After June 25[SUP]th[/SUP] when I removed myself from all things MJ and the fandom, I saw tasks as tasks, days as days, and nights as nights. The richness of creativity and inspiration – although I cannot deny - it was THERE, and I DID experience it without MJ in my life, but it was dulled somehow. My internal self was really just going through the motions and we became separated in a way.
On the tennis court today when I decided to suspend not only my belief in any USEFULNESS of bringing back my old imaginary friend, but also suspend my FEAR of being a straight up crazy person lol But I did that due to what I’ve heard and seen multiple times in the spiritual books I’ve read, MJ’s quotes and writings, as well as blogs on MJ, including the one I referenced in part one: you ARE what you believe. You MANIFEST your thoughts. You are both the thought and the thinker. I figured, what could be the harm? No one will know but me that I’m having an intense conversation in my head with an imaginary person lol. Honestly, I’m doing what a functioning, completely sane person does all the time – have internal dialogues with themselves. I’m just putting it in a different form.
Me and my tennis opponent always go out on the court with a portable speaker and hit around to music. Lately I haven’t really been focused on doing well because, as stated earlier, I always get bored. So as I played, here is KIND of how the conversation went.
There was a bit of back and forth about ‘ok you know nothing about tennis’ banter, but getting past that:
“Set the intention. Just like I did with any of my work – see yourself doing what you want and then do it. Remember, I got told many times that Thriller wouldn’t sell 100 million albums, that only made me want to prove them wrong. I had confidence in my abilities. You know how to play this, you know exactly how to place the ball where you want it. Now just do it every time. ”
[after a few rounds, I followed this intention, focused on it, envisioned it – and did very well]
“Wow that actually worked! Is this my imagination talking though or something else? Some spiritual higher self I keep hearing about in the books I read?” [I was reminded of the “angel of light” poem in Dancing the Dream or the many conversations MJ had with the ocean and sky and stars while dancing]
“What does it matter? It worked, right? [giggles] Why don’t I just leave you in suspense about that?”
“How about not?” [jokingly]
“You’re focused too much on this silly stuff, focus on the game! Remember this in everything you do: confidence and positive intention. [repeats this]”
[of course this continues to work. A Prince song comes on the speaker, and I imagine that MJ is playing with me – and doing so reminds me that when it comes to viable competition, it doesn’t matter if they make a winning shot (or an awesome song in Prince’s case lol) – because as long as you focus on your intention, you can’t lose. The opponent will be on their path and you will be on yours, and you will learn from their moves – so how can you be jealous or bitter about them winning a few rounds?]
“Your confidence is waning. Why? Play! Imagine! Think about when you were a child – when you did things with confidence, without fear. Why is that? Because you used your imagination. If you dream up things you’ve never done, never seen, if you dream up possibilities for yourself - how can you fail? It’s never been done the way YOU will do it. You can’t fail, it’s impossible. Imagination makes a way for confidence.”
"How do I imagine things when I’m on a tennis court exactly?”
“Pretend the court is your playground. Experiment. You can do all kinds of things with it mentally, just like you did as a kid. But keep that intention. Put the ball where you want it to go but play with it – and do that with everything in your life. Try things out. And just like a child you know that you’re safe. If you lose this point, there’s the next point. If you lose the game, there’s the next game. There is no end to this, trust me! There is always a new adventure. And nothing ever dies. So what is there to be afraid of? What is there to be insecure about?”
[so I play with this for a bit, and continue being on my A game]
“See? You know yourself deep down. You just have to trust yourself. And you know this conversation we’re having is working. You also know that your internal self is the most powerful thing about you. Don’t fight it! Use it!”
“I have to admit, you’re not wrong. But I always thought it was a weakness. Everyone is very external in this world.”
“Well that’s what makes you different. You used your internal self as defense when you were younger. You retreated. Now that you’re older, you can use it as offense.”
“So true!! [this self discovery was really exciting for me, I never looked at it in that way before. And tapping into it on the court – experimenting with my internal will power – made it even more real. I remind myself though that this is just my imagination talking.]”
“This may be your imagination, but isn’t this intention to entertain your imagination more REAL than it was when you were a kid?”
“….yeah. Yes it is! It’s just more purposeful and clear oddly enough.”
“So what then is the harm of such imagination if it’s helping you? Embrace it!”
“But I can’t be distracted by it. I can’t retreat inside like I did when I was a kid. I have to control it. I need to learn how to turn it off and on.”
“Sure, and that can be something to explore and perfect on your next adventure. Maybe tomorrow!”
“Okay, okay, this feels more real but I don’t really ‘see’ you in my mind’s eye. Let’s say that if you’re really here…you’ll play with the music.”
“As long as you keep focused, I might!”
[so a couple of rounds later SMOOTH CRIMINAL starts playing. The energy dramatically shifts (even for my opponent, I can tell) and I can feel it and see it in my mind’s eye – my friend there with me and watching. So that gets me more motivated and pressured to ‘perform’…and I do horribly!]”
“It’s okay!” my friend says in delight.
“No it’s not, you’re distracting me!! I have to learn how to do this intention stuff under pressure”
“and you will in time!”
[The moment after Smooth Criminal ends, I make a winning shot.]
Before I knew it, it was about time to go home as it was turning dusk. The time went by so fast! And as we packed up to head home I had MJ asking “So did we have a good time here?....hello!”
My honest answer? “YES!”
I’m not going to make claim about what to think about this, whether you believe in spiritual manifestations of MJ or of anything else. I believe this was obviously in my head, but WOW – what an internal dialogue THAT was! I have to hold on to that – how could I not when I learned so much from it? And it is this that reminded me of a list I made recently about all of the lessons MJ has given us by just existing, embedded in our consciousness if we dare to listen. And no, it’s not just for kids! It’s about being an adult. A TRUE adult.
(Continued!)
On the tennis court today when I decided to suspend not only my belief in any USEFULNESS of bringing back my old imaginary friend, but also suspend my FEAR of being a straight up crazy person lol But I did that due to what I’ve heard and seen multiple times in the spiritual books I’ve read, MJ’s quotes and writings, as well as blogs on MJ, including the one I referenced in part one: you ARE what you believe. You MANIFEST your thoughts. You are both the thought and the thinker. I figured, what could be the harm? No one will know but me that I’m having an intense conversation in my head with an imaginary person lol. Honestly, I’m doing what a functioning, completely sane person does all the time – have internal dialogues with themselves. I’m just putting it in a different form.
Me and my tennis opponent always go out on the court with a portable speaker and hit around to music. Lately I haven’t really been focused on doing well because, as stated earlier, I always get bored. So as I played, here is KIND of how the conversation went.
There was a bit of back and forth about ‘ok you know nothing about tennis’ banter, but getting past that:
“Set the intention. Just like I did with any of my work – see yourself doing what you want and then do it. Remember, I got told many times that Thriller wouldn’t sell 100 million albums, that only made me want to prove them wrong. I had confidence in my abilities. You know how to play this, you know exactly how to place the ball where you want it. Now just do it every time. ”
[after a few rounds, I followed this intention, focused on it, envisioned it – and did very well]
“Wow that actually worked! Is this my imagination talking though or something else? Some spiritual higher self I keep hearing about in the books I read?” [I was reminded of the “angel of light” poem in Dancing the Dream or the many conversations MJ had with the ocean and sky and stars while dancing]
“What does it matter? It worked, right? [giggles] Why don’t I just leave you in suspense about that?”
“How about not?” [jokingly]
“You’re focused too much on this silly stuff, focus on the game! Remember this in everything you do: confidence and positive intention. [repeats this]”
[of course this continues to work. A Prince song comes on the speaker, and I imagine that MJ is playing with me – and doing so reminds me that when it comes to viable competition, it doesn’t matter if they make a winning shot (or an awesome song in Prince’s case lol) – because as long as you focus on your intention, you can’t lose. The opponent will be on their path and you will be on yours, and you will learn from their moves – so how can you be jealous or bitter about them winning a few rounds?]
“Your confidence is waning. Why? Play! Imagine! Think about when you were a child – when you did things with confidence, without fear. Why is that? Because you used your imagination. If you dream up things you’ve never done, never seen, if you dream up possibilities for yourself - how can you fail? It’s never been done the way YOU will do it. You can’t fail, it’s impossible. Imagination makes a way for confidence.”
"How do I imagine things when I’m on a tennis court exactly?”
“Pretend the court is your playground. Experiment. You can do all kinds of things with it mentally, just like you did as a kid. But keep that intention. Put the ball where you want it to go but play with it – and do that with everything in your life. Try things out. And just like a child you know that you’re safe. If you lose this point, there’s the next point. If you lose the game, there’s the next game. There is no end to this, trust me! There is always a new adventure. And nothing ever dies. So what is there to be afraid of? What is there to be insecure about?”
[so I play with this for a bit, and continue being on my A game]
“See? You know yourself deep down. You just have to trust yourself. And you know this conversation we’re having is working. You also know that your internal self is the most powerful thing about you. Don’t fight it! Use it!”
“I have to admit, you’re not wrong. But I always thought it was a weakness. Everyone is very external in this world.”
“Well that’s what makes you different. You used your internal self as defense when you were younger. You retreated. Now that you’re older, you can use it as offense.”
“So true!! [this self discovery was really exciting for me, I never looked at it in that way before. And tapping into it on the court – experimenting with my internal will power – made it even more real. I remind myself though that this is just my imagination talking.]”
“This may be your imagination, but isn’t this intention to entertain your imagination more REAL than it was when you were a kid?”
“….yeah. Yes it is! It’s just more purposeful and clear oddly enough.”
“So what then is the harm of such imagination if it’s helping you? Embrace it!”
“But I can’t be distracted by it. I can’t retreat inside like I did when I was a kid. I have to control it. I need to learn how to turn it off and on.”
“Sure, and that can be something to explore and perfect on your next adventure. Maybe tomorrow!”
“Okay, okay, this feels more real but I don’t really ‘see’ you in my mind’s eye. Let’s say that if you’re really here…you’ll play with the music.”
“As long as you keep focused, I might!”
[so a couple of rounds later SMOOTH CRIMINAL starts playing. The energy dramatically shifts (even for my opponent, I can tell) and I can feel it and see it in my mind’s eye – my friend there with me and watching. So that gets me more motivated and pressured to ‘perform’…and I do horribly!]”
“It’s okay!” my friend says in delight.
“No it’s not, you’re distracting me!! I have to learn how to do this intention stuff under pressure”
“and you will in time!”
[The moment after Smooth Criminal ends, I make a winning shot.]
Before I knew it, it was about time to go home as it was turning dusk. The time went by so fast! And as we packed up to head home I had MJ asking “So did we have a good time here?....hello!”
My honest answer? “YES!”
I’m not going to make claim about what to think about this, whether you believe in spiritual manifestations of MJ or of anything else. I believe this was obviously in my head, but WOW – what an internal dialogue THAT was! I have to hold on to that – how could I not when I learned so much from it? And it is this that reminded me of a list I made recently about all of the lessons MJ has given us by just existing, embedded in our consciousness if we dare to listen. And no, it’s not just for kids! It’s about being an adult. A TRUE adult.
(Continued!)
