do it, but you can never be sure about that' .
 
Sometimes suicide really is a cry for attention. He seems lonely, very lonely....I don't know how to help him.. But it still seems like there is a way, he hasn't given up yet, or he would have killed himself by now..

you've got my blessings, try as hard as you can to save a life.
 
Science freak said:
I would do everything to get to a friend who is suicidal. The friend needs love and the only way you can give it, is not to let him down.
Go visit him on the weekend and do something with him. A friends thing. Things might get better;)
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That would absolutely be no problem for me, but the thing is. He's always very reluctant..i think thats the word for it. Several times a year we all come together, as friends, we have a weekend full of gaming,movies, snacks, simply fun stuff. But he's always the guy that we have to literrally...force to come to us, to come to the house where we all are at. We have to say to him, dude get out of your house and have fun, just do it, we're all here.

And when he's eventually at our place, he has fun, makes jokes, has a great time. What i'm gonna do is...call people who do this as a profession and simply explain it all, i aint gonna give names yet, simply ask for advice. In the evening if i seee my friend on MSN, i'll talk to him and ask him about it....why he thinks everybody hates him, i have no idea where he's gettting that from, i mean..the guy is 100% goodhearted, nobody hates him.
 
Well, i talked to my other friend (the guy who has lost his daughter) and he told me that this is never gonna happen, that this is for attention. But at that time he hadn't read that one message yet, after he did..he said that this was a rather scary message, and not something to take lightly.

He told me he's gonna talk to him today, he lives like 5 minutes from him and he has also known him for much longer than me, if the guy signs onto MSN i'm not gonna bother him with it yet, i'll await this first. Just now i had a conversation with someone from Social Assistance ( i think thats the right translation) and asked for some advice. I remained anomymous and i didn't give any names, i simply wanted advice from people who do this as a profession.

Thanks for ya'll advice of course too!
 
Staffordshire Bullterrier said:
Well, i talked to my other friend (the guy who has lost his daughter) and he told me that this is never gonna happen, that this is for attention. But at that time he hadn't read that one message yet, after he did..he said that this was a rather scary message, and not something to take lightly.

He told me he's gonna talk to him today, he lives like 5 minutes from him and he has also known him for much longer than me, if the guy signs onto MSN i'm not gonna bother him with it yet, i'll await this first. Just now i had a conversation with someone from Social Assistance ( i think thats the right translation) and asked for some advice. I remained anomymous and i didn't give any names, i simply wanted advice from people who do this as a profession.

Thanks for ya'll advice of course too!
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I think you did a good job! ;) It's always good to ask for help and people from Social Assistance can give you, hopefully, good advice.
Even if he's only saying things like that for attention, it's important to listen to it, cause a person doesn't say things like that without a reason.
Hope it will al work out good.
 
My other friend just contacted him on MSN, asked him what it was all about, and he said this message was from last week, last tuesday. That he changed it, but apparently for some reason it wasn't updated by the site yet. Basically what he's saying is we shouldn't worry about this...

But come on, after such a message, it was only one week ago....i really dont believe everything is all fine and dandy now. But i'm not sure what to do next...
 
Sometimes all you can do is be there for people. He may be far away, but call him every so often, text and email him. It does seem like a cry for attention. I think that if he was actually suicidal he would have told a few close friends, poured his heart out. It wouldn't be written on facebook-type sites. You're right in saying that you can never be too sure though.

Don't force him to open up to you; maybe arrange a time to go and see him to talk to him, or meet half way. Go for a drink, just talk about everything and show him you're happy to listen and give advice if that's what he wants.
 
yes, you should draw more friends to 'quietly' take care of him (talk to him, ask him to do easy/small for them) to let him believe that he is not alone, he is useful, and to realize that his life is not that lonely. He need some care and love (I dont mean romantic love)
 
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blue_eyed_belle said:
Sometimes all you can do is be there for people. He may be far away, but call him every so often, text and email him. It does seem like a cry for attention. I think that if he was actually suicidal he would have told a few close friends, poured his heart out. It wouldn't be written on facebook-type sites. You're right in saying that you can never be too sure though.

Don't force him to open up to you; maybe arrange a time to go and see him to talk to him, or meet half way. Go for a drink, just talk about everything and show him you're happy to listen and give advice if that's what he wants.
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Well i noticed that simply talking to him on MSN or Xbox live (that's basically calling, but with headsets on ;) ) he likes to talk about animals, but he doesn't like to talk about sensitive things, like his parents and ex girlfriend, cuase it makes him emotional. So i'm gonna do my best to stay off those subjects.


I decided to talk to him on MSN, ask him about it,in my own way. basically he said that the messsage was from last week again, but also that he was in a very bad mood at that time. I told him that he has to realize that he has true friends, nobody hates him, to get that out of his head, that he shocked all of us pretty damn well with that message, i basically told him no matter how bad today is, and believe me i have plenty of those as well, tomorrow could be a amazing day, and the most simple things can mean big changes in life as you know, plenty to live for, and nothing to die for my friend. He said he knows that and that at times he just gets very sensitive , and he has to write it off his chest, about what he's been through that day or recently. He just hopes that he won't get those 'crazy moods' too often.

I think it's a good idea to not start about the subject again and probably let this be now, but i am not sure, i am not how you say....'experienced' in these kind of things.
 
Hey,

I hope youre friend is feeling better now. It really does sound more like a cry for attention than anything else, but you are right in saying that it shouldn't be taken lightly and that it does need to be addressed.

Like everyone else has said, I know he 'begrudgingly' comes and hangs out, but you might maybe want to encourage him some more to hang out with all of your friends or keep talking to him on the XBox and just make sure that he knows there is someone there for him :)
 
I talked to my dad about this again just now, and he says there are more people like that. As soon as they see or feel something, they write it down or want to talk about it. It's the same as ...you see a great car, and without thinking it through, you buy it right away. He wrote this without even thinking about it. In that way it's similar, and even if he gets those moods again and writes strange things...we as his friends will know that he has one of those moods again, probably.


But what i hope mostly is that he finds a nice lady, one who is just like him, friendly and a sweet person and caring. But he doesn't do too much to try to find someone, he doesn't believe in dating sites and except for his fighting sport hobby and the gym, he doesn't do much other things. But he could definitely need that, so i hope he'll eventually meet someone.
 
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