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Update: Well...

Severus Snape

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There's this one person I respect and admire, etc. He's recently going through a hard time, though, due to an illness in the family, from what I was told. Now that I think of it, this is the first time someone I care about has had some sort of health problem in the family. So, I'm finding it difficult to digest, I guess. I wanted to call, but I decided that would be too intrusive, so I emailed. He didn't say much, but he was absent today, and he is never absent, so it must be something noteworthy.

I guess I'm just worried about him and I hope his family member gets better soon. I hate feeling so helpless and knowing that someone I actually give a damn about is suffering, and not being able to do anything at all about it but "offer support/apologies." Completely useless, I am.

I just wanted to share it with you guys, since you're practically all the family I've got. I wish he knew how much I cared. =/

I hope she gets better so as to not worry him. I also hope the illness is nothing serious. Serious illnesses are devastating and worrisome, and I wouldn't want such things to happen.

I'm absent-minded right now, plagued with worry, so I apologize for my writing in this post.

Thank you all for your support, as always.

UPDATE: So, I called. Things aren't really going well. Still, he seemed glad to know that I was there, etc. It sucks to be so utterly helpless and watch decent people suffer.
 
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Re: Well...

:better: Thanks for opening up. I understand you're worried for your friend and you're unsure of how to help him or what to tell him.... well your post basically said it all :) If you tell him what you've just told us, I think he would admire you for that. It's true that some people deal with things by distancing themselves from others. But I think you should send him a message telling him how you feel and offering your support. From there it's up to him how to take it. He may be the type who copes better on his own, or he may need someone like you at this difficult time.

You sound really sweet, don't feel like you're useless and no help. It's always nice to know that someone is thinking of you, so you'd already be helping him by doing that :)
 
Re: Well...

I can understand how you feel. -hugs-

It's a difficult position to be in - unsure of whether you're doing the right thing by staying close to your friend or worried that you're not giving them enough space. Eeek.
 
Re: Well...

Shamonee said:
I can understand how you feel. -hugs-

It's a difficult position to be in - unsure of whether you're doing the right thing by staying close to your friend or worried that you're not giving them enough space. Eeek.
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Indeed, and I don't want to appear as intrusive, you know? That's the worst thing to be. But at the same time, naturally, I'm worried because I care about him.
 
Re: Well...

Sharlene said:
:better: Thanks for opening up. I understand you're worried for your friend and you're unsure of how to help him or what to tell him.... well your post basically said it all :) If you tell him what you've just told us, I think he would admire you for that. It's true that some people deal with things by distancing themselves from others. But I think you should send him a message telling him how you feel and offering your support. From there it's up to him how to take it. He may be the type who copes better on his own, or he may need someone like you at this difficult time.

You sound really sweet, don't feel like you're useless and no help. It's always nice to know that someone is thinking of you, so you'd already be helping him by doing that :)
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Thank you for your reply. I think I should call him, but to be honest, I'm deathly afraid that he'll get upset at me for it. Don't ask me how--I'm strange and paranoid and I don't want to lose him over my intrusive attempt at being supportive. >.
 
Sorry to plague you all like this, but I'm not myself tonight. I'm worried sick, really. It should be none of my concern, I tell myself. I should just stop being intrusive and go back to the obscurity my own life brings. I care too much to do such a thing, however. I really do, and I feel his pain as if it was my own. Difficult to explain. I hate words for this reason--you cannot begin to understand the fog of abstraction that my feelings are at the current moment. So much pain and so much worry--emotions which are seldom felt by the likes of me. This is far too much extroversion for my taste, but I feel it nonetheless, because I know he feels it as well.

Despite my utter hatred for the telephone, I called him. I hate talking on the phone--it's far too personal and I feel uncomfortable speaking to another person. Still, I knew he could probably use the support, so I put my discomfort and nervousness aside, and I called. He didn't say much or elaborate on the condition, except that improvement isn't too noticeable at all. Discouraging news, but I will continue hoping for a good outcome nonetheless.

I cannot describe how I feel. I feel so numb, yet I cry. Madness, I tell you. Pure, unadulterated lunacy unbecoming of myself! This is technically not even my problem, so then, why do I react in such a strange way?

Sorry to bother you all at midnight, but I've frankly got no one else to tell this to but you guys, my family.
 
-hugs- for you, hon. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. :( Your post made me sad.

There's no need to think of it as being "absurd", there is nothing wrong with feeling the way that you do. I'm sure your friend appreciates the support. :hug:

Is there anything else in your life at the moment, that could have added to you being so emotional? Are you having a hard time at work, school?

Do feel free to churn out your thoughts in this thread, I'll be more than happy to read and share my thoughts. :hug:

I hope you feel better.
 
Shamonee said:
-hugs- for you, hon. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. :( Your post made me sad.

There's no need to think of it as being "absurd", there is nothing wrong with feeling the way that you do. I'm sure your friend appreciates the support. :hug:

Is there anything else in your life at the moment, that could have added to you being so emotional? Are you having a hard time at work, school?

Do feel free to churn out your thoughts in this thread, I'll be more than happy to read and share my thoughts. :hug:

I hope you feel better.
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mikagesouji said:
I hope he finds what little I can do to be of help to him. I may make him a card just to cheer him up. Hope he doesn't hate it. =/
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You know what, I was thinking the same thing - making a card is a great idea, or what about baking something for him? It would be a very sweet and caring gesture. And you'll also feel less helpless when you're not able to physically be there for him. :yes:
 
Sharlene said:
You know what, I was thinking the same thing - making a card is a great idea, or what about baking something for him? It would be a very sweet and caring gesture. And you'll also feel less helpless when you're not able to physically be there for him. :yes:
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I finished making the card. It has a little kitten. =)
I hope he likes it. ^_^

and I'm a shit cook, unfortunately. ^^;
 
So, things aren't going too well at all, as far as the situation itself. He informs me she's not well at all. =(

I did give him the card, and that seemed to cheer him up a lot. I'm so glad I decided to do that. I feel so bad for him. =(

I noticed it, way before he told me, that things weren't ok. I know what he acts like when things aren't going well. He's quiet and sulks a lot. It's difficult to describe, but I can just intuitively feel when he's not well. Or maybe it's all in my head and I'm just crazy.

Thanks so much for your support, guys, and let us hope this situation gets better soon.
 
sorry to hear of your troubles. Being chronically ill myself just knowing someone cares is comfort in itself.
 
Sorry to hear that things haven't perked up much since I last visited the thread. :(

Hugs for you, hon.
 
Hugs from me as well.... you sound like a very good friend! :yes:

Btw, I totally love "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park".... great tune!
 
jemini515 said:
Hugs from me as well.... you sound like a very good friend! :yes:

Btw, I totally love "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park".... great tune!
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finally someone who knows what I'm talking about lol. =D

And yeah, he's still going through a hard time. Wouldn't say much to me today. He wouldn't even look at me, which I find odd. I'm pretty fucking depressed right now, forgive my french.
 
You don't have to say if you don't want to, but is this person someone you have romantic interest in? If so I see how that could make it all the more painful, but either way he is lucky to have someone like you looking out for him, even if he's not able to show it all the time!
 
jemini515 said:
You don't have to say if you don't want to, but is this person someone you have romantic interest in? If so I see how that could make it all the more painful, but either way he is lucky to have someone like you looking out for him, even if he's not able to show it all the time!
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As usual, I have a tendency towards transparency. :blushing:

Alas, it is so. Thank you so much for your words. I wonder if he is really unable, or perhaps unwilling, to say anything. In any case, my feelings don't change. He's still in pain, and it's clear to see... as I said, I only wish I could do more.
 
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mikagesouji said:
As usual, I have a tendency towards transparency. :blushes:

Alas, it is so. Thank you so much for your words. I wonder if he is really unable, or perhaps unwilling, to say anything. In any case, my feelings don't change. He's still in pain, and it's clear to see... as I said, I only wish I could do more.
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Damn... that does make things even harder for you (the fact that you're interested in him). Be strong, you really need to be strong. :huggy:
 
Sharlene said:
Damn... that does make things even harder for you (the fact that you're interested in him). Be strong, you really need to be strong. :huggy:
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Indeed it does make it all the harder. It's hard enough in itself, but to add my sorry emotions into it and to see him in so much pain--well, you probably know what that does to me. I feel like he's the first person I've seen in pain. IDK, it's weird to describe.

I try to be strong and I'm always understanding/upbeat (can you even imagine it!) around him despite my having a naturally Chekhovian view of life.

Still, I can't think why he was so short with me yesterday. Quite unprecedented, and I admit it got to me. He wouldn't even look at me, like I said. :no:

Thanks for the hug and for the support in general, Sharlene. :huggy:
 
mikagesouji said:
There's this one person I respect and admire, etc. He's recently going through a hard time, though, due to an illness in the family, from what I was told. Now that I think of it, this is the first time someone I care about has had some sort of health problem in the family. So, I'm finding it difficult to digest, I guess. I wanted to call, but I decided that would be too intrusive, so I emailed. He didn't say much, but he was absent today, and he is never absent, so it must be something noteworthy.

I guess I'm just worried about him and I hope his family member gets better soon. I hate feeling so helpless and knowing that someone I actually give a damn about is suffering, and not being able to do anything at all about it but "offer support/apologies." Completely useless, I am.

I just wanted to share it with you guys, since you're practically all the family I've got. I wish he knew how much I cared. =/

I hope she gets better so as to not worry him. I also hope the illness is nothing serious. Serious illnesses are devastating and worrisome, and I wouldn't want such things to happen.

I'm absent-minded right now, plagued with worry, so I apologize for my writing in this post.

Thank you all for your support, as always.

UPDATE: So, I called. Things aren't really going well. Still, he seemed glad to know that I was there, etc. It sucks to be so utterly helpless and watch decent people suffer.
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Mikage dear, i'm so sorry to hear about your problems. You are a very bright and very young woman with a deep intelligence that comes out through every one of your posts. I'm sorry to hear you are going through such a trying time. I'm glad to know you consider MJJC your family and didn't mind sharing your burden with us :) You really have got nothing to apologize for.

I understand perfectly your fear of intruding, but i am glad you decided to call. See? It was a good decision after all, you got to speak to him and even if he wasn't very talkative, you were able to show your support, which i'm convinced he appreciated.

Please don't consider yourself useless though. I also know how frustrating it is to feel people suffer and not be able to do anything about it. Many times you wish you would trade souls or something so at least some, if not all of the weight can be taken off from them and transfered onto yourself.

mikagesouji said:
Sorry to plague you all like this, but I'm not myself tonight. I'm worried sick, really. It should be none of my concern, I tell myself. I should just stop being intrusive and go back to the obscurity my own life brings. I care too much to do such a thing, however. I really do, and I feel his pain as if it was my own. Difficult to explain. I hate words for this reason--you cannot begin to understand the fog of abstraction that my feelings are at the current moment. So much pain and so much worry--emotions which are seldom felt by the likes of me. This is far too much extroversion for my taste, but I feel it nonetheless, because I know he feels it as well.

Despite my utter hatred for the telephone, I called him. I hate talking on the phone--it's far too personal and I feel uncomfortable speaking to another person. Still, I knew he could probably use the support, so I put my discomfort and nervousness aside, and I called. He didn't say much or elaborate on the condition, except that improvement isn't too noticeable at all. Discouraging news, but I will continue hoping for a good outcome nonetheless.

I cannot describe how I feel. I feel so numb, yet I cry. Madness, I tell you. Pure, unadulterated lunacy unbecoming of myself! This is technically not even my problem, so then, why do I react in such a strange way?

Sorry to bother you all at midnight, but I've frankly got no one else to tell this to but you guys, my family.
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Shabuya said:
Mikage dear, i'm so sorry to hear about your problems. You are a very bright and very young woman with a deep intelligence that comes out through every one of your posts. I'm sorry to hear you are going through such a trying time. I'm glad to know you consider MJJC your family and didn't mind sharing your burden with us :) You really have got nothing to apologize for.

I understand perfectly your fear of intruding, but i am glad you decided to call. See? It was a good decision after all, you got to speak to him and even if he wasn't very talkative, you were able to show your support, which i'm convinced he appreciated.

Please don't consider yourself useless though. I also know how frustrating it is to feel people suffer and not be able to do anything about it. Many times you wish you would trade souls or something so at least some, if not all of the weight can be taken off from them and transfered onto yourself.
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That's exactly it. I wish I could trade places with him, or with his relative. I would rather have that than watch him suffer. He's such a strong and confident person--it destroys me to see him so down all of a sudden. =(

Yes, you guys are practically all the family I've got. I love you guys so much. :heart:

Shabuya said:
Welcome to the human race dear :D I'd call you sweetie, but i think that would be 2 corny from your stand point. :cheeky: As i've said to other people on this board as well, i do not mean to sound patronizing in any way. I know that agism works both ways - not only seniors being discriminated against but also young people whose intelligence, decision-making abilities and self-control are questioned when it shouldn't really be the case. You can be 80 and not having understood anything about the adventure we call life and you can be 18, as yourself or in the early 20s and have an inner knowledge which exceeds the biological age by light years.

You are still very young and you have your whole life before yourself. You already know so very much and you are aware of the world, its beauty and its pitfalls, but you must understand there is still plenty to be learnt out there. And one of the lessons you are learning right now is that self control has its limits. There is NO problem with expressing your feelings, especially those of discomfort and pain. On the contrary, it is a perfectly normal, human and healthy reaction.

Don't be afraid of your feelings and your emotions. I don't mean to go into some sort of psycho rambling cause i don't share most of that science's premises, but it is pretty obvious from all your posts you are a cerebral being focused on reason and knowledge. Some people are built like that. We are all different, thankfully. But we all have an emotional side as well and even for those of us who are more apt and prone to let the intellect lead, there are times in life, as it is this unfortunate one for you, when we have to let the emotions rule. Cry if you have to, don't try to control it. Although you might consider it a sign of weakness and unbecoming of yourself as you have put it (not just the crying, but all the feelings you are experiencing), if that's what you're feeling right now, don't try to block it out.
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Yeah, that's one of my problems. I don't do it consciously--it's just that my emotions are mostly just a blur of incomprehensible sensations most of the time. I don't know how to decipher them. I have a delayed capacity to feel emotions, meaning, I'll feel numb for the longest of time before the emotion really hits home. That's just the way I am, I guess. I try to let myself cry whenever it comes out now, because keeping it inside does no one any good.


Shabuya said:
It's very good that you have your priorities in order and i'm glad to hear that you forget about your job once you leave it. People are most important in life. Careers and knowledge can come and go, but the people we hold dear cannot and will never be replaced.

Wonderful idea about the card, great goin :punk:

You did help him with the card. See, u ain't useless after all. Of course all of us here hope his situation and that of his relative improves.
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Thank you all for hearing me out, and for your support. =)

Shabuya said:
You do what you can. Although you feel it's not nearly enough, and even if he doesn't always express himself, i bet he appreciates all and any kind of comfort he receives.

I don't know why, but something tells me this is the person you mentioned in another thread, someone older than you by some years. In any case, that is a matter of your own heart and privacy.
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If you mean the one thread about believing in true love, no. It is not the same person. He is older than me, by about the same as that other person, but he's not the same person. He's much more like me--he could be my soul twin, I swear, which makes it all the more difficult to get to him. He did look like he was touched by my giving him the card, though. I'm glad I could make his day, at least for a while.

Shabuya said:
I want to reassure you of my support. You, your friend and his family are in my thoughts and in my prayers. I know you are not Christian, but if you do not mind, i will be praying for your friend and his family member. And even if you will, i'll still pray :p
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No, I wouldn't mind that at all. In fact, it would be greatly appreciated. I'm not Christian, but good intentions and prayer never hurt anyone. Thank you so much for offering your prayers, Shabuya. :hug: ^_^

Shabuya said:
Before i end this long arse post - again, stay strong, don't be afraid of expressing your feelings, be there for your friend in whatever way possible and offer him a comfortable help as you can and keep us all updated, ok? :) Sorry for the long post, but it was only today that i saw your thread. Take care.
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Thank you, I shall keep you guys updated, as always. I will try to be there for him if he doesn't push me away. I will always be there whenever/if ever he needs me, I hope he knows that.
 
Wow. Shabuya and Mikage, my respect for you guys has gone up so much just from those posts. You guys are so intelligent, worldly, level-headed and insightful to say the least. As I was reading Shabuyas advice I applied it to myself as I have had similar feelings (completely different situation though) about a friend of mine. Thanks :)
 
Sharlene said:
Wow. Shabuya and Mikage, my respect for you guys has gone up so much just from those posts. You guys are so intelligent, worldly, level-headed and insightful to say the least. As I was reading Shabuyas advice I applied it to myself as I have had similar feelings (completely different situation though) about a friend of mine. Thanks :)
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:hug: Thank you. Good luck with your friend. =)
 
mikagesouji said:
That's exactly it. I wish I could trade places with him, or with his relative. I would rather have that than watch him suffer. He's such a strong and confident person--it destroys me to see him so down all of a sudden. =(

Yes, you guys are practically all the family I've got. I love you guys so much. :heart:

Yeah, that's one of my problems. I don't do it consciously--it's just that my emotions are mostly just a blur of incomprehensible sensations most of the time. I don't know how to decipher them. I have a delayed capacity to feel emotions, meaning, I'll feel numb for the longest of time before the emotion really hits home. That's just the way I am, I guess. I try to let myself cry whenever it comes out now, because keeping it inside does no one any good.

Thank you all for hearing me out, and for your support. =)

If you mean the one thread about believing in true love, no. It is not the same person. He is older than me, by about the same as that other person, but he's not the same person. He's much more like me--he could be my soul twin, I swear, which makes it all the more difficult to get to him. He did look like he was touched by my giving him the card, though. I'm glad I could make his day, at least for a while.

No, I wouldn't mind that at all. In fact, it would be greatly appreciated. I'm not Christian, but good intentions and prayer never hurt anyone. Thank you so much for offering your prayers, Shabuya. :hug: ^_^

Thank you, I shall keep you guys updated, as always. I will try to be there for him if he doesn't push me away. I will always be there whenever/if ever he needs me, I hope he knows that.
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Mikage, i was very glad to read your reply. :huggy: right back at you girl :) It's very good that you are embracing and releasing your emotions. You are very right - keeping it all inside, doesn't do any good.

It's very cool that you think he is so much like you. Didn't mean to pry with that question btw. His identity is no business but your own.

It is great you could brighten up his day then with the card. I bet he knows he can count on you. Just help him out whenever and however you can, near or from afar, depending on how he feels most comfortable.

You will all stay in my prayers. :)


Sharlene said:
Wow. Shabuya and Mikage, my respect for you guys has gone up so much just from those posts. You guys are so intelligent, worldly, level-headed and insightful to say the least. As I was reading Shabuyas advice I applied it to myself as I have had similar feelings (completely different situation though) about a friend of mine. Thanks :)
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Don't even mention it honey. I'm glad i could be of service. Hope it all goes well for you and your friend :)
 
He seems to be doing a hell of a lot better now. I'm glad. ^_^

I would like to thank you all for your support. You have no idea how meaningful that was to me. :heart:
 
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