Before I can explain fully how Michael taught me about pure, unconditional love, I need to become deeply personal and explain my past and my inner demons and fears, so you can appreciate the full magnitude of his impact on me.
I am not afraid to bare my soul as I only hope with all my heart that others can benefit from reading my experience and heal in the way I was healed. My heart was healed although it was broken first due to the grief of losing him, even though I had never met him or was even a fan of his music!
When I was in my teens I searched for love everywhere, never finding any, feeling slightly desparate at a mission to find someone to give all that love to that I had inside of me. I was blessed with a loving family and many friends but that what I yearned for most, true love, eluded me. The more I searched for it, the unhappier and unfulfilled I felt, and the more lost and lonely and unloved I felt. Oh sure, many loved me as a good friend, someone to talk with, someone to dance with, someone to laugh with, someone to cry with, but not in a boyfriend/girlfriend kind of way. What should I do ? What did I do wrong ? Was I not cute enough, not pretty enough, not submissive enough, not dependent enough, not skinny enough ? What was wrong with me ? I cried many lonely night as all my friends got married, got children, and got divorced. Maybe I was saved from a lot of heartache ?
I had only one dream: to marry and have many children. I loved the children of my friends, babysat them and some of them I regard as my own children. To avoid the loneliness I went over to friends houses or shopping or another good escape was the movies. Anything, not to feel the ache in my heart and the yearning for someone at my side. In the movie theater before the movie started and during intermission these sad love songs could be heard. These songs touched my heart and enlarged the emptiness I felt inside, but somehow they could also be strangely soothing. Most of the songs I didn't know the name of , let alone the artist. There was no internet then so it was next to impossible to find out the names of the songs...
After a while I became used to being alone and I gave up on love altogether, thinking it wasn't for me, it simply wasn't "in the cards".
Love became a very abstract word, and I couldn't understand what people meant when they said "You haven't lived fully, if you haven't loved". What did that mean for me ? I was a bad person for not having a husband ?? So I would be punished twice ?
Life went on, I was happy enough in my job, traveled abroad as part of my job giving training to others, had a car, bought a house with a garden, my dream, but no man in my life.
Some years I cannot even remember very well as they blur into a meaningless mush of days, weeks and months of working, sporting, meeting with friends, shopping, eating and sleeping.
Fast forward to June 25, 2009. I was captivated by Michael and what he stood for. After a couple of weeks or months, I can't really remember when it took place, I realized that my heart had opened to pure, unconditional love. I was feeling loved and able to share without bounds from this fountain of pure, unconditional love in my heart. I knew what love is all about, and what it's not, and Michael taught me this. And the music in the movie theater that I heard so many years ago that was also strangely soothing ? Now I realized it was Michael's songs that had prepared my heart for the right time when it would be touched and changed so powerfully!
This wonderful gift fills me with the deepest gratitude and compassion for those around me. I feel so blessed and also thankful for my wonderful MJ-family with whom I can share these experiences with and others feel the same way. To me that is Michael's Miracle come true! I will always love you, Michael!
- Elmira aka MJJLaugh
Now featured on http://www.majorloveprayer.org as Lesson #5
I am not afraid to bare my soul as I only hope with all my heart that others can benefit from reading my experience and heal in the way I was healed. My heart was healed although it was broken first due to the grief of losing him, even though I had never met him or was even a fan of his music!
When I was in my teens I searched for love everywhere, never finding any, feeling slightly desparate at a mission to find someone to give all that love to that I had inside of me. I was blessed with a loving family and many friends but that what I yearned for most, true love, eluded me. The more I searched for it, the unhappier and unfulfilled I felt, and the more lost and lonely and unloved I felt. Oh sure, many loved me as a good friend, someone to talk with, someone to dance with, someone to laugh with, someone to cry with, but not in a boyfriend/girlfriend kind of way. What should I do ? What did I do wrong ? Was I not cute enough, not pretty enough, not submissive enough, not dependent enough, not skinny enough ? What was wrong with me ? I cried many lonely night as all my friends got married, got children, and got divorced. Maybe I was saved from a lot of heartache ?
I had only one dream: to marry and have many children. I loved the children of my friends, babysat them and some of them I regard as my own children. To avoid the loneliness I went over to friends houses or shopping or another good escape was the movies. Anything, not to feel the ache in my heart and the yearning for someone at my side. In the movie theater before the movie started and during intermission these sad love songs could be heard. These songs touched my heart and enlarged the emptiness I felt inside, but somehow they could also be strangely soothing. Most of the songs I didn't know the name of , let alone the artist. There was no internet then so it was next to impossible to find out the names of the songs...
After a while I became used to being alone and I gave up on love altogether, thinking it wasn't for me, it simply wasn't "in the cards".
Love became a very abstract word, and I couldn't understand what people meant when they said "You haven't lived fully, if you haven't loved". What did that mean for me ? I was a bad person for not having a husband ?? So I would be punished twice ?
Life went on, I was happy enough in my job, traveled abroad as part of my job giving training to others, had a car, bought a house with a garden, my dream, but no man in my life.
Some years I cannot even remember very well as they blur into a meaningless mush of days, weeks and months of working, sporting, meeting with friends, shopping, eating and sleeping.
Fast forward to June 25, 2009. I was captivated by Michael and what he stood for. After a couple of weeks or months, I can't really remember when it took place, I realized that my heart had opened to pure, unconditional love. I was feeling loved and able to share without bounds from this fountain of pure, unconditional love in my heart. I knew what love is all about, and what it's not, and Michael taught me this. And the music in the movie theater that I heard so many years ago that was also strangely soothing ? Now I realized it was Michael's songs that had prepared my heart for the right time when it would be touched and changed so powerfully!
This wonderful gift fills me with the deepest gratitude and compassion for those around me. I feel so blessed and also thankful for my wonderful MJ-family with whom I can share these experiences with and others feel the same way. To me that is Michael's Miracle come true! I will always love you, Michael!
- Elmira aka MJJLaugh
Now featured on http://www.majorloveprayer.org as Lesson #5
